I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

he shouldn’t have died like that, with a tube taped to the side of his
mouth, his body nothing but a gray skeleton, and a butterfly rash on
his cheekbones. She said he should’ve died somewhere surrounded
by his books, at peace with his own ideas and his own creations.
I told her that Neo died in the way he wanted. I tell her he sailed his
ocean, and he emerged with the people he loves on the other side.
She told me I don’t know that.
Since then, Hikari has entered a state of regression. She mutters to
herself sometimes, as if speaking to someone in the room that isn’t
me.
She tells me, I want to see Sony, and then walks to the gardens. She
sits in the grass and stares at the clouds, talking, about what I can’t
hear. She tells me, I want to see Coeur, I want to see Neo, and she
goes to Neo’s room and reads his stories. She puts the sleeves of
C’s jacket around her shoulders as if his arms could wrap around
her. She remains a part of old settings, only brought back when she
sees me.
Maybe that’s why she resents me. I understand the pain, but I also
remind her of it. I understand what it’s like to finally find who you
think you belong with and have them ripped away.
I walk behind Hikari by a hall’s length, the same way I did the first
night I ever beheld her. The difference is stunning, an insult. Her
yellow dimpled dress is replaced by a dull hospital gown. Her lively,
curious steps are now slow, her breaths focused on the next. She
does not explore, nor smile, nor steal a thing, not even a glance. Her
silhouette is bent and broken and it limps behind that of her past.
She doesn’t want me to follow, but I do. I need to. For her. For my
peace of mind.
When we reach Neo’s room, she halts before reaching the door. It’s
open for some reason, held by a wedge. Neo’s mother stands