Crucial ConversationsTools for Talking When Stakes Are HighSECOND EDITIONKerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler
Copyright © 2012 by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the UnitedStates Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database orretrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.ISBN: 978-0-07-177220-4MHID: 0-07-177220-0The material in this eBook also appears in the print version of this title: ISBN: 978-0-07-177132-0, MHID: 0-07-177132-8.All trademarks are trademarks of their respective owners. Rather than put a trademark symbol after every occurrence of a trademarked name,we use names in an editorial fashion only, and to the benefit of the trademark owner, with no intention of infringement of the trademark. Where suchdesignations appear in this book, they have been printed with initial caps.McGraw-Hill eBooks are available at special quantity discounts to use as premiums and sales promotions, or for use in corporate trainingprograms. To contact a representative please e-mail us at bulksales@mcgraw-hill.com.TERMS OF USEThis is a copyrighted work and The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. (“McGraw-Hill”) and its licensors reserve all rights in and to the work. Use of thiswork is subject to these terms. Except as permitted under the Copyright Act of 1976 and the right to store and retrieve one copy of the work, youmay not decompile, disassemble, reverse engineer, reproduce, modify, create derivative works based upon, transmit, distribute, disseminate, sell,publish or sublicense the work or any part of it without McGraw-Hill’s prior consent. You may use the work for your own noncommercial and personaluse; any other use of the work is strictly prohibited. Your right to use the work may be terminated if you fail to comply with these terms.THE WORK IS PROVIDED “AS IS.” McGRAW-HILL AND ITS LICENSORS MAKE NO GUARANTEES OR WARRANTIES AS TO THEACCURACY, ADEQUACY OR COMPLETENESS OF OR RESULTS TO BE OBTAINED FROM USING THE WORK, INCLUDING ANYINFORMATION THAT CAN BE ACCESSED THROUGH THE WORK VIA HYPERLINK OR OTHERWISE, AND EXPRESSLY DISCLAIM ANYWARRANTY, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FORA PARTICULAR PURPOSE. McGraw-Hill and its licensors do not warrant or guarantee that the functions contained in the work will meet yourrequirements or that its operation will be uninterrupted or error free. Neither McGraw-Hill nor its licensors shall be liable to you or anyone else forany inaccuracy, error or omission, regardless of cause, in the work or for any damages resulting there from. McGraw-Hill has no responsibility forthe content of any information accessed through the work. Under no circumstances shall McGraw-Hill and/or its licensors be liable for any indirect,incidental, special, punitive, consequential or similar damages that result from the use of or inability to use the work, even if any of them has beenadvised of the possibility of such damages. This limitation of liability shall apply to any claim or cause whatsoever whether such claim or causearises in contract, tort or otherwise.
- Page 2 and 3: WHAT CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS READERS
- Page 6 and 7: We dedicate this book toLouise, Cel
- Page 8 and 9: Foreword to the Second EditionNo on
- Page 10 and 11: PrefaceWhen we published Crucial Co
- Page 12 and 13: 1The single biggest problem in comm
- Page 14 and 15: In each of these examples of unheal
- Page 16 and 17: poorly? Do you walk away from some
- Page 18 and 19: Following that consequential meetin
- Page 20 and 21: conditions in yourself and others t
- Page 22 and 23: Let’s look at each of these impor
- Page 24 and 25: SECOND, REFUSE THE FOOL’S CHOICEN
- Page 26 and 27: 4Learn to Spot Crucial Conversation
- Page 28 and 29: Meaning: Your idea is insane, and p
- Page 30 and 31: T F 24. If others hesitate to share
- Page 32 and 33: • Look for outbreaks of your Styl
- Page 34 and 35: Remember the last time someone gave
- Page 36 and 37: Now, an apology isn’t really an a
- Page 38 and 39: successful, we have to stop using s
- Page 40 and 41: crucial and safety is put at risk.
- Page 42 and 43: 6It’s not how you play the game,
- Page 44 and 45: Of course, as we come up with our o
- Page 46 and 47: Victim Stories—“It’s Not My F
- Page 48 and 49: wrong?Our purpose for asking why a
- Page 50 and 51: 7Good Night and Good-Bye!To see how
- Page 52 and 53: Facts are the least controversial.
- Page 54 and 55:
Just right: “It’s starting to l
- Page 56 and 57:
For instance, when we believe stron
- Page 58 and 59:
stories, we begin to assign negativ
- Page 60 and 61:
understand the metaphor. With a pum
- Page 62 and 63:
new communication approach. I liter
- Page 64 and 65:
When you’re deciding how to decid
- Page 66 and 67:
Determine who does what by when. Ma
- Page 68 and 69:
This is generally a problem of not
- Page 70 and 71:
The individual comments aren’t di
- Page 72 and 73:
what’s going on?”If you do say
- Page 74:
11I can win an argument on any topi
- Page 77 and 78:
Make It SafeContrast to help your s
- Page 79 and 80:
KERRYAfter a decade of talking with
- Page 81 and 82:
EndnotesCHAPTER 11. Clifford Notari
- Page 83 and 84:
Conditions of conversation:dual-pro
- Page 85 and 86:
beginning your path with, 140gettin
- Page 87 and 88:
Paraphrasing, 164-165Parker, Doroth
- Page 89 and 90:
excessive advocacy in, 150-153faile
- Page 91:
About the AuthorsThis award-winning