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school English teacher married to Bob,

an introverted law school dean who

spends his days fund-raising, then collapses

when he gets home. Sarah cried

tears of frustration and loneliness as

she told me about her marriage.

“When he’s on the job, he’s amazingly

engaging,” she said. “Everyone

tells me that he’s so funny and I’m so

lucky to be married to him. And I want

to throttle them. Every night, as soon as

we’re done eating, he jumps up and

cleans the kitchen. Then he wants to

read the paper alone and work on his

photography by himself. At around

nine, he comes into the bedroom and

wants to watch TV and be with me. But

he’s not really with me even then. He

wants me to lay my head on his

shoulder while we stare at the TV. It’s a

grownup version of parallel play.”

Sarah is trying to convince Bob to make

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