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a woman who is especially put off by

anger. So he needs to respond to the

conflict-avoidant wife he has, not the

confrontational one that he wishes, at

least in the heat of the moment, he

were married to.

Now let’s look at Emily’s side of the

equation. What could she be doing differently?

She’s right to protest when

Greg bites—when he attacks unfairly—but

what about when he hisses?

Emily might address her own counterproductive

reactions to anger, among

them her tendency to slip into a cycle

of guilt and defensiveness. We know

from chapter 6 that many introverts are

prone from earliest childhood to strong

guilt feelings; we also know that we all

tend to project our own reactions onto

others. Because conflict-avoidant Emily

would never “bite” or even hiss unless

Greg had done something truly

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