I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

moment it clinks against the ceramic, I run to her, pulling her into me.
“Don’t touch me,” she says. “No, no, stop it. Stop it. Don’t touch me!”
Hikari starts hitting me in the chest in the stomach, trying to push me
away, but she’s become so weak. If I let her go, she’ll collapse again.
I cup the back of her head and wrap my other arm around her back.
She hits my shoulders with her fists, crying. It stings, but I’d rather
she hurt me than herself.
“I’m sorry,” she cries, her pain-fueled violence fading into defeat. “I’m
sorry I’m like this.”
“It’s okay,” I whisper, kissing her hair. “I’m not angry. I’m right here.
Do you want to read some Shakespeare with me?” I ask. “We can
draw together if you want.”
Hikari hasn’t opened a book or a sketchpad since Sony passed on.
She shakes her head, so I carry her to bed, and before laying the
covers over her, I reach one more time.
“Hikari,” I whisper, caressing the cool, weightless ridges of her hand.
“Do you want to go see our stars?”
She doesn’t answer me. Instead, she stares at the dying plants on
her windowsill. I try to water them every day, but without Hikari’s
care, they wither anyways.
“Sam,” she says, breaking the silence.
“Yes?”
“At the beach. You said you had to tell me something. What was it?”
Settling back on the bed, I can’t help but think that Hikari and I’s grief
has become cyclic. She clings to things of the past, objects,
moments, and places as