I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

I’m not sure what Neo wrote to his mom. I am not sure if he has
forgiven her or condemned her, or simply said his goodbyes. I am
not sure if she ever reads it. I only know that she walks out of the
chapel holding it against her heart rather than toying with her cross,
and when she leaves, whatever direction her husband took, she
goes the opposite.
—
“Hikari!” I run into her room. It’s dark, night drawn over the city, but
she isn’t in bed. I unfurl the Hit List, not bothering with the light
switch. “Hikari, look, Neo’s mom, she–”
I stop, catching my breath, realizing she isn’t here. Her dinner tray is
on her bed, but none of the food has been disturbed. Instead, all
that’s missing is the knife.
“Hikari?” I ask, more cautiously, waiting for a noise of some kind, an
answer, anything to know where she is. Out of the corner of my eye,
I notice the door to her bathroom is open. Inside, a girl bears her
weight on the sink, her head hanging between her shoulders. Her
figure fades with the dark blue background, like watercolors. The
glint of teeth on a blade trembles in her fist.
“Hikari,” I breathe, afraid to take so much as a step. “Hikari, put it
down, please.”
She doesn’t answer or even turn to look at me. She shuts her eyes
tight, and I know the moment I run at her, she will cut herself. A
plastic knife takes time to reach blood, but she has the motive to dig.
“Please,” I beg, not moving, feeling the heat at the back of my eyes
swelter and form a glossy layer of water.
Hikari lets loose a whimper.
It would be so much easier if she didn’t love me, she said. But at
least she loves me enough to throw the knife in the sink. The