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PAGE 18—SUNDAY VANGUARD, NOVEMBER 27, 2022
He burnt his fingers replacing his menopausal wife with a bombshell!
WHEN Ibidun hit the meno
pause, her erratic behaviour
became irritating and unbearable
to Peter, her husband. She was 48
and a mother of four grown-up children.
A normally bubbly woman,
she became testy, snarling and crying
most of the time. “Whenever I
tried to find out what the matter
was, she shoved me away,” said Peter,
“and I felt so lonely and rejected.
I am a retired legal practitioner
but help out at a friend’s
chambers from time to time. It
was at his office that I met Mandy,
a very pretty half caste in her 30s
– she was married too, but a very
friendly woman. She’d come for
legal advice about a social club
she was forming with a group of
friends and I gladly assisted her.
“I saw her again a few days later.
Ibidun’s mood swings were
getting on my nerves and it was
refreshing to chat with a friendly
woman for a change. She was a
flirt and we hit it off straight
away. Within weeks, we were
making love. I was approaching
60, but she was so amazing she
brought out the best in me. Of
course I felt guilty about cheating
on my wife – I’ve had the odd
flings before, but this was certainly
more than a fling. Two months
after we started sleeping together,
she came to the small guest
house I kept on one of my properties
as my love-nest and it was
obvious she’d been crying. What
now? “It’s Azu (her husband), he
won’t give me the money he promised
me and the children’s school
fees are due. Could I borrow
N50,000 off you?” she begged,
Oborevwori is popular choice
— Onuesoke
By Ephraim Oseji
eoples Democratic Party
P(PDP) chieftain and
former Delta State
gubernatorial aspirant, Chief
Sunny Onuesoke has
described the governorship
candidate of the party in the
state, Sheriff Oborevwori as
a popular choice, whose
emergence was not
accidental.
Onuesoke, who made the
statement while Journalists
in Warri on the importance
of electing PDP candidates in
all elections across the
country, said Oborevwori is a
man of the people has been
on the political scene and
undergone tutelage under
three Governors in Delta
State.
He further disclosed that
Speaker had the rare
privilege of legislative and
executive experience and has
over the years seen politics as
a tool for constructively
reshaping humanity and
making life better for the
people.
According to Onuesoke,
this vision has not only
evolved, but has become
By Pere SP Luke
lack words adequate to
I deeply express how devastated,
debilitated and shattered
I am as a result of your
passage to the great beyond.
It is extremely difficult to
come to terms that you have
left me and the children without
saying goodbye or words
of encouragement/advice on
how to carry on in life without
you.
Putting my broken heart
together to write this epitaph
in your honour is the most
horrific and difficult task of
my life but who am I, a mere
mortal to argue with my creator?
Your death has dealt us a
big blow and it will become
the focus of grief for a long
time. The pain of losing a
loved one such as your humble
soul is so excruciating and
heartbroken because this was
eyes brimming with tears. “I’ll
pay you back as soon as I have
the money.”
“I thought of her two lovely boys
(I’d seen their photographs in her
wallet) and my heart melted. I
handed the money to her the next
day. She was pathetically grateful
that I felt so proud to be of
help. It was ages since I’d felt
useful. A month later, she came
with another story. Her mother
had just been diagnosed with
breast cancer and she needed to
be operated on immediately. Her
siblings would chip in of course,
but any help I could give would
be appreciated. I’d just collected
some rent on the premises I had
my guest house in. So, I gave her
another N50,000. She looked so
relieved that I shrugged off the
alarm bell that kept on ringing
inside me. When I saw her again,
she was a shadow of herself. Her
mum didn’t survive the operation
but she needed money for the funeral.
She told me of her mother’s
house and how her three children
had decided to sell it off so
the money could be used to defray
the cost of her funeral.
“She said she would love me to
handle the sale of the house and
showed me copies of the relevant
papers. In the meantime, she
needed yet more money for her
mother’s funeral. I was a bit skint.
I am, a family man with my own
financial responsibilities. But I
reasoned that if I were handling
the sale of the house, I could deduct
whatever I lent her. To my
shame, I went to my first son, an
architect, and lied to him that I
needed to borrow some money
concrete as seen in his
emergence as the PDP
governorship candidate of
Delta State at a free and fair
primary election.
urgently for some renovation in
the house. He readily gave me
N250,000 and I left his office sick
at my deception and at how low
I’d sunk. As I handed the money
over to Mandy, I warned her I
was broke and would want back
all the money she borrowed as
soon as possible. My first daughter’s
engagement ceremonies
were round the corner and this
had made Ibidun a bit more bearable
to live with. She reminded
me of the loving wife she once
was. But what kind of a husband
was I? Instead of helping her
through the trauma of the menopause,
I hopped into bed with a
woman who now thinks I was a
cash register!
“In the meantime, I waited for
the original documents of her
late mother’s house to be brought
so it could be sold as quickly as
possible. I’d already lined up prospective
buyers. Until then, I kept
helping – paying for car repairs
QUEEN GLORIA LUKE: My loss, heaven’s gain
•Late Queen Gloria Luke
not the promise you made to
me. Your heart desired to live
beyond the Biblical age of 70
and you restated this desire
again and again even unto
death.
You became an integral
part of me for about thirtytwo
years and you played pivotal
roles in my life and the
entire family. You condoned
most of my excesses, most
times my uncompromising
“He came from among the
people in every sense of the
word. While some say that he
came from the streets, they
forget to see the streets as
representing the true and real
essence of the people.
Okopi partners Chioma Jesus to release
'Osuba' remix in Igbo language
M
ultiple award-win
ning gospel artiste
and TWC Records signee,
Peterson Okopi, is out with a
brand new single titled "Nara
Ekele", the Igbo remix version
of his super hit song "Osuba".
In a statement, TWC
Records Label's A&R/Media
Manager, Amachree Ikijana,
explained that due to the huge
success of the song, Osuba,
different covers in different
languages have been created
by different people, prompting
Okopi to release an official
remix of the song in Igbo
language.
According to him, the "Osuba"
crooner teamed up with
one of Africa's most celebrated
female gospel artistes
from the eastern part of Nigeria,
'Chioma Jesus', on this
version of the song.
The song is a soulful tune
that extols the name and power
of God. In the song, both
Peterson Okopi and Chioma
Jesus took turns to eulogize
God almighty for the many
ways he has demonstrated his
greatness to mankind.
Amachree said this song
will surely be a blessing and
a source of inspiration to as
many that are downcast due
to the numerous challenges
bedeviling the nation presently.
•Peterson Okopi(left) and
Chioma Jesus
behaviour and the nasty aspect
of my life. Your contagious
smile and empathy
were something else. By your
philanthropic nature and humility,
you endeared yourself
to all members of my household
and my great friends inclusive.
Although your sojourn on
earth was quite short, your
positive impact on society
speaks volumes and unambiguously.
In the words of T.D
Jakes “I do not think that a
person’s life can be accurately
measured by the number
of days, for days lose their
meaning when they stand in
the face of eternity. No, the
question isn’t how long we
live but how well we live. What
matters are the moments we
live life to the fullest? Like a
child who wanders around
the beach collecting seashells
to carry back home, we gather
events and moments that
occur during our lives. We
cannot hold on to days; they
pass. But can retain memories”.
A critical analysis of the
words of T.D. Jakes gives me
a ray of hope that you are
dwelling in the Lord’s bosom
doing His will. You were truly
a great and virtuous woman
with a heart of Gold that
was at all times willing to sacrifice
for others to be comfortable
irrespective of tribe and
religion. Your calm disposition
to life was legendary. This
fact was eloquently attested
to by those who came in contact
with you for one reason
or the other.
Thomas Campbell has this
to say concerning life “to live
in the hearts we live behind is
not to die”. His words were
and her kids’ requirements until
a few days later when I saw my
lawyer friend and asked if he went
to Mandy’s mother’s funeral. He
looked blank. He didn’t know
who Mandy was. I reminded him
that I’d met her in his chambers
when she came about the social
club she was helping to set up. The
penny finally dropped and he confessed
he didn’t even know she was
called Mandy. As far as he knew
the mother was still alive. Furious
and shaking with dread, I dialed
her mobile. Her sexy voice
came on but when I asked when
her mother really died, she just
switched off. I tried to call her
but it didn’t go through. In the
end, I went back to my friend to
confess everything. He stared at
me, stunned. He dropped his head
for a while, then shook it.
“Mandy’s conned a lot of men in
the past,” he said. ‘Why didn’t you
tell me you were involved with
her? I would have warned you.’
The Language Of Love (Humour)
A middle-aged man gets chatting
to a young chap on a plane
back to Lagos. The younger man
confides that he’s newly married,
but has been on a month-long
business trip and can’t wait to see
his wife again. As the two men
walk through arrivals, a young
woman waves and calls. “E-F!
No, S-F! Her husband calls back.
“You have code names for each
other? The older man asks. “No”
says the husband. “It’s just that
she wants to Eat First”.
Your Good Fortune In Your
Hand! (Humour)
A man has a job interview at a
condom factory, “What will the
job entail”? the man asks. “Well,
it’s quality control,” the foreman
says. “You check one in every
hundred condoms.” He then removes
one from the production
line, stretches it, holds it up to
the light, places it over his manhood
and calls over his secretary.
She proceeds to hitch up her
skirt, pull down her kickers and
bend over. The foreman does the
deed, then says. “There, easy as
that,” That man cannot believe
his luck. “When do I start?” he
asks Monday, 8.00a.m. sharp.
“The next Monday, the man is
first on the production line. He
picks up the 100th condom,
stretches it, holds it up to the
light, pulls it over his manhood
then calls over the secretary. But
this time, she just grabs his manhood
and pleasures him. Seeing
the confusion on the man’s face,
she says: “Sorry, it’s company
policy. You have to work a week
in hand.”
Women decry reduction in budgetary allocation
to empowerment projects
By Adesina Wahab
omen have faulted the
Wreduction in allocation
to programmes and
projects targeted at empowering
them from N103 billion
in 2022 to N58 billion in tne
budget estimates for 2023 by
the Federal Government.
They noted that the step will
lead to further impoverishment
of women and that it
contradicts the claim by the
government that it is taking
steps to reduce the poverty level
among women.
They spoke at a forum organised
by NECA Network of
Entrepreneurial Women,
NNEW, in Lagos.
Their reservations came on
the heel of a presentation by
Dr Plangsat Dayil of the development
Research and
Project Centre, dRPC, titled
“Women economic empowerment
and budget deficit as
it relates to women.”
Dayil, quoting figures from
the federal budgets of 2021,
2022 and the proposed one
for 2023, said in 2021 that
N51 billion was allocated to
Women Economic Empowerment,
WEE, projects across
board.
“Following serious advocacy
efforts and pressure, the
sum was increased to N103
billion in 2022. Surprisingly,
the figure, instead of going
up, went down in the projection
for 2023 to N58 billion.
This is coming at a time when
•From left: Dr. Pamela Ajayi, President of Healthcare Federation
of Nigeria (HFN); Prof. Akin Abayomi, Commissioner
of Health, Lagos State; and Dr. Dupe Elebute Odunsi,
Medical Director of Marcelle Ruth Cancer Center and Specialist
Hospital at the Doctors For Change (DFC) Convention
held in Lagos .
further re-echoed by Hazel
Gaynor who said: “to live in
the hearts of those we love is
never to die”. My darling wife,
my adorable Queen and
companion, every passing
day without your warmth
and affection has created a
deep chism in my life that will
be humanly impossible to fill
but I took solace that the Almighty
God who allowed this
calamity to befall me will
surely fill the vacuum created
by your undeserved demise.
Losing you at this most precious
moment in my life is
akin to losing an Angel in
human form. The mere
thought that we have parted
ways forever is more than sickening,
debilitating and traumatizing
to the entire family.
When I reflect on your promise
of reciprocating my kind
gesture and disposition towards
you in the United
States of America, my heart
the government said it is going
to push the frontiers and
do more empowerment for
women and reduce poverty.
“This is strange and contradictory.
With less funding for
WEE projects, and coupled
with the rate of inflation, not
much would be done next
year if care is not taken.”
bleeds because all those
promises are now consigned
into the history books. How I
wish I could turn back the
hand of time to enable you to
accomplish our shared vision
of collectively raising our
children.
Since I couldn’t turn back
the hand of the clock, I pray
to the Almighty God to grant
me the strength, comfort and
grace to graciously accept
His verdict concerning your
exit.
My dearest Queen GKL as
I fondly call you, your children
and I will continuously
draw strength from your lasting
legacies, fond memories
and the goodwill you left behind
till we meet to part no
more.
*Luke is the Pere of Akugbenemien
Kingdom and the
first Vice Chairman, Delta
State Council of Traditional
Rulers.