GRAND Vol VI, Ed II

Vol. VI, Ed. II
GRAND
grandmag.ca
Connecting
Long-Distance
Getting Ready
for Visiting
Grandkids
Our Gang & the Good Ol’ Days
grandmag.ca
Vol. VI, Ed. II 1

Technology
Connecting Long-Distance
Grandparents and grandchildren often share a very important
emotional bond and both groups can benefit
from a strong relationship. When grandparents and
grandchildren live far apart, it can be difficult for them to
stay connected. Fortunately, technology can help fill the gap
and bridge the distance divide. One way to do this is through
video calling systems like FaceTime, Zoom or other video
conferencing platforms. We have studied this topic extensively
in my research group at Simon Fraser University with
an emphasis on young grandchildren between the ages of 4
and 10. Here are some things that we have learned.
First, video chat is typically loved by both grandparents
and young grandchildren because each gets to see the other.
This should come as no surprise. Yet even with video going,
it can be challenging to keep a child’s attention over a
video call. Unlike a conversation between two adults, young
grandchildren are unlikely to be able to maintain a conversation
beyond 10 to 15 minutes until they get to the pre-teen
years. Research has shown this is better than phone calls,
however, where typically the attention span of children is
far less than video calls.
Because of a child’s short attention, it is important for
grandparents to be able to focus video calls around a child’s
interests. The grandparents who were able to do this in our
studies tended to have longer and more enjoyable conversations.
For example, some grandparents figured out the
names of a child’s friends and could then directly ask about
them. Some learned about their grandchildren’s extra-curricular
activities ahead of time so that they could ask how
things were going. Young grandchildren also enjoy showing
off their toys or things that they create at school. Some
grandparents would ask parents ahead of time about these
objects so they would know which to ask their grandchildren
about when talking with them. Young children are also interested
in learning about things from their grandparents
that are different from their own location. This might be
related to different time zones, the weather, or culture and
heritage.
Some grandparents were in our studies even more creative—for
example, one grandmother learned that her
grandson was interested in armies and camouflage and so
she made him a camouflage blanket and mailed it to him.
When they talked over a video call, they would spend large
amounts of time talking about the blanket and making up
stories about it together.
Having read the above, you might be thinking, this sounds
pretty easy. Well, truth be told, it isn’t, as many grandparents
can likely attest to. There are many social challenges
that make grandparent and grandchild communication over
distance still difficult.
Video calls between young grandparents and grandchildren
can require a lot of parent scaffolding—that is, help
from parents to keep the call going. Parents often have to be
the ones that perform the “camera work” where they hold
a tablet or cell phone and move it to make sure the children
are in view. Some children can do this on their own, but it
can easily be disorienting for grandparents who are watching.
The camera might end up facing the floor, the ceiling
or be an overly close up view of a child’s face. What we have
seen to be immensely valuable are tablet or mobile phone
stands that can be easily set on a table or even the floor,
where the device can be easily angled towards a child’s general
area and left stationary. This reduces the need for parents
to continually perform camera work.
Some grandparents feel apprehensive or self-conscious
about video calling their grandchildren. This is because they
may not know a lot about their grandchildren and are afraid
of saying the “wrong” thing or annoying their grandchildren.
They may not know who their friends are at school in
order to ask about them; they may not about their favourite
activities; or, they may not feel that a child wants to learn
about the grandparents’ cultural heritage. These are all very
2 GRAND grandmag.ca

eal issues and sometimes it’s the case that grandparents can
have a tough time learning about their grandchildren in a
deep enough way to sustain conversations or feel like they
are able to really connect over video calls.
Many grandparents talk with a child’s parents to learn
about these things so they know what they could talk about.
Some parents might be too busy though, or the relationship
between a grandparent and their adult child may not be
strong and so asking questions that might help them connect
with their grandchildren is less possible. There is no
easy solution to such problems. Start small. For example, a
grandparent could ask a young child to show them their favourite
toy, explain why they like it so much and show them
what it might do. Or, a grandparent could think about what
is unique to their own location when compared to a child’s.
Is the weather noticeably different outside? Could the grandparent
show a very hot day, a lot of rain or some snow over
the video call? Does the grandparent have different pets that
the grandchild may not have, or vice versa? Could they easily
be shown over FaceTime? These types of acts could be a
starting to point to longer term engagements with a child,
leading to longer conversations and more things to talk
about and show.
Video calling through technologies like FaceTime or Zoom
can be a valuable way for grandparents and young grandchildren
to connect over distance. It isn’t always easy and
grandparents can try to focus conversations around key
topics of interest to children. There should also be thought
over how to reduce the need for lots of camera work—tablet
or mobile phone stands can work very well and placing the
camera in a stationary location is a great first step.
Dr. Carman Neustaedter is a Professor and
Dean of the Faculty of Communication, Art and
Technology at Simon Fraser University. He is
an international expert in telepresence and
technology design for families.
grandmag.ca
Vol. VI, Ed. II 3

Grandparenting
Our Gang & the Good Ol’ Days
When I think back to my childhood
in the 1960s, I can’t help but reminisce
about our neighborhood
gang. This gaggle of children was fluid—
it included anyone from our surrounding
blocks who could come out to play on any
given day. Sometimes it swelled in numbers
on weekends and school holidays
and other times it involved only a core
group of us. And despite all the different
personalities and ages it encompassed, it
generally worked.
Back then we were largely responsible
for our own entertainment. When the
weather was warm, we banded together
to ride bikes, sail fleets of paper boats
and play games—Red Rover was a classic!
Even during the long, cold winters,
we still spent a lot of time outdoors, sledding,
skating or building snow forts and
snowmen.
Neighborhoods back in the 60s were
different from those today. Families tended
to stay put so kids grew up with the
same group of friends, forming strong
bonds as a result. It was like being part
of a big extended family. Kids ran freely
without much parental supervision even
at a young age as they were always accompanied
by older siblings.
In my hometown, we had a four- or
five-block radius where we roamed and
played. We also had the added benefit of
living directly across from a park that
spanned an entire city block, so that
alone provided ample space to play.
Most mothers back then were stay-athome
moms as it was entirely possible
for a family to live comfortably on only
one income. So children came home after
school, they didn’t have to attend afterschool
care. And structured activities/
lessons were rare; we simply created our
own fun. The odd one of us may have
taken music lessons or perhaps a few
swimming lessons, but the majority of us
learned things the hard way—through a
combination of trial and error and stubborn
determination, with an older sibling
most likely egging you on.
Being part of this gang gave all of
us free reign in each other’s yards and
homes: we wandered in and out of whoever’s
house was closest to go to the bathroom,
we knew which mom baked the
best cookies, and we knew which parent
(or grandparent) would give us change to
buy penny candy at the corner store.
And what would a neighborhood gang
be without the classic neighborhood
bully? We certainly had ours. He was
the older sibling of some our playmates
and he was known far and wide in the
neighborhood as trouble with a capital
“T.” He actually seemed to relish his
reputation, wearing it almost like a badge
of honour. He teased relentlessly, interrupted
or ruined our games and wreaked
havoc on anything we constructed. And
I’m afraid that in our collective fear, we
made no attempt to include him in our
play; in fact, we dutifully avoided him
like the plague. With hindsight, I am sure
we only exacerbated the problem. I have
to wonder if his interactions, however
4 GRAND grandmag.ca

negative, were merely his misguided attempts
at inclusion.
I distinctly remember one summer
when the rumor mill identified this bully
as the likely culprit who had pilfered an
apple from our back yard apple tree. And
this was no ordinary apple. It was one
that had grown to gigantic proportions,
and it was quite simply my father’s pride
and joy. He forbade any of us to pick it.
If there was a Guinness Book record
for the largest apple, this one certainly
would have rivalled it. It was the talk
of the neighborhood. We would stand
underneath that apple tree, and “oohhh”
and “ahhh” just gazing upwards through
the foliage. Until one day, later in the
fall, that marvelous apply simply disappeared.
A quick investigation proved it
hadn’t grown too heavy as it wasn’t found
at the base of the tree. Well, you can
imagine my father’s ire. Alas, there was
no proof, so the apple bandit was never
caught, much to my father’s dismay, but
he certainly blamed you know who.
Bullies aside, it saddens me that many
children today do not have the opportunity
to experience being part of a neighborhood
gang. Neighborhoods seem to be
different nowadays, I imagine because of
the mobility of families and the simple
fact that many households have two
working parents.
Our neighborhood gang served a purpose—Friendship.
Safety. Belonging.
Loyalty. Within its familiar confines, we
learned the give and take of relationships,
how to negotiate with others, the
art of compromise and the importance
of sharing and being kind with one another.
It was like a mini-microcosm that
prepared us for the wider world. Looking
back, it easily brings to mind some of my
fondest childhood memories.
Susan Gnucci is a local
author and a proud “nonna”
to two young grandsons.
She enjoys sharing her
experiences as a
grandparent.
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grandmag.ca
Vol. VI, Ed. II 5

Grandparenting
Getting Ready for Visiting Grandkids
There’s nothing like having your
grandkids come over for a visit—especially
when you have everything
you need on hand. This list is best suited
to grandchildren ages 2–5, but may be
adapted to suit other ages.
1. A Car Seat
It is now recommended to have children
in a car seat or booster seat until
they are about nine years old, depending
on their weight and height. Babies
should stay rear-facing until one year,
but it is safest for toddler and preschoolers
to remain in a rear-facing car seat
for as long as possible. (bcaa.com/community/child-car-seat-safety).
Make
sure you have an appropriate car seat
and know how to install and use it.
2. A Yes-Zone
Grandparents’ houses are good places
for children to learn how others live,
and how to behave in a home that is not
their own. It is a good idea to set boundaries
about what kids can touch, where
to put their shoes and which rooms they
can go into. But don’t forget to designate
a yes-zone: part of your home where
nothing is off-limits. When the adults
can relax, the kids have more fun and
you can all work on developing a real
and meaningful relationship!
3. Outdoor Time
One of the best ways to deal with kids
who are getting a little grumpy is to take
them outdoors. But do a little reconnoitering
beforehand. Find the best parks,
beaches and playgrounds near you. If
Eva Bild is a childbirth, parenting
and lactation educator and doula
trainer. She has been working
with new families since
1992. Eva is founder of the
Mothering Touch Centre. She is the mother of
three wonderful adults, but most excitingly,
she is now a grandmother! evabild.ca
you are living in the home where you
brought up your kids, you may know
some of those destinations. But some
may have changed in the last 30 years!
And if you are living in a new place, you
will need to start from scratch. Chat
with some new parents in your neighbourhood
to get their recommendations.
4. Bath Time
The other best way to cheer up a
grumpy child is to put them in water. If
you can’t get to a pool, a bath with new
bath toys, or just some plastic containers
and scoops can be really fun! Add colour
with a couple drops of food colouring.
Or check out bath crayons.
5. Snacks
Check with your grandchildren’s parents
about what foods they might not
be allowed or are allergic to. And then,
within those boundaries, stock up on
snacks. Plan for some pre-meal fresh
fruit and veggies then when dinner is
served, the kids will have already eaten
their vegetables!
6. Cooking and Baking
Plan a simple baking project. Buy
a little apron, perhaps a small rolling
pin, some fun cookie cutters. Be aware
that for preschoolers, cooking is a rich
sensory process. They need to feel, grab,
taste, smell and smear everything! It’s
not going to be tidy, so relax and explore
with your grandchild. Smell the cinnamon,
taste the sugar and the salt and
the baking powder (yuck!). Focus on the
process, and don’t worry too much about
the product. Enjoy!
7. Toys
You may be tempted to get a whole
bunch of toys to amuse your grandchildren
while they are visiting. Be careful!
A few toys go a long way. And they
make less mess. Building toys (blocks,
Lego, Duplo) are very versatile and fun
for all ages. Puzzles are great, but make
sure they are age-appropriate and not
too frustrating. Think about toys that
encourage interaction and playing together.
Having a big toy bin will make
clean-up easy.
8. Gardening
If you like gardening, and have a garden,
think about how you can share that
pleasure with your grandkids. Can you
give them a little spot they can dig in? A
few seeds to “plant?” A little apron, some
tiny gardening gloves, a small trowel
and bucket. Make sure the tools are
“real.” Plastic tools are often disappointing.
My children’s grandmother taught
them a lot about the names of flowers
and plants, and weeds too. That’s a way
of sharing a love of plants even if you
don’t have a garden.
9. Outings
Grandparents are important in teaching
children about their culture and
heritage. Taking your grandchildren
to museums, community festivals and
events, concerts and movies is a great
way to do that. Don’t expect too much of
the kids’ attention span though. Be prepared
with a lot of snacks and a really
good attitude yourself! And be prepared
to bail and go home if it just doesn’t
seem like the right day for this outing.
Try again next year!
10. Downtime
When your grandchildren come to
visit, things can get intense. There may
be too many people, too many family
events, too many outings. Make sure
there is a quiet time every day, when
you and your grandchild can cuddle and
read books or watch a movie. With any
luck, that will turn into a nap! What a
delight!
If there have been several high-energy,
event-filled days in a row, declare a
hang-out day. Stay home. Wear pyjamas.
Eat cereal. Make playdough. (thebestideasforkids.com/playdough-recipe)
Build a blanket fort. Those memories are
golden!
6 GRAND grandmag.ca

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grandmag.ca
Vol. VI, Ed. II 7

Gone are the days of rocking chairs and
recliners. Today’s grandparents are more
likely to be rock climbing or going for a run
than they are to be rocking or reclining.
Vol. VI, Ed. II
RAND
grandmag.ca
Connecting
Long-Distance
Getting Ready
for Visiting
Grandkids
Our Gang & the Good Ol’ Days
Jim Schneider Publisher
publisher@islandparent.ca
Sue Fast Editor
editor@islandparent.ca
Kristine Wickheim Account Manager
kristine@islandparent.ca
RaeLeigh Buchanan Account Manager
raeleigh@islandparent.ca
GRAND, published by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is a digital
publication that honours and supports grandparents by providing
information on resources and businesses for families and a forum
for the exchange of ideas and opinions. Views expressed are not
necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be
reproduced without the permission of the publisher.
518 Caselton Place, Victoria, BC V8Z 7Y5
250-388-6905 grandmag.ca
A proud member of
BC
We’re an active and diverse group—an engaged,
evolving and powerful force. We’re
mentors, nurturers, keepers of secrets.
We’re caregivers, child care providers,
dessert-before-dinner defenders. We’re
historians, spiritual guides and the holders
of family stories.
GRAND celebrates who you are as a grandparent
and who you are as an individual.
You love spending time with your grandchildren
and you’re happy in your other
roles: at work, in the community and on
your own. GRAND acknowledges that you
are not “one or the other”—an “either/or”
version of yourself—you are many different
things to many different people. And to
yourself.
With an Island perspective that speaks
to an international readership, GRAND is
the source for on-the-go grandparents of
up-to-the-minute and thought-provoking
information and ideas—on everything from
having fun, staying fit and things to do to
travel, leisure, health and technology. Think
of GRAND as a trusted friend who happily
shares those “senior moments” (in the
best sense of the words!) and keeps you
informed and connected to the issues and
ideas that really matter. After reading an
issue of GRAND, you should feel inspired,
up-to-date and informed.
We’re here for you: from helping you
figure out where you fit in to tackling your
most perplexing questions, sharing your
greatest discoveries and celebrating your
deepest joys.
GRAND features articles on topics ranging
from the importance of storytelling,
cooking with your grandkids and community
superheroes, to photographing your
grandkids, gift-giving and grandparenting
from afar. There are ideas and inspiration
to help keep you in-the-know and connected,
there’s a guide to investing in your
grandchildren’s future and there’s tech
support that will help you face your fears
and embrace the cloud.
GRAND is as diverse and engaged as you
are. Together, we’re a powerful and positive
force—in our grandchildren’s lives and
in our communities.
8 GRAND grandmag.ca

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