I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

me down from the sidewalk into the road. A honk amplifies, getting
closer. People start screaming.
The last thing I hear is my name as the sun curves over the hood of
a car.
empty
Years ago, I fell into the road.
Friction turned my legs to ruinous scrapes, dirt soaking my blood like
cotton. Tears stung. The soil mingled with open wounds. I hovered
my fingers over the tear in my pants.
That whole day was a tumble. My stomach twisted up. The desire to
vomit, to claw at myself was overwhelming.
I had to watch someone die.
I had to listen to her mother scream. I had to see the life fade from
her eyes with the person behind their color. She had yet to take her
first steps. She was in an era of her life without language. She held
her mother’s fingers in fists and became enamored with anything
that caught the light.
She was the first baby I ever held, and I had to watch her die.
The sadness was sudden. It was forceful, a propulsion. I wanted to
open myself up and let it escape like steam.
I ran away from the hospital grounds. I ran away, and I fell. The cuts
hurt, but they alleviated some of the inner pain. It was as if my body
felt the damage my heart took and wanted to share some of the
burden.
“Sam!” I heard my name as I sat defeated on the road. The sun
gleamed off the hood of a car. “Sam!”