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By Morenike Taire
Precious Chikwendu is
upfront, yet emotional,
deep, yet lighthearted. She
tells Morenike Taire why,
contrary to prevailing
rumours about town, a reconciliation
with her sons’ father is the furthest
thing from her agenda.
In October, Precious became the
proud recipient of an honorary
doctorate degree from a Benenois
university; for giving scholarships to
many Nigerian students at the
university through her NGO.
Excerpts:-
Do you have a history of multiple births in your
family?
Yes, my mum’s family has multiple births and
my younger sister has a set of twins but my kids
are ivf. He ((FFK) wanted sons particularly, he
already had five girls.
Did you ask for triplets in particular?
No, I had a phobia for having many kids. I
was just keen on having only boys.
Normally I just wanted two births but he
was so keen with having sons so when it
turned out triplets I was okay with me.
So that must have put an immense
amount of pressure on you.
No, no. He wanted boys so we went
straight for assisted conception. He was
excited, delighted.
Did he have any particular reason for
wanting boys?
Maybe the lineage thing? To keep his
father’s name going and all of that. I
was quite young then, about 25. I
wasn’t under any pressure. It was just
him that wanted sons at that time.
I wasn’t even prepared to
have kids. It wasn’t
something I gave any
serious thoughts. The
possibilities were
high because of my
age so I just went
for it.
There has been
a lot of
controversy
around your
separation.
What really is
happening?
A whole
rollercoaster,
a lot of
drama. The
w h o l e
relationship
became a
problem at
some point.
They are all
issues we are
trying to resolve so
I wouldn’t want to
keep on painting and
blaming and all that. I think
there was no respect . I was
giving what I wasn’t getting
emotionally- support and so on.
For me, getting involved
with him was getting involved
with someone much older
and wiser, like a guardian. I
had a very good relationship
with my dad, he was my best
friend...
I guessed you must have
had a great relationship
with your dad or some other
male figure...
Yes. I looked up to him for
guidance, instruction, he
wasn’t much of a controlling
figure in my life but he went
with anything I felt okay with
but I usually liked to get that goahead
or not.
Sometimes I could be stubborn with him and he
kicked against me marrying an older person.
When I gave reasons he just kept looking at
me, it’s not that he okayed it.
I do lots of masculine things just because of him.
I whistle like a boy, do sports. That relationship
made me able to deal with older people .
I didn’t have many relationships as a young
girl. I didn’t start dating early- in my second year
in the university.
Most people that have issues of that nature,
you have to check your background. I come from
a home where you don’t speak when your dad
speaks, you don’t throw tantrums. If my dad got
upset with me, what I would do was cry.
That was what I took into the relationship with
the father of my kids. I wasn’t much of a speaker
but I learned how to speak and fight for myself on
Precious
Chikwendu
opens up on new
relationship with
t h a t
journey
because it
was as if
people took
advantage of
my calmness
and gentility
and not
being able to
speak. My reactions were basically when I felt
I couldn’t take it any more and at that point, it
would seem sort of like insubordination because
he is used to hierarchy, command and such
things.
I don’t know how to pretend and sometimes I
could walk away, leave. He comes back,
apologises, we work things out but in some days
it repeats itself. There was just too much of that
Fani Kayode
•We’re better friends now but
reconciliation is ruled out
•He made peace for
kids, not for politics
•Speaks about her
post marital life
back and forth. I had no choice than to walk away.
At the back of your mind were you thinking he
was going to adjust to your needs at some point?
Every woman prays there is an adjustment.
I am an Ibo girl. In my place if you tell them
you are leaving they tell you there is no space
for you, go back to your husband’s house.
We don’t have space for you.
My mum never packed evening they had
misunderstandings. At some point I noticed
it was draining me, I was not maximizing
my potentials. That was the last straw for
me. I have a very active brain and I was not
utilizing it. I felt I was useless.
He didn’t want me interacting, wanted
his wife to carry herself in a certain way but
that wasn’t me. I did construction, mining,
I was a beauty queen, an actress...
Even when I was with him I got to work
on some of his writeups. Some things had
my signature on them. I don’t know how to
sit down and be dormant.
Did you try to reach out to him?
Actually, when I had my first son there was
this big issue we had because I went to buy
sewing machines and opened up a fashion house
without his permission. We had a
very huge
problem
with that.
After a while
he left it,
insisted on
closing it
down.
He just felt
his wife
should not do
certain
things.
Initially
you would
feel like you
can cope,
manage,
compromise
for some time
but it just gets
to a point
SATURDAY Vanguard, NOVEMBER 12, 2022 — 37
he got to see my strength at a level he didn’t
expect. He didn’t expect me to fight as much as I
did to drag and get my kids was another eye opener
for him.
where you
c a n ’ t
compromise
any more. I
needed to be
active.
Sometimes I
felt used. I am
not that
woman that sits at home and have someone provide
my every need.I am still young.
Emotionally, was it a big rollercoaster for you?
Yes but maybe because I was quite young he saw
me as a small girl. It wasn’t the respect he would give
to someone in his age bracket but with this
misunderstanding all of that has been fixed because
Was he expecting that you would just leave the
kids for him?
I think a huge part of him because I am naturally
a quiet person, I don’t fight, I accommodate
everybody, so he was expecting me to give up
and say I am not doing this anymore.
Do you feel free now to pursue your interests?
Yes I feel at peace. I had an NGO even before
I got married since 2014. I am taking challenges I
never thought I could take. I fielded an HR
company where I do recruitment for companies
that are starting newly.
Basically, things I love to do- creation, building,
organizing. I am happy and at peace.
Who is behind the comeback rumours? What is
really going on?
Linda Ikeji claimed she heard it from a source
close to the couple, so she claimed.
Of course we are co-parenting, so we do PTA
meetings for our kids together. If any of them is
sick they stay beside me. That’s so childish. We’ve
gone past that. We’ve talked, apologies were made
because it shouldn’t have gone as bad as it did. If
conversations were held, quietly, peacefully and
not with the stories that I had to deal with, I don’t
think there would have been an issue.
Maybe there would have been a chance at
reconciliation. Fake stories were published about
me that would take me a while to clear my name
from.
Such as which ones?
That I am a mad person. I was charged with
murder twice. I was docked and those things are
not things I will overlook. All those are things I
cannot just look away from without bringing
closure to them.
Maybe in the future, I don’t know but I like
where we are now unlike when we were a couple.
It’s a lot better.
Well, there is nobody that will be having fun
and walk away...
The truth is that if he was pleasant I would
have stayed for the sake of the kids but he was
not. I think we have a better friendship now, at
least we talk without stress. Everybody is mindful
of not pissing off each other. There is nobody trying
to talk down or undermine the other person. We
have kids together and it’s not going to change.
But how are the kids taking it? They are young.
My children are happy that they have their
mother back in their lives. I noticed that some of
them were withdrawn, they didn’t talk.
Sometimes they would ask questions about the
last two years, why I wasn’t there, and I try to find
a way to answer but the joy they have with their
mother is there.
Does their dad realise that?
He is thankful, happy. He knows better now,
that you can’t take a child’s mother away from
them. There is always going to be a difference
between the way I take care of them and another
person will take care of them. We have a formula.
I don’t intend to cut him off, deny him access to his
children.
I have suitors, lots of suitors, but I’m not a baby
factory. It’s not a big deal but for now I should
focus on the kids. I don’t see the prospect of
marrying immediately.
In the light of that, if I were FFK’s advocate,
what are the chances you would consider getting
back with him if only for the sake of the children?
I don’t see that happening right now. I am just
enjoying the peace. I am at peace with myself and
everybody around me.
About suitors, do you have any on your case
that is determined and doesn’t mind your kids?
Someone that has shown love and affection?
Men will always be men. Most men think they
can but they can’t. You don’t look for it, it happens
when you are not looking.
You’re aware of FFK’s new girlfriend and she
has contact with your kids.
Are you planning to have a conversation with
him about that?
It’s on him. He is the one who is going to decide
whether she’s suitable for his children or not. If
she gets along with my kids, I will know. If she
doesn’t, she’s a woman, she’s free to have hers
as well.
You know he is in the middle of the campaign
season.
I wouldn’t want something that would make
him look bad. We’ve gone past that. Most people
think he did all of this because of the campaign,
letting me have access to my kids. That’s not
true, I will be honest...
How would you know? I mean why would he
keep them from you in the first place?
This whole settlement thing happened before
he was even linked to the campaign. The children
were his priority because it had gotten to the point
where some of them were not even
communicating.
You know when you have a relationship where
so many people were involved. In those days if it
wasn’t the pastors, it was the exit Ghana. There
were too many, this person said, that one said...
Someone told him I was going to take the kids,
run away from Nigeria . It made him difficult.
That is what most married people should look
out for. I don’t think there’s anything two people
who sit down and talk cannot resolve