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32—SATURDAY Vanguard, NOVEMBER 12, 2022 My first article on this column was published in Saturday Vanguard of Nov. 17, 2013. That was 10 years ago. I say happy 10 th anniversary to the Marriage and Family Column. The list of those who made this column possible and have helped to sustain it is long. I have an overwhelming urge to mention names, but I refrain for two reasons: space constraints and fear of missing out names of some vital people in the project, but my eternal gratitude to you all. Let me also thank all the readers without whom the column will be superfluous. I get messages from as far as Australia. When I was about to start, my elder brother Fr. Tony liked the five sample articles I sent to him for review, but he wondered if I could sustain the column over time. I had fears too, but 10 years after, the column is still very much alive. The first article was titled WHAT DOES MARRIAGE MEAN TO YOU? In the article I adopted the definition of marriage that resounded with me: “the matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole life, which is ordered by its nature towards the good of spouses and the procreation and education of offspring…” (Wikipedia). Ten years on, my perception of marriage has not changed. I just want to add one word in the definition, “Covenant:” a binding agreement between spouses going into the marriage. Every marriage goes through testing times, times when you feel it is not worth it or when you feel you should should go ahead with the just walk away. But the covenantal aspect of relationship.” Another marriage helps to bring you back to your senses and gives you the impetus to carry on. The above definition captures the essence of marriage, but the rate at which young marriages are collapsing is making me to wonder if intending couples should not ponder and answer this question, “what does marriage mean to you?” before going ahead. That way, both parties’ understanding of marriage will be clear and rhyme. The marriages of at least three couples with whom we are familiar have crumbled in the last couple of few weeks. The usual refrain after the announcement is for their privacy to be respected. This column is meant to promote the marriage institution, not breakups. I have no interest in promoting marriages that failed. I do not even have Happy 10th anniver ersar sary to marriage & family column interest in mentioning your names. Young marriages fail everywhere. The family is the bedrock of any society. The best way to destroy a society is to destroy the family unit. So my interest is how to promote the marriage institution and by extension the family unit and reduce the number of failed marriages. For me, the main reason why young marriages fail is lack of proper courtship. “Courtship is that traditional period before engagement and marriage when couples date to get to know each other and decide if they definition I love so much is “a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is God’s will for them to marry each other. In the first definition knowing each other means knowing your core values (character), your assets and liabilities (areas where are good and areas where you have drawbacks); it means friendship (soul mates and a strong bond. It means if you take sex out of the courtship, you will continue to flow together). The truth of the matter remains that sex during courtship blurs the vision of the courting couple. They gloss over fundamental issues to which they should pay attention. Latitude of acceptance (both parties must know what is acceptable and what is taboo to each other and stay within boundaries). You should know each other’s family. Courtship is not a hide and seek affair. You must know each other’s family as much as possible. For instance, if you visit your fiancée and you notice your mother-inlaw to be is bossing her husband around, you should ask yourself if that will not be your fate later? What does your fiancée think The family is the bedrock of any society. The best way to destroy a society is to destroy the family unit about it? If her mother’s behaviour sits well with her, you risk marrying a woman who will boss you around. The question is, are you ready to take that until you die? If yes, no problem, but if not, you need to reevaluate the relationship. Also, if your fiancé’s father maltreats his mother and he sees nothing wrong with it, maltreatment might be your portion if you go ahead to marry him. You need to evaluate the relationship. Beyond knowing each other’s family, I will get involved in my children’s courtship. I have no intention of intruding in their privacy, but I intend to interact with my potential sons-in-law and daughters-in-law. From my experience, I can get a trailer-load of information to advise my children. They will take the decision, but I will be an adviser. I also intend to pursue the age-old tradition of knowing the family of your potential in-law. You might see things that your son/daughter’s immature eyes did not or cannot see. All these measures and many more are just to increase the chances of the success of your marriage. Even if you have information that can fill a book of 1,000 pages, there are still no guarantees. Changes occur after marriage and as the marriage goes on. Some of these changes are fortuitous while others are caused by situations or outright mischief. Pregnancy, for instance, can bring about changes. Some women suffer from morning sickness. They vomit frequently and spit per second. If you are a man who loves kissing your wife regularly to show love, that can become a challenge. Some pregnant women switch off sex. It can be challenging for some husbands. My advice is, adjust and learn to deal with it. Even animals control their urges. Going outside to satisfy your urge is insensitive and selfish. It should not be an option. You are responsible for her situation and she’s carrying your baby. Unsatisfied sexual urge does not kill. It is only momentary. To be continued. PARADED WIDOW Last week, I wrote about the widow, who was paraded naked in Agunese Afam-Mmaku Community in Awgu Local Government Area of Enugu. According to GWG.NG, the victim, named Anthonia Okonkwo, narrated how she was brutalised for an offence that she did not commit. She alleged that the people who spearheaded the attack are: “Sunday, Jonathan, Obi, Chigazu and Okechukwu… Others are Chukwudike Anikene, Chukwuebuka Agu, one Maduabuchi and his father as well as a girl who videotaped her during the attack.” The report said seven people have been arrested. The matter should be thoroughly investigated and those found guilty should be punished to serve as a deterrent to others, who carry out such abominable acts. I commend Prof. Joy Ezeilo and her team who visited the widow. I urge her and her team to follow up this matter until justice is done. Creating a just society is everyone’s task. 08116759759 World’s tallest woman travels on a plane for the first time after Turkish Airlines removes six seats to make room for her 7ft build on flight to San Francisco he tallest woman in the Tworld has taken to the skies for the first time in her life after Turkish Airlines adapted one of their planes to accommodate her towering 7ft frame. Rumeysa Gelgi, who stands at 7ft 0.7inches (215.16cm), was officially named the tallest woman alive by Guinness World Records earlier this year. She typically gets around in a wheelchair or with the aid of a walker, her huge stature the result of a condition called Weaver syndrome which, among other things, causes accelerated growth. Gelgi, 24, had never travelled on a plane before, having been too tall to fit in regular airline seats even as a child. But she is now able to travel abroad and flew to San Francisco in September thanks to her national airline, which tore out six seats aboard one of its aircraft and replaced them with a specially-made stretcher to allow Gelgi to fly in comfort. Posting o n Instagram having landed in California, she said: ‘A flawless journey from start to finish... this was my first plane ride but it certainly won’t be my last... heartfelt thank you to each and every person who has been a part of my journey.’ The 24-year-old travelled to San Francisco to further her career in software development, but she will also co-ordinate with Guinness World Records to promote various events. Gelgi was confirmed last month as the world’s tallest living female by the organisation. Upon the receipt of her Guinness world record certificate, Gelgi said: ‘Every disadvantage can be turned into an advantage for yourself so accept yourself for who you are, be aware of your potential and do your best.’ It is the second time Ms Gelgi has achieved a world record after being named the tallest teenager alive in 2014. Since then, she has used her platform to advocate for others with rare conditions. ‘Being different is not as bad as you think. It can bring you unexpected success,’ Gelgi told reporters last month. ‘ I personally think that differences and other features which seem like a disadvantage can be turned to advantages what I did.’ Craig Glenday, editor in chief at Guinness World Records, said: ‘It’s an honour to welcome Rumeysa back into the record books.’ Glenday continued: ‘Her indomitable spirit and pride at standing out from the crowd is an inspiration. ‘The category of tallest living woman is not one that changes hands very often, so I’m excited to share this news with the world.’ The tallest man in the world, Sultan Kosen, is also Turkish - he was measured at 8ft 2.8in (251cm) in 2018. Gelgi says she hopes to meet him in person one day. The tallest woman to have lived was Zeng Jinlian, from China, who was measured at 8ft 1in (246.3cm) before her death in 1982. Gelgi has also broken records for having the longest finger on a living female person, the largest hands on a living female person, and the longest back on a living female person.
The answer to who has the support of Afenifere, the decades old socio/political group of the Yoruba between APC’s Tinubu and Labour’s Obi in the forthcoming Presidential race depends on who you are listening to. The camps of Obi and Tinubu have tried to make political capital from what seems like different endorsements from different heads of the august body. The elder in Akure openly prayed for Tinubu and offered to receive him again for more prayers if he came back with the much coveted crown. This is what most elders – and incidentally what most Obas - do when a ‘child’ intimates them of a higher desire. I want to believe, unless told otherwise, that APC’s Tinubu visited Akure as a sign of respect for his elders and the elders reciprocated by praying for their son. I did not hear any open endorsement in what was broadcast. I did not hear any open disclaimer either. This is quite different from the elder in Ijebu who openly endorsed Obi as his candidate. In fact, he reiterated that endorsement again weeks later for emphasis. His reason was that he has found Obi to be above the other front runners in terms of competence and ability. Besides, justice and equity according to him, dictated that it was the turn of Igbos to rule Nigeria and ‘Afenifere’ had always been about justice and fairness. This promotion of ‘turn by turn’ or another ‘Emi lo kan’ is a topic for another day. Again, the elder in Ijebu has a right to endorse anybody he wants. And if his Exco agrees with him, then as the de facto leader, it becomes the choice of the body. In this wise, one would say both elders operated within their rights. But the devil as they always say, is in the Irecently heard the intriguing story from a frontline source of how a former Nigerian senator who strolled the country with a thick escort of security men was almost scandalized as he arrived London in a commercial plane many years ago. As he arrived Heathrow, he got to know somehow that he was of interest to British security and that he was set to be picked after passing through immigration. He suddenly turned cold with fright. As several other passengers deplaned, this senator remained stuck to his seat and somehow got word to the High Commission. It was a far cry from the swagger he displayed in Nigeria where he carried about with an obscene grandeur both in material wealth and lascivious inclinations. The High Commission detailed the resident Intelligence official who happened to be an army officer who later came to national prominence to bring him out. The story of how he was brought out from the plane and the bravado of that army officer and how he saved the senator and Nigeria from international embarrassment is one of the finest and intriguing success stories of Nigerian diplomacy in the years of yore. That was well before the present Senate sank the institution to its lowest esteem in the eyes of right thinking Nigerians. Of course few would be shocked at the subjugation and near irrelevance of the Senate, a body that should ordinarily be classed as the most preeminent gathering of men and women in Nigeria. In the United States it is regarded as the most exclusive club in that country. United States presidents have been known to take out time to woo individual senators to their side on issues. But not here, where Senators genuflect even before ministers. Indeed, only few would imagine the unimaginative capitulation of the legislative body in the circumstances that have befallen Senator Ike Ekweremadu. Like an ostrich with its head in the sand, the Senate has carried on as if Afenifere’s nods of presidential approvals als details. Or in this case, in the undercurrents. The caliber of the Yoruba elders who gathered in Akure to meet with Tinubu meant the occasion went b e y o n d s i m p l e prayers. These very old people The elder in Akure has given the rope to the elder in Ijebu. The caveat of course is that elders love to be consulted. I am not sure enough consultation was done by the elder in Ijebu to carry the elder in Akure along were not just in town or passing by. They made an effort to be in Akure. There were faces in that august assemblage that cannot easily be induced with material offers. Their presence therefore suggested an implied if not s t a t e d endorsement. Their presence also suggested a disavowal of the stance of the current leadership of the body. Should their disavowal matter? After Ekweremadu: A Senate without shame the Enugu West Senate Constituency seat does not exist. Ekweremadu was arrested last June on the accusation of organ harvesting in the United Kingdom. Prior to the arrest, Ekweremadu had written to the British High Commission last December to provide cover for the visa application of one David Nwamini to travel to the UK for medical examination for the purpose of organ donation to his ailing daughter. Now, some have said that the recent tightening of the laws on organ donation prohibit cases of commercial harvesting of organs and that Ekweremadu may have fallen victim of the new law. How the nuances of the law as they apply to the specific case of the Ekweremadus are still to be determined by the courts. But what is clear is that no law breaker writes to the authorities of his intention to break the law. Ekweremadu wrote to the High Commission of his intentions, albeit without any hint of a commercial transaction being involved. It is appalling that the visa process went through and Nwamini was granted a visa to go to Britain for the purpose of medical examination. He did go through the medical examination and as it turned out he was ineligible for donation. Ekweremadu in wanting to hold on to his credibility wanted to bring Nwamini back to Nigeria and that was where the story changed. The 21 year old man turned into a boy that claimed to be under persecution. It will be intriguing that the N i g e r i a n Intelligence Service in the UK was ignorant of the fate of the Ekweremadus in the first 24 hours after his arrest, well before the news leaked out. That was the time that action should have been taken. It is not as if the president of Nigeria has been limited from wriggling his citizens out of SATURDAY Vanguard, NOVEMBER 12, 2022—33 goodwill in just three decades should be of interest to scholars. The role the immediate past and current leadership played in the squandering of goodwill; the role the South-west governors including Tinubu himself played in factionalizing and diminishing the organization should be made into a book. Neither the imperious endorsement of Obi in Ijebu which some people believe is borne out of a personal vendetta, nor the tacit endorsement of Tinubu in Akure truly reflects the true yearnings of the Yoruba Nation at this point of its nationhood. An average Yoruba person feels disconnected from government. They want a system that allows their God given talents to blossom. They are tired of having sacred cows on their farms and bandits in their forests. They want to have some control over their security. They want some control over their resources. They want some control over their livelihood. They find the current system stifling and want the choking knee taken off their necks. There is a reason Yoruba in the diaspora do well and the ones at home underachieve. It has very little to do with Atiku or Tinubu or Obi except if one of them can be bold enough to address the inequitable system we currently operate as a Nation and use true federalism as a main campaign issue. None has so far. No pressure group has forced any commitment off any. The best of them has only skirted the issue. In fact, the Vice-Presidential candidate of one allegedly said ‘restructuring my foot’. Everybody is afraid to address the corn on this northern foot. Afenifere needs to go back to the drawing board and work with other socio/political groups that feel their people are marginalized in the Nigerian space to make a change in the current system of governance. It needs to reconnect with the people. It needs to substitute personal choices with the people’s choices. To do that, it needs to feel the pulse of the people it claims to lead. Only then will it speak and the Yoruba people will hearken. Only then will it find its voice and its followership again. all, they are out of it and should have learnt to let go. I hope I will not be seen as insubordinate when I quote a saying of our elders to the effect that one does not give a ram to a masquerade and still hold on to the rope. The elder in Akure has given the rope to the elder in Ijebu. The caveat of course is that elders love to be consulted. I am not sure enough consultation was done by the elder in Ijebu to carry the elder in Akure along. I am not also sure enough consultations were done by him to carry the rank and file along. Consultation, and an allegiance to higher ideals with Yoruba interest at the core, had always been the bedrock of Afenifere since it was founded. The sacrifices and passion of past leadership in the pursuit of these ideals are what earned the organization its stripes. June 12 was an example of that sacrifice; that passion. And the reward in term of followership was massive among the Yoruba people. And for a while after June 12, when Afenifere spoke, the Yoruba Nation spoke. It represented the mainstream, the heart of the people and dissident voices were quickly silenced. Now, Afenifere speaks largely for itself and a group of die-hard adherents. How Afenifere frittered such a massive It will be intriguing that the Nigerian Intelligence Service in the UK was ignorant of the fate of the Ekweremadus in the first 24 hours after his arrest, well before the news leaked out. That was the time that action should have been taken foreign jails. P r e s i d e n t Muhammadu Buhari did it for Miss Zainab Aliyu who was travelling with her family when drugs were reportedly laced into her luggage. She was freed according to Abike Dabiri-Erewa after the case was brought to the notice of President Buhari who promptly intervened and she was set free. However, for Ekweremadu it seems as if there is no one within the presidential palace that could take his case to the president. The reason for such a rebuff is simple. Your correspondent is very much aware of the high level intimidation and coercion that were directed to make Ekweremadu defect in the first two years of the APC administration. A senior administration official told this correspondent that Ekweremadu was going to defect. Months after when I asked Ekweremadu he poohpoohed the issue apparently having rejected the idea. A prominent vocal man in the Bola Tinubu campaign reached him. When he refused, Okoi Obono-Obla, the same man indicted for certificate forgery using his powers in an anti-corruption panel turned the whip on him. Besides the trial with Senator Bukola Saraki over the alleged forgery of the Senate Rule Book he was also brought to court for one malfeasance or the other. In all cases he won. Two times a list of properties alleged to be his, some with duplicated addresses were circulated for confiscation and Ekweremadu prevailed in the courts. Of course, there were some associates of Ekweremadu who seeing what turned out to be the betrayal of his party, PDP urged him to defect. But he held on unlike Senator Godswill Akpabio who caved in and somersaulted. It was as such appalling that in the face of his difficult life challenges stirred by a father’s move to save the life of his ailing daughter that the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC revisited the assets confiscation issue that the government had twice lost. With a man’s hand tied behind his back the Nigerian government is now lashing Ekweremadu. What a pity the Senate, a body he beautified with his legislative delivery in pretence has turned mute. What a shame.
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