I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

For all her unintentional insensitivity, she’s understanding. C enjoys
her energy. He buys her chocolate and races her all she wants.
I join them sometimes. I listen to C and watch him. He’s simple, but
even if he is half there, what is there is kind.
He listens. He watches. He tells a nurse how much he likes the new
color in her hair, discusses sports with his doctor, laughing over
games C’s missed.
With Sony, he visits the oncology unit, plays with the kids, and helps
however he can, wherever he can, in a way you know he wants to.
He thinks of Neo every day. When we walk past his room, the other
half of him is still outside the door, trying to find a way in.
One night, it preys on him more than the rest.
In the cafeteria, he and Sony sit at an empty table. She sleeps
soundly, her mouth open. He lazes, eyes half-closed, chin propped
on crossed arms. A single
earbud plays tunes in his ear, the other in Sony’s.
“You want one?” he asks, fingering the wire connected to his phone
as I sit beside him.
“No, thank you. Let her keep it.”
“I was gonna give you mine,” he says, scooting closer, making sure
Sony can still hear.
“No luck with Neo?” I ask. C shakes his head. “How’s your heart
then?”
His face scrunches up when I use that word.
“Beating.” He presses a single hand to his chest. “I mean, I think it is.
It hurts right now.”