I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

I see him. It’s only for a moment, but there he is, standing atop the
stone, reaching for me, dark-haired and golden-eyed. It’s colder than
it is now. The past is always colder. Suddenly, he’s crying, telling me
that he’s sorry. He gets on his knees, his head against my stomach,
begging me to forgive him, begging me to just hold on, to hope.
He falls apart into ashes. I wave him away like fog.
“I’m not going to pretend I can change the past,” I say. “Or the
future.”
“Hoping for a future is not pretending.”
“It is. That’s all hope is. It’s a lie we tell ourselves so that we can
break watches and pretend time is dead.”
“Is that why you gave me this?” Hikari fingers the glass, the arrow
that doesn’t tick. She laughs at my audacity. It isn’t a laugh I once
cherished. It’s dry and hurt and disappointed. “To mock me?”
“No.”
“‘ I hear you.’” she says. “‘ I’m always listening. And I’ll always
believe you.’ You said that. Do you remember? Was it a lie?”
“No!” I shake my head, remembering the joy on her face. “No, I care
about you. I just wanted to make you happy.”
“Why? Because you think I’m going to die?” she asks. She grips her
wrist like Neo does. She tightens the loop with her thumb and
forefinger as if she could squeeze the watch off her wrist. “Or
because you love me?”
She looks the same as she did sitting on the stretcher when I pulled
away from our kiss. The question weaves into the wound on her
neck and the illness in her blood. Her voice turns faint, weaker with
every breath.