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but I didn’t care. I didn’t care if we just stayed like that all night and
never even moved our mouths, it was everything.
His lips closed over mine and I could kind of feel his hand shaking.
I did what he was doing and started to move my lips like he was. I felt
the tip of his tongue brush across my lips once and I thought my eyes
were about to roll back in my head. He did it again, and then a third
time, so I finally did it, too. When our tongues touched for the first
time, I kind of smiled a little, because I’d thought about my first kiss a
lot. Where it would be, who it would be with. Never in a million years
did I imagine it would feel like this.
He pushed me on my back and pressed his hand against my cheek
and kept kissing me. It just got better and better as I grew more
comfortable. My favorite moment was when he pulled back for a
second and looked down at me, then came back even harder.
I don’t know how long we kissed. A long time. So long, my mouth
started to hurt and my eyes couldn’t stay open. When we fell asleep,
I’m pretty sure his mouth was still touching mine.
We didn’t talk about Boston again.
I still don’t know if he’s leaving.
—Lily
Wow.
Wow.
I close the journal and look over at Lily. She wrote our first kiss with so
much detail, it makes me feel inferior to my teenage self.
Did it actually happen that way?
I remember that night, but I was a hell of a lot more nervous than Lily
described me to be. It’s funny how, when you’re a teenager, you think
you’re the only inexperienced, nervous human on the planet. You think
almost every other teenager has life figured out way better than you do, but
it isn’t that way at all. We were both scared. And infatuated. And in love.
I had fallen in love with her long before our first kiss, though. I loved her
more than I had ever loved anyone before that moment. I think I loved her
more than I’ve ever loved anyone after that moment.
I think I still might.
There’s so much Lily doesn’t know about that part of my life. So much I
want to tell her now that I’ve read her version of some of our time together.