I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

“They’ll never grow old,” Hikari says, but she is so empty her voice is
only air. “They’ll never get married. They’ll never have children.
They’ll never see the world or live the lives they were meant to have
and they’ll never leave this place.”
Hikari looks at me as if I am one of the shadows, as if I belong with
all the little spined monsters that reap us of our lives. She looks at
me as if I am seated amongst them, and just as much to blame.
“They’re gone. We didn’t save them. It’s over, Yorick,” she whispers.
“People die, disease spreads, and time goes on.”
Her eyes draw to the tattoo peaking beneath the crown of my collar
as they draw to her knife during meals. She rejects the reflection as
a thing of the past.
And this time, when she stands to leave, I know I cannot follow…
Am I a shadow, God? I ask once she is gone. Am I loneliness and
fear foolish enough to believe they are light?
I wait for an answer, but without Hikari, my loneliness coils me. Don’t
misconstrue. I do not care for Hikari because she is a body to fill a
space. I am not afraid of being alone. I am afraid of being alone
without her.
“I won’t tell you again. Give that back to me.”
“Are you going to hit me? Here, of all places?”
“You’re grieving. You’re not thinking straight. Just let me handle all
this–”
“No. No, I’m not letting you eradicate him like this–”
Just outside the chapel, a man and a woman argue. When the man
raises his voice, I stand up. He’s been escorted out by security for
harming a patient before. Whether that patient was his child or not is