DEC 2022. Blues Vol 38 No. 12

It was late afternoon before I
finally got a ride home. My house
was as empty as my heart. My
kids had all gone back to their
respective homes in other states.
I was alone with my thoughts
and sense of failure. Here was
this rookie counting on me and
he was dead. Because I didn’t do
my job of protecting him. I was
ready to give up. It wasn’t the
first time I had thought about
ending my life but today was
different. The thought of attending
another funeral, having
everyone look at me with glaring
eyes thinking ‘he’s responsible
for Randy’s death’ was more than
I could bare.
I had my gun in my hand. No
notes. No final goodbyes. Just
ready to end it. Then the doorbell
rang. At first, I sat in the dark and
hoped whoever it was would go
away. But they kept ringing and
knocking and calling my name.
I didn’t recognize the voice, but
it was obviously a female. So, I
put the gun down and opened
the door. It was the Flight Nurse
from Care Flight.
“What are you doing here
Amy?”
“I knew you would need someone
to be with. I have been
where you are dozens of times
in the past year. Officers gunned
down, involved in accidents or
whatever and I couldn’t save
them no matter how hard I tried.
So, I know what you’re going
through, and I knew I had to
come see you. Can I come in?”
We sat and talked for hours.
She held me and I held her. She
cried and I cried, and we cried
together. Not only did we spend
that New Year’s Day together,
but we’ve also spent 20 more
after that. Amy and I have been
married for 20 years. She saved
my life. Now we are both retired
and travel the country. If
this story changes just one life,
saves just one officer from taking
his or her life, then recounting
my story was worth it.
I’ve left my name off the
email. Who I am isn’t important,
my story is. I hope you’ll
run it in your magazine to make
a difference in someone else’s
life.
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