quiet-the-power-of-introverts-in-a-world-that-cant-stop-talking-susan-cain

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shouldered, dressed in jeans, a blackpolo shirt, and black flip-flops. With hisshort brown hair, reddish goatee, andsideburns, McHugh looks like a typicalGen Xer, but he speaks in the soothing,considered tones of a college professor.McHugh doesn’t preach or worship atSaddleback, but we’ve chosen to meethere because it’s such an importantsymbol of evangelical culture.Since services are just about to start,there’s little time to chat. Saddlebackoffers six different “worship venues,”each housed in its own building or tentand set to its own beat: WorshipCenter, Traditional, OverDrive Rock,Gospel, Family, and something calledOhana Island Style Worship. We headto the main Worship Center, wherePastor Warren is about to preach. Withits sky-high ceiling crisscrossed withklieg lights, the auditorium looks like a206/929
rock concert venue, save for the unobtrusivewooden cross hanging on theside of the room.A man named Skip is warming up thecongregation with a song. The lyricsare broadcast on five Jumbotronscreens, interspersed with photos ofshimmering lakes and Caribbeansunsets. Miked-up tech guys sit on athronelike dais at the center of theroom, training their video cameras onthe audience. The cameras linger on ateenage girl—long, silky blond hair,electric smile, and shining blueeyes—who’s singing her heart out. Ican’t help but think of Tony Robbins’s“Unleash the Power Within” seminar.Did Tony base his program on megachurcheslike Saddleback, I wonder, or isit the other way around?“Good morning, everybody!” beamsSkip, then urges us to greet those207/929
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MORE ADVANCE NOISE FOR QUIET“An i
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“Susan Cain’s quest to understa
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STILL MORE ADVANCE NOISE FORQUIET6/
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looks like to think outside thegrou
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Copyright © 2012 by Susan CainAll
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To my childhood family
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presupposes that energy needed in o
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17/9292. THE MYTH OF CHARISMATICLEA
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19/92911. ON COBBLERS AND GENERALS:
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For similar reasons, I did not use
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INTRODUCTIONThe North and South ofT
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squeeze inside the church until its
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27/929Our lives are shaped as profo
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pairings—masculinity and feminini
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stock of their true natures. You ha
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example, are rated as smarter, bett
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35/929The Cat in the HatCharlie Bro
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off each school day by performingda
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with me. I wish I could find that l
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she was in the real world, she wasn
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Everyone waited for Laura to reply,
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At first her questions were tentati
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so nice and so tough at the same ti
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extroverts need to recharge when th
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introvert would rather spend her va
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conversation. They tend to dislike
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from the socializing that causes th
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57/9292. _______ I often prefer to
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59/92920. _______ In classroom situ
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actually a technical term in psycho
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illuminating insights that are chan
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65/929George Orwell, Theodor Geisel
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1THE RISE OF THE “MIGHTYLIKEABLE
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mesmerize an audience. This particu
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out on the road with few possession
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twentieth century, changing forever
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mass immigration blew the populatio
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featured case studies of historical
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on the street can’t know that we
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better than a matinee idol to model
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showed a crestfallen young woman,ho
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possession and a power that didn’
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But nowhere was the need to appears
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magazine, “if you have a big, hus
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parents and teachers conspired to o
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the one who’s had an 80 or 85 ave
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The rest of the organization menwou
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personality traits are genetically
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The victor of that campaign? Thefig
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new demands of self-presentation.Wh
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senior manager at Eastman Kodak tol
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“I wasn’t that bad, was I?”
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learn to stage-manage our voices, g
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2THE MYTH OF CHARISMATICLEADERSHIPT
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learning how to be more energetic,
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PowerBars, bananas, and corn chips.
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and impossibly defined cheekbones.E
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off his expressive face, they cry o
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“Did you hesitate or go straight
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hands. When we’re finished, the q
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love knowledge for its own sake, no
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Ba-da-da-da, YES! Dum-dum-dum-DUM,
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His intellect is impressive, too.Th
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so on. He is motivated by love, he
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I can’t help but wonder why none
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salesmanship as a way of sharing on
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TVs silently broadcasting campus ne
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Capital of Extroversion.” But it
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to shake Wall Street, Main Street,
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teams). He spends the rest of the m
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students’ grade, and a much large
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students. When students fail to spe
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rowdy evening? Students at HBS go o
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judges HBS by how well it prepares
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151/929“creative,” she answered
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Yet even at Harvard Business School
Page 155 and 156: salvaged items. But his group didn
Page 157 and 158: But Mills also pointed to the commo
Page 159 and 160: powerful as a meeting goes on. It a
Page 161 and 162: somebody says, ‘I’m bored. Why
Page 163 and 164: president of Rite-Solutions, and Ji
Page 165 and 166: have in common was something theydi
Page 167 and 168: charisma but for extreme humilityco
Page 169 and 170: he wanted to avoid simplistic answe
Page 171 and 172: introverted people, as well as one
Page 173 and 174: results. And personal opinions are
Page 175 and 176: T-shirts as possible in ten minutes
Page 177 and 178: which motivated them to work harder
Page 179 and 180: other hand, “may wish to adopt a
Page 181 and 182: quietly. “Get off my bus,” Blak
Page 183 and 184: to ‘reenter that forbidden zone b
Page 185 and 186: their encounter in her newspapercol
Page 187 and 188: do it, he said. “Who am I, that I
Page 189 and 190: If Parks spoke through her actions,
Page 191 and 192: jobs, dates, and even kidney donors
Page 193 and 194: ‘it’s about people’ mantra we
Page 195 and 196: Might they have reached the rightre
Page 197 and 198: clumps. Children frolic in man-made
Page 199 and 200: man in bright red polo shirt and sn
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Page 205: means listening as well as talking,
Page 209 and 210: nothing, and he’s done good works
Page 211 and 212: Yet McHugh finds practices like the
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Page 215 and 216: French. They call themselves theHom
Page 217 and 218: Homebrew crowd, computers are a too
Page 219 and 220: who hope to be innovative should wo
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Page 225 and 226: independently. We’d want to give
Page 227 and 228: province of a single mind actually
Page 229 and 230: & Young, GlaxoSmithKline, Alcoa, an
Page 231 and 232: According to a 2002 nationwide surv
Page 233 and 234: Williams also identifies leadership
Page 235 and 236: The New Groupthink did not arise at
Page 237 and 238: CFO of the social marketing firm Mr
Page 239 and 240: year, and asked them to devise a ne
Page 241 and 242: They found a striking differenceamo
Page 243 and 244: knowledge that are just out of your
Page 245 and 246: people’s lives and were “among
Page 247 and 248: No one would choose this sort ofpai
Page 249 and 250: And in contemporary workplaces, the
Page 251 and 252: correlation to outcome. Programmers
Page 253 and 254: about coworkers eavesdropping onthe
Page 255 and 256: environment that people would hatet
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Thursdays,” one day a week in whi
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If personal space is vital to creat
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261/9291. Don’t judge or criticiz
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Manufacturing (otherwise known as3M
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increases: groups of nine generate
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group performed much better than it
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participants would do better in pub
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conform. What was going on in themi
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decision-making. But when they went
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that they had arrived serendipitous
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population density is correlated wi
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hours—not the eight, ten, or four
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many casual, chance encounters as p
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PartTWOYOUR BIOLOGY, YOUR SELF?
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dries up and I can’t get any word
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seminar for his entire executive te
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my anxiety, but over the years I’
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For one of those studies, launched
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robot. At seven, they were asked to
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be a scientist. “Like … other f
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temperature, and other properties o
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introverts—just the opposite—bu
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limbs (or staying calm) in response
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castles—he’ll often concentrate
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thin body and narrow face. Such con
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share only 50 percent of their gene
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day in a foreign city, but I love t
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Kagan ushers me inside his office i
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family goes to the beach every week
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high-reactive nervous system. One t
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Kagan tells me about the time hewat
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like asking whether a blizzard is c
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“The university is filled with in
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extremely low-reactive kids? Often
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According to Jay Belsky, a leadingp
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it’s becoming the leader of their
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Stephen Suomi, the scientist whocon
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focuses on problems and pathology.
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Most people would appreciate thefle
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Developmental Neuroimaging and Psyc
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We gaze reverently at the fMRI scan
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doing all these early observations
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strangers and feel “Geez! Who are
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We might call this the “rubber ba
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conditioned a rat to associate a ce
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knows it. When she arrives at a par
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makes people describe her as a “f
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intimate backyard talks with her mo
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part was when she got to close the
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To solve Esther’s problem, let’
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they’re constricted, so the brain
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personality psychologist David Fund
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also underperformed—taking an ave
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state lasts only until your friend
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alert, active, and energetic). Drow
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Esther managed to solve her problem
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I expected. There was a fashion des
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turn to offer feedback. Did Lateesh
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You seem so outgoing, they added.Yo
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subjects that don’t interest them
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the sixteenth president rising up b
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chosen her for just this reason; in
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At the same time, many told Eleanor
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In the meantime, Eleanor found hers
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When I hear that Aron will be theke
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registration forms and name badges,
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blue eyes that look as if they don
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there only when she withdrew from t
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attribute about fifteen motivations
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intuitive (just as Aron’s husband
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games or reading unfamiliar words.A
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was distracting. But Aron had a gre
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In 1921, FDR contracted polio. It w
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from her trips, she often told him
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was Eleanor who made sure he knewho
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apparently breaking the toy gives t
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and of another eight-year-old who c
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some evidence that sociopaths haved
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they camouflage signs of a nervous
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supercool pulse rate during liftoff
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intentionally,” Dijk speculates,
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In other words, you want to makesur
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[other type] is to be first, withou
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while the other 80 percent are “f
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by those farther up the food chain
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The interesting thing is that these
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traumatic injuries. Extroverts enjo
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Roosevelts as surely as grazing her
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female tit birds—it might seem th
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suitcase through a midnight airport
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tirelessly promote the movie. He vi
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The atmosphere is startling simplyb
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beginning of conversations but at t
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putting myself to sleep. I wonder i
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guns strapped to their chests until
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7WHY DID WALL STREET CRASH ANDWARRE
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“Hi, Janice!” said the caller t
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same thing happened: the bailout st
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But sometimes we’re too sensitive
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after the deal was struck, a headli
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high reactivity and introversion. N
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reward-seeking cravings of the oldb
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potential goodies; fMRI experiments
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medial orbitofrontal cortex, a key
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professor Richard Howard told me,po
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make group decisions, extroverts wo
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the choice of a small reward immedi
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failure of many banks during the Gr
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promotion. They lost their hold on
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stripped him of his power to review
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How did Janice Dorn’s client, Ala
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button and find they’ve lost a po
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and focused on a goal, their vigila
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of critical thinking widely used by
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imagining things, recalling events
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personality traits of effective cal
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we need to find a balance between a
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And when it comes time to invest, o
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avoiding others that seem to causep
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495/9295. I have very few fears com
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extrovert, many of the flow experie
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you care about, you probably find t
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inappropriate risks, like the forme
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wrote in a letter to investors. Kla
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off handsomely if dramatic but unex
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confident group lost half their cli
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newspaper moguls, Hollywood celebri
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charmingly self-deprecating story
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will never be finished. That’s on
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8SOFT POWERAsian-Americans and the
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computer programming, and my job is
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Dream. Many first- and second-gener
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The library is to Cupertino what th
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distributed a few extra degrees tow
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would be like, ‘She’s so studio
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professors were so patient, just li
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change their ways, colleges can lea
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minority”—even when meant as a
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the “cheerful,” “enthusiastic
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535/929—KAMO NO CHOMEI, 12th Cent
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desires to the group’s interests,
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centers in the American brains, whi
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It’s because of relationship hono
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may have thought. So if, deep down,
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nodded at the athletes, all of whom
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was supposed to encourage students
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on a weekday afternoon, cocky Asian
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personalities are more genuine,”
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cultural style for getting ahead: t
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Cupertino, Ni conducts daylong semi
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Ni asked for volunteers and brought
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Asians use only a narrow set of mus
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Aggressive power beats you up; soft
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man. As a child, he was afraid ofev
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abstain from meat, so he saw no dan
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they would surely have retaliated,
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resistance,” which he associated
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The TIMSS exam (Trends in Internati
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the final grade, many students leav
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girl. When we first met, Tiffany wa
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have conviction if you’re quiet a
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9WHEN SHOULD YOU ACT MOREEXTROVERTE
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and e-mailing friends long notes he
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they’re relatively stable across
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psychologists acknowledge that we c
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fine-tune their own personalities t
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For years Little returned to lectur
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highly. Free Trait Theory explains
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effort required to stretch his natu
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when he decided that other kids wer
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you’ll see his self-taught bellic
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each teaching session. They also ra
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One of the most effective self-moni
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come naturally to him. Indeed, theh
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• Do you put on a show to impress
Page 607 and 608:
high self-monitors can come across
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campus to celebrate. The subject of
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body arrange themselves when you’
Page 613 and 614:
presentations. Although she felt de
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I, too, was once in this position.
Page 617 and 618:
fireman, what did a fireman mean to
Page 619 and 620:
classmates who’d grown up to bewr
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secretary under President Clinton,
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Sometimes people find restorativeni
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exchange for being ourselves the re
Page 627 and 628:
But the person with whom you canbes
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Professor Little knows all too well
Page 631 and 632:
Double pneumonia and an overschedul
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to see the world in a more negative
Page 635 and 636:
great excitement and mutual admirat
Page 637 and 638:
“do all the work of making conver
Page 639 and 640:
school was tougher for her than for
Page 641 and 642:
pro-social. But as we’ve seen, ne
Page 643 and 644:
than the introverts, and this was i
Page 645 and 646:
Greg feels hurt that she makes an e
Page 647 and 648:
a career change. “I think we’d
Page 649 and 650:
wanted to deliver her newscompassio
Page 651 and 652:
disagree, her voice gets quiet and
Page 653 and 654:
Do they also like each other a litt
Page 655 and 656:
“Very nice, keep up the good work
Page 657 and 658:
manager, while 71 percent accepted
Page 659 and 660:
wrong. The cobra vows to stop immed
Page 661 and 662:
have repair work to do with their p
Page 663 and 664:
horrible, on some level she process
Page 665 and 666:
study felt warmly toward their fell
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try to tap into my empathy,” he s
Page 669 and 670:
the shoes of their conversational p
Page 671 and 672:
does. It requires a kind of mental
Page 673 and 674:
socially. It doesn’t show us how
Page 675 and 676:
increased territory sales 500 perce
Page 677 and 678:
commonality with the other person:Y
Page 679 and 680:
to the point where I could walk int
Page 681 and 682:
a way to break their stalemate. Ins
Page 683 and 684:
11ON COBBLERS AND GENERALSHow to Cu
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separate occasions. Each time, the
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always reading,” says Dr. Miller
Page 689 and 690:
Take the case of Joyce and her seve
Page 691 and 692:
understand why her sweet, lovingdau
Page 693 and 694:
Isabel wants to hang out alone in h
Page 695 and 696:
Why would you want to do that?thoug
Page 697 and 698:
child fit if she’d been an introv
Page 699 and 700:
But even parents who still have wor
Page 701 and 702:
same time he didn’t want her to g
Page 703 and 704:
new people, but also to new places
Page 705 and 706:
the safety of the dunes, and neithe
Page 707 and 708:
Above all, do not shame her for her
Page 709 and 710:
principals and guidance counselors,
Page 711 and 712:
It’s a Tuesday morning in October
Page 713 and 714:
But not all of them. When you seeth
Page 715 and 716:
She opens her mouth to speak, butlo
Page 717 and 718:
calm atmosphere where she could wor
Page 719 and 720:
lunch in the cacophonous din of the
Page 721 and 722:
school memory is of being made tost
Page 723 and 724:
believe that negative public speaki
Page 725 and 726:
movement, stimulation, collaborativ
Page 727 and 728:
her group had been smaller andsomeo
Page 729 and 730:
what these kids are like oncethey
Page 731 and 732:
help your introverted child thrive.
Page 733 and 734:
words what it’s like to say “I
Page 735 and 736:
development experts tell us, but be
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day she made the team after partici
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fashion and celebrity. Those kids a
Page 741 and 742:
nerves were so mild that they simpl
Page 743 and 744:
the story of David Weiss, a drummer
Page 745 and 746:
stuff. And I know exactly how: I st
Page 747 and 748:
it and enjoyed himself. His father
Page 749 and 750:
one of the great insights of Wester
Page 751 and 752:
for those who might fall into the f
Page 753 and 754:
Run. Write a story. Make a deal wit
Page 755 and 756:
you want the wisdom of the crowd,ga
Page 757 and 758:
Lewis Carroll was an introvert, too
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But what he loved to do best wasrea
Page 761 and 762:
suitcase (though I felt guilty abou
Page 763 and 764:
A Note on the Words Introvert andEx
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categories quite separate from intr
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experience (“thinker, dreamer”)
Page 769 and 770:
his preferred type, “intelligent
Page 771 and 772:
At Crown Publishers, it has been my
Page 773 and 774:
an interview. He gave me not only t
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to talk, let alone visit, during th
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Janice Dorn, Anders Ericsson, Jason
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Special thanks and love to Al andBo
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781/929personality did not prevent
Page 783 and 784:
783/929Mood, and Cardiovascular Fun
Page 785 and 786:
785/929a brochure published by the
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787/929speech can be perceived as h
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789/92926. Charlie Brown: David Mic
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791/92935. introvert is not a synon
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793/929to Communicate, Communicatio
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795/929Personality and the School:
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797/929American Medicine Meets the
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799/92918. “EATON’S HIGHLAND LI
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801/929as a founding figure of pers
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803/929Admission and Exclusion at H
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tongued Chautauqua speaker turned D
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807/929lamb; this was “the world
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809/92950. “Social anxiety disord
Page 811 and 812:
811/92953. a staple of airport book
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813/929published June 12, 2003, upd
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815/929outdoor/depart-from-your-inh
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817/92918. college students were as
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819/929Don’t (New York: HarperCol
Page 821 and 822:
821/929excellent biography, Rosa Pa
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823/929http://mashable.com/2008/08/
Page 825 and 826:
825/92937. “cry from the heart wo
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4. One of the most interesting find
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829/929Creative Collaboration (New
Page 831 and 832:
Gamble, Ernst & Young, GlaxoSmithKl
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19. According to a 2002 nationwide
Page 835 and 836:
835/929Distribution in a Group of I
Page 837 and 838:
837/92932. “intense curiosity or
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839/92938. people learn better afte
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841/92948. some forty years of rese
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843/929Gregory Berns, Iconoclast: A
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845/929CHAPTER 4: IS TEMPERAMENT DE
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847/929Impulsivity and Reading Abil
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849/92916. Nazi eugenics and white
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851/92924. in a group of people, on
Page 853 and 854:
853/929and Social Psychology 97, no
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855/92933. Indeed, about a quarter
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857/92938. thought to be associated
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859/92945. “The time and effort t
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861/92916, 2010. Also note that int
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863/92916. Drowsy extroverts behind
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865/929Penguin, 1992), esp. 125-236
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867/929Emotion Processing and Atten
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869/929how radically, and fruitfull
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871/929Disruptive Developmental Tra
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873/929Deformations Within the Amyg
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875/929Psychotherapy and the Highly
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877/92942. As Jung speculated almos
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879/929CHAPTER 7: WHY DID WALL STRE
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881/929areas that have something to
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883/929Makes You the Way You Are. S
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885/929“How Emotions Facilitate a
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887/929Polymorphism at the Serotoni
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889/929Barrionuevo, “Vincent Kami
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on the dopamine-driven reward syste
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893/929Type Indicator (Palo Alto, C
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895/929Personality Traits (Cambridg
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897/92951. all introverts are const
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899/929features predict happiness m
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901/9292. article called “The New
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903/92911. Another study asked Asia
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905/929Time,” Child Development 7
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907/929National Center for Educatio
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Personality Dispositions,” Annual
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may fluctuate over time, but you pr
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913/929Psychology,” Psychological
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915/929Selves and Well Beings,” i
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917/929Stability” measures freedo
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919/929Argumentative Discussions,
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921/929Nonverbal Decoding,” Journ
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923/929(Cambridge, MA: HarvardUnive
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925/929Neuroscientist Reveals How t
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927/929Meaning: On Doing Well and B
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