Focus on the Family Magazine - February/March 2023

OUR LAUGHTER
CONNECTION
Helping Families Thrive in Christ
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023
WHY CHURCH?
A sneak peek at
Brio magazine
Better
Together
BY KIRSTEN WATSON
page 14

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FEBRUARY / MARCH
Contents
Couples
13 ONGOING SATURDAY DATES
A marriage insight from Tricia Couffer
14 BETTER TOGETHER
Working through our differences
makes our marriage stronger
by Kirsten Watson
19 A VALENTINE’S DAY MESS
Setting realistic expectations for
the “perfect” romantic holiday
by Dr. Anthony J. Nedelman
21 A MAGICIAN’S GUIDE
TO MARRIAGE
Great communication is
more than an illusion
by Danny Ray
In Every
Issue
4 LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT
5 HACKS & FACTS
46 MY THRIVING FAMILY
Faith & Inspiration
25 TRUSTING GOD WHEN OUR
KIDS ARE HURTING
A spiritual insight from
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family leadership
by Kurt Aichele
26 A SNEAK PEEK AT BRIO MAGAZINE
“Why Church?” Discover its purpose
and what it could mean for you
by Megan Gover
30 TAKE YOUR MARRIAGE
FROM GOOD TO GREAT
Investing in your relationship
improves your marriage . . .
and strengthens your church
by Scott Johnson
Kids & Teens
33 HEARTS AND HANDS
A parenting insight from Larke Ready
34 OUR LAUGHTER CONNECTION
Using humor as a shared
family experience
by Kevin A. Thompson
36 ONE DIRTY DIAPER AT A TIME
Surviving the frenzied pace of
caring for your newborn as a
first-time parent
by Patrick Dunn
37 ONE CHILD, TWO HOMES
Minimizing your child’s stress
when you have part-time custody
by Linda Ranson Jacobs
40 BOYS FORCED TO BE STOIC
Why you need to foster your son’s
emotional intelligence
by Todd Foley
45 WHAT TO DO ABOUT DISNEY+
by Adam Holz
PRIXEL CREATIVE / LIGHTSTOCK

LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT
Jean-Paul Beran is
president of <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family Canada.
Want to help your children
learn to be more considerate of
others? Download our free Kids
of Integrity lesson on kindness at
KidsOfIntegrity.com/Kindness.
loving others
through
kindness
HAVE YOU EVER been the recipient of
a random act of kindness? Do you remember
how you felt?
There’s a reason why stories of kindness
among strangers spread like wildfire on social
media. We seem to be living in a time where
kindness is in short supply, but we know the
impact it can have on our lives. When someone is kind
to us, it can turn our day around, lift our spirits and even
offer much-needed encouragement in a season of despair.
Random acts of kindness shouldn’t be limited to strangers,
though. Being kind is a simple but transformative way
to show love to those around us every day.
In this issue of <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family magazine, you’ll
find many ideas for how to be kind, especially to those in
your family. Whether it’s a well-timed compliment to your
spouse (page 21), building connection through laughter
(page 34) or teaching your sons to honor their emotions
(page 40), there are many ways we can show and model
kindness to those in our lives.
As a reminder, if you need any support to help your family
thrive, we are here for you! We’re just a click, email or
phone call away. I invite you to explore the full breadth of
services we offer on our website at <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca,
email us at info@fotf.ca with your questions or concerns,
or call our team at 1.800.661.9800 to learn more about
how we can help.
Blessings,
Jean-Paul Beran
CLINT BARGEN PHOTOGRAPHY
president Jim Daly
chief operating officer Ken Windebank
chief marketing and
content officer Tim Sawer
focus canada president Jean-Paul Beran
editorial director Sheila Seifert
managing editor Andrea Gutierrez
copy chief Scott DeNicola
associate editors Sarah Brickens,
Faith Wismer
contributing editors Vance Fry, Marianne
Hering, Meredith Hinds, Thomas Jeffries,
Jennifer Lonas, Jeff Masching
art director Anneka Jack
designer Sally Dunn
cover Michael and Amy Headington
media publishing director Kevin Shirin
editorial assistant Kat Bittner
print production Gail Wise
circulation Erika Lynch
Thank you!
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family provides this magazine and
other resources through the generosity of friends
like you. <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Donate
For a subscription, go to <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
Magazine.
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family magazine February/March 2023, Vol.
8, No. 1 ISSN 2471-5921, © 2023 <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family.
All rights reserved. Published by <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family,
a nonprofit organization recognized for taxdeductible
giving by the federal government. <strong>Focus</strong>
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To notify us of an address change or to contact <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family Canada: 1-800-661-9800; 19946 80A
Ave, Langley, BC, V2Y 0J8; info@fotf.ca
Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are
from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version ® (ESV ® ).
Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry
of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved. The ESV
text may not be quoted in any publication made
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The ESV may not be translated in whole or in part into
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4
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

Hacks & Facts
CLEVER IDEAS FOR SMARTER PARENTING
little acts of kindness
Every month my kids and I think of little acts of kindness that we can do to spread
a little happiness to others. These can be anything from giving a compliment to a
stranger to delivering a homemade treat to a neighbor. We write our ideas on little
strips of paper and place them into a jar. Each day my kids pick an “act of kindness”
from the jar.
We try to complete the act of kindness at some point throughout the same day.
Sometimes we work together and other times individually. It’s a great way to show
my children how to spread kindness through simple, thoughtful actions.
—Alicia Gorski
SALLY DUNN / FOTF
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 5

OY-GIRL
BOY-GIRL
FRIENDS
BOY-GIRL
FR
FRIEN
HACKS & FACTS / BOY-GIRL FRIENDS
B OY- GI R L
a fantastic gift
We have two boys and two girls ranging in age from
8 to 12 years old. We don’t make a fuss about boygirl
friendships. Our family spends time hanging out
with other families that have children of similar ages.
Together we eat dinner, go to the beach, go to camp
or have a bonfire with s’mores. The kids play games,
perform plays and jump on the trampoline together.
We tell our children that friendship is a fantastic gift,
and since they’re years away from dating, they should
enjoy the friendships they have and give their romantic
feelings (if there are any) to God and trust future
relationships to His care.
—Jolene Ceravalo
F R I E N D S
family playdates
My daughter, who’s 10, enjoys playing with both
boys and girls at recess. She will sometimes ask
if she can have one of her male friends from
school over to our house for a playdate. Instead
of her extending the invite to just her friend, I’ve
started to invite the boy’s mom and perhaps his
siblings as well. That way, it’s a family playdate,
rather than a playdate between a girl and a boy.
When our kids develop friendships with the
opposite sex, we don’t allow siblings to tease
each other about having boyfriends or girlfriends,
having a crush or going on dates. Instead,
we encourage them to show respect and value
the healthy nature of platonic friendship.
—Jenni Clark Dickens
“You can’t choose your
children’s friends . . .
but you can choose
the environment from
which they take their
friends.”
source: <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Parents' Guide to
the Spiritual Growth of Children, 2000
BoyFriends
We don’t tease our daughters about having
“boyfriends.” Friends, whether boys or
girls, are just . . . friends. Period. My oldest (an
athletic and competitive girl) mostly has boy
friendships. But she doesn’t act silly about it.
Yet. She just recognizes and values the friendships,
without seeing anything romantic
about them.
—Stacey M. Gravely
STUDIO FIRMA / STOCKSY UNITED
6
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

SPIRITUAL GROWTH / HACKS & FACTS
Conversations
With Jesus
“Particularly important
milestones to mark are your
children’s spiritual birthdays.”
source: <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Parents' Guide to the
Spiritual Growth of Children, 2000
PAUCHI / ADOBE STOCK
When my 3- and 5-year-olds are making
poor choices (for example, biting
or not sharing), we encourage them to
pause and tell Jesus what is happening.
Then they ask, “Jesus, what do You want
me to do?” It hasn’t quite sunk in yet for
my 3-year-old, but it’s been neat to see
my older daughter begin to understand
prayer and repentance. Rather than
always looking to Mom or Dad (or even
herself) to decide on the right thing to
do, she’s initiating a conversation with
Jesus, trying to discern His voice.
—Christina Nunes
the habit of
prayer
After studying for a test, my son told
me he was feeling nervous about it.
I encouraged him to quietly say a
prayer before he started the exam the
next day. So he did, asking God for
both calm and focus.
Since then, I’ve heard my son ask
God on the car ride to a football game
that he and his team would play to their
potential, or that he’d be able to make
beautiful music at his cello recital. The
habit of prayer has helped alleviate his
anxiety and bolster his confidence.
—Kelly Bakshi
setting an example
I established a habit of personal devotional time and
often shared with my children from my Bible readings.
Inspired by my example, my kids started having their
own quiet times, which soon began to show fruit in
unexpected ways. One day my 11-year-old was crying
because she believed she wasn’t as beautiful or as
smart as her friends. She opened her Bible journal to
write about it. On the page was Ecclesiastes 3:11: “He
has made everything beautiful in its time.”
Later, when she opened her Bible to do her daily
reading, the same verse was there. Her next tears
were tears of joy. “Mom, God says I am beautiful!”
she said. “Everything He makes is beautiful!”
I’ve learned that the greatest thing my children can
learn is by watching me seek God when life hurts.
—Denise Pass
SPIRITUAL G R O W T H
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 7

HACKS & FACTS / DRAMA
dad humor
Our five daughters’ emotions are real and abundant. My
husband uses his sense of humor to ease a dramatic situation
quickly. When my 4-year-old was learning to ride
a bike, she would often fall and begin to cry. But my husband
could quickly recognize the difference between an
actual injury and the sort of overreaction our daughter
often had when something didn’t go her way. If the latter,
he would rush over and exclaim, “Oh, no! Your legs got
switched. Better put them back on correctly!”
Then he’d make a hilarious sound as he pretended to pop
off and rearrange various limbs. Without fail, my daughter’s tears
turned to giggles, and she was back on the bike.
As the children grew older, this tactic often worked with a daughter
prone to overreacting to requests to clean up after dinner or do some other
chore. My husband would dramatically overreact even more—with a silly tone,
not a mocking one. This immediately stopped the girls in their tracks, allowing us
to talk calmly about our request without the drama.
—Jenny Nanninga
Doughnut Dilemma
Events that may seem trivial to a mom are anything but trivial to my son.
I validated my son’s disappointment when the doughnut shop was out of
sprinkle doughnuts. I said, “It’s OK to be disappointed that they’re out of the
doughnut you wanted. I know you were looking forward to it.”
Then, to separate the feeling from the negative overreaction, I said, “But
even when we feel upset, it isn’t OK to kick and scream.”
A hug communicated my assurance and love as he worked through his
feelings. Once he was calm, I talked about what we could do next. “We can
be grateful for the other doughnuts we have to choose from. I think that the
powdered one looks fun to eat—I wonder if the sugar will give us white lips.”
This process invited my son to move on with gratitude.
—Melissa Johnson
VICKY SCOTT
8
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

DRAMA / HACKS & FACTS
routine adjustments
I noticed that my son’s behavior was particularly worse on
Thursdays. Since we arrived home from church close to
bedtime on Wednesdays, we changed his routine that day
to get to bed earlier. Our nightly routine included packing
backpacks and picking out clothes for the next day, so we
opted to begin this routine before leaving for church.
If he was really tired and difficult to wake, we’d let him
sleep longer Thursday mornings, and I’d take him to
school instead of putting him on the bus. When we realized
his overreacting happened when he was tired, we
adjusted our routine and talked about how we have to do
our best to respond appropriately—even when we’re tired.
—Carol Bradfield
fast-food drama
When my kids’ emotions erupt, I sit calmly instead
of overreacting. This helps them let some air out of
their emotional balloons. One time, my daughter
was upset about not being able to stop for fast food
on the way to her brother’s game. I asked her, on a
scale of 1 to 10, to rate how much of a response this
situation deserved, compared to something truly devastating
such as the death of a family member. Did
her emotional outburst match the
number? She said that while she was
very upset because she expected to
get food on the way, she knew her
reaction was too strong, and she’d
work on it. Using short questions
and a kind tone helps me coach my
kids, and I find their response is better
than when I lecture.
—Michelle Nietert
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 9

HACKS & FACTS / OVERSTIMULATION
the great toy rotation
Our 8-month-old son has been blessed with many different
play mats, activity centers and toys. But when it’s playtime,
my husband and I offer only one toy at a time. We keep a lidded
box of toys in the living room and only keep eight to 10 toys in
his bedroom. All the remaining stuff is stored out of reach. We
rotate these extras in every two to three weeks. When there’s
a new toy to add to his collection, we retire an older one. He’s
better able to focus on his toys without feeling overwhelmed
with too much “stuff.”
—Shirley Maldonado
shopping
meltdowns
One day, my husband and I went
shopping with our toddler and
infant. We had a lengthy list of
items to buy and errands to run.
However, I had underestimated
how long our daughters would be
content. They soon grew weary of
the new sights and sounds. My husband
suspected our oldest was on
the verge of a meltdown. All I could
see were the unchecked items on
my list.
After that frenzied outing, my
husband suggested that we give
ourselves a fixed amount of time
to shop with our children. Just like
we needed a budget for spending
our money, we needed to limit our
children’s sensory exposure. As we
had more children, we considered
the unique needs of each child and
adjusted the details and duration of
our outings accordingly.
—Katrina Williamson
A Calming Touch
I started a post-bath, baby massage routine
when my baby was born, knowing that skinto-skin
contact encourages bonding. It was
so nurturing that when my baby (and later
toddler) became overstimulated, I’d stroke
his arms in the same method he was familiar
with, and he’d calm down.
—Kelly Bakshi
GUILLE FAINGOLD / STOCKSY UNITED
10
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

OVERSTIMULATION / HACKS & FACTS
Comfort Companion
When my children were babies, I brought along
familiar items while away from home, such as their
favorite stuffed animals, blankets or toys. One evening
I took my 8-month-old son to my school’s open
house where new people were flooding into the
room every few minutes. At the first sign of irritability,
I put Mr. Ed, his stuffed horse, in his lap, along with a
bottle and pacifier. I immediately saw a change in his
disposition, and he quickly relaxed.
—Tania Alward
JUNO / STOCKSY UNITED
I O N
OVER STIMULATION
the story of our new home
When my husband and I anticipated that a big change was coming, we’d take a little
time to create a few short stories for our 2-year-old son. For example, when we
were moving from Georgia to Virginia, we made a book with pictures of our house
in Georgia and of our new house in Virginia. We described what our son could
expect as we packed up and made the trip to the new house. Then we added pictures
of his new bedroom, the playroom and a nearby playground. We talked about
how all his toys would be waiting for him once we arrived at our new home.
Before the move, we read this story many times and talked about what he could
do if he got nervous or sad. We reminded him that he could always ask for a hug,
revisit his storybook or hold his stuffed animal to help him feel better. We reassured
him that we’d all be moving to the new home together as a family.
We created similar books for other big family events. Having these stories helped
him adjust, and he’d even repeat phrases from his book when he was feeling anxious.
My favorite part is that we can revisit these stories and photos as he gets older.
OV E R S T I M U L AT I O N
—Autumn Shaffer
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 11

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Couples
ongoing Saturday dates
A marriage insight from Tricia Couffer
SOMETHING GOOD came out of the quarantine
for our marriage. My husband and I started
taking Saturday morning drives. We’d sneak out of
the house while our teens were sleeping, and he and
I would grab coffee (iced for me, hot for him) and talk
about current events in our lives including dreaming
about our future or planning our daughter’s wedding.
We even sang along to songs on the radio.
After the quarantine, this routine became our ongoing
Saturday date. Even now we grab cameras and hit
botanical gardens, wooded areas or other local spots
to take photos and spend time together. •
Tricia Couffer has been married for 30 years and is mom to five.
Former foster parent and church coordinator for special needs
and preschool education, she now focuses on photography,
home schooling and her new granddaughter.
LANE ALBERS PHOTOGRAPHY
Steve and Tricia Couffer
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 13

COUPLES / UNITY
Better ter
Together
Kirsten and
Benjamin Watson
14
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

UNITY / COUPLES
Working through our differences
makes our marriage stronger
BY KIRSTEN WATSON
PHOTOS BY IMAGES OF GRACE PHOTOGRAPHY
(PATTERN) VERIS STUDIO; CASTECODESIGN / ADOBE STOCK
IN OUR MARRIAGE, my husband,
Benjamin, is the finance guy. For him,
things are black and white. He knows what
we’re doing and how we’re going to get
there—and it’s always directly from point
A to point B.
I tend to think outside the box. I bring
nuance to our decisions. I start at the same
point A, but I might take a pit stop or two
before eventually arriving at point B.
While Benjamin asks, “Why are we
doing this?” I say, “Why not give it a try?”
That’s how we’ve related to each other
since our college days when we began dating.
It was our joke when we introduced
ourselves, and it even led to our nicknames
for each other: he’s Why? and I’m
Why Not? It’s how our relationship still
plays out, 16 years later.
Even though we have distinct personalities
and different perspectives, we have
the same goals. We not only recognize
these differences in each other, but we
also believe they bring balance in our marriage.
We’ve even learned to maximize
those variances for the betterment of our
relationship.
When we’re united in our vision, we’re
an unstoppable team.
What we bring to marriage
Benjamin is an amazing leader. He’s good
at weighing the options, making decisions
and knowing why we’re doing what we’re
doing. He doesn’t act on a whim—he’s
methodical and thoughtful and good at
considering different scenarios.
Our gifts complement each other well.
I push Benjamin to think outside the box,
and he reels me in when I go too far. I also
help balance us out as a couple. I’m the one
who says, “It doesn’t have to be done the way
it’s always been done.” I’m not impulsive, but
I do push us to move beyond our comfort
zone and take some risks. When both of our
gifts work in tandem, we end up taking more
chances, but in a thoughtful way.
I’m very verbal, especially in my relationship
with Benjamin. This has a good side,
because I’m tenacious about making sure
we talk through important issues, both as
a couple and with our children. But sometimes
Benjamin’s quiet way of simply being
present is exactly what I need.
His quiet steadiness was exactly what
I needed when delivering our fifth child.
I don’t remember much about that delivery,
but I distinctly remember Benjamin
breathing with me. Instead of telling me
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 15

COUPLES / UNITY
to breathe, he inhaled and deeply
exhaled with me. Over and over again.
My brain was overloaded, so my
rational functioning wasn’t really
working. I simply followed his example,
inhaling and exhaling, and that’s how
I delivered our baby girl.
Don’t get me wrong—just because
we balance each other doesn’t mean
it’s all peaches and cream. Sometimes
our differences drive us crazy. There
are moments when I want to say,
“Would you get on my side for a second?!”
We’re firstborns, so we’re both
used to being right. It’s been a process
of learning and growing together over
the past decade and a half.
When we’re united in
our vision, we’re an
unstoppable team.
“He’s so lucky to have me”
During the first few years of our marriage,
I made it my goal to change
Benjamin. I assumed the Lord put us
together so I could transform my husband
into the man God wanted him to
be. I thought he was so lucky to have
me. (I say this mostly in jest, but a part
of me really believed it.)
Back then, Benjamin was in the NFL
and would make appearances around
the city where people stood in line
to get their picture taken with him or
get an autograph. One night I was sitting
off to the side at an event, irritated
about some recent tiff, when an unfamiliar
woman came up to me.
“You’re so lucky to be married to
Ben!” she said. “He’s so nice!”
I put on my best fake smile and
replied, “He is nice.”
Since Benjamin and I weren’t
exactly on speaking terms at the
moment, nice wasn’t the word I would
have used to describe my husband.
He was stubborn and disciplined and
smart and so many things I didn’t yet
have the words to express. Yes, he was
nice, but he sure could upset me.
I loved Benjamin and wanted to be
a good wife to him, but I was mostly
16
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

UNITY / COUPLES
determined to prove my worth. My
focus was on me and what I could
accomplish. This often resulted in
butting heads with my new husband—
someone who was busy working out his
own stuff.
Then I started talking to women who
were further along in marriage. They
told me, “Girl, you’d better get on your
knees and see how you need to change.”
That’s when I started asking God, “What
kind of wife do You want me to be?” and
that’s when the Lord began working
wonders in our marriage.
The more I worked on myself instead
of worrying about what my husband
needed to do, the more the Holy Spirit
was at work. What I’ve come to realize
is that God is much better at changing
other people than we are.
That’s because He changed me.
Support during
changing seasons
Ever since Benjamin and I started
doing our “Why or Why Not” podcast,
we’ve learned to work together in
new ways. In the past, we supported
each other, but we had our own lanes.
He played pro football, and I’m never
going to do that. I was at home with
the kids and busy with home schooling.
With seven kids in a span of 10 years—
including twins—it’s important for us
to be in sync with each other. We were
on the same path, but we had different
roles.
With our podcast, for example,
we’re both heavily involved, but
there are big differences in the way
we prepare. I’ll create a general outline,
with questions and spaces for our
answers, then print it out for each of
us. When we go to record, my paper
looks the same. I tend to say what I
feel in the moment—I have no idea
what’s going to come out of my mouth.
But Benjamin’s page is full of research,
Scripture verses and articles to support
his points. Despite our differences,
there’s a level of trust, knowing we
have each other’s back. Even if we disagree,
we respect each other.
With the recent release of my book,
it’s been fun to experience somewhat
of a role reversal in our relationship.
Benjamin has always been there for
me, but now that he’s retired from
playing, his support is evident in
more tangible ways. Our kids and I
were there for every game he played,
cheering him on, praying for him
and hugging him afterward, win or
lose. Now that I’ve been the one in the
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 17

COUPLES / UNITY
NEW
SIS, TAKE A BREATH
As a wife, mom of seven and
podcast co-host, Kirsten
Watson’s hard-won wisdom
to other women when feeling
overwhelmed is to take a breath
and lean on the Word of God to
give us what we need.
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
spotlight, I’ve seen Benjamin take on
the role of encourager. He assured me
I had something to say, created time
and space for me to write, celebrated
with me when the book launched,
and even rented a billboard to let people
know about it! Along the way, he
taught the kids to cheer me on and
pray for strength to keep going.
Grounded in God’s Word
While our personalities and temperaments
differ, Benjamin and I are
united when it comes to the values we
rely on to strengthen our family. We
believe the Bible is the Word of God
and that it gives us the wisdom and
hope we need to carry on.
Before we were dating, Benjamin
shared at a Fellowship of Christian
Athletes meeting that marriage is like
a triangle: God is at the top, and the
husband and wife are the other ends.
The only way to get closer to each
other is for each person to enhance their
relationship with God. That reminder continues
to fuel us, especially when life gets
challenging.
Over the years, I’ve learned to pray
Scripture over my entire family. If one of
our children is feeling anxious, I’ll paraphrase
Psalm 46:1-3: “God, You are Grace’s
refuge and strength, an ever-present help
in trouble. Remind her of Your presence
and cast out her fear.” One evening our
daughter came home crying from soccer
tryouts. Another girl at practice had told
her that she couldn’t see my daughter’s
sweat because she’s black. After more tears
and a long conversation with my daughter
and the rest of our kiddos, Benjamin and
I prayed for that other little girl. Turns out
they were placed on the same team, and by
the end of the season they became friends.
Benjamin and I are both strong-willed,
capable people. But we’ve come to realize
that when we rely on our own strength—
whether we’re making parenting decisions,
moving to a new home, or making career
choices—that’s when things get difficult.
It’s only when we rely on God and spend
time in His Word that we stay connected.
I’m convinced that Benjamin and I are
better together—a powerful force when
we’re on the same page. And while there
remain some things that we’re able to do
on our own, it’s much more fun when we’re
on the same team. •
Kirsten Watson is the author of Sis, Take a Breath
and co-host of a podcast she produces with her
husband, Benjamin, who’s a retired NFL player.
Together, they have seven children and reside in
the Atlanta area.
18
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

EXPECTATIONS / COUPLES
Setting realistic
expectations for
the “perfect”
romantic holiday
BY DR. ANTHONY J. NEDELMAN
ILLUSTRATIONS BY DÉBORA ISLAS
THE FIRST VALENTINE’S DAY my wife
and I shared as a married couple wasn’t exactly the
romantic interlude we had anticipated. Since we
didn’t have much money, she planned to pick up
some takeout on the way home from work, and I
intended to clean our small apartment to surprise
her. But when I got home, I found a bigger mess
than I expected. Our two dogs had gotten into a
large bag of chocolates, and our floors were covered
with diarrhea.
When my wife arrived home, I ran outside to prepare
her for what she’d encounter inside. But before
I could open my mouth, she blurted out that she
had ruined our evening. She’d hit a pothole driving
home, and our dinner had toppled onto the car’s
floorboard. Between the doggy doo and the ruined
food, our first Valentine’s Day was a total disaster.
For some, Valentine’s Day is about sweeping gestures
and declarations of love. That’s why it can
come with big expectations and even bigger pressures
that set up couples for trouble. In our quest
to hit a romantic grand slam on this special day,
we may try to find the perfect gift, reserve a table
for two at a trendy restaurant or throw in an exquisite
combination of romantic gestures to make our
spouse fall for us all over again. That’s a lot of pressure
for a made-up holiday in the dead of winter!
Romantic plans can often end up in disappointment
and conflict when the unexpected happens.
To avoid these kinds of pitfalls, get on the same
page as a couple. Here are three ways you can tame
Valentine’s Day tensions and manage expectations:
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 19

COUPLES / EXPECTATIONS
• Do we want the evening to be
extra special or just a low-key
night together?
• Do we want to celebrate on
Valentine’s Day or on a day when
restaurants are less crowded and
chocolate is discounted?
A few weeks before the
big day, talk about your
hopes and expectations
for the evening. To get
the conversations started,
ask each other these
questions:
• Do we want to exchange gifts
we can afford or splurge on things
each of us has always wanted?
• What gestures say, “I love you,”
to each of us?
Regardless of how the evening turns
out, paving the way ahead of time
will help you avoid the potholes that
can ruin your time together.
There are many practical ways to simplify your celebration so
it’s more meaningful and less hectic. Here are some ideas:
• Celebrate on a different day.
• Set guidelines for gift-giving.
• Let go of perfectionism and
unrealistic expectations.
• Stay off social media and tune
out TV commercials.
• Prepare for child care in advance.
• Plan an activity you both enjoy.
• List the qualities you love about
each other. Then share them on
the day you celebrate.
As Feb. 14 approaches, we’re inundated
with romantic images of smiling
couples on social media and nonstop
TV commercials for fine jewelry, lingerie,
floral bouquets and chocolate. The
message is that if we really love our
spouse, we’ll shower our chosen one
with expensive gifts and Hollywoodstyle
romantic gestures.
God’s definition of love is found in
1 Corinthians 13: “Love is patient and
kind; love does not envy or boast; it is
not arrogant or rude. It does not insist
on its own way; it is not irritable or
resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing,
but rejoices with the truth. Love
bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things”
(verses 4-7).
The world promotes a warped definition
of love that focuses on external
beauty and worth rather than the
inner qualities God values most.
Shifting your focus from the world’s
distorted view to God’s perspective
can help neutralize the Valentine’s
Day pressures so you can enjoy time
with your spouse.
Above all, keep in mind that the quality of your relationship isn’t
measured by the outcome of one day. Don’t let ruined dinners and
soiled carpets distract you from what really matters. And whatever
you end up doing to celebrate Valentine’s Day, do it with love and
for your spouse. •
Dr. Anthony J. Nedelman is a clinical psychologist, an expert blogger for
Psychology Today and chair of the Ohio Psychological Association’s Science and
Research Committee. He enjoys spending time with his wife and two young boys,
serving on his church’s worship team and spreading the Gospel.
SIGN UP NOW!
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and appreciate your spouse? Sign
up and get video tips to help you
better cherish the one you love.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Cherish
20
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

COMMUNICATION / COUPLES
a magician's guide to
LORI LEIMAKAMAE DILL; BLAGORODEZ / ADOBE STOCK
GREAT COMMUNICATION IS
MORE THAN AN ILLUSION
BY DANNY RAY

COUPLES / COMMUNICATION
REMEMBER THE DAYS
before Amazon revolutionized
package delivery? Back then, to
get a package required putting aside
everything else you were supposed to
be doing, standing by the mailbox at
the end of your driveway and praying
that your mail carrier would be there
at the usual time . . . or else you got the
dreaded note saying to pick up your
package at the post office, which was
like taking a “quick” trip to the DMV. (If
you don’t remember those days, just be
grateful, OK?)
In the mid-2000s, I took a mission
trip to Japan, performing 14 magic
shows in 12 days. This was the longest
I'd been away from my family, and I
knew my wife, Kimberly, was already
exhausted from taking care of three
young children while running the
administrative side of our ministry.
I don’t always get things right in our
marriage, but I was intentional about
communicating my love and appreciation
for her by focusing on three
things: clarity, timing and tempo. These
elements are crucial when I’m performing
magic shows . . . but they’re also
important in any marriage!
Before I left, I went to our local UPS
Store with 12 little gifts and asked if they
could put one in our in-store mailbox
each day. They very generously offered,
“We’ll do better than that; we’ll deliver
them to your wife’s doorstep each day.”
Kimberly loved it! She had no idea
how these gifts were arriving, but she
called them “a tiny rainbow in the storm.”
Th e clarity of my message to her
was easily understood, and
the gifts were timed to
arrive while she was dropping
off our two oldest at
school. As for the tempo,
each gift was a daily surprise
that brought her joy
and reminded her how
much I love her.
As an illusionist,
I’ve
learned a thing or two about the
importance of communicating with
these three elements in mind. I’ve performed
sleight of hand for millions of
people all over the world, and even
fooled two of the most knowledgeable
magicians on the hit TV show “Penn &
Teller: Fool Us.” I’ve spent thousands of
hours scripting material to perfect the
clarity, timing and tempo of my act to
create the most astonishing experience
for my audience.
Similarly, applying these same script
elements to a marriage relationship
also takes work. Together, a husband
and wife can learn
to move past their old
patterns of communication
by replacing
i don’t always get
things right in our
marriage, but i was
intentional about
communicating my
love and appreciation.
Here and on the previous
page: Danny Ray and his
wife, Kimberly
LORI LEIMAKAMAE DILL
22
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

COMMUNICATION / COUPLES
Clarity
Timing
KERONNART / ADOBE STOCK; DOLLITUDE / ADOBE STOCK
poor habits with updated scripts that
bring clarity to their conversations, are
timed to meet each other’s needs, and
are more concerned with the tempo
than the outcome.
Clarity
If a magician’s intent is unclear, the illusion
fails. The same is true in marriage:
Confusing communication and murky
goals will take a toll on both spouses.
But if you clearly express your intentions
and follow through, you’ll build
trust with each other. By making clear
what you want and how you’re going to
get there, you’ll significantly increase
your ability to “make magic” in your
marriage. My love notes included with
each gift clearly conveyed my appreciation
and thankfulness to my wife.
Increased clarity makes us into
better communicators. Yet if you
clearly tell your spouse one thing but
do another, you’ll create confusion
and miss out on an opportunity to
build trust.
Clarity influences the outcome of
almost every conversation. Asking
questions helps—questions like, “Just
to be clear, are you saying . . . ?” or
“I’m not sure exactly what you mean;
could you help me understand?”
When you’re both clear about what
you’re saying, you’re better able to
arrive at a good outcome.
Clarity builds trust.
Timing
If a magician’s big reveal happens at the
wrong time, the illusion fails. Likewise,
I chose the timing of when my packages
would arrive. I knew the most difficult
part of my wife’s day was getting the
kids dressed, fed and out of the house
each morning, so the timing of the gifts
mattered.
What we say (clarity) and when we
say it (timing) increase our ability to be
heard and understood. Proverbs 25:11
reminds us, “Like apples of gold in settings
of silver, Is a word spoken at the
proper time” (NASB).
My wife was lamenting the layer of
dust on everything in our home. The
next day, while Kimberly was out, a
wonderful idea came into my head: I
could use a leaf blower on all that dust.
Now, I don’t know if you have ever
turned on a 75-mph leaf blower inside
your home, but it’s, well, amazing!
The first place I pointed my new
weapon was under the stove. Not only
did I blow out the dust, but a playing
card and a swirl of other toys emerged
from their shelter.
The power was exhilarating, and I
felt like the king of my castle! I “dusted”
everything imaginable. Ten minutes
later, I turned off the blower to survey
my work. While I had vanquished the
dust, it also looked like a hurricane had
blown through our house. Imagine how
I felt when I heard my wife’s car pull up.
How does one explain a great idea gone
wrong?
If your husband has just dropped
dinner on the floor and is yelling at the
mashed potatoes, it might be the wrong
time to tell him he has an anger problem.
If your wife has a habit of stepping
on the gas and there’s a police officer
behind her, it might be the wrong time
to lecture her about her driving.
Finding the right time to address
LISTEN NOW!
Danny Ray and his wife,
Kimberly, offer tips on putting
the magic back into marriage.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 23

Patnes
– in life and love –
Resources
for your
marriage
Order online at
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
or call 1.800.661.9800
Tempo
issues can influence the outcome
for the better. In fact, even a small
change in timing can make a big
difference toward creating healthy
communication.
Timing influences understanding.
Tempo
If a magic trick is weakened because
of the speed at which it’s performed,
the illusion fails. To keep my connection
with my wife strong even while
traveling, my little gifts arrived at a
tempo of one per day. Thus, the gifts
became something Kimberly could
count on. Counting on each other is
also crucial in marriage.
One of the phrases my wife and I
use to change the tempo of our conversations
is: “This is important to
me.” If we’re having a heated discussion
and the other person doesn’t
seem to recognize its importance,
one of us will say, “This is important
to me.” This literally stops the other
person in his or her tracks. Because
we try to limit our use of the phrase,
it’s a game changer when it comes up.
This phrase gives us the ability to
slow down the tempo, especially amid
a heated conversation. It also helps us
avoid saying things we might regret.
The right tempo leads to better
paced, more effective communication.
Echoing James’ words to firstcentury
believers, tempo in life (and
in marriage) involves being “quick
to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger”
(James 1:19). In other words, tempo
is the rhythm of communication.
Just as magic tricks need clarity,
timing and tempo, so does your marriage.
The daily surprise gifts for my
wife were a tangible way that I—with
the help of my secret team—communicated
with clarity, timing and
tempo that I loved, cherished and
appreciated her. Consider how
you’re currently doing in these areas
and adjust where necessary. Trust
me, you don’t have to be a magician
to make this happen—you just need
to be willing to do what it takes to
have a great marriage. •
Danny Ray is one of the world’s premiere
illusionists, entertaining audiences with
sleight of hand while offering the Gospel’s
transformative message. Father to three
children and married more than 25 years,
he is the author of No, I Can’t Make Your
Wife Disappear.
NO, I CAN’T MAKE
YOUR WIFE DISAPPEAR
by Danny Ray
Peek behind the curtain in this
lighthearted, practical, and
sometimes hard-hitting guide
that reveals ways to create a
loving, fun-filled relationship.
Before long, you’ll be enjoying
the magic in your marriage.
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
KERONNART / ADOBE STOCK; DOLLITUDE / ADOBE STOCK

Faith & Inspiration
trusting
God when
our kids are
hurting
A spiritual insight
from <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family leadership
BY KURT AICHELE
how I never could have envisioned the
way God would answer my prayers.
Another example came when a couple
—who didn’t know the details of our
overwhelming medical bills—gave us
the precise amount we needed to cover
the cost of a bill we couldn’t afford.
Nathanial’s path remains rocky. The
condition, rare in young people, generally
goes away by age 30. My son
is now 13 and receives weekly chemotherapy
dosages to suppress his
immune system, persevering through
pain and fighting against despair. I
sometimes question God when it’s
especially hard, but I know we’re to
walk the path the Lord has ordained
in humble trust and reliance.
Nathanial’s struggles have reminded
me that I should continually entrust
all five of my children to God’s care
and provision. I hope you’ll join me
in releasing our kids to God every day,
trusting in Him as their Guide and
Healer. After all, He loves our children
even more than we do. •
Kurt Aichele is the vice president of marketing
at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family.
SALLY DUNN / FOTF
I’M LEARNING LESSONS
about the Lord’s kindness and
mercy as my family and I are challenged
in a journey that began
March 2021. One night long after
we’d all gone to bed, my then
12-year-old son, Nathanial, woke
up complaining about severe pain
behind one of his eyes. And it
didn’t go away with time.
In subsequent weeks, physicians,
optometrists, ophthalmologists
and immunologists struggled to
diagnose the cause and expressed
concern that it could eventually
lead to blindness if not treated. As
I prayed for wisdom, I was providentially
connected to a top
ophthalmologist who had recently
resigned from a position at a prestigious
clinic. The man connected
me with one of the few doctors in
the world who could treat my son.
Ephesians 3:20 says: “Now to
him who is able to do far more
abundantly than all that we ask or
think, according to the power at
work within us,” which describes
Kurt Aichele and
his son, Nathanial
To download a free 12-page booklet on
navigating chronic health challenges, visit
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/ChronicHealthPDF.
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 25

FAITH & INSPIRATION / TEEN FAITH
AN ARTICLE FROM BRIO MAGAZINE.
A SNEAK PEEK AT
BRIO MAGAZINE
Many adults are questioning why they need to
attend church in person, and teens are asking
the same question. These next four pages offer
Brio magazine’s take on the topic.
What is Brio? It’s a 76-page bimonthly publication
for teen girls. The journals, crafts and
other features, including articles on culture,
fashion and beauty tips, are filtered through a
biblical worldview. And more important, Brio
encourages teen girls to read their Bibles and
grow in faith.
26
46
AUGUST / SEPTEMBER 2022
BRIOMAGAZINE.COM
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

TEEN FAITH / FAITH & INSPIRATION
SUBSCRIBE AT BRIOMAGAZINE.CA.
Why Church?
Discover its purpose and
what it could mean for you
BY MEGAN GOVER
Have you ever sighed while setting your alarm clock on
a Saturday night for church the next morning? After a week
of waking up early for school, homework and extracurricular
activities, sleeping in on Sunday can sound refreshing.
There’s always the option to watch the sermon later online,
right? So, why not hit the snooze button?
In certain ways, the digital age is a blessing to the church.
It allows believers to watch sermons they may have missed
and offers an at-home experience for those who can’t travel
to a church building. But as we’ve seen with many aspects
of life since the COVID-19 pandemic, substituting online
options for in-person gatherings brings a different experience.
And often it’s a poor substitute for real connection
and community. This reality is the same when it comes to
attending church.
ADOBE STOCK–JURII
Why church?
Imagine sitting in the front row at a concert. You experience
the crowd’s excitement, feel the booming speakers
and hear an arena filled with people singing at the top of
their lungs. Now instead of attending the concert, imagine
you decide to watch the show on a phone. While you might
be grateful to view the event, there’s no denying the difference
between the two experiences.
Likewise, the temptation to replace a local community
with online recordings settles for a lesser-than version of
God’s intention for the church. God’s purpose for the local
body is to gather. >
@BRIOMAGAZINE AUGUST / SEPTEMBER 2022 47
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 27

FAITH & INSPIRATION / TEEN FAITH
AN ARTICLE FROM BRIO MAGAZINE.
According to Scripture, the church is the local body of
believers saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. It is
God’s creation. He builds it, provides for it and protects it
(Matthew 16:18). Paul even mentions that Jesus died for
the church and often refers to it as His bride (Ephesians
5:25). Clearly, God loves His church!
After Jesus ascended back into heaven, the body of
believers beautifully embodied God’s design for the church.
“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the
fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers” (Acts
2:42). This example defines the purpose of the church today.
The purpose of the church
Attending a local church allows believers to worship and
study sound teaching with other Christians. It is where
we gather to celebrate salvation through symbols such as
baptism and the Lord’s Supper. Discipleship groups foster
fellowship with like-minded believers who can pray with
us, hold us accountable and encourage us in our walk with
Christ. Additionally, the church provides opportunities to
serve our communities and spread the Gospel.
Maybe you have a knack for hospitality and like to make
others feel welcomed. Perhaps you have a desire to organize
service projects through your church. Or you might
have awesome leadership abilities. You can be certain that
the Holy Spirit equipped you with unique gifts to help grow
the church. And He wants to use you to encourage and
equip other believers.
You’ll never know how the Lord will use you for His glory.
So, don’t let fear keep you from building His church. It is
our privilege to be part of a local body. But we lose out on
exalting God’s glory as a community when we confine our
church attendance to an online experience or choose not
to participate.
How to get plugged in
Do you want to get involved in a church but aren’t sure
where to begin? Here are a few next steps depending on
your current involvement:
Start attending weekly services. Or tag along with a friend
who’s already plugged into a church. Then, as you become
more comfortable, consider joining a youth group. It’s
much more enjoyable to do life alongside other believers.
Serve in an area of your church. If you love the squeals of
toddlers, ask the children’s director if you can volunteer
in the children’s ministry. Or perhaps the Lord has given
you a beautiful singing voice, which could help lead others
into worship. Your spiritual gifts and passions are no
coincidence. You have the opportunity to use them for the
Lord’s glory.
<strong>Focus</strong> on missions. Jesus calls believers to “go therefore
and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the
name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you”
(Matthew 28:19-20). Your next act of obedience might be
mission-oriented. Maybe you’ve felt called to go on a mission
trip to share the Gospel, or perhaps you could start
with praying for missionaries throughout the world.
Attending a local church requires time and energy, but
the benefits are worth it. When Christ-followers meet for
Gospel-centered teaching, worship, community and mission,
the church magnifies the beauty and power of Christ
Jesus in the world. And you have a hand-picked role in the
church to help accomplish this mission.
Megan Gover is the founder of Minted Truth, an online community for
teen girls to study the Bible and actively live out their faith.
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AUGUST / SEPTEMBER 2022
BRIOMAGAZINE.COM
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

TEEN FAITH / FAITH & INSPIRATION
SUBSCRIBE AT BRIOMAGAZINE.CA.
Teen girls are given space to journal their
answers to thought-provoking prompts.
WHAT I LIKE ABOUT MY CHURCH:
WHAT CAN I DO TO GET MORE
INVOLVED AT CHURCH?
ADOBE STOCK–JURII
This article first appeared in the August/
September 2022 issue of Brio magazine.
@BRIOMAGAZINE AUGUST / SEPTEMBER 2022 49
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 29

FAITH & INSPIRATION / MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT
Take your
marriage
from
good to great
Investing in your relationship
improves your marriage . . .
and strengthens your church
BY SCOTT JOHNSON
JOHN AND EMILY ARE
VISITING A NEW CHURCH
and notice an announcement for a <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family marriage conference. A friendly
couple at the information table encourages
them to sign up. So they schedule a
sitter for the kids and set aside Friday night
and Saturday morning to invest in their
relationship.
John and Emily have a “fair-to-good” marriage,
they think. They don’t argue . . . much.
AIMEE WHITMIRE / LIGHTSTOCK
30
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT / FAITH & INSPIRATION
Dr. Greg and Erin
Smalley leading a
marriage conference
(PATTERN) KASHEEV / ADOBE STOCK; FOTF STAFF
Maybe they don’t feel as connected as
they used to, but with the kids’ activities
and their respective jobs, that’s
just normal, right? Life may seem a little
mundane at times, but compared to
some of their friends and co-workers,
they’d say they’re doing OK.
At the event, John and Emily enjoy
the worship time that starts each session.
The speakers—Dr. Greg Smalley
and his wife, Erin—are leaders at <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family in the U.S.. The Smalleys
transparently (and hilariously) share
about their own relationship foibles,
offering compelling illustrations amid
the laughter. Some of the concepts are
marriage basics that John and Emily
realize they’ve neglected along the way.
Other insights are genuine “lightbulb”
moments for each of them.
During breaks, John and Emily meet
several other couples they want to
get to know better. There’s also a registration
table in the lobby for small
groups doing six-week follow-up studies,
expanding on the insights they’ve
learned at the event. They eagerly sign
up for a group near their home.
John and Emily are pleased that
they’ve found their new home church.
The marriage event has reminded them
how much they love each other, and
they have strong hopes that they can
recapture the spark they felt as newlyweds.
It will help to walk the path alongside
the new friends they’ve made.
Sure, Friday evening and half of
Saturday was an investment. But John
and Emily are glad they came.
Healthier marriages =
healthier churches
Several years ago, <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family
in the U.S. partnered with Lifeway
Research in a study examining how the
typical local church is influenced by the
relational health of its members. The
results were conclusive: As go marriages,
so go families, and so goes the church
and its impact on the community.
Greg says that when couples aren’t
doing well, they’re less likely to be
involved with church ministries or
serving in other ways; they even tithe
less. But when a church invests in the
marriages within its congregation, the
benefits are multiplied.
“When couples are doing well relationally,
they give more, they’re more
involved, they’re interacting with other
families and modeling God’s design to
everyone around them,” Greg explains.
“When a church brings us in for an
event, it’s saying, ‘Marriage matters to
us, and we recognize how important it
is. We’re committed to helping you be
successful in your relationship.’ ”
Greg also points out that each event
is a welcome opportunity to invite
participants to step up their overall
engagement with the church body.
“During each weekend we emphasize
following up in small groups,” Greg
says. “Even among couples who haven’t
been to church in years, they’re
encouraged to take that information
and learn together how to apply it.”
The COVID effect
Greg believes that the extra “together
time” many couples experienced
during COVID-19 lockdowns shone
a spotlight on underlying issues that
couples were pushing aside.
“Some husbands and wives realized
their marriage wasn’t working,” Greg
says. “They didn’t want to put in the
effort and, sadly, walked away.”
Others, however, experienced a new
level of intimacy and connection. >>>
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 31

FAITH & INSPIRATION / MINISTRY HIGHLIGHT
“Some couples rallied around each
other, hurt together through the losses
and were compassionate with each
other,” Greg says. “Slowing down gave
them the chance to remember, We
enjoy each other, we like each other, and
we’re good together.”
Now that life has opened up again,
once well-connected couples seem
even busier than they were pre-COVID.
Greg says he sees lots of parents who
feel guilty because their kids missed
out on graduations, trips, sports tournaments
and other experiences. And
now that families are busy with packed
schedules, there’s a danger that couples
are drifting again.
In-person energy
Greg and Erin became adept at doing
social media livestreams and other
digital outreach efforts during the
shutdowns. But they believe there’s
no substitute for in-person gatherings—and
they thrive on the energy
of live events.
“There’s something powerful
when you bring a bunch of couples
together in one spot,” Greg
says. “These husbands and wives are
around like-minded people—other
couples who are experiencing the
same challenges.
“When everyone is laughing and
learning together, people realize
they aren’t alone,” Greg continues.
“They’re instantly receiving practical
takeaways, and they’re getting a little
healthier right then and there. That
type of strengthening has so many
benefits in a community.”
But Greg does understand the
reluctance that some people feel
about attending a live event.
“We want to have all the answers.
We don’t want to reach out for help,
and we think that we have the power
to do it all,” Greg says. “Then there’s
the humility of coming to an event
and saying, ‘I don’t know everything,
and I’m going to trust that God is
going to use these people onstage to
speak something into our marriage.’ ”
Greg frequently advises couples
that even a strong marriage requires
deliberate, ongoing investments
to keep the relationship growing.
“If you say your marriage is valuable,
then part of how you honor that
is spending time and money on your
marriage,” Greg says. “And coming
to a marriage event is a great way
to do that.” •
Scott Johnson is a senior writer in the Ministry
Values division at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family.
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32
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

Kids & Teens
hearts and hands
A parenting insight
from Larke Ready
TO TEACH MY CHILDREN the connection
between the compassion in our hearts and the
actions our hands can take, we trace each of our
hands onto colored paper and cut them out. Then we
cut out a similar-sized heart from a different color of
paper. On the heart, we write the names of treasured
people in our lives.
We talk about why we chose each person and think
of ways to show our appreciation. Ideas include small
gestures such as giving a hug, raking the yard, taking
out the trash, reaching out with a phone call, sending
a card or walking the dog. After this, we write those
activities on the paper hands.
We reflect on Hebrews 10:24, “Let us consider
how to stir up one another to love and good
works,” as we attach the paper hands to the
hearts and hang these reminders in prominent
places around the house. Each week
we choose a loving action that we can do
to bless someone. •
Larke Ready is a teacher, writer, women’s
ministry speaker and aspiring author.
MODELS KELSY HALL AND DAUGHTER; SALLY DUNN / FOTF
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 33

KIDS & TEENS / TOGETHERNESS
our laughter connection
Using humor as
a shared family
experience
BY KEVIN A. THOMPSON
I WALKED THROUGH THE
SUNROOM, where my 12-year-old typically
played video games—but the television
was off. He was on his phone.
“What’re you watching?” I asked. He
explained that he was watching two people
play his favorite video game.
“You’re watching a video of other people
playing a game? That’s the dumbest thing
I’ve ever heard.”
Four hours later, my son walked through
the living room, stopped, and said, “What’re
you watching?” I pointed at the football
game. He said, “You’re watching a video
of other people playing a game? That’s the
dumbest thing you’ve ever heard.”
We both laughed.
In our home, we value humor. Life is
tough, and we need moments of levity to
ease tension and create connection. Few
things are as powerful as humor for doing
just that.
STUDIO FIRMA / STOCKSY UNITED
34
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
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TOGETHERNESS / KIDS & TEENS
Be human
One Sunday, on my way to the front of
the church to preach, I tripped and had
to work hard to keep from falling.
Later that week, my son faked a trip
and said, “Maybe God is calling me to
preach as well.”
I laughed. While we should never
make fun of one another’s physical characteristics
(weight, looks, features, etc.),
we can laugh about our physical bodies.
Be humble
Humble people can laugh at themselves.
Arrogant people lack that
ability. They can only laugh at others.
The greatest gold mine for humor
is yourself. Being able to laugh at your
foolishness and failures shows your
kids that you aren’t perfect.
Children may think you can do no
wrong, but teens know better. And
since parents are constantly correcting
kids, kids pay attention when parents
make fun of their own foibles. My
daughter is quick to tell people about
my inability to cook.
“Dad is much better at fixing your
marriage than fixing your breakfast,”
she’ll say. I always laugh.
Having the humility to laugh at
yourself (and giving your children permission
to laugh with you respectfully)
is a skill worth practicing. It was funny
when my son mocked my watching of
a game with my own words. His joke
brought my inconsistency to light, and
what could have separated us instead
brought us together.
Be aware
A key aspect of humor is the shared
experience. A laugh at the expense
of another is costly, but a laugh with
another is connecting. Whenever a parent
and child laugh together, they see
one another. Our kids need us to see
them—few things are as powerful as
feeling seen.
When my family transitioned
to a new church in California, my
first preaching assignment was
1 Corinthians 7: strong admonitions
on sexual intimacy. Imagine my two
teenagers’ reaction to their dad’s first
sermon topic in their new church.
In the days before the sermon, I told
them the topic and said I planned on
having them stand so everyone could
see where they were seated. Of course,
I was joking, and they realized it. But
through the humor, I said, “I see you,
and I recognize this might be uncomfortable
for you.”
Humor pitfalls
While our humility and awareness can
aid levity, there are a few things we can
train our kids to avoid regarding humor.
• Insecurities. We can laugh with one
another but never at each other. One
way we model this is by never joking
about something our children are
insecure about.
• Passive aggressiveness. Hiding a command
or a critique in a joke is confusing
for everyone. Rather than drawing us
together, a joke that hides a corrective
message can pull us apart. If you need
your children to do something, make
your request plain. Don’t make them
guess what you need or want.
• Crudeness. Everyone has defining
lines for what is crude, but I’m quick
to remind my son that there are things
we might joke about together that
aren’t appropriate when his mom or
sister are around.
Humor might be the ultimate litmus
test for the well-being of a family. We
can’t laugh freely with someone if we
question that person’s motives toward
us. We don’t laugh deeply when our
guards are up. Mutual laughter is a
sign of peace. It’s a byproduct of safety,
compassion and connection in our
families. •
Kevin A. Thompson is the lead pastor at
Community Bible Church in Arkansas.
LISTEN NOW!
Kevin A. Thompson shares
how to inspire your family
to be courageous.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 35

KIDS & TEENS / HUMOR
when you start analyzing diaper contents
for proper weight, color and
composition, as if you’re the star of
“CSI: Scatological Division.”
Baby-care books instill fear. Their
underlying message is that your child
is one step away from the emergency
room. Let’s see . . . Keep baby from sun,
wind, hot, cold, overstimulation, noise,
germs, chemicals, salsa music and cat
lovers! Every beloved item in your
home is a death trap.
one dirty diaper at a time
Surviving the frenzied pace of caring
for your newborn as a first-time parent
BY PATRICK DUNN | ILLUSTRATION BY AGNÈS ERNOULT
WATCH FOR THE SIGNS:
• shut blinds
• lights on at all hours of the night
• disheveled adults staggering about
Unscrupulous activity in your neighborhood?
Nope. First-time parents.
A baby thrusts well-adjusted adults
into a frenzied pace of feeding, clothing,
burping and changing, along with other
new ing words. One of those words is
protecting—and even the most rational
parents can go overboard.
It’s a slippery slope, fueled every
time you look into your precious little
angel’s eyes.
You may say, “Goochey-goochey goo.
Aren’t you the most beautiful baby!”
What you’re thinking: Mommy and
Daddy have no idea what to do.
Love turns to worry
Family, friends and strangers are
swabbed and tested for signs of illnesses
and germs—and you treat
crying like a four-alarm fire. The situation
goes from bad to worse when
you replace your baby monitor with an
Obsessor 2000—which includes video,
thermal imaging, vital-sign monitoring
and a mood ring. But you hit bottom
Mentor advice
Many new parents find the counsel of
other parents helpful, a “here’s how we
did it” savvy. But then there’s everyone
else who feels obligated to offer
unsolicited advice: “She’s not wearing
a blanket? She’ll freeze!” “I’d get rid of
that _____ (insert any noun); he’ll lose
an eye!”
Consulting empty-nest parents and
grandparents can offset these worries.
However, this increases the risk of
swinging too far in the other direction.
“Hand sanitizer? Hmmmph! When you
and your brother were 6 months old,
I had you poop-scoopin’ on the goat
farm!” “When I was a baby, a child seat
was wherever they set you.”
Being a caretaker of a new, vulnerable
life is a challenge. But somewhere
between constant panic and complete
obliviousness is a prudent approach.
You may ask, “How did you find the
balance?”
I’d be happy to answer that—right
after I install our newest SWAT-teamresistant
baby gate. •
Patrick Dunn is a visual media producer for
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family and stays involved in
the Christian music industry. He is the father
of two. This article first appeared in Thriving
Family magazine.
36
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
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BLENDED FAMILY / KIDS & TEENS
one child,
two homes
Minimizing your child’s
stress when you have
part-time custody
BY LINDA RANSON JACOBS
ILLUSTRATIONS BY HAO HAO
“NOW I CAN FINALLY UNPACK!”
The night before my nephew, Nathan, left for college,
he spoke excitedly about how he finally would be
getting a place of his own, even if only a dorm room.
Nathan had been living out of a suitcase since his parents
divorced when he was 11. Because his parents had
shared custody of him, they divided his time between
the two homes—a few days at Mom’s place, a few days
at Dad’s, week after week, year after year.
“Whenever Mom, Dad or the steps told me to unpack,
I’d go upstairs and dump my bag out on the floor,”
Nathan says. “I thought, Why bother? I knew I’d be
leaving again in a couple of days.”
Transitions
Like many children from blended families, Nathan
lived a life of constant transition. Life meant two sets of
parents, two groups of siblings and two different beds.
It meant switching between different rules and routines
and having two homes, yet often feeling as if he
were not a part of either. Parents are often unaware of
the stress a child endures when he’s shuffled between
two homes.
Children crave stability. In its absence, they may
become territorial about their belongings and their
space. Their “things” become their security.
I remember a young boy named Josh I was working
with in a day-camp program. His father had brought
him to camp an hour before his mother dropped off
his stepbrother. When the stepbrother walked into the
room, Josh’s eyes filled with tears.
“That’s my new shirt he’s wearing,” he sobbed. “Dad
gave it to me for my birthday. How could Mom let him
wear it?”
To Josh, who shared his entire life with a new stepbrother,
the loss of a simple shirt made him feel as if
he’d been betrayed. >>>
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 37

KIDS & TEENS / BLENDED FAMILY
Stress reduction
As a parent, you can help each child
feel like a valuable, respected member
of the family and take measures
to minimize the stress of switching
homes by doing the following:
Establish an arriving ritual. Rituals
provide an emotional connection so
children can integrate themselves
into a different environment. It could
be something as simple as a special
handshake, a high-five or a hug.
Value and protect each child’s space
and belongings. Assign individual storage
places, and instruct siblings not to
touch other kids’ belongings.
Give kids choices. Choices empower
children and allow them to feel as
though they have some control over
their lives.
Assign chores and responsibilities.
Children feel welcome and valuable
when they contribute to a functioning
household.
Keep a calendar on the refrigerator
so there is no confusion on who is
coming and going.
Aim for a time when all the kids
are together for planning big family
activities.
Allow children to spend quality
alone time with their birth parent.
Realize that some extended family
will be partial to their biological
grandchildren, nieces and nephews.
Explain what is happening to the children
who may feel left out, and let
them know that they are special to you.
Most important, pray every day that
you’ll not overlook the needs of any
child. Ask God to give you a deeper
insight into each child’s personality,
talents and skills, as well as his likes
and dislikes. By knowing as much as
you can about each child, you’ll be
able to truly value him for who he is. •
Linda Ranson Jacobs is an author and
the founder of the DivorceCare for
Kids program. She has written two books
including The Single Parent: Confident and
Successful. This article first appeared in
Thriving Family magazine.
38
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

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KIDS & TEENS / EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
BOYS
FORCED
TO
BE
STOIC
Why you need to foster your son’s
emotional intelligence
BY TODD FOLEY
YOUR SON RETURNS HOME FROM SCHOOL.
HE’S QUIET, BUT COLLECTED.
“How was your day?” you ask.
What he wants to say is, I'm having a hard time at school. I feel like
I'll never measure up to the coach's expectations. I'm scared I'm losing
my friend to someone else. It's hard to keep going. I just don't think I can
do this any longer. It's too much.
When he finally speaks, however, his words are simple, yet convincing:
“Fine.”
Rather than risk being perceived as weak or fragile, he’ll put up
walls whenever necessary.
While you may never know exactly what is running through your
son’s mind at a given moment, you can build a better understanding
of the world he lives in, learn to create a safe space for him to be heard,
and set him up for an emotionally healthy life.
The cost of telling boys
to “man up”
If you’re wondering why your son has
become so secretive about his emotions,
it helps to look at the culture he lives in
and the language that’s often used with
good intentions.
Phrases like “man up” have been
around for decades, and for decades
parents, teachers and coaches have
used terms like this to motivate boys.
But according to Karin Gregory, director
of counseling at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family
Canada, these good intentions can
sometimes have negative effects.
There is a translation process,
explains Gregory. When a parent says:
• “Be a man,”
• “You’re fine,”
• “Man up,” or
• “Boys don’t cry,”
boys may interpret that as:
STOCKROCKET / ISTOCKPHOTO; (PATTERN) THEMEFIRE / ENVATO ELEMENTS
40
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE / KIDS & TEENS
• “I can’t have feelings,”
• “I can’t be a weakling,”
• “I can’t be afraid,” or
• “I can’t feel like I need help.”
The parent may mean, I'm trying to
tell you to step up and take responsibility,
take ownership, says Gregory. But
what a young boy will often hear is,
You're not measuring up.
Jennifer Antonsen, a counselor at
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada, notes
that urging boys to “man up” can have
a domino effect on boys. “It can bring
embarrassment, shame, sadness, confusion
and eventually a shutting down.
To hear those words would mean that
one’s emotions are negative or undesired;
they are to be stifled, hidden,
ignored.”
And that’s an idea, Antonsen adds,
that’s directly contrary to biblical truth.
“The emotional part of who a boy is is
part of God’s good design—it’s something
to be valued and embraced.”
Learned behavior from
not-so-great modeling
“The ideas we have emphasized in
socializing children—we could call it
the ‘playground culture’—have traditionally
leaned toward “boys can take
pain, girls are all about mushy feelings”
and don’t mix up the two,” says Gregory.
“If you as a boy get hurt and you cry,
you will get ridiculed, so you suck it up.
Whether you banged your knee or your
feelings got hurt, it’s not okay to feel
that feeling. Boys are socialized in that
way by our culture. The world is not
always kind, even among seven-yearolds
on a playground.”
Even though God created boys to
experience a wide gamut of emotions,
boys are inundated with messages that
they’re not to feel those emotions.
Home or familial settings can
perpetuate this “suck-it-up” mindset.
For example, a boy’s father may have
witnessed emotional stoicism from
his own father, who witnessed it from
his father, and so on. “If I don’t see my
dad experiencing his own emotions,
navigating and handling them
successfully, I’m not learning to do
that well,” says Gregory.
When these patterns aren’t broken,
they tend to be repeated in future relationships.
“In the long term, it makes
it difficult for boys to have close male
friends,” says Antonsen. “These men
won’t know how to feel or connect
with their emotions well, let alone
express them to their wives. They won’t
know how to have hard conversations,
how to resolve conflict in a healthy
way, or how to share a different >>>
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 41

KIDS & TEENS / EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
perspective in a safe manner.”
Antonsen adds that this often
impacts marriages as well. “I have
heard from quite a few wives who
share that this type of expectation was
placed on their husbands growing
up,” she says. “It brings shame, hidden
feelings, an inability in the long term
to express oneself, and even to a larger
degree an inability to allow oneself to
feel those emotions.”
Reconciling our faith with
mindful reflection
While a number of factors may cause
young boys and teens to feel uncomfortable
in getting in touch with their
feelings, this discomfort can also stem
from misinterpreting Scripture.
“As believers, we don’t have a tradition
of understanding feelings well,”
says Gregory. “There’s a disconnect
between what we teach our kids and
often what Scripture is really saying.
The Bible says, ‘In your anger, do not
sin.’ But lots and lots and lots of generations
in the Church have experienced
that as, ‘it’s a sin to be angry.’ The Bible
FROM FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
ADVENTURES IN ODYSSEY
EMOTION CHART
Let some of the most popular
Adventures in Odyssey audio drama
characters and friends help your kids
identify eight of their core emotions.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/EmotionsChart
says, ‘Don’t be anxious,’ so we say,
‘stop being anxious.’ We need to be
able to understand what we feel in the
true context of the Scriptures.”
Leaning into our feelings can actually
help us understand them more.
And boys should be encouraged to take
time for self-reflection—to really think
about what they might be feeling.
“A lot of Christians get really distressed
when they hear a word like
‘mindfulness,’ but mindfulness is
really just the world’s rediscovery of
what Scripture has always understood,”
Gregory explains. “Phrases like ‘Take
every thought captive,’ ‘Think on these
things,’ ‘Be still and know that I am
God”—the world repackages that as
‘mindfulness.’”
The dangerous side
effects of shame
When young boys experience shame
under the umbrella of secrecy, it can
become a self-perpetuating cycle.
Suppressed feelings which aren’t
acknowledged or worked through—
especially if there’s not a sense of safety
in expressing those feelings in one’s
home or church—almost always lead to
depression, even in young boys, which
fuels a sense of boys not feeling safe.
For example, if your child is scared
of thunder in the night, you may feel
the urge to quell their fears by saying,
“It’s fine, you’re safe, there’s nothing
wrong.” But this can create a disconnect
between what they feel and what
they are told. If this is what “feeling
fine” is like and they are told they are
“safe,” they won’t know how to deal
with these feelings the next time
around.
This kind of “emotional discrepancy”
can lead to emotional unhealth. “It
means boys are feeling alone, disconnected
and emotionally isolated,”
Antonsen says. “They are feeling like
something is ‘missing,’ but not even
knowing what that is.”
Several common fears that young
boys experience can then feed this
cycle of secrecy and shame:
• getting in trouble with their
parents
• being disciplined by a teacher
• not performing to his coach’s
standards
• losing a meaningful friendship.
When one of these fears becomes a
reality, an unhealthy way of coping
might present itself—pornography consumption
being a common outcome.
The young boy may not intentionally
seek out explicit material but will enjoy
the relief it brings from his feelings. At
the same time though, the guilt of disappointing
his parents or God will only
fuel a sense of shame.
“The more stress they feel, the more
the shame cycle grows, and it can
become problematic, even to the level
of an addiction,” Gregory explains.
“Most people we talk to who have a
pornography addiction or any kind of
addiction, it can be traced back to a
place of trying to cope with big challenges,
big feelings, big issues, but
not having an effective, healthy way
to cope. So this counterfeit thing
becomes the attraction and then it
becomes the ensnarement, and then it
becomes the addiction.”
It all goes back to those primary
feelings boys may have been told they
shouldn’t feel—anger, frustration, fear,
sadness—and not being able to ask for
help with those feelings. They can’t ask
for help because they’ve been told that
those feelings are sinful, or that they
should toughen up. “When there’s no
guidance for that, there’s this increased
risk for addiction and everything that
may bring in time,” says Gregory.
STOCKROCKET / ISTOCKPHOTO; (PATTERN) THEMEFIRE / ENVATO ELEMENTS
42
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE / KIDS & TEENS
SIGNALS
Cherilyn Orr introduces parents to her
traffic light model rooted in sound
neuroscience and biblical truth to help
kids manage strong emotions and
boost their relationship skills.
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
Cultural changes
Even though family and cultural histories
tend to discourage boys and men
from expressing their emotions, our
counselors see many positive shifts in
our world today.
Public role models are opening up
more, including famous figures, pastors,
youth group leaders and teachers. “More
public conversations are happening
with the knowledge about stereotypes,
the importance of emotional and mental
health, and an emerging desire and
awareness that healthy relationships
require emotionally healthy men,”
Antonsen says.
Gregory points to mainstream
awareness movements like the Bell
Let’s Talk campaign, noting its reverberation
across social media and
communities. She also notes our growing
understanding of the complex
connection between our bodies, brains
and behaviors, and the importance of
mind-and-body interactions and soul
care. “Current and younger generations
have more opportunity to name feelings
and emotions than people did in the
past,” she says.
A way forward for parents
So what’s a parent to do? It starts with
small, intentional moments of connection.
“When families only have time to
check in briefly with kids and not have
regular, deeper heart conversations
with their kids, that can be a barrier,”
Antonsen notes.
Ideas for parents:
• Create time to connect with your
son once a day. Whether it’s on the
drive to or from school, or before
bed, make it a priority to check in
with him.
• Ask open-ended questions, with
first words like What, Who, or How.
• Follow up with feeling-based
questions: How does this make
you feel? Why do think you feel
this way?
• Share about your own feelings and
emotions. Vulnerability invites vulnerability.
You can still maintain
healthy parent-child boundaries,
but by opening up about your own
fears or worries or anxieties, it will
help your son know that they are
not alone in experiencing these
God-given feelings.
If you feel you need more support in
demonstrating emotional vulnerability
with your son or about how to react
when they do open up, please feel
free to contact <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family
Canada for a one-time complimentary
phone counseling consultation. Call
1.800.661.9800 Mondays to Fridays,
8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Pacific time, or visit
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Counseling to
learn more. •
Todd Foley is on staff with <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family
Canada.
© 2021 <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family (Canada)
Association. All rights reserved.
To learn more about helping
kids handle their emotions,
go to <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
ManageEmotions for articles,
broadcasts, resources and more
on this topic.
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 43

Help your kids
learn to be kind
Take your kids on a fun-filled adventure in showing Christlike love to others!
Our Kids of Integrity lesson on Kindness is packed with activities you can do
together as a family. You can choose from a number of options for Bible stories,
Scripture memory verses and fun activities like role-playing to practice
kind responses, spreading “kindness germs” or taking the random acts
of kindness challenge.
As you work through the activities that best suit your family,
you’ll help your kids
• overcome selfishness and put others first
• be inclusive and encouraging to others
• be peacemakers
• respond politely, even when wronged.
Download the Kindness lesson for FREE at
KidsOfIntegrity.com/Kindness

KIDS & TEENS / MEDIA
THUNDER ROAD PICTURES; FAIRVIEW ENTERTAINMENT; KINGDOM STORY COMPANY
WHAT TO DO
ABOUT DISNEY+
BY ADAM HOLZ
ONCE UPON A TIME, Disney offered
families a safe harbor when it came to
entertainment you didn’t have to worry
too much about. But, alas, those days
are over. In the last couple of years, the
Mouse House and its streaming service,
Disney+, have increasingly embraced
a decidedly progressive agenda. Last
year, the movie Lightyear, for instance,
sparked controversy with its inclusion of
a main character’s gay marriage.
Many families have simply moved on
at this point. But not all. Some Disney+
shows, such as “The Mandalorian,” have
generated lots of fans. For those who
haven’t pulled the plug on Disney+, how
do we navigate this entertainment outlet’s
sometimes choppy seas?
First, do your homework as parents.
PluggedIn.com is a great first stop to
learn what issues a given show, movie or
other entertainment is delivering. Second,
decide ahead of time what your family’s
boundaries are regarding potentially controversial
content. Some families may
choose to avoid those shows, while others
may decide they present teachable
moments when accompanied by thoughtful
conversations afterward. And finally,
always leave time to talk about what
you’ve watched together.
All of that said, many families may
very well indeed be done with Disney+
at this point. If you’re looking for positive
alternatives that avoid the worldview
problems that pervade so much
mainstream entertainment today, other
streaming outlets—including Pure Flix,
VidAngel, Minno, Crackle and Redeem
TV—are worth checking out. •
Adam Holz is the director of Plugged In. He and
his wife, Jennifer, have three children.
UPCOMING REVIEWS
For reviews of these and other titles, visit PluggedIn.com,
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family’s media review and discernment website.
“THE
MANDALORIAN”:
SEASON 3
Will the soft-spoken
bounty hunter be a good
role model to his infant
companion?
Scheduled
release:
Feb. 22
JESUS
REVOLUTION
What can we learn
from the 1970s spiritual
awakening known as the
Jesus movement?
Scheduled
release:
Feb. 24
ANT-MAN AND
THE WASP:
QUANTUMANIA
What will Scott and
Hope find as they
explore the far reaches
of tininess?
Scheduled
release:
Feb. 17
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 45

KIDS & TEENS / MY THRIVING FAMILY
musical
instruments
Livia, 15
The cat is never
far behind
the sounds
of our cellist
granddaughter.
— Dot from Nebraska
Benjamin, 5
Our son adores playing the
trombone any chance he gets.
— Shannon from Montreal
Kaylee, 9
Our granddaughter loves
to play the piano.
— George and Karin from Massachusetts
Danny, 8
A smile from our son as
he plays the ukulele.
—Gracia from New York
Your kids could be in
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family magazine!
Email photos* of your child sorting through
valentines or reading his or her favorite
books. (Put “Valentine Cards” or “Reading”
in the subject line.)
Send to: info@fotf.ca
* Largest photo possible.
Professional photos are not accepted.
46
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2023

Uplifting
inspiration
for your teen girl
TREAT YOUR TEEN DAUGHTER TO
REGULAR ENCOURAGEMENT FROM
Brio magazine!
Inside each big, 76-page issue she’ll
find informative articles, godly role
models, advice on tricky relationship
issues, Scripture reading plans, personal
quizzes and much more.
It’s more than just fun content; Brio
will be an affirming influence in your
teen’s life, building her self-esteem,
strengthening her relationship with the
Lord, and helping her explore how her
strengths can be used to serve him.
6 issues a year • 76 pages
Browse a sample
OF BRIO IN OUR ONLINE STORE
Find Brio and our Clubhouse and
Clubhouse Jr. magazines for kids at
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Magazines
or call 1.800.661.9800 for personal help.

Shop with confidence
at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada
Today there are many ways to shop for
faith‐building resources for your family.
And yet, when you consider purchasing
an item, the same questions resurface:
Is the author offering a biblically based perspective?
Would a counsellor consider it sound advice?
Will the content engage your kids?
When you shop at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada,
you can be sure about the resources we’re offering.
We stand behind the items we sell, because
they have been approved by <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family
staff for excellent content that's in line with
God's Word.
Shop online at Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca or shop by phone at 1.800.661.9800