GRAND Vol VI Ed I

Vol. VI, Ed. I 

GRAND 

grandmag.ca 

Thou Shalt! 

A Grandparent’s Guide to 

grandmag.ca 

Doing Away with the Rules 

Grand Boundaries 

Vol. VI, Ed. I 1 

10 Baby Shower Gifts

Grandparenting 

Thou Shalt! 

I 

grew up with a lot of shibboleths and 

thou shalt nots. Thou shalt not make a 

mess, thou shalt not make a peep, thou 

shalt not reach for another cookie, thou 

shalt not say “love” when talking about 

food, thou shalt not question the conventional 

wisdom or upset the status quo. 

My husband and I wrote anarchist 

songs, Brown Bag Blues, and toured a 

show called Jabber Disease. We brought on 

“Thou shalt!” in poem and song, paeans 

to seven beautiful virtues. 

Pride is a goodie. Watch any kitty 

when she catches herself in the mirror, 

Thou shalt not was a tune with infinite 

variations. In church, where we 

were washed in the blood of the lamb, 

which turned out to be propaganda, they 

preached the Seven Deadly Sins and my 

life ambition turned out to be turning sin 

into mindful practice. 

They say suppression invites subversion. 

I fancied myself a subversive and 

got arrested a few times. Call me arrested 

mother, grandmother and great grandmother. 

I’m still getting busted. 

a window. Yikes. Is that me or a more 

formidable she? Babies smile in the mirror 

and that is before they hear they are 

too smart or not smart enough, too ugly 

or too beautiful. I love you, we say. Keep 

smiling. Draw yourself over and over. 

Paint yourself proud. Colour your world. 

Greed is gathering. We make picture 

after picture of images we love. We gather 

friends when we play in the park near 

our house, say “Hello friend!” to every 

new face. We gather berries to cook and 

2 GRAND grandmag.ca

shells to paint. We gather music. Every 

last thing makes a sound and we listen, 

greedy for birdsong and, ocean wailing, 

footsteps drumming sidewalks, all notes 

for our scores. Soundwalks are great. Is 

this greed? If so, bring it on. 

Wrath is war on bullies. Whoever said 

righteous indignation is bad? When is 

a wrong not a wrong? Get mad at the 

window that smacked the sparrow. Get 

mad at the thug smacking a smaller kid. 

There are bad guys and good guys. Fairy 

tales tell us that, and kids need to know 

how to deal with oppression. Read the 

stories that tell us to love ourselves, be 

bigger, set an example. Get mad and use 

our words. Rage at the bad stories on TV 

and man and woman up for warriordom. 

Fight for clean air and clean water, for 

peace. 

Lust is hunger for knowledge. Aren’t 

we hungry all the time, for truth and 

beauty. Lust drives us to smell the flowers, 

collect leaves, read books, climb trees 

so we can see forever. Some kids like 

small collections that fit in their pockets. 

Sometimes we go for walks and gather. 

What is this pebble, this egg, this caterpillar 

(be gentle) this moss, this bug? 

Every last thing has a story, a life. We 

gather people too. Safe strangers are fun. 

Sometimes they tell you their stories and 

sometimes it’s fun to guess. 

Envy is admiration. We listen to music 

and copy the sounds. We look at art 

and aspire to paint. We dance to the 

rhythms in poetry. We envy the sunset 

for its’ beautiful regret and sunrise for 

its’ promise. We want to be the light. That 

is the meaning of genius, joining the 

envious “I” to the “Us” so we are one, all 

moving parts in the great circle of life. 

Look at this, look at that, we say. Choose 

the best parts, the ones that fit with our 

mandate to be the best us. 

Gluttony. Do cookies ever taste as good 

as batter? We take, then bake, our bellies 

filled before we load the oven: bread 

dough, whole bowls of berries, spoonfuls 

of honey. Food is for pleasure and 

for life. Who said we shouldn’t love it? 

Be greedy, little ones, and take enough 

to share, all our fingers in the same pie, 

because everyone deserves a taste. We 

decorate brown paper bags, ride the bus 

downtown and give happy lunches, all 

our pleasures combined in one joyful 

afternoon. 

And most important of all is sloth, 

the pure joy of rest, doing nothing but 

breathe and dream. First, we find a soft 

bed of grass or moss, clover if we’re 

lucky, then we lie down to experience 

the luxury of rainbows or starry nights. 

We look up and watch the shapes of our 

ancestors playing hide and go seek with 

future kids through clouds as fleecy as 

the sheep we count on our way to sleep. 

Of all the deadly sins, sloth is the most 

pleasant because S is for satiation when 

we fill ourselves with sunshine and story. 

Sin away kids. Thou shalt! We’re a big 

club. Everyone welcome. Grammalinda’s 

got your back. 

Linda Rogers is a poet, 

novelist, essayist, journalist, 

editor and songwriter. 

WHAT WILL YOUR 

LEGACY BE? 

Make a BIG difference. 

Support local children and 

youth with a gift in your will. 

(250) 475-1117 ext. #102 

Victoria.BigBrothersBigSisters.ca 

grandmag.ca 

Vol. VI, Ed. I 3

Shop 

10 Baby Shower Gifts 

for Grandparents-to-Be 

I 

have just had the immense pleasure 

of meeting my first grandchild! He 

is such a delicious little blob of goo. 

So soft and warm. I have always loved 

babies and am happy to cuddle any baby 

at all. But my own son’s baby feels very 

special indeed. 

My daughter-in-law, Chloë, and my 

son, Simon, who live in Ontario, were 

very conscientious in curating a wishlist 

for their baby shower. So I thought 

I would share some of those items the 

new parents liked the best and found 

the most useful. And I have added some 

of my favourites, too. 

1. Swift Playard by MaxiCosi 

Chloë absolutely loves this. She says 

it’s super clutch to have a shallow bassinet 

where the baby can sleep in the 

living room, and where they can change 

a quick diaper. Later it will convert to 

a deeper playard which can fold up and 

come along on trips to friends’ houses. 

I like that it’s got wooden legs— 

makes it feels like furniture instead of 

camping equipment. And it’s very light 

and easy to set up; I was able to do it 

with no trouble. maxicosi.com/ca-en/ 

swift-playard-05430-mc-ca-en.html 

2. Happy Island Diaper Service 

Simon is so impressed with the Diaper 

Service they are using in Ontario. 

He very much wanted to use cloth diapers, 

but they live in an apartment with 

coin-operated laundry. So washing their 

own diapers is a difficult proposition. 

The Diaper Service delivers clean diapers 

every week and take the dirty ones 

away. Diaper service is comparable in 

price to using disposables, but it’s better 

for the environment. 

My mother, the baby’s Great Grandmother, 

is paying for the diaper service 

for the first few months. It makes her 

feel very useful! happyislanddiapers. 

com 

3. The Yoyo2 stroller from BabyZen 

Very compact, the Yoyo2 folds up in 

a snap to the size of a carry-on suitcase. 

Light enough for Chloë to lug up to their 

3rd floor walk-up. There are several attachments 

for it: a bassinet for new babies, 

clips for the car-seat, a yoyo-board 

for the big-sibling when the next baby 


comes, even skis for deep snow! It’s 

steady, with a low centre of gravity, but 

easily manoeuvrable. It’s quite pricey, 

but several households pitched in at 

the baby shower and it seems to have 

been well worth it! babyzen.com/pages/ 

yoyo2-stroller-birth 

(Simon and Chloë recommend consulting 

this comparison chart on Reddit: 

reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/z2qwrs/comparison_of_travel_ 

strollers_details_in_the) 

4. Herschel Settlement Sprout 

Backpack Diaperbag 

This backpack comes in many colours. 

Trim and compact, with many 

separate compartments and a changing 

pad. Will need an extra wetbag if 

parents are using cloth diapers, but 

that’s easy enough to get (see #5). Both 

parents agreed they could carry this bag 

with confidence. So stylish that Simon’s 

fashionista Great-Aunt was happy to 

select it for the baby shower. westcoastkids.ca/settlement-sprout 

5. Colibri Wet 

Colibri is a Manitoba company with 

wetbags in a whole raft of sizes, colours 

and patterns. Good quality at a great 

price. Wetbags are useful for so much 

more than wet diapers. Bathing suits, 

toiletries, snacks, sandwiches. A great 

parenting hack! colibricanada.com/collections/regular-wet-bags 

6. Beluga Baby Wrap 

This Canadian company makes soft 

and stretchy sustainable bamboo fabric 

wraps, just over in Vancouver! While 

learning to use a baby wrap might 

seem scary, it’s really no more complicated 

than tying your shoelaces. Simon 

learned in an afternoon and loves to 

wear the baby around the house and out 

on walks in the neighbourhood. It really 

is the cosiest, easiest way to keep a baby 

soothed, while getting chores done, and 

a great way for parents to bond with the 

baby. belugababy.ca 

7. The Make My Belly Fit Universal 

Jacket Extender 

This is a brilliant idea, invented by a 

Dad in Montreal. It’s a panel that zips 

into most jackets to create space first 

for the growing pregnancy tummy, and 

later for the baby in a wrap or carrier. It 

has a removable fleece layer for colder 

climates. A really thoughtful gift that 

Chloe used all winter. And Simon can 

use it when he baby-wears too! makemybellyfit.com/products/universaljacket-extender 

8. ErgoPouch Cocoon Swaddle 

Sack 

As Chloë said, this was clutch in the 

early days when baby needed to be 

swaddled to be comfortable but the 

parents were still figuring things out. 

Later, when the baby can roll over, you 

can open the sleeve holes so baby’s arms 

can be free. Being swaddled helps baby 

calm down because of the slight pressure 

on their body. And it also keeps 

them warm and cosy through the night. 

The ErgoPouch was invented by an Australian 

mom—Alina Sack! ergopouch. 

com/products/pouches 

9. Organic Cotton Baby Gowns 

from Parade 

I loved dressing my own babies in 

baby nightgowns. Not only did they 

look so cute and old-fashioned, but the 

nightgowns were so easy to pull up for 

diaper-changes in the dark. And no 

need to thread legs back into pants, or 

snap fasteners with sleepy fingers. The 

organic cotton gowns (and all sorts of 

other baby clothes) from Parade come in 

lots of colours and patterns, including 

a wide selection of genderneutral ones. 

And the cotton jersey is thick and warm 

and holds up to many many washes. 

When I found out Chloë and Simon 

had not received any little gowns at the 

shower, I sent a batch of these off to 

them. They use them all the time. parade.ca/collections/organic-baby-gowns 

10. Copper Pearl Premium Burp 

Cloths (in the Bloom pattern) 

So pretty with their flowery pattern 

(and there are many other patterns to 

choose from), but also thick and absorbent 

to catch baby spit-up. A lower 

price-point item, always good to include 

on a baby shower wish-list. copperpearl.com/products/premium-burpcloths-bloom 

Bonus Item 

Really more of an “Oh Wow you’re 

pregnant!” gift: A is for Advice (The Reassuring 

Kind): Wisdom for Pregnancy 

by Ilana Stanger-Ross. Ilana is a Registered 

Midwife in Victoria. Her book is 

full of up-to-date, evidence-based, gentle 

information and advice for pregnant 

parents. It’s wonderfully comforting 

and beautifully designed with great illustrations. 

I send it off (via bookstores 

on the internet) to anyone in my circle 

who gets pregnant. And they all love it. 

Being a grandparent is full of surprises 

and joys. I didn’t expect to feel so 

moved by seeing my son parent his baby 

so sweetly. I never thought about how I 

would feel to see my parents hold their 

first great-grandchild. I think that was a 

high point in my life. 

With Simon and Chloë and the little 

one living so far away, I am going to 

be a Zoom-Ma, who checks in via the 

computer screen on the weekend. I will 

miss a lot, I know. But I certainly can 

engage in one of the time-honoured joys 

of grandparenting—shopping for the 

baby! Enjoy! 

Eva Bild is a childbirth, parenting 

and lactation educator and doula 

trainer. She has been working 

with new families since 1992. 

Eva is the founder of the 

Mothering Touch Centre. She is the mother of 

three wonderful adults, but most excitingly, 

she is now a grandmother! evabild.ca 

grandmag.ca 


Grandparenting 


My daughter is growing into her role 

of mother with grace, wisdom and 

patience. Yes, I know I’m biased, 

but it is a remarkable thing to witness. I 

believe this to be one of the most meaningful 

experiences of my lifetime along 

with being a parent myself. The determination 

that could bring me to my knees 

when I was her mother is one of her 

greatest gifts as a mother herself. It provides 

her with the strength to make decisions 

based on her beliefs and values. 

There are many boundaries to consider 

between parents and grandparents. How 

much time do we give or ask for when it 

comes to babysitting? Or, as a grandparent, 

when are you stretching yourself too 

much? I see a reluctance in my daughter 

to ask me to babysit while she teaches 

yoga or goes to an appointment if it is 

outside of my usual Nana Day. So, I make 

a point of checking in any spare moment 

I have which tends to be an hour or two, 

here or there, a few times a week. We 

check in with each other. Am I asking too 

much, I know you have your own life, Mom. 

Or, are you wanting some company or have 

you got plans? 

Other boundaries include the role we 

play in our relationships. While I have 

taught parenting for decades, I am not 

my daughter’s parenting expert. I’m her 

mom, the only woman on the planet who 

can be her mom. Imagine how allergic 

she would feel to my advice if it was 

unsolicited and coming from judgment 

or wanting to teach her how to be a better 

parent. Fortunately, my own mom 

modelled this boundary for me. She stood 

back, respected my choices, and didn’t 

interfere with our parenting. 

I’m grateful that there is so much information 

available to parents now. More 

than that, I’m grateful that my daughter 

beats to her own heart. She doesn’t buy 

into some of the theories that suggest you 

can spoil children by responding to their 

needs. 

These questions are asked by both parents 

and grandparents: 

How do we have serious or difficult 

conversations when we see things differently? 

What would be an issue that I 

would feel compelled to discuss? What 

are the important points of parenting 

that I would want to share? If I see or 

hear something that concerns me, what 

is my belief? What is important about 

this issue? What is the need or value that 

it represents? 

A recipe for bringing things up: 

Choose a time to talk when there are 

no distractions or children present. 

Ask permission. Would you be comfortable 

with me stating a concern? 

Stick to the facts, not what you think 

but what you can specifically observe. 

When I hear or see __________. And state 

what need or value you are concerned 

about. 

Watch your body language. Your adult 

child may be exhausted, uncertain and 

already riddled with feelings of guilt. 

Have a soft face and a gentle tone. 

If the statement doesn’t land, stop talking. 

Go slow so that you have time to feel 

things out and to listen to the response. 

Get curious. 

If what you say is making sense and 

well received express gratitude. I appreciate 

our ability to talk about these things. 

Remind your child that we learn as we 

go, and we are all doing our best. 

We tend to repeat what we learned in 

our own families growing up when it 

comes to boundaries. If we are fortunate, 

healthy boundaries come easily. If the 

boundaries were blurred we may have 

some blind spots yet, we can educate ourselves 

and develop our awareness. 

As parents, we learn through our successes 

and failures. We don’t have all the 

answers up front. We gather knowledge 

day to day by looking back if something 

didn’t go well or if we are feeling guilty. 

Boundaries that matter usually represent 

respect for time, privacy, emotional and 

physical safety, people’s autonomy, and 

the need to belong and be loved. 

I remember very clearly, two times 

that my mother spoke up. Once, when my 

daughter was four and I was sick with 

the flu. My daughter was climbing all 

over me and not letting me sleep. I said 

something awful like, if you keep waking 

me up, I’m going to get sicker. With that, 

my mother spoke sternly and said, she 

doesn’t need that kind of responsibility for 

your health. 

The second incident came years later 

when she was in her late 80s. I started 

going to her apartment to clean it. I was 

on my knees cleaning her toilet bowl. 

Standing behind me, I heard her say, Dr. 

Rees! I can hire a cleaner, I just want you to 

be my daughter. 

With a loving connection, and healthy 

boundaries we can navigate those invisible 

lines. We can create what works for 

everyone and enjoy loving and being 

loved. 

Dr. Allison Rees is a parent educator, 

counsellor and coach at 

LIFE Seminars (Living in Families 

Effectively), lifeseminars.com 


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grandmag.ca 


Gone are the days of rocking chairs and 

recliners. Today’s grandparents are more 

likely to be rock climbing or going for a run 

than they are to be rocking or reclining. 

Vol. VI, Ed. I 

RAND 

grandmag.ca 

We’re an active and diverse group—an engaged, 

evolving and powerful force. We’re 

mentors, nurturers, keepers of secrets. 

We’re caregivers, child care providers, 

dessert-before-dinner defenders. We’re 

historians, spiritual guides and the holders 

of family stories. 

GRAND celebrates who you are as a grandparent 

and who you are as an individual. 

You love spending time with your grandchildren 

and you’re happy in your other 

roles: at work, in the community and on 

your own. GRAND acknowledges that you 

are not “one or the other”—an “either/or” 

version of yourself—you are many different 

things to many different people. And to 

yourself. 

Thou Shalt! 

A Grandparent’s Guide to 

Doing Away with the Rules 

Jim Schneider Publisher 

publisher@islandparent.ca 

Sue Fast Editor 

editor@islandparent.ca 

Kristine Wickheim Account Manager 

kristine@islandparent.ca 

RaeLeigh Buchanan Account Manager 

raeleigh@islandparent.ca 

GRAND, published by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is a digital 

publication that honours and supports grandparents by providing 

information on resources and businesses for families and a forum 

for the exchange of ideas and opinions. Views expressed are not 

necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be 

reproduced without the permission of the publisher. 

518 Caselton Place, Victoria, BC V8Z 7Y5 


10 Baby Shower Gifts 

250-388-6905 grandmag.ca 

A proud member of 

BC 

With an Island perspective that speaks 

to an international readership, GRAND is 

the source for on-the-go grandparents of 

up-to-the-minute and thought-provoking 

information and ideas—on everything from 

having fun, staying fit and things to do to 

travel, leisure, health and technology. Think 

of GRAND as a trusted friend who happily 

shares those “senior moments” (in the 

best sense of the words!) and keeps you 

informed and connected to the issues and 

ideas that really matter. After reading an 

issue of GRAND, you should feel inspired, 

up-to-date and informed. 

We’re here for you: from helping you 

figure out where you fit in to tackling your 

most perplexing questions, sharing your 

greatest discoveries and celebrating your 

deepest joys. 

GRAND features articles on topics ranging 

from the importance of storytelling, 

cooking with your grandkids and community 

superheroes, to photographing your 

grandkids, gift-giving and grandparenting 

from afar. There are ideas and inspiration 

to help keep you in-the-know and connected, 

there’s a guide to investing in your 

grandchildren’s future and there’s tech 

support that will help you face your fears 

and embrace the cloud. 

GRAND is as diverse and engaged as you 

are. Together, we’re a powerful and positive 

force—in our grandchildren’s lives and 

in our communities. 


SUMMER 

CAMPS 

and more! 

Qwanoes.ca 

1-888-997-9266 

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GRAND Vol VI Ed I

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