I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

work. It looms
over Neo, although he doesn’t flinch. He lets his head hang like
whatever comes his way will come, and that is that.
“I’m sorry, I should’ve knocked,” I mumble, tucking my chin to my
chest.
Neo sits, the lower half of his body under the covers, his face
downcast same as mine. Hair covers his eyes, his thumb and
forefinger shaking around his wrist.
“It’s fine,” his father says. Politely so. He ushers me forward with a
wave.
“Bring it in.”
That man doesn’t frighten me, but one of my rules is never to
interfere. I can’t break it. There are many moments I wish I could’ve,
but this moment may be the greatest of them.
Neo’s father either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care about the pain
whimpering through Neo’s lips when I lay that tray down. He stares
at him, not with hate or anything so grotesque. He looks at Neo with
expectation, a nod of encouragement his final say.
He’s going to watch Neo eat. Because eating disorders aren’t about
vanity.
They’re about control. And he wants to take whatever his son has
left of it.
—
When the door shuts behind me, I can’t bear to leave. I barnacle
myself to the nurse’s station and wait. I wait for over an hour. I wait
and wait, the clocks mocking me, slowing in time’s favor. I wait till
Neo’s father finally leaves. I wait till he slips his coat on, disappears
down the hall, and into the elevator.