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“Wow.” He looks genuinely pleased when I’m back in his presence, so
the whiplash is a little confusing. “You’re beautiful, Lily.”
I appreciate his compliment, but I can’t move past what just happened.
And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the relationship I was in before
and the relationship I witnessed between my parents, it’s that I refuse to be
someone who brushes everything under a rug. I don’t even want there to be
a rug.
“Why did my tattoo upset you?”
My question catches him off guard. He fidgets with his tie, and seems to
be looking for an excuse, but nothing comes to him, and the hallway
remains silent, other than a ragged, slow breath he pulls in. “It wasn’t the
tattoo.”
“What is it? Why are you mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you, Lily.” He says that convincingly, but he’s not the
same after seeing the tattoo, and I don’t want us to start out with lies.
Apparently, he doesn’t, either, because I can see him working through what
to say to me next. He looks uncomfortable, like he doesn’t want to have this
conversation, or at least he doesn’t want to have it right now.
He shoves his hands in the pockets of his pants and sighs. “That night I
took you to the emergency room… they bandaged up your shoulder while
we were there.” His voice sounds pained, but when he makes eye contact
with me, that pained sound is nothing compared to the turmoil in his
expression. “I heard you tell the nurse he bit you, but I wasn’t close enough
to see that…” Atlas pauses midsentence and swallows hard. “I wasn’t close
enough to see that you had the tattoo, and that he bit…” Atlas stops
speaking again. He’s so upset, he can’t even finish his sentence. He just
moves on to another one. “Is that why he did it? Because he read your
journals and knew you got the tattoo for me?”
My knees feel shaky.
I can see why Atlas didn’t want to have this conversation. It’s too much
for a casual chat while we’re on our way out the door. I press a hand flat
against my nervous stomach, prepared to answer him, but it’s hard to talk
about. Especially knowing how upset it’s making Atlas on my behalf.
I don’t want to hurt him, but I also don’t want to lie to him, or protect
Ryle in any way. Because Atlas is right. That’s exactly why Ryle did what
he did, and I hate that Atlas will now forever pair my tattoo with that awful
memory.