Under_The_Whispering_Door_by_TJ_Klune

He had. Wallace now wore … soccer cleats? He’d never played soccer in
his life, and therefore had never worn cleats before. Granted, he’d never
worn stiletto heels or a bikini, but still. It was an odd choice, though Wallace
wasn’t sure choice was the right word.
“This is ridiculous,” Wallace muttered as Apollo sniffed the cleats before
sneezing obnoxiously.
“It is,” Nelson agreed. “Who knew you were so eclectic. Perhaps these
are simply manifestations of what your heart truly desires.”
“I doubt that immensely.” Wallace took a tentative step, the cleats
unfamiliar. He waited for them to disappear, to change into something
different. They didn’t. He breathed a sigh of relief as he closed his eyes. “I
think it’s over.”
“Um,” Nelson said. “About that.”
That didn’t sound good. Wallace opened his eyes again.
The sweats were gone.
The Rolling Stones shirt was gone.
Oh, the cleats were still there, so he could be thankful for small favors,
but he now wore a spandex jumpsuit that left absolutely nothing to the
imagination. To make matters worse, it wasn’t an ordinary spandex jumpsuit;
no, because Wallace’s afterlife was apparently an utter farce, the jumpsuit
was imprinted with the outline of a skeleton on it, like a Halloween costume,
though it was the end of March.
It was then that Wallace realized everything was terrible. He said as much
to Nelson, sounding forlorn as he pulled at the spandex, watching it stretch.
He shooed Apollo away when the dog tried to grab onto the material and rip
it off.
“It could be worse,” Nelson said, eyeing him up and down in a way that
Wallace was sure was illegal in at least fifteen states. “Though, I will say
congratulations on your business downstairs. Size doesn’t matter of course,
but it doesn’t seem like you have to worry about that.”
“Thank you,” Wallace said distractedly as Apollo tried to squeeze through
his legs, tongue lolling, a goofy expression of joy on his face. Then, “Wait,
what?”
By the time Hugo and Mei came down, Wallace was in a state of panic,
seeing as how he was now wearing only brightly colored briefs and pleather
thigh-high boots. Nelson was slowly losing his composure as Wallace