I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

Hikari rushes backward when they arrive, like a wave that collides
with a cliff and recedes back into the sea.
“Sam,” Neo says softly. He checks my back for scuff marks, my
neck, and head for blood. Sony stands next to him, her oxygen tank
still on her back, her freckles still dancing on her nose. C can see the
dread in my eyes. His forehead wrinkles, but he doesn’t reach to
touch me.
“I’m sorry,” I say. That’s all I have to say. At this moment, it’s all I
know how to say.
My friends are okay. They didn’t cross the bridge. They came back.
Yet this urge to hide and run away doesn’t dissipate. It multiplies. I
put my hand to my mouth like I’m about to be sick.
“I’m sorry,” I say again, but before they can say anything else, I run
back to the crosswalk and into the safety of my hospital.
—
Her touch is like a burn. The mark radiates heat. I walked into the
lobby, staring at it. I bypassed the elevators entirely, climbing the
stairs up to the roof.
The roof is cool and quiet, and my mind is anything but. In my mind,
Sony has blood on her tongue and sleeve, Neo thins away into
nothing, and C’s heart ceases between his ribs. In it, blue settles
over the building, drowning everyone in it.
Hikari’s touch lingers. Reverting to old habits, I pace. I hover over the
spot on my wrist as if Hikari left paint there and it would rub off on my
fingers.
Every time I replay the moment she pulled me back into reality, I feel
the sunlight on my face. My fear burns into ash, and I see all the lies
I fooled myself into believing: