Booktree.ngIt-Starts-with-Us-Colleen-Hoover

Chapter Sixteen
Lily
You lose your mornings after having children.
I used to open my eyes and lie in bed for several minutes before
grabbing my phone and catching up on everything I might have missed
while I slept. I’d have a cup of coffee, and then mentally map out my day
while I showered.
But now that I have Emmy, her early morning cry rips me out of bed,
and I become her gopher before I even have time to pee. I rush to change
her, rush to clothe her, rush to feed her. By the time I’m finished with
morning mother duties, I’m late for work and barely have time to do those
things for myself.
It’s why I cherish Sunday mornings. It feels like the only day of the
week I get any sense of calm. When Emmy wakes up on Sundays, I always
bring her back to bed with me. We lie together and I listen to her babble and
there’s absolutely no rush to get up or be somewhere.
Sometimes, like right now, she falls back to sleep, and I just stare at her
for long stretches of time—marveling at the wonder that is motherhood.
I grab my phone and take a picture of her to text to Ryle, but I hesitate
before hitting send. I don’t miss Ryle at all, but it does make me sad in
moments like this that Ryle doesn’t get to do this with us, or that I don’t get
to share in the joys they have together. There’s nothing better than adoring
the child you made with the person you made them with, which is why I
always try to text him pictures and videos. But I’m still upset about last
night and don’t really feel like reaching out yet. I save the picture for a
more peaceful day.
Fucking Ryle.
Divorce is difficult. I knew it would be, but it’s so much harder than I
anticipated. And navigating divorce with a child in the mix is a million
times trickier. You’re stuck interacting with that person for the remainder of