quiet-the-power-of-introverts-in-a-world-that-cant-stop-talking-susan-cain

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plays no less mighty a role in society.Evangelical leaders have the ear ofpresidents; dominate thousands ofhours of TV time; and run multimilliondollarbusinesses, with the most prominentboasting their own productioncompanies, recording studios, and distributiondeals with media giants likeTime Warner.Saddleback also has one more thingin common with Harvard BusinessSchool: its debt to—and propagationof—the Culture of Personality.It’s a Sunday morning in August2006, and I’m standing at the center ofa dense hub of sidewalks on Saddleback’scampus. I consult a signpost, thekind you see at Walt Disney World,with cheerful arrows pointing everywhich way: Worship Center, PlazaRoom, Terrace Café, Beach Café. Anearby poster features a beaming young198/929
man in bright red polo shirt and sneakers:“Looking for a new direction? Givetraffic ministry a try!”I’m searching for the open-air bookstore,where I’ll be meeting AdamMcHugh, a local evangelical pastorwith whom I’ve been corresponding.McHugh is an avowed introvert, andwe’ve been having a cross-country conversationabout what it feels like to bea quiet and cerebral type in the evangelicalmovement—especially as a leader.Like HBS, evangelical churches oftenmake extroversion a prerequisite forleadership, sometimes explicitly. “Thepriest must be … an extrovert who enthusiasticallyengages members andnewcomers, a team player,” reads an adfor a position as associate rector of a1,400-member parish. A senior priest atanother church confesses online that hehas advised parishes recruiting a new199/929
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MORE ADVANCE NOISE FOR QUIET“An i
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“Susan Cain’s quest to understa
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STILL MORE ADVANCE NOISE FORQUIET6/
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looks like to think outside thegrou
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Copyright © 2012 by Susan CainAll
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To my childhood family
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presupposes that energy needed in o
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17/9292. THE MYTH OF CHARISMATICLEA
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19/92911. ON COBBLERS AND GENERALS:
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For similar reasons, I did not use
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INTRODUCTIONThe North and South ofT
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squeeze inside the church until its
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27/929Our lives are shaped as profo
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pairings—masculinity and feminini
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stock of their true natures. You ha
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example, are rated as smarter, bett
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35/929The Cat in the HatCharlie Bro
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off each school day by performingda
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with me. I wish I could find that l
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she was in the real world, she wasn
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Everyone waited for Laura to reply,
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At first her questions were tentati
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so nice and so tough at the same ti
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extroverts need to recharge when th
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introvert would rather spend her va
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conversation. They tend to dislike
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from the socializing that causes th
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57/9292. _______ I often prefer to
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59/92920. _______ In classroom situ
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actually a technical term in psycho
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illuminating insights that are chan
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65/929George Orwell, Theodor Geisel
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1THE RISE OF THE “MIGHTYLIKEABLE
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mesmerize an audience. This particu
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out on the road with few possession
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twentieth century, changing forever
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mass immigration blew the populatio
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featured case studies of historical
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on the street can’t know that we
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better than a matinee idol to model
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showed a crestfallen young woman,ho
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possession and a power that didn’
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But nowhere was the need to appears
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magazine, “if you have a big, hus
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parents and teachers conspired to o
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the one who’s had an 80 or 85 ave
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The rest of the organization menwou
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personality traits are genetically
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The victor of that campaign? Thefig
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new demands of self-presentation.Wh
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senior manager at Eastman Kodak tol
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“I wasn’t that bad, was I?”
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learn to stage-manage our voices, g
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2THE MYTH OF CHARISMATICLEADERSHIPT
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learning how to be more energetic,
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PowerBars, bananas, and corn chips.
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and impossibly defined cheekbones.E
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off his expressive face, they cry o
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“Did you hesitate or go straight
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hands. When we’re finished, the q
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love knowledge for its own sake, no
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Ba-da-da-da, YES! Dum-dum-dum-DUM,
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His intellect is impressive, too.Th
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so on. He is motivated by love, he
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I can’t help but wonder why none
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salesmanship as a way of sharing on
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TVs silently broadcasting campus ne
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Capital of Extroversion.” But it
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to shake Wall Street, Main Street,
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teams). He spends the rest of the m
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students’ grade, and a much large
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students. When students fail to spe
Page 147 and 148: rowdy evening? Students at HBS go o
Page 149 and 150: judges HBS by how well it prepares
Page 151 and 152: 151/929“creative,” she answered
Page 153 and 154: Yet even at Harvard Business School
Page 155 and 156: salvaged items. But his group didn
Page 157 and 158: But Mills also pointed to the commo
Page 159 and 160: powerful as a meeting goes on. It a
Page 161 and 162: somebody says, ‘I’m bored. Why
Page 163 and 164: president of Rite-Solutions, and Ji
Page 165 and 166: have in common was something theydi
Page 167 and 168: charisma but for extreme humilityco
Page 169 and 170: he wanted to avoid simplistic answe
Page 171 and 172: introverted people, as well as one
Page 173 and 174: results. And personal opinions are
Page 175 and 176: T-shirts as possible in ten minutes
Page 177 and 178: which motivated them to work harder
Page 179 and 180: other hand, “may wish to adopt a
Page 181 and 182: quietly. “Get off my bus,” Blak
Page 183 and 184: to ‘reenter that forbidden zone b
Page 185 and 186: their encounter in her newspapercol
Page 187 and 188: do it, he said. “Who am I, that I
Page 189 and 190: If Parks spoke through her actions,
Page 191 and 192: jobs, dates, and even kidney donors
Page 193 and 194: ‘it’s about people’ mantra we
Page 195 and 196: Might they have reached the rightre
Page 197: clumps. Children frolic in man-made
Page 201 and 202: and began to feel guilty about all
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Page 207 and 208: rock concert venue, save for the un
Page 209 and 210: nothing, and he’s done good works
Page 211 and 212: Yet McHugh finds practices like the
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Page 215 and 216: French. They call themselves theHom
Page 217 and 218: Homebrew crowd, computers are a too
Page 219 and 220: who hope to be innovative should wo
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Page 223 and 224: interpersonally skilled but “not
Page 225 and 226: independently. We’d want to give
Page 227 and 228: province of a single mind actually
Page 229 and 230: & Young, GlaxoSmithKline, Alcoa, an
Page 231 and 232: According to a 2002 nationwide surv
Page 233 and 234: Williams also identifies leadership
Page 235 and 236: The New Groupthink did not arise at
Page 237 and 238: CFO of the social marketing firm Mr
Page 239 and 240: year, and asked them to devise a ne
Page 241 and 242: They found a striking differenceamo
Page 243 and 244: knowledge that are just out of your
Page 245 and 246: people’s lives and were “among
Page 247 and 248: No one would choose this sort ofpai
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And in contemporary workplaces, the
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correlation to outcome. Programmers
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about coworkers eavesdropping onthe
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environment that people would hatet
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Thursdays,” one day a week in whi
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If personal space is vital to creat
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261/9291. Don’t judge or criticiz
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Manufacturing (otherwise known as3M
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increases: groups of nine generate
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group performed much better than it
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participants would do better in pub
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conform. What was going on in themi
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decision-making. But when they went
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that they had arrived serendipitous
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population density is correlated wi
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hours—not the eight, ten, or four
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many casual, chance encounters as p
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PartTWOYOUR BIOLOGY, YOUR SELF?
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dries up and I can’t get any word
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seminar for his entire executive te
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my anxiety, but over the years I’
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For one of those studies, launched
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robot. At seven, they were asked to
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be a scientist. “Like … other f
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temperature, and other properties o
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introverts—just the opposite—bu
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limbs (or staying calm) in response
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castles—he’ll often concentrate
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thin body and narrow face. Such con
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share only 50 percent of their gene
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day in a foreign city, but I love t
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Kagan ushers me inside his office i
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family goes to the beach every week
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high-reactive nervous system. One t
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Kagan tells me about the time hewat
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like asking whether a blizzard is c
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“The university is filled with in
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extremely low-reactive kids? Often
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According to Jay Belsky, a leadingp
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it’s becoming the leader of their
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Stephen Suomi, the scientist whocon
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focuses on problems and pathology.
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Most people would appreciate thefle
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Developmental Neuroimaging and Psyc
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We gaze reverently at the fMRI scan
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doing all these early observations
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strangers and feel “Geez! Who are
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We might call this the “rubber ba
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conditioned a rat to associate a ce
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knows it. When she arrives at a par
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makes people describe her as a “f
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intimate backyard talks with her mo
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part was when she got to close the
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To solve Esther’s problem, let’
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they’re constricted, so the brain
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personality psychologist David Fund
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also underperformed—taking an ave
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state lasts only until your friend
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alert, active, and energetic). Drow
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Esther managed to solve her problem
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I expected. There was a fashion des
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turn to offer feedback. Did Lateesh
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You seem so outgoing, they added.Yo
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subjects that don’t interest them
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the sixteenth president rising up b
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chosen her for just this reason; in
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At the same time, many told Eleanor
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In the meantime, Eleanor found hers
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When I hear that Aron will be theke
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registration forms and name badges,
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blue eyes that look as if they don
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there only when she withdrew from t
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attribute about fifteen motivations
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intuitive (just as Aron’s husband
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games or reading unfamiliar words.A
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was distracting. But Aron had a gre
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In 1921, FDR contracted polio. It w
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from her trips, she often told him
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was Eleanor who made sure he knewho
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apparently breaking the toy gives t
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and of another eight-year-old who c
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some evidence that sociopaths haved
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they camouflage signs of a nervous
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supercool pulse rate during liftoff
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intentionally,” Dijk speculates,
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In other words, you want to makesur
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[other type] is to be first, withou
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while the other 80 percent are “f
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by those farther up the food chain
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The interesting thing is that these
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traumatic injuries. Extroverts enjo
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Roosevelts as surely as grazing her
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female tit birds—it might seem th
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suitcase through a midnight airport
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tirelessly promote the movie. He vi
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The atmosphere is startling simplyb
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beginning of conversations but at t
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putting myself to sleep. I wonder i
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guns strapped to their chests until
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7WHY DID WALL STREET CRASH ANDWARRE
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“Hi, Janice!” said the caller t
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same thing happened: the bailout st
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But sometimes we’re too sensitive
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after the deal was struck, a headli
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high reactivity and introversion. N
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reward-seeking cravings of the oldb
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potential goodies; fMRI experiments
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medial orbitofrontal cortex, a key
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professor Richard Howard told me,po
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make group decisions, extroverts wo
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the choice of a small reward immedi
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failure of many banks during the Gr
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promotion. They lost their hold on
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stripped him of his power to review
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How did Janice Dorn’s client, Ala
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button and find they’ve lost a po
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and focused on a goal, their vigila
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of critical thinking widely used by
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imagining things, recalling events
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personality traits of effective cal
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we need to find a balance between a
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And when it comes time to invest, o
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avoiding others that seem to causep
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495/9295. I have very few fears com
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extrovert, many of the flow experie
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you care about, you probably find t
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inappropriate risks, like the forme
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wrote in a letter to investors. Kla
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off handsomely if dramatic but unex
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confident group lost half their cli
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newspaper moguls, Hollywood celebri
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charmingly self-deprecating story
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will never be finished. That’s on
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8SOFT POWERAsian-Americans and the
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computer programming, and my job is
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Dream. Many first- and second-gener
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The library is to Cupertino what th
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distributed a few extra degrees tow
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would be like, ‘She’s so studio
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professors were so patient, just li
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change their ways, colleges can lea
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minority”—even when meant as a
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the “cheerful,” “enthusiastic
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535/929—KAMO NO CHOMEI, 12th Cent
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desires to the group’s interests,
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centers in the American brains, whi
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It’s because of relationship hono
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may have thought. So if, deep down,
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nodded at the athletes, all of whom
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was supposed to encourage students
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on a weekday afternoon, cocky Asian
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personalities are more genuine,”
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cultural style for getting ahead: t
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Cupertino, Ni conducts daylong semi
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Ni asked for volunteers and brought
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Asians use only a narrow set of mus
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Aggressive power beats you up; soft
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man. As a child, he was afraid ofev
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abstain from meat, so he saw no dan
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they would surely have retaliated,
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resistance,” which he associated
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The TIMSS exam (Trends in Internati
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the final grade, many students leav
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girl. When we first met, Tiffany wa
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have conviction if you’re quiet a
Page 579 and 580:
9WHEN SHOULD YOU ACT MOREEXTROVERTE
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and e-mailing friends long notes he
Page 583 and 584:
they’re relatively stable across
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psychologists acknowledge that we c
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fine-tune their own personalities t
Page 589 and 590:
For years Little returned to lectur
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highly. Free Trait Theory explains
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effort required to stretch his natu
Page 595 and 596:
when he decided that other kids wer
Page 597 and 598:
you’ll see his self-taught bellic
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each teaching session. They also ra
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One of the most effective self-moni
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come naturally to him. Indeed, theh
Page 605 and 606:
• Do you put on a show to impress
Page 607 and 608:
high self-monitors can come across
Page 609 and 610:
campus to celebrate. The subject of
Page 611 and 612:
body arrange themselves when you’
Page 613 and 614:
presentations. Although she felt de
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I, too, was once in this position.
Page 617 and 618:
fireman, what did a fireman mean to
Page 619 and 620:
classmates who’d grown up to bewr
Page 621 and 622:
secretary under President Clinton,
Page 623 and 624:
Sometimes people find restorativeni
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exchange for being ourselves the re
Page 627 and 628:
But the person with whom you canbes
Page 629 and 630:
Professor Little knows all too well
Page 631 and 632:
Double pneumonia and an overschedul
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to see the world in a more negative
Page 635 and 636:
great excitement and mutual admirat
Page 637 and 638:
“do all the work of making conver
Page 639 and 640:
school was tougher for her than for
Page 641 and 642:
pro-social. But as we’ve seen, ne
Page 643 and 644:
than the introverts, and this was i
Page 645 and 646:
Greg feels hurt that she makes an e
Page 647 and 648:
a career change. “I think we’d
Page 649 and 650:
wanted to deliver her newscompassio
Page 651 and 652:
disagree, her voice gets quiet and
Page 653 and 654:
Do they also like each other a litt
Page 655 and 656:
“Very nice, keep up the good work
Page 657 and 658:
manager, while 71 percent accepted
Page 659 and 660:
wrong. The cobra vows to stop immed
Page 661 and 662:
have repair work to do with their p
Page 663 and 664:
horrible, on some level she process
Page 665 and 666:
study felt warmly toward their fell
Page 667 and 668:
try to tap into my empathy,” he s
Page 669 and 670:
the shoes of their conversational p
Page 671 and 672:
does. It requires a kind of mental
Page 673 and 674:
socially. It doesn’t show us how
Page 675 and 676:
increased territory sales 500 perce
Page 677 and 678:
commonality with the other person:Y
Page 679 and 680:
to the point where I could walk int
Page 681 and 682:
a way to break their stalemate. Ins
Page 683 and 684:
11ON COBBLERS AND GENERALSHow to Cu
Page 685 and 686:
separate occasions. Each time, the
Page 687 and 688:
always reading,” says Dr. Miller
Page 689 and 690:
Take the case of Joyce and her seve
Page 691 and 692:
understand why her sweet, lovingdau
Page 693 and 694:
Isabel wants to hang out alone in h
Page 695 and 696:
Why would you want to do that?thoug
Page 697 and 698:
child fit if she’d been an introv
Page 699 and 700:
But even parents who still have wor
Page 701 and 702:
same time he didn’t want her to g
Page 703 and 704:
new people, but also to new places
Page 705 and 706:
the safety of the dunes, and neithe
Page 707 and 708:
Above all, do not shame her for her
Page 709 and 710:
principals and guidance counselors,
Page 711 and 712:
It’s a Tuesday morning in October
Page 713 and 714:
But not all of them. When you seeth
Page 715 and 716:
She opens her mouth to speak, butlo
Page 717 and 718:
calm atmosphere where she could wor
Page 719 and 720:
lunch in the cacophonous din of the
Page 721 and 722:
school memory is of being made tost
Page 723 and 724:
believe that negative public speaki
Page 725 and 726:
movement, stimulation, collaborativ
Page 727 and 728:
her group had been smaller andsomeo
Page 729 and 730:
what these kids are like oncethey
Page 731 and 732:
help your introverted child thrive.
Page 733 and 734:
words what it’s like to say “I
Page 735 and 736:
development experts tell us, but be
Page 737 and 738:
day she made the team after partici
Page 739 and 740:
fashion and celebrity. Those kids a
Page 741 and 742:
nerves were so mild that they simpl
Page 743 and 744:
the story of David Weiss, a drummer
Page 745 and 746:
stuff. And I know exactly how: I st
Page 747 and 748:
it and enjoyed himself. His father
Page 749 and 750:
one of the great insights of Wester
Page 751 and 752:
for those who might fall into the f
Page 753 and 754:
Run. Write a story. Make a deal wit
Page 755 and 756:
you want the wisdom of the crowd,ga
Page 757 and 758:
Lewis Carroll was an introvert, too
Page 759 and 760:
But what he loved to do best wasrea
Page 761 and 762:
suitcase (though I felt guilty abou
Page 763 and 764:
A Note on the Words Introvert andEx
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categories quite separate from intr
Page 767 and 768:
experience (“thinker, dreamer”)
Page 769 and 770:
his preferred type, “intelligent
Page 771 and 772:
At Crown Publishers, it has been my
Page 773 and 774:
an interview. He gave me not only t
Page 775 and 776:
to talk, let alone visit, during th
Page 777 and 778:
Janice Dorn, Anders Ericsson, Jason
Page 779 and 780:
Special thanks and love to Al andBo
Page 781 and 782:
781/929personality did not prevent
Page 783 and 784:
783/929Mood, and Cardiovascular Fun
Page 785 and 786:
785/929a brochure published by the
Page 787 and 788:
787/929speech can be perceived as h
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789/92926. Charlie Brown: David Mic
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791/92935. introvert is not a synon
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793/929to Communicate, Communicatio
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795/929Personality and the School:
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797/929American Medicine Meets the
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799/92918. “EATON’S HIGHLAND LI
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801/929as a founding figure of pers
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803/929Admission and Exclusion at H
Page 805 and 806:
tongued Chautauqua speaker turned D
Page 807 and 808:
807/929lamb; this was “the world
Page 809 and 810:
809/92950. “Social anxiety disord
Page 811 and 812:
811/92953. a staple of airport book
Page 813 and 814:
813/929published June 12, 2003, upd
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815/929outdoor/depart-from-your-inh
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817/92918. college students were as
Page 819 and 820:
819/929Don’t (New York: HarperCol
Page 821 and 822:
821/929excellent biography, Rosa Pa
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823/929http://mashable.com/2008/08/
Page 825 and 826:
825/92937. “cry from the heart wo
Page 827 and 828:
4. One of the most interesting find
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829/929Creative Collaboration (New
Page 831 and 832:
Gamble, Ernst & Young, GlaxoSmithKl
Page 833 and 834:
19. According to a 2002 nationwide
Page 835 and 836:
835/929Distribution in a Group of I
Page 837 and 838:
837/92932. “intense curiosity or
Page 839 and 840:
839/92938. people learn better afte
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841/92948. some forty years of rese
Page 843 and 844:
843/929Gregory Berns, Iconoclast: A
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845/929CHAPTER 4: IS TEMPERAMENT DE
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847/929Impulsivity and Reading Abil
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849/92916. Nazi eugenics and white
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851/92924. in a group of people, on
Page 853 and 854:
853/929and Social Psychology 97, no
Page 855 and 856:
855/92933. Indeed, about a quarter
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857/92938. thought to be associated
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859/92945. “The time and effort t
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861/92916, 2010. Also note that int
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863/92916. Drowsy extroverts behind
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865/929Penguin, 1992), esp. 125-236
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867/929Emotion Processing and Atten
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869/929how radically, and fruitfull
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871/929Disruptive Developmental Tra
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873/929Deformations Within the Amyg
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875/929Psychotherapy and the Highly
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877/92942. As Jung speculated almos
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879/929CHAPTER 7: WHY DID WALL STRE
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881/929areas that have something to
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883/929Makes You the Way You Are. S
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885/929“How Emotions Facilitate a
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887/929Polymorphism at the Serotoni
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889/929Barrionuevo, “Vincent Kami
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on the dopamine-driven reward syste
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893/929Type Indicator (Palo Alto, C
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895/929Personality Traits (Cambridg
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897/92951. all introverts are const
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899/929features predict happiness m
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901/9292. article called “The New
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903/92911. Another study asked Asia
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905/929Time,” Child Development 7
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907/929National Center for Educatio
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Personality Dispositions,” Annual
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may fluctuate over time, but you pr
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913/929Psychology,” Psychological
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915/929Selves and Well Beings,” i
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917/929Stability” measures freedo
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919/929Argumentative Discussions,
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921/929Nonverbal Decoding,” Journ
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923/929(Cambridge, MA: HarvardUnive
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925/929Neuroscientist Reveals How t
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927/929Meaning: On Doing Well and B
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