Booktree.ngIt-Starts-with-Us-Colleen-Hoover

“I don’t know my dad,” I admit. “I know his name, but that’s about it.
Sutton said he left when I was young, probably about the same age you
were when Tim left. It used to bother me, not knowing my father. I used to
worry about him. I imagined there was something awful that was keeping
him away, like he was locked up in a prison somewhere on a wrongful
conviction. I used to come up with these wild scenarios that would excuse
how he could know I existed but not be in my life. Because what kind of
man could have a son and not want to know him?”
Josh is still staring across the yard at Tim, but I can see that he’s soaking
up every word I’m saying.
“My father never sent a penny of child support. He never made an effort
at all. My father never bothered to do a Google search, because if he had, he
would have easily found me. Hell, you did that at the age of twelve. You
found me, and you’re a kid. He’s a grown-ass adult.”
I move so that I have Josh’s full attention. “So is Tim. He is a capable,
grown man, and if he cared about anything more than himself, he would
have made an effort. He knows your name, he knows what city you live in,
he knows how old you are.”
Josh’s eyes are starting to tear up.
“It blows my mind that this man has you for a son, and you want to be in
his life, yet he still hasn’t made an effort. You’re a privilege, Josh. Believe
me, if I’d known you existed, I would have knocked over buildings to find
you.”
As soon as I say that, a tear trickles out of his eye, so Josh quickly looks
out his passenger window, away from Tim’s house, away from me. I see
him wipe at his eyes, and it breaks my heart.
It also makes me angry as hell that they kept him from me knowingly.
My mother knew I would have been a good brother to him, which is why
she chose not to let us be a part of each other’s lives. She knew my love for
him would outweigh the love she was capable of, so she selfishly kept us
apart.
But I don’t want my anger for my mother or Tim or even my father to
bleed into Josh’s decision. He’s old enough to make up his own mind, so he
can take my honesty and his hope, and I’ll support him in whatever he
decides to do with those things.
When Josh finally looks back at me, his eyes are still filled with tears
and questions and indecision. He’s looking at me like I need to be the one to