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me.
“The party was good. I spoke to Ryle for maybe five seconds.”
“Was he unkind?”
“No. We just stayed out of each other’s way, mostly.”
Atlas runs his fingers through my hair, pulling them through the strands
and letting them fall over my back. He takes another handful and repeats
the movement. “That’s progress. Hopefully it’ll just get easier from here.”
“Hopefully.” I do hope things between Ryle and I continue to get easier,
but I’m no longer letting his reactions control my happiness. I’m all-in with
Atlas, and I want to be present in that part of my life. If that makes Ryle
upset or uncomfortable, Ryle is going to have to bear the burden of those
feelings. “I might ask Allysa to have a sit-down with me and Ryle this
week. I want to discuss what happened, and what to do going forward, but I
don’t want to discuss it with him alone.”
“That’s smart.”
Ryle and I may never get to a point where we can be more than merely
civil. But I’d be okay with civil. What I’m not okay with are the insults, the
threatening texts, the outbursts. He’s got a lot of work to do, and I’m finally
willing to hold him to task.
I probably should have been firmer earlier on, but I’ve been trying to
make it work in the least dramatic way possible. But I’m done bending my
own life for Ryle’s sake.
My loyalty is to the people who bring positivity into my life. My loyalty
is to the people who want to build me up and see me happy. Those are the
people I’m going to make decisions about my life for.
I’m going to continue doing the best I can, and that’s all I can do. I may
not have made all the right decisions in the right time frames, but the fact
that I found the courage to make those decisions at all is what I’m going to
keep focusing on.
Atlas slips a finger beneath my chin, tilting my head back so that I’m
looking at him. He’s got this look on his face like he’s right where he wants
to be. “I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed this,” he says. He pulls me
closer, sliding me up his chest so that I’m eye to eye with him. He caresses
the side of my head. “I wish I could have you in my bed like this every
night. I want to shower with you and cook with you and watch TV with you
and go grocery shopping with you. I want everything with you. I hate that
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