I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

“I–”
“Don’t you want to be with me?” Not a question. An accusation. A
reach for a lifeline, like Henry searching for his ghost. “Don’t you love
me?”
Sam and I stare at one another, the closet so dimly lit I can only
make out his face and his outline. The longer I take to answer, the
more he tenses.
I want him to be happy.
I want him to be happy with me.
I want him, and he wants the world.
So for the first time, I’m not sure that I’m enough.
Sam’s body sags slowly. The tears that belonged to Henry dry. He
wipes them from his cheeks, his jaw flexed. He looks as he does
when he is being examined, vulnerable, shame behind the echo of
his breaths.
He rubs his face up and down. Then, a hardness I don’t know takes
to him, like a knight putting up a shield.
“Alright,” he whispers. He turns around, reaching for the doorknob.
“Sam?” I call. “Sam, don’t leave, please,” I beg. I try to grab the back
of his shirt, but he’s already opened the door and shut it behind him.
“Sam!”
The room goes completely dark.
Like a smog-ridden battleground.
I wonder, as I cry, if Henry got an answer to his question. I wonder if
he ran through the black and came out on the other side. I wonder if,