I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

close my fists, try to take up less room, hide away.
I don’t want to exist here. We’re about to pass the bridge, walk right
past its glaring eyes, but I can’t. I stop before we get close enough
for me to look.
I refuse to look. Everything starts to hurt. I refuse to see him, but no
matter how tight I shut my eyes, he’s there. He puts his coat on my
shoulders.
The air is tight-knit, cold. White blankets the ground, a street lamp
spotlighting dancing snowflakes, the rest of the world dark and
alone. He kisses me hard. Then, he fades. I try to go after him, but
the dark rejects me.
My tears take the rhythm of the water. My sobs choke. Everything
hurts. My memories crawl out of the ground like monsters swimming
back up the river.
“Sam?” I look up. Hikari stands in front of me, face paled, worried
paint strokes in her eyes. Neo, Sony, and C are ahead of us, closer
to the bridge, walking still. “Sam, are you okay?”
“I can’t do this,” I whisper.
“What do you mean? What’s wrong?”
“I can’t come with you,” I say, shaking my head. I feel exposed,
endangered.
“I can’t–” The words get lodged in my throat, afraid to be spoken into
existence.
“It’s okay,” Hikari says. She comes closer, putting her hand up. She
doesn’t touch me with it. She doesn’t tug me aside for the next
school of fish passing.
Her palm rests in the air, waiting for mine to mirror it.