Focus on the Family Magazine - October/November 2022

Helping Families Thrive in Christ 

OCTOBER / NOVEMBER 2022 

WHAT 

DO YOU 

EXPECT? 

Overcome 

unrealistic 

expectations 

in marriage 

Luke 

Smallbone 

of FOR KING + COUNTRY 

with his wife, Courtney 

PAGE 26 

THE 

SPACE 

TO 

CREATE

The pressures facing families 

today are growing 

You can give couples, parents, grandparents, children, aunts and uncles 

practical help for the issues they’re facing. Whether it’s a broadcast, article, 

video series or PDF download, families are finding help through <strong>Focus</strong> on the 

Family Canada. Your support will allow us to develop even more resources 

and address more of the topics that families are facing these days. 

Will you donate today so every family looking for biblically 

based support can get the help they need? 

Simply visit <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/HelpFamilies or call 1.800.661.9800

OCTOBER / NOVEMBER 

Contents 

© CAREY SHAW / STOCKSY UNITED 

Couples 

13 OUR FRIDAY CONNECTION 

A marriage insight from Athenia 

Angion as told to Sarah Brickens 

14 CREAMED, MASHED AND SLAMMED 

After feeling belittled by my husband’s 

family, I found a way to be at peace 

with my place at their table 

by Karen Ehman 

15 OUR JOURNEY TOWARD HEALING 

After a difficult season of marriage, 

we rediscovered how to have 

fun together 

by Jill Savage 

18 WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? 

Learn how to overcome unrealistic 

expectations in your marriage 

by Mike Bechtle 

21 UNREPENTANT PATTERNS 

How to recognize signs of 

emotional abuse in your marriage 

by Darby Strickland 

24 TWO MUCH OF A GOOD THING 

Can your marriage handle 

another you? 

by Dave Meurer 

Faith & Inspiration 

26 ‘I NEED YOU MORE’ 

Luke Smallbone’s bold faith amid 

struggles inspires For King & 

Country’s musical journey 

by Benjamin Hawkins 

31 TOO OLD TO FOSTER? 

How one couple helped a sibling 

group caught in the foster care 

system 

by Johnston Moore 

34 DOING MY BEST TO SPOIL MY KIDS 

How I help my children overindulge 

in God’s goodness 

by Sandy Mayle 

In Every 

Issue 

4 LETTER FROM THE 

PRESIDENT 

5 HACKS & FACTS 

Kids & Teens 

36 THE BIGGEST REWARD 

Our family found a solution 

to morning chaos 

by Elsa Kok Colopy 

38 THE SPACE TO CREATE 

Encourage your kids to explore, 

innovate and use their imagination 

by Lori Z. Scott 

42 THE GRAND 

CAREGIVING COMPROMISE 

Should your parents be your 

children's caregivers? 

by Susan Layland 

44 MEDIA 

45 PRODUCTS & RESOURCES 

46 MY THRIVING FAMILY 

OCTOBER / NOVEMBER 2022 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 3

LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT 

Jean-Paul Beran is 

president of <strong>Focus</strong> on 

the Family Canada. 

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, 

but I find gratitude very easy to practice 

when everything is going well. When my 

daughters are happy and healthy, my 

relationship with my wife, Susan, is strong, 

friendships are fulfilling, work is rewarding— 

there is so much to be thankful for. 

But what about when things aren’t going 

well? It feels impossible to have a grateful 

heart when there’s sickness, relational tension, 

grief and loss, mental health challenges, 

global crises, the list goes on. What is there to be thankful for in 

those instances? 

In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, we are told, “Rejoice always, pray 

without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the 

will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” We are to give thanks in all 

circumstances, not because of any personal strength or mindover-matter 

thinking, but because Christ Jesus makes it possible. 

He is always with us, always ready to pour his love into our lives. 

Even in the difficult seasons, he is there, and we can be grateful 

for that amazing gift in our lives. 

In this issue of the magazine, you’ll find a few stories of 

people who went through difficult seasons and became more 

dependent on God and more at peace. Luke Smallbone from 

the band For King & Country shares his story of how his faith 

grew amidst struggles (page 26). Jill Savage explains how she 

and her husband, Mark, learned to find joy after going through 

a rocky season in their marriage (page 15). And Ginny and Ted’s 

story of fostering reveals God’s love in action, even in the midst 

of difficulty (page 31). 

I pray you are reminded of God’s nearness, no matter what 

season you find yourself in, and you find reason to rejoice 

in him and give thanks to him. And remember, if you need 

any support to help your family thrive, visit our website at 

<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca, email us at info@fotf.ca or call our 

team at 1.800.661.9800. 

Blessings, 

Jean-Paul Beran 

Gratitude in 

every season 

CLINT BARGEN PHOTOGRAPHY 

president Jim Daly 

chief operating officer Ken Windebank 

chief marketing and 

content officer Tim Sawer 

focus canada president Jean-Paul Beran 

editorial director Sheila Seifert 

managing editor Andrea Gutierrez 

copy chief Scott DeNicola 

associate editors Sarah Brickens, 

Faith Wismer 

contributing editors Vance Fry, 

Marianne Hering, Meredith Hinds, 

Thomas Jeffries, Jennifer Lonas, Jeff 

Masching, Rebecca Nordquist 

art director Anneka Jack 

designer Brian Mellema 

cover Ronald Pollard for 

K-LOVE Fan Awards 

media publishing director Kevin Shirin 

editorial assistant Kat Bittner 

print production Gail Wise 

circulation Erika Lynch 

Thank you! 

<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family provides this magazine and 

other resources through the generosity of friends 

like you. <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Donate 

For a subscription, go to <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/ 

Magazine. 

<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family magazine October/November 2022, 

Vol. 7, No. 5 ISSN 2471-5921, © 2022 <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family. 

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4 

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 

OCTOBER / NOVEMBER 2022

Hacks & Facts 

CLEVER IDEAS FOR SMARTER PARENTING 

YOUR PARENTING HACK 

Do you have a parenting tip that other families could apply 

at Thanksgiving? If so, it could be published in <strong>Focus</strong> on 

the Family magazine. 

• Keep it under 150 words. 

• Make it hands-on and practical. 

• Write it from your own perspective, describing what you did and 

how it helped train your kids to be more grateful. 

Though not all submissions are published, all are read and 

considered. Learn more at <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.com/Submission. 

Or send your idea to Hacks&Facts@fotf.org. 

ERIN DRAGO 


HACKS & FACTS / GRATITUDE 

76% 

of parents rate teaching their 

children gratitude as a high priority 

source: Mott Poll Report, 2021 

grateful for the thought 

My kids and I talk through what might happen if one of 

them receives a gift that they have no interest in. Together, 

we list other things for which they can be grateful. 

For instance, my daughter doesn’t play with dolls but 

occasionally receives them as gifts. We brainstormed 

how she could still be grateful that the giver was willing to 

spend money to buy or make her the gift. We also talked 

about how to express these sentiments to the gift-giver, 

such as “How nice of you to think of me!” 

By practicing ahead of time, our kids more easily adjust 

to a disappointing gift while still expressing (and feeling) 

gratitude. 

—Elizabeth James 

more than a 

thank-you 

Our family members follow up a 

thank-you with a more detailed 

appreciation, such as: “Thank you. 

I like this kind of sandwich.” This 

also applies to instances when my 

kids have spent time at a friend’s 

or grandparent’s house. We ask 

our kids to think of a specific thing 

they liked doing as a guest in 

someone’s house so that when 

it’s time to leave, a child might 

say, “Thank you. I liked the snacks 

you made,” or “I had fun playing 

with your toy train.” I’ve found 

that modeling and developing 

this habit of speech for and in 

my children helps them show 

gratitude. 

—Christina Nunes 

LITTLE 

WAYS TO 

say thanks 

When my daughter was a toddler, 

we’d visit veterans at memorials or 

parades. Because she wasn’t very 

outspoken, we decorated labels to 

make thank-you stickers. She liked 

giving something instead of talking, 

so this motivated her to approach a 

veteran and thank him or her. The 

responses from the veterans were 

heartfelt. 

My kids are also in charge of our 

thank-you box for delivery drivers. 

They’ve made a sign describing the 

offered treats and a note saying, 

“Thank you for working hard.” The 

box sits on our porch, and my children 

routinely fill it with drinks. 

—Allison Struber 

SONDEM / STOCK.ADOBE.COM 

6 



GRATITUDE / HACKS & FACTS 

LEAVES OF 

gratitude 

Every fall my children and I tape a 

brown, construction-paper tree with 

branches to the wall. Then we use 

autumn colors such as reds, oranges 

and yellows to form different-shaped 

leaves. These leaves sit in a basket on 

our kitchen table. 

Each night at dinner, we talk about 

what we’re each thankful for. Then 

we write our thoughts of gratitude on 

the leaves. One by one, family members 

tape their leaves to the tree. By the 

end of the month, we have a tree covered 

in leaves of gratitude—a wonderful 

reminder of God’s faithfulness and our 

many blessings. 

—Jenny Nanninga 

Download our free Kids of 

Integrity lesson on Gratitude! 

KidsOfIntegrity.com/Gratitude 

pausing for 

appreciation 

When my children were toddlers, I 

would pause in serving their plate at 

mealtimes until they first said thank 

you. They quickly learned to show 

appreciation. I helped them develop 

this habit in other situations, too, 

including saying thank you when I 

delivered their clean laundry to them. 

Now they’re 10 years old, and they 

still thank me if I’ve washed their bed 

sheets or prepared a meal. 

—Linsey Driskill 

grateful greetings 

ERIN DRAGO 

Though I may have many thoughts 

and worries to unload on my husband 

when he comes home, I try to make 

sure that the children see a grateful 

attitude from me and a lighthearted 

exchange between us when we first 

greet. And when our family prays 

together at the dinner table, it’s 

become our habit to start off by 

praising God for His many blessings. 

—Laura Costea 


HACKS & FACTS / CHURCH COMMUNITY 

building 

BONDS 

THROUGH 

MINISTRY 

talent on display 

My two sons helped build wheelchair ramps 

and served on the clean-up crew as part of a 

men’s ministry at our church. The guys volunteer 

their time to work on small construction 

and maintenance projects for people in the 

community. My sons were able to form bonds 

with fellow church members and better see how 

a team can work together, using their skills to 

share the love of Christ with others. 

—Carol Bradfield 

Our church hosted an open house for all the kids. Children could sign up 

for short presentations to display their artwork, play an instrument or recite 

poetry. The turnout was fabulous, and the kids learned new things about 

one another. My son, Isaac, discovered how beautifully his friend Jacob 

could sculpt with clay. Hannah, my preschooler, stood onstage with her 

stuffed tiger and told the kids about her trip to the zoo. It created a bond 

among the mothers in attendance, and the kids all looked forward to the 

next community event. 

—Jennifer Henn 

little greeter 

My 6-year-old daughter expressed 

an interest in helping out on 

Sundays at church. I’m ashamed 

to say I put her off at first because I 

thought she would distract me and 

others and not stay interested. But 

she was persistent. Finally, I asked, 

“Honey, how do you want to help?” 

“Like you do,” she replied. 

I was one of our greeters. I made 

it my mission to take notice of people 

and make conversation with 

them. She wanted to show hospitality 

as well. So, from then on, she 

joined me. Quickly, the greeting 

team understood that she wasn’t 

simply tagging along, but instead a 

little sister in Christ who was part of 

the team. 

—Anna E. Hannigan 

VICKY SCOTT 

8 



CANDY / HACKS & FACTS 

only AS A TREAT 

During meals, my husband and I focus on 

highlighting the foods that give us healthy 

energy, such as vegetables and meat. When 

we do have sweets, we call them “sugary 

treats,” and we explain how they are delicious, 

but they don’t provide our bodies with much 

nourishment. We talk about how too much 

candy or other sugary treats can make our 

bodies feel tired and our bellies feel sick. Being 

consistent with this messaging has helped my 

toddler understand that candy is a treat, not a 

food he should eat in abundance. 

—Autumn Shaffer 

a sometimes food 

At our home, candy isn’t totally off limits; 

it isn’t bad, and it isn’t meant to be eaten 

alone. In order to teach my toddler, I keep 

the guideline short and sweet: “Candy is a 

sometimes food.” When we eat candy, we 

share in it together because eating is a social 

activity, and we’re celebrating or having 

fun together. Even our young toddler can 

remember that candy is a “sometimes food.” 

we buy apples 

—Melissa Johnson 

©LEXIA FRANK / STOCKSY UNITED; (WOOD TEXTURE) BARTSADOWSKI / STOCK.ADOBE.COM 

designed for health 

The Bible does instruct us to treat our bodies 

with respect, but no food by itself is really “good” 

or “bad.” God simply designed our bodies to 

need more vegetables and less candy, and for 

our meals and snacks, we honor Him by eating 

what we need to stay healthy. 

—Claire Walker 

I keep fruit on hand for healthy snacks. 

Eventually, our son began asking for apple 

slices instead of junk food. Our kids will 

become what they eat, but he’ll eat what 

we buy, so we buy what we want. And we 

buy apples. 

—Priscilla Boafo 

Trick-or-treaters on 

average consume 

up to 7,000 calories, 

which is equal to 

three cups of sugar 

or 169 sugar cubes. 

source: National Retail Federation

sick day 

slideshow 

One day when my boys were sick, we 

hooked up a laptop to the TV and 

watched videos and pictures from our 

family photo stream. They loved seeing 

pictures of themselves from when they 

were younger. This activity kept them 

distracted and in a positive mood. 

—Iva Saller 

comforting care kit 

After trying to force our toddler to rest (with little to no success), 

we decided to create a care kit. This kit has quiet activities (books, 

puzzles and other small toys), tissues, a blanket and easily 

digestible foods such as applesauce. When my daughter is sick, 

we get out the care kit and let her choose to snuggle up on the 

couch with a blanket or do some of the activities. Since the only 

time she can use these activities is when she is sick, they are 

special enough to motivate her to sit and play for a while. This 

allows her body to rest and avoids a power struggle between us. 

—Autumn Shaffer 

hot water 

bottle rescue 

I keep my preschool son still and 

comforted when he is sick by using an 

old-fashioned water bottle. I fill it with 

very warm tap water and wrap it in a 

soft blanket. While lying on the couch 

or in his bed, he puts it where he hurts 

or simply cuddles it. 

As long as he doesn’t have a high 

fever, the hot water bottle calms him. 

When he calls my name in the middle 

of the night, I take him the bottle, and 

then I leave his room to retrieve medicine. 

Most often, he’s already fallen 

asleep by the time I return. 

—Jennifer Henn 

calm recovery 

One thing that helped keep our son 

calm when he was sick was a late afternoon 

walk (weather permitting). Being 

cooped up in the house all day felt wearying 

after a while, not only for him, 

but for me as well. A walk was refreshing, 

and if my son got tired, he could 

rest in the stroller. Back home, I would 

remind my little one that he is loved and 

that I was there to comfort him. I would 

pray with my son and remind him that 

God loved him and would help him get 

through this illness. I would sing, “He’s 

got the whole world in His hands.” More 

often than not, my boy would fall asleep 

or rest quietly afterward. 

—Julie Murrin 

tent cocoon 

When our kids were sick, we frequently 

turned a corner of our family room into 

a recovery spot. By creating an inviting 

“tent cocoon” space complete with an 

air mattress, blankets, pillows, stuffed 

animals, books, etc., we were more 

successful in gaining some additional 

resting time. The new space felt like a 

treat rather than a forced confinement. 

The tent’s closer proximity to the main 

living area made it easier for me, too. 

—Nancy Koenig 

doctor 

IN CHARGE 

When my toddler was sick, we pretended that 

she was the doctor in charge of her “patients” 

(stuffed animals), and her job was to take care 

of them and make sure they got plenty of rest. 

We got out her doctor kit and let her put Band- 

Aids on them, check their temperature and use 

her stethoscope. It helped reinforce my advice 

that rest is best when you’re sick and helped 

her remember how to take care of herself 

when she’s not feeling well. 

—Emily Yang 

ERIN DRAGO 

10 



SICKNESS / HACKS & FACTS 

under-the weather tales 

Nothing helps my children relax and forget about 

what is ailing them more than getting lost in a 

storybook while staying cozy. If they are feeling up 

for it, I even let them become a storyteller. As they tell 

the tale, I write down their ideas. This gets their brains 

active, and it allows their body to rest when it is most 

needed. When they are feeling better it’s fun to read 

the stories they came up with. 

—Alicia Gorski 

audio adventures 

When they were sick, my kids were much more 

willing to lie on the couch or snuggle quietly when I 

would let them listen to audio books or other stories. 

We listened to Adventures in Odyssey, Your Story 

Hour, Curious George and other shorter stories that 

were age appropriate. I encouraged them to listen 

while closing their eyes, and they would often drift 

off to sleep. 

—Martha Artyomenko 

Colds affect toddlers and 

preschoolers around eight 

times a year. 

source: Dr. Cynthia Gellner, University of Utah 


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For dates, locations and details, visit 

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a ministry of

Couples 

our friday 

connection 

A marriage 

insight from 

Athenia Angion 

as told to Sarah 

Brickens 

REGARDLESS OF OUR 

BUSY SCHEDULES, my husband 

and I find time to connect each 

week. Since I work out of town and 

my husband has Fridays off, he rides 

with me to work so we can spend that 

time together. He and I have made this 

a weekly tradition. While driving, we 

listen to and discuss radio programs, 

plan weekend activities and make dinner 

plans. 

Once my husband drops me off, 

he’ll find a quiet place in town to catch 

up on tasks from his two jobs as a pastor 

and university president. When 

my shift is over, my husband picks me 

up, and we go out to eat. Other times, 

my husband and I share the high and 

low moments of our days at dinner. 

No matter our schedules, we look for 

opportunities to transform our routines 

into meaningful moments in our 

marriage. • 

Athenia Angion and her husband, the Rev. Dr. 

Stanford E. Angion, have been married for 27 

years and have two grown daughters. 

The Rev. Dr. Stanford 

and Athenia Angion 

ASHLEY BROOKE PHOTOGRAPHY 


COUPLES / IN-LAW CONFLICT 

After feeling belittled by my husband’s 

family, I found a way to be at peace with 

my place at their table 

BY KAREN EHMAN 

I WAS EAGER to place my firstever 

homemade pie among the sweet 

offerings at my husband’s extended 

family’s get-together. Grabbing a can 

of whipped cream as I headed out the 

door, I envisioned satisfied smiles and 

sincere compliments surrounding my 

pretty pumpkin pastry. 

What I hadn’t anticipated, however, 

was a backhanded comment about 

how my husband’s family never sprays 

canned whipped cream onto their pies. 

They whip fresh cream and grate nutmeg 

on top. Sigh. My hopes of holiday 

glory were deflated, and I felt like a 

culinary flop. 

I’ve had my mothering skills subtly 

slammed, my method of mashing potatoes 

called into question—and worse. 

Amid the different personalities, lifestyles, 

religious beliefs and political 

views—even opinions on pie toppings— 

these gatherings had the potential to 

cause tension in my marriage. But I 

came to realize loving my in-laws was 

an extension of loving my husband. 

A fresh perspective 

Happy family gatherings didn’t always 

materialize, and my feelings were 

repeatedly—and sometimes deeply— 

hurt. Although I couldn’t change 

the people or circumstances, I could 

change my outlook and honor my 

husband. 

I started to rely on Romans 12:18 

when interacting with my husband’s 

extended family members: “If it is possible, 

as far as it depends on you, live 

at peace with everyone” (NIV). I’m not 

single-handedly responsible for bringing 

peace to family gatherings and can’t 

close the curtain on every scene of 

drama. But I can control my words and 

actions. 

At peace 

As far as it depends on me, I can 

behave. 

I can change the subject. I can 

speak in a calm tone when answering 

a combative person. I can go play 

with the children or quietly do the 

dishes. Or I can simply say nothing 

at all. 

As far as it depends on me, I can 

weigh each word I say, asking myself 

if it’s totally appropriate, completely 

necessary and ultimately gracious. 

Then later, I can look back and see 

I chose—to the best of my ability— 

to create peace. I can give goodbye 

hugs and leave with no regrets. Well, 

except for eating that second piece of 

pumpkin pie. • 

Karen Ehman is a Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker 

and a New York Times bestselling author. Karen 

and her husband, Todd, reside in Michigan and 

have three children. 

LISTEN NOW! 

Karen Ehman offers ways for busy 

families to offer hospitality 

<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio 

ILLUSTRATION BY SASKIA BUENO 

14 



RESTORATION / COUPLES 

our journey toward healing 

After a difficult season of marriage, we 

rediscovered how to have fun together 

BY JILL SAVAGE 

©JOE ST.PIERRE PHOTOGRAPHY / STOCKSY UNITED 

(PATTERN) ALEXANDERZAM / STOCK.ADOBE.COM 

WE HAD THE CONVERSATION 

on a Thursday afternoon while driving 

home from our marriage counseling 

appointment. My husband, Mark, and I 

were just four months into our year-anda-half 

marriage restoration journey after 

his infidelity. Counseling appointments, 

apologies, forgiveness and an attempt to 

figure out the underlying dysfunction in 

our relationship were consuming most of 

our time and energy. 

As we made the hour-long drive home, 

Mark broke the silence. “So when do we get 

to start having fun together again?” 

It was a question I’d also been feeling but 

hadn’t been able to put into words. I was 

grateful he’d verbalized my thoughts. Yes, it 

was time for us to put some fun back into 

our relationship. 

Enjoying life again as a couple is important 

after experiencing a marriage crisis or a 

hard season together. Yet as Mark and I discovered, 

this doesn’t just happen. We had 

to intentionally put the fun back into our 

relationship. 

Whether you and your spouse have been 

through a crisis or just need fresh ideas 

to enjoy each other, here are some strategies 

that can increase the fun factor in your 

marriage. >>> 


COUPLES / RESTORATION 

Laugh together 

As Mark and I recognized the need for 

fun in our relationship, we intentionally 

began to look for the funny side 

of life again. We shared lighthearted 

memes with each other and watched 

Christian comedians on YouTube. We 

talked about funny things we heard or 

experienced throughout the day. As 

we laughed together, we felt that easy 

bond we’d had with each other return. 

When we go through a difficult 

season in our marriages, everything 

becomes serious. We focus so intently 

on the hurt that we often miss the 

humor in everyday life. But we can 

choose to think about the things that 

once made us laugh together as a couple 

and pursue them again. 

Create a list of things you 

enjoy doing together 

Sometimes we just need to get back to 

the simple things we’ve always enjoyed 

doing as a couple. These may include 

activities at home, such as playing 

cards or board games, sitting on the 

porch together or reading, cooking or 

stargazing. Or your activities might 

take you on an adventure away from 

home, such as going out to dinner, 

antiquing, hiking, traveling or playing 

golf together. 

Mark and I left those fun things 

behind during our marriage crisis, so 

we made a point of reintegrating them 

into our lives. We even scheduled one 

fun activity at least every other week. 

We enjoyed each activity and now 

look forward to those times together. 

Scheduling some fun ahead of time 

and putting it on the calendar helps 

us prioritize time to do the things we 

enjoy as a couple. 

Reserve hard 

conversations for the 

counselor’s office 

One of the best things Mark and I did 

was resist tackling hard conversations 

on our own. We knew we could easily 

slide into confrontation, especially while 

we were enjoying an activity together. 

Since we didn’t want to ruin the 

lighthearted tone and fun atmosphere, 

we decided to keep a list of issues we 

needed to talk about at our weekly 

counseling appointments. That was 

the safest place to bring up conflicts. 

Reserving touchy topics for counseling 

kept them from putting a damper 

on our fun. Since we knew the issues 

would get addressed, we didn’t feel the 

need to let them leak into our conversations. 

This protected our fun and gave 

us the freedom to enjoy time together. 

16 



LISTEN NOW! 

Mark and Jill Savage share their 

personal story of rebuilding trust 

in their marriage. 


©JOE ST.PIERRE PHOTOGRAPHY 

/ STOCKSY UNITED; (PATTERN) 

ALEXANDERZAM / STOCK.ADOBE.COM 

Dream together 

When our marriages are in crisis, we 

tend to focus on the here and now. It’s 

hard to think about the future when 

we’re hurting. But as the wounds begin 

to heal, looking forward as a couple 

is an important way to restore joy in 

our relationships. Mark and I bonded 

as we began to share our hopes and 

dreams again. We started asking each 

other questions like: 

• What’s one thing on your bucket list? 

• Where would you love to go on vacation 

sometime? 

• What do you think God’s vision is for 

us as a couple? 

• What’s one thing you’re looking forward 

to over the next year? 

• If we went on a day-trip, where would 

we go and what would we do? 

• What dream do we need to pursue 

again that we gave up perhaps 

prematurely? 

Questions like these gave us a vision 

for the future and helped us tune in to 

each other’s desires. 

Explore 

If you and your spouse have trouble 

finding common ground in your pursuit 

of fun, you’re not alone. This often 

happens with couples whose lives and 

interests have changed over the years. 

But don’t believe for one minute that 

this makes you incompatible. (After all, 

every married couple is wonderfully 

incompatible!) Instead, see those differences 

as permission to explore new 

activities together. You might be pleasantly 

surprised. 

Mark and I had to resist clinging to 

our likes and dislikes and instead be 

willing to give new things a try. When 

I suggested taking dance lessons, my 

husband balked at first, but he found 

that he actually enjoyed learning how 

to swing dance. Initially I didn’t like 

the idea of riding with him on his 

motorcycle, but after I got past my 

fear, I grew to love those times together. 

Sure, we tried some activities that one 

or both of us didn’t enjoy, but we just 

crossed them off our list. More often 

than not, we were surprised that we 

actually enjoyed more activities than 

we thought we would. 

Ultimately, it’s all about attitude. 

When it comes to having fun together, 

an “I’m willing to give it a try” mentality 

goes a long way! • 

Jill Savage is a wife, mom and marriage coach. 

She and her husband, Mark, are the authors 

of No More Perfect Marriages: Experience the 

freedom of being real together. 


COUPLES / EXPECTATIONS 

what do you expect?

EXPECTATIONS / COUPLES 

Learn how to overcome 

unrealistic expectations 

in your marriage 

BY MIKE BECHTLE 

ILLUSTRATION BY LUISA JUNG 

ON DAY ONE OF OUR 

HONEYMOON, I was looking 

forward to relaxing. For me that meant 

reading and having deep conversations 

with my new wife. After our crazy season 

of wedding preparation, I assumed 

Diane would feel the same way. But 

she wanted to hike and explore and go 

places and was convinced that’s what 

I wanted to do as well. In the end, we 

went for a long hike and had a deep 

discussion about expectations. We 

addressed them early enough that they 

didn’t threaten the well-being of our 

new marriage. 

Clear expectations open the door 

to healthy relationships. But when 

we don’t communicate or handle 

our expectations well, they can wreak 

havoc on our marriages. Let’s consider 

two of the most dangerous expectations 

so we can identify them when 

they pop up and deal with them in a 

healthy way. 

Unrealistic expectations 

of yourself 

“I found a great throw pillow on sale 

today,” Diane told me. “It’s the exact 

color we’ve been looking for to go with 

the living-room couch. It was $30, but 

it’s marked down to $6. Do we have 

enough money in the budget to get it?” 

“Yes,” I lied. “Of course.” 

We didn’t have $6. It was early in our 

marriage, and money was tight. Since 

I handled the finances, Diane was just 

asking if we could afford to get the pillow. 

Yet I assumed that if I told her the 

truth, she would be disappointed—not 

just that she couldn’t buy the pillow, 

but in me as a provider as well. 

I believed that because I was the 

husband, I should be good at handling 

money. In truth, I was terrible at it, 

but I tried to cover up my inadequacy, 

which made everything worse. 

I put our finances at risk because I 

expected I could be a perfect husband, 

and that was more important to me 

than being honest with Diane. Worse, 

my wife wasn’t getting to know the real 

me because I was hiding behind a false 

image of myself. I could never meet 

my own expectation, but rather than 

let it go, I clung to it—until she learned 

the truth when checks bounced and 

creditors called. That led to tough conversations 

that were embarrassing for 

me, but it also forced us to be honest 

with each other. 

I had to admit that I wasn’t good 

with finances. My gift was creativity, 

but Diane was gifted with logic and 

order. So she took over the budget, and 

we both relaxed. I came to realize that 

not being able to handle our finances 

didn’t mean I wasn’t a good husband 

or provider. 

Our spouses don’t need us to be perfect; 

they just need us to be honest and 

authentic. Had I been up-front with 

Diane about our finances and my failure 

in managing them, we could have 

worked out a solution together rather 

than waiting until the truth seeped 

out and the problems were bigger and 

more consequential. 

Unrealistic expectations of 

your spouse 

The first time I put away the dishes in 

our new home, I didn’t tell Diane I had 

done it. I wanted her to notice and tell 

me how amazing I was. But she didn’t 

notice, and I was hurt. Then I got quiet, 

hoping she would figure out what was 

wrong. She didn’t notice that either. 

Expecting our spouses to be mind 

readers can lead to untold misunderstandings 

and arguments, withdrawal 

and a loss of intimacy. Fortunately, 

I slowly realized that being a mind 

reader wasn’t in Diane’s skill set. By 

placing that expectation on her, I was 

disrespecting her. She needed me to 

honor her by communicating exactly 

what I wanted her to know, understand 

or do. >>> 


Patnes 

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When we moved into our current 

house 15 years ago, we noticed how 

dated the baseboards looked. We 

replaced them one room at a time but 

never got around to the guest room. 

The room needed new carpeting, so 

we figured we’d update the baseboards 

then. But finances got tight, and the 

old carpet remained. 

One day, I noticed those baseboards 

had never been painted. I decided to 

tackle them even though we still hadn’t 

replaced the old carpet. So I pulled 

back the furniture and gave those baseboards 

a fresh coat of white paint. 

When Diane came home, I didn’t 

wait for her to notice. I simply said, 

“Could you come into the guest room 

so you can ooh and aah over the baseboards 

I painted?” 

She grabbed my hand, and we 

walked into the guest room together. 

She slowly looked around and playfully 

said, “Ooh! Aah!” Then she followed 

up with a genuine compliment: “This 

looks like a totally different room. The 

new paint lightens the whole place. 

You did a great job. Thanks!” 

It was direct. It was fun. And the 

respect and praise I received from her 

lasted several days. Why? Because I 

told her exactly what I needed. 

Two simple solutions 

We can neutralize these dangerous 

expectations by applying two simple 

solutions. First, we need to adjust our 

expectations of ourselves and our 

spouses. I’ve learned that I don’t need 

to be perfect to be a good spouse. I 

love my wife best by being myself with 

her. I also honor her when I share what 

I’m thinking instead of expecting her 

to be a mind reader. 

Our spouses don’t 

need us to be perfect; 

they just need us 

to be honest and 

authentic. 

The second solution is to communicate 

openly and honestly with each 

other. It takes some humility, but once 

we start connecting authentically, conversations 

about expectations become 

easier. Engaging in real dialogue with 

our spouses helps us learn what each 

person really desires. That builds trust, 

which is the foundation of any healthy 

relationship. It starts with a simple 

statement like “Hey, honey, let me tell 

you what I’m thinking” or “Can I share 

with you what’s going on?” 

When a couple get married, two separate 

people become one (Matthew 

19:5). Expectations can divide us and 

ultimately harm our marriage if we 

don’t talk about them. But sharing 

our expectations and listening to each 

other with an open mind draws us 

closer and safeguards our love. • 

Mike Bechtle is the author of many books, 

including Dealing With the Elephant in the 

Room: Moving from tough conversations to 

healthy communication. 

LISTEN NOW! 

Hear more from Mike Bechtle as 

he talks about how to use your 

unique personality to share your 

faith with others. 

<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio

EMOTIONAL ABUSE / COUPLES 

How to recognize signs 

of emotional abuse in 

your marriage 

BY DARBY STRICKLAND 

SITTING WITH HER HUSBAND in 

front of their pastor, trying not to cry, Angela* 

spoke softly. “I’m worn out. I’ve been trying to 

please Jason* while also caring for our home and 

family. But I feel like nothing I do is ever enough. 

I just never know when he’ll be angry with me. 

When he is, he yells and then ignores me for days.” 

Angela continued, “Three nights ago, Jason 

spent over an hour pointing out all the things 

I did not do that day.” 

Jason interjected: “When I get home, I want 

things to be in order and dinner made. Instead, 

I come home to find you still in your pajamas and 

the house looking like a disaster area!” 

Familiar with defending herself, Angela started 

to explain. “Hailey was sick that day with a stomach 

bug, so . . .” 

Jason interrupted her. “You should hear your 

whiny voice. Someone devoted to their marriage 

doesn’t complain about caring for their children or 

use them as an excuse!” Jason was looking for the 

pastor to agree with his frustration, but instead, he 

was handing Angela tissues. >>> 


COUPLES / EMOTIONAL ABUSE 

Is this emotional abuse? 

Jason’s criticism is harsh, and his 

words are deeply hurtful and unsettling. 

Is this just a typical marriage 

conflict, or is it something more serious? 

Emotional abuse occurs when one 

spouse habitually elevates his or her 

self-interest over the interests of the 

other. An emotionally abusive spouse 

seeks to dominate the other through 

patterns of nonviolent, yet coercive, 

punishing behaviors. All attention in 

the relationship is centered on the 

abuser and his or her demands. 

But, a word of caution, emotional 

abuse is one of the hardest forms of 

abuse to recognize. Determining its 

presence cannot solely be determined 

by incidents of ugly behaviors including 

name-calling, blame-shifting and 

yelling in anger. Sins like these occur in 

most marriages at some time or other. 

The difference is that, for most spouses 

who’ve acted out in such an inappropriate 

manner, they are moved by the 

pain they’ve caused and eventually 

repent. Again, emotional abuse typically 

involves ongoing, unrepentant 

patterns of coercion and control. 

To decide if Jason is abusive to 

Angela, we would want to find out 

more about their marriage. Are his 

desires healthy ones or unreasonable 

demands? How does he respond when 

he’s disappointed? Does he have an 

ongoing pattern of ignoring and berating 

her when she doesn’t meet his 

expectations? Is she afraid to express 

how he hurts her? Looking for these 

patterns of coercive control is key. 

Criticism and conflict 

As the meeting with their pastor went 

on, Jason continued his criticism. 

“Angela’s always tending to the kids, 

but I have needs, too. I’ve put up with 

so much from her. I do not think she 

respects me.” 

Angela tried to protest, “I respect 

you and see how hard you work.” 

But he interrupted her again. “If 

you respected me, you wouldn’t 

question me. You’d take time to put 

yourself together and look decent.” 

At this, the pastor finally spoke up. 

“Angela, I hear Jason saying some hard 

things. What’s that like for you?” 

Angela hesitated, but Jason was 

quick to speak. “I have to say hard 

things, and she needs to stop questioning 

me. If she parented better, the kids 

would not take up all her time. She 

needs to step up and be a better wife.” 

The longer we listen in, the clearer 

the situation becomes. Jason’s expectations 

are unreasonable, and when 

Angela doesn’t meet them, he has 

no regard for her circumstances and 

punishes her with shame and isolation. 

We also notice that he frequently 

interrupts and berates her, and she 

seems to be afraid of setting him off. 

Is abuse part of your story? 

Do you resonate with Angela’s story? 

Ongoing crushing expectations and a 

domineering attitude from a husband 

or a wife are not God-honoring or 

acceptable behaviors. 

If you’re experiencing this in your 

home, it’s worth taking an inventory of 

your marriage because the conflict you 

are experiencing might rise to the level 

of emotional abuse. Answer the following 

questions to get a better sense of 

the potential patterns developing in 

your marriage: 

• Are you anxious around your spouse? 

• Are you afraid to make your spouse 

upset because of his or her prior 

responses? 

• Are you exhausted from trying to 

please your spouse? 

• Are you told you “never get it right”? 

• Do your spouse’s expectations repeatedly 

crush you? 

• Does your spouse consistently complain 

that you’re a disappointment? 

Emotional abuse does not always 

take the form of cruel words. Abusers 

use a variety of control tactics. Some 

tactics are aggressive, such as yelling, 

threatening, towering over you, 

throwing objects or worse. Some are 

passive, such as lying, ignoring or 

22 



EMOTIONAL ABUSE / COUPLES 

sulking. Abuse may also take the form of creating confusion, 

“scorekeeping” or discrediting you. No matter what 

tactics abusers use, they seek to coercively change your 

behavior so they can live the lives they want. Ask yourself, 

Does fear of my spouse change the way I serve him 

or her? What am I afraid might happen if my spouse is 

unhappy with me? God did not design marriage to be a 

place where you feel fearfully enslaved to your spouse. 

A final thought 

At its core, emotional abuse is a heart problem. Instead of 

following God’s design for marriage, where each spouse 

helps with the care and encouragement of the other, one 

spouse coerces the other so that his or her expectations 

and desires are met. 

Thankfully, Angela’s pastor suspected emotional abuse 

and sent them for individual counseling. Why not joint 

marriage counseling? Marriage counseling is not recommended 

when abuse is present because the abused spouse 

isn’t free to share his or her experiences without risking further 

criticism and punishment at home. Initially, individual 

counseling is better suited to assess the severity of abuse 

and screen for a spouse’s safety. 

If you remain unsure if what you’re enduring is abuse, 

please don’t wait until things further deteriorate. Seek out 

someone who can help you accurately discern your situation 

and help to address your concerns. • 

SEEK EXPERT HELP 

November is National Domestic Violence Awareness 

Month in Canada. For more help learning about different 

forms of marital abuse, you can sign up for 

Darby Strickland’s free video series Understanding 

Abuse in Marriage by visiting <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/ 

AbuseInMarriage. 

If you have questions about emotional abuse or 

are worried about the dynamics in your marriage, 

call <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada at 1-800-661-9800 

weekdays from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. (Pacific time) for a 

free one-time phone consultation with one of our 

counsellors, or to be referred to a counsellor in 

your area. 

For a full list of helplines and shelters across Canada, 

you can also visit EndingViolenceCanada.org. If 

you are in immediate danger or fear for your safety, 

please call 911. 

*Names changed to protect privacy. This example features a female 

victim of emotional abuse, but this advice can be applied to male 

victims as well. 

Darby Strickland is a counselor and faculty member for the 

Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation. Darby has a Master 

of Divinity degree in counseling from Westminster Theological 

Seminary where she currently teaches a course on counseling 

people in abusive marriages. 

LISTEN NOW! 

Darby Strickland offers guidance 

to identify abuse in marriage. 


IS IT ABUSE? 

BY DARBY STRICKLAND 

Understand the dynamics of abuse. 

This insightful book offers a wealth 

of screening questions to help 

determine the presence of abuse and 

how to find support. 



COUPLES / HUMOR 

two much of a good thing 

Can your marriage handle another you? 

BY DAVE MEURER | ILLUSTRATION BY SERGIO EDWARDS 

I WATCHED THE FINAL 

LEAVES FALL from our tree out of 

our large living room window. “I wish 

I could create a clone of me to rake all 

those leaves. Then I could enjoy the 

comfort of my La-Z-Sloth recliner and 

watch sports.” 

My wife, Dale, folded her arms and 

frowned. “Two of you? Twice the laundry, 

and twice the dirty dishes? If 

you’re trying to double my irritation, 

you’re succeeding.” 

“Think of it this way,” I replied, warming 

to the idea. “The other me would 

technically be me, but a much more 

disciplined version. He would pick up 

his own socks, walk the dog and perform 

oodles of other chores.” 

Dale looked thoughtful as she 

tapped her finger on the windowsill. 

“Interesting. I could replace you with 

another more improved you. I am 

beginning to see the plus side of this.” 

“Replace?” I shook my head. “No, 

this would be an additional me, not a 

replacement for me.” 

But she was now staring off into the 

blustery day. “A helpful you. A you 

who would rake leaves without complaining. 

A kinder, more thoughtful 

you. It would be like turning back the 

clock to our newlywed days. I might 

even want to go out to dinner with 

this you.” 

The hair rose on the back of 

my neck. “You can’t date the new 

me. That imposter would ruin our 

marriage.” 

“I would never leave you,” Dale said. 

“But the replacement you would, technically, 

be you. Same DNA, same 

fingerprints, same everything. He could 

be the wedding vow version of ‘for better,’ 

and you could be the ‘for worse.’ ” 

“You can’t replace me with me. I 

can’t be the other man in your life!” 

“You’re the one who wanted two of 

you,” Dale said. 

“That was before I thought about 

the theological implications. I’m sure 

God had a very good reason for making 

only one of me.” I quickly put on 

my jacket. “I’m off to rake the leaves. If 

another me dares to touch a single leaf, 

I will phone the authorities and have 

myself hauled off for trespassing.” 

Dale blew me a kiss. “You’re one of 

a kind.” 

I nodded. “I don’t think the world is 

big enough for two of me.” 

“Neither do I,” Dale agreed. • 

Dave Meurer is a humor writer and nonfiction 

book author. 

24 



Faith & Inspiration 

FOTF / BRIAN MELLEMA 


FAITH & INSPIRATION / TRUSTING GOD 

Luke Smallbone’s bold faith 

amid struggles inspires For King 

& Country’s musical journey 

BY BENJAMIN HAWKINS 

Brothers Luke and Joel Smallbone 

of For King & Country 

26 



TRUSTING GOD / FAITH & INSPIRATION 



CRADLING HER LIMP, 

2-MONTH-OLD SON, Courtney 

Smallbone ran out the door of her house. “Call 

911,” she cried to her husband, Luke, who was 

mowing the lawn. “Call 911!” 

Only a few moments earlier, on Sept. 15, 

2017, Courtney had entered the room where 

their son Leo was napping. She found him 

silent and still, with blood running from his 

nose. His skin was pale, and he wasn’t breathing. 

Courtney lifted Leo in her arms and darted 

from the room, desperate for help. 

As soon as Luke saw the motionless Leo, he 

called 911 and followed his wife to their gravel 

driveway. Courtney held Leo in her arms and 

prayed. “In the name of Jesus, bring back my 

boy,” she said. “In the name of Jesus, put air 

into his lungs.” 

Leo’s skin was turning blue, and he was cold 

to the touch. Luke wondered if they’d already 

lost him. But, as Courtney prayed, Leo suddenly 

took a deep breath. Then the ambulance arrived, 

rushing Courtney and Leo to the hospital. 

After family members arrived to watch their 

other children, Luke quickly made his way to the 

hospital. As one half of the popular Christianmusic 

duo For King & Country, Luke naturally 

processes his pain and struggles through lyrics. 

As he drove to the hospital, he poured out his 

prayer to God in an impromptu song. 

In the blink of an eye, life flashed right in front 

of my eyes, he sang. Never knew that the fear 

could cripple my chest. In the blink of an eye, 

the light left. 

I need You more, he continued, I need You 

more, more than ever before. I need You more. 

Thanks to prompt treatment for Leo, Luke and 

Courtney’s prayers were answered. The medical 

scare was over, but the impact of Luke’s 

prayer-song carried on, resonating on For King 

& Country’s 2018 album, Burn the Ships. 

Luke says the “gift of struggle” has often 

inspired his songs, helping to secure For King & 

Country’s success as four-time Grammy Award 

winners. More importantly, however, Luke’s 

many struggles in life remind him just how 

deeply he needs God’s love and grace. 

“As a young boy and, in some cases since I’ve 

been doing music, I’ve been given the gift of 

struggle,” Luke says. “For me, music has been 

about writing about those things . . . writing 

about the gift of life, in some cases the gift of 

sorrow, because it’s in the sorrow that you 

learn so much.” 

‘We saw God show up’ 

Even as a child, Luke was familiar with the 

struggles of life. In 1991, when Luke was only 

5, his concert-promoter father, David, started 

a new job in Nashville, Tennessee. He moved 

Luke, his then-pregnant wife, Helen, and their 

five other children away from their home in 

Australia. But soon after they arrived in the 

United States, David lost his job. 

The Smallbones were stranded in Nashville 

with no money, no family and—so they 

thought—no friends. The children slept on 

piles of laundry and lived on ramen noodles 

and Taco Bell 79-cent bean burritos. Both parents 

and the kids took odd jobs raking leaves, 

mowing lawns and cleaning houses to help 

support the needs of their household. They 

often circled up as a family in a room with no 

furniture, where they asked God to meet each 

day’s needs. 

Despite these struggles, Luke says he had 

a joyful childhood and witnessed God’s 

provision. 

“We saw God show up in amazing ways,” he 

says. “We had people give us a car the very first 

day they met us. We had somebody pay for our 

little sister to be born in a hospital—to this 

day, we don’t know who it was. We’d have people 

drop bags full of groceries on our doorstep. 

Checks would arrive in the mail that covered 

our bills by just a few dollars. That was really 

the introduction to America for us. Americans 

have been so generous and kind to us.” 

In 1994, the Smallbone family got a big 

break when Luke’s teenage sister, known 

“For me, music 

has been about 

writing about 

those things . . . 

writing about 

the gift of life, in 

some cases the 

gift of sorrow, 

because it’s in 

the sorrow that 

you learn so 

much.” 

—Luke 

Smallbone 

28 



TRUSTING GOD / FAITH & INSPIRATION 

Luke and his family (l to r): 

Front row: Phoenix, Leo, Jude 

Back row: Luke, Courtney, Evie 

PHOTOS COURTESY OF LUKE SMALLBONE 

professionally as Rebecca St. James, released 

her first major Christian music album with 

ForeFront Records. Rebecca’s musical success 

paved the way for her younger brothers, Luke 

and Joel. The brothers sang background vocals 

and ran the lights for their sister’s concerts until 

they decided, in 2007, to begin their own musical 

duo, eventually named For King & Country. 

By 2013, For King & Country had earned 

several Dove Award nominations and even 

appeared on “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.” 

But later that year, Luke became seriously ill, 

and the brothers wondered if their dreams 

would survive his illness—or if Luke himself 

would survive. 

Accepting grace 

Joel Smallbone was on his honeymoon with 

his wife, Moriah, that July when his phone lit 

up with a text message—news that Luke had to 

stop touring. 

Luke had struggled for some time with ulcerative 

colitis, a digestive disorder that eventually 

withered his 6-foot-4-inch-tall body from 185 

pounds to 125 pounds. 

“I looked like a concentration camp survivor,” 

Luke says. He was extremely weak—too weak to 

even hold his 6-month-old son, Jude. 

As Luke fought for his life, Courtney—whom 

Luke had married in 2010—struggled to nurse 

her 26-year-old husband back to health. She 

kept a journal of everything he ate and held his 

arm whenever he attempted to get some exercise. 

For Luke, one lap around their cul-de-sac 

each day was all he could handle. 

Meanwhile, as he lay in bed exhausted, Luke 

struggled with God. 

“I made a decision to follow Jesus when I was 

8, and man, has that held me in good stead for 

life,” he says. “But there are moments in life 

that it becomes more real than at other times.” 

One night in particular, he remembers crying 



out to God: “Why am I so sick? I’m 

doing all the things that You’ve asked 

me to do.” 

As he prayed in desperation, Luke 

began to realize how God was trying 

to get his attention. “That struggle 

allowed me to accept grace, truly, for 

one of the first times in my life. And 

I’m not sure that is a lesson that we 

can ever get tired of learning.” 

Luke struggled with the disease for 

the remainder of 2013 before he was 

healthy enough to tour with Joel once 

again the next year. But God wasn’t 

done teaching Luke amid the struggles 

of life—and not just his own 

struggles. 

God showed up 

In 2014, for example, Courtney was 

pregnant with their second son, 

Phoenix. Her doctor prescribed 

anti-nausea medicine to help her 

with severe morning sickness, but 

she became addicted to the pills. 

Courtney’s struggle to overcome the 

addiction and let go of her feelings 

of guilt inspired the title track of For 

King & Country’s third album, Burn 

the Ships. 

“Sometimes our past haunts our 

futures,” Luke says, and Burn the Ships 

calls listeners to leave the shame and 

pain of the past “to plunge into a 

future of hope.” 

When the COVID-19 pandemic 

hit in 2020, Luke and Joel spent their 

time in lockdown writing some of 

their latest hits—including “Together” 

and “Relate”—encouraging their listeners 

to show compassion for one 

another and pull together amid the 

struggles of life. Both songs appeared 

on the group’s 2022 album, What Are 

We Waiting For? 

Then, amid the pandemic, Luke faced 

yet another struggle. His voice began 

to bother him, forcing him to undergo 

vocal cord surgery in May of 2021. 

Luke knew the risks that accompanied 

the surgery. But as he lay in a 

hospital bed, unable to speak during 

the week after surgery, troubling 

thoughts plagued him. What if I can’t 

talk anymore? What if I can’t sing? 

What if I can’t write songs? What if 

my vocal cords are damaged beyond 

repair? 

Once again, God showed up to ease 

Luke’s fears: “I felt God really clearly 

say to me, ‘Look, it’s never been about 

a voice. It’s never been about a song. 

It’s never been about what you could 

do or what you could accomplish. It’s 

about the very fact that I love you, that 

I cherish you despite those things. So, 

if your voice never comes back, I’m 

still God. I still love you.’ 

“Maybe,” Luke says, “I’m just one 

of those silly people who has to have 

things happen time and time again . . . 

but that lesson never gets old.” 

Sure enough, Luke’s vocal cords 

began to mend, and he’s returned 

once again to his music. But now he 

knows, without a doubt, that he needs 

God more. 

More than ever before. • 

Benjamin Hawkins is a freelance writer and 

associate editor of The Pathway, the news 

journal of the Missouri Baptist Convention. 

INSPIRED MUSIC 

Get For King & Country’s latest album, 

What Are We Waiting For? 


30 



FOSTER CARE / FAITH & INSPIRATION 

too old to foster? 

How one couple helped a sibling group 

caught in the foster care system 

BY JOHNSTON MOORE | PHOTOS BY MATT RENAUD 

GINNY AND TED WEREN’T TYPICAL FOSTER PARENTS. 

Finding each other later in life, they both had adult children and were in their 

60s. “We were in good health,” Ginny says, “and I, particularly, wanted to give to 

children what my own foster family gave me.” 

When a group of siblings—two boys, ages 8 and 3, and a 4-year-old girl— 

needed a place to stay, this couple took them in. The kids had been in six 

different homes in the previous two years. “The children wouldn’t even 

acknowledge us at first,” Ginny says. 

God showed Ginny that a word like love might not have the same meaning 

to children who had experienced such pain. It had become an empty word. >>> 

Ted and Ginny 


FAITH & INSPIRATION / FOSTER CARE 

Sitting with him 

Ginny and Ted’s first priority was to 

address the violence between the children. 

Every day they prayed for God’s 

help and guidance, and they also 

tapped into the resources available 

to them. “It was serious,” Ginny says, 

“not just bickering. We would separate 

[them] and talk to them about treating 

others as they would like to be treated.” 

The oldest brother’s violence was 

most concerning. Ginny says, “The psychologist 

suggested that I have [him] 

sit awhile to learn to calm himself.” 

Ginny decided to sit with him and 

hold his hand for short periods of time, 

with no interference from his siblings. 

Eventually, the time increased to 20 

minutes. The one-on-one time became 

important to him, and he even began 

reminding Ginny that he needed it. 

“That was a great moment!” she says. 

“He was actually asking for our time 

together.” 

On to adoption 

Ginny and Ted faced other challenges 

with the children, but God provided 

the wisdom they needed to help the 

siblings heal. Eventually, all three were 

adopted into permanent homes—the 

younger two in one and the oldest 

in another. Though giving them up 

after being with them over a year was 

painful, Ginny knew they needed permanent 

families. 

“Ted and I were too old to raise these 

little ones to adulthood,” she says. 

Now, more than a decade later, 

Ginny and Ted have remained in the 

children’s lives. Because of serious 

health problems, they have been 

unable to foster additional children. 

Still, they are grateful that God blessed 

them with these wonderful kids. • 

Johnston Moore, along with his wife, Terri, are 

parents to seven children who came to them 

through the foster care system. Johnston is an 

author and speaker, and is actively involved in 

the foster care and adoption communities. 

WAITING TO BELONG 

November is National Adoption Month, a time to celebrate children 

being given a forever family. You can be a part of this life-changing step 

for adoptive families around you. Adoptive families benefit from the 

support of their church, family and community. While not everyone 

is called to adopt, we can all bring joy to those families that follow the 

Lord’s lead to open their homes and hearts to waiting kids. You can learn 

more about <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada’s ministry for adoptive and 

foster families by visiting WaitingToBelong.ca. 

32 



Dr. Karl Benzio 

Natasha Crain 

Debra Fileta 

Ray Vander Laan 

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In these free four- to eight-part video series, you will learn from expert guests on a variety 

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FAITH & INSPIRATION / PURPOSEFUL PARENTING 

doing my 

best to spoil 

my kids 

How I help my 

children overindulge 

in God’s goodness 

BY SANDY MAYLE 

I WANT TO SPOIL MY KIDS. 

Deliberately, and without remorse. 

I want to take them to church week 

after week and let them set out too long 

in the warmth of God’s love expressed 

by the fellowship of believers. 

I want to throw them into a bushel of 

saints—young ones and old ones and 

in-betweens—so that they’ll come into 

contagiously close contact. 

I want to overexpose them to God’s 

glory shining through the Word of God, 

glowing on the faces of His people, 

radiating from the presence of the Holy 

Spirit, reflecting through earnest and 

powerful prayer. 

I want to overindulge their quest for 

freedom and wholeness and fulfillment 

by bringing them to the foot of a lonely 

cross. There, sin is obliterated by the 

blood of Jesus and both self-worship 

and self-destruction are crucified with 

Christ “so that they may take hold of 

that which is truly life” (1 Timothy 6:19). 

I want to cater to their desire to “see it 

all” and “have it all.” I will help remove 

the shortsightedness of only earthly 

living and surrealism of culture that 

envelops them, so that they may glimpse 

the hope to which they are called and 

grasp the reality of immortality. 

The Lord leading me, I want to do 

my best to spoil them for this world, so 

that it never really satisfies. So that they 

have seen too much and understood 

too deeply to buy into its message. So 

they demand far more than the world 

can supply and expect far too much for 

it to satisfy, and so that they know Who 

can fulfill their longing. 

I know that all my spoiling can’t 

preserve them. They have a choice. I 

just want to do all I can to spoil their 

likelihood of choosing wrong. 

I want to spoil my kids. 

On purpose and beyond salvaging. 

It’s the best method of preservation 

I know. • 

Sandy Mayle is a freelance writer, wife and 

mother of three sons. She has been active in the 

music and prayer ministries at her local church. 

FOTF / BRIAN MELLEMA 

34 



Kids & Teens 

DOWNLOAD 

our free coloring sheet. 

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving, 

and his courts with praise! 

Give thanks to him; bless his name!” 

PSALM 100:4 

The children at your Thanksgiving 

gathering can color this festive coloring 

sheet this year. 

Download the free coloring sheet here. 

<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Thanksgiving 

CREDIT TK 


the biggest reward 

Our family found a solution 

to morning chaos 

BY ELSA KOK COLOPY 

©STUDIO FIRMA / STOCKSY UNITED 

36 



TEACHING RESPONSIBILITY / KIDS & TEENS 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? We 

were on our way to school, and two of 

my four kids had forgotten something. 

Again. 

“Mom, I forgot my water bottle!” 

“I’m sorry, but we don’t have time to 

go back for it now.” 

“Mom, I left my homework in the 

bathroom!” 

“What was it doing in the bathroom? 

Never mind. I’d rather not know.” 

At the start of the school year, my kids 

seemed on top of everything and were 

prepared when we walked out the front 

door in the morning. But only three 

weeks later, their schoolwork was getting 

sloppy, and there always seemed 

to be a crisis on the way to school. 

Mornings would start off peacefully 

but would inevitably turn chaotic as I 

herded them out the door. 

“Don’t forget your math book!” 

“Please grab your lunch box!” 

“Why are you wearing sandals when 

it’s cold out? Run back inside and 

change your shoes!” 

For the sake of my sanity as a mother 

of four little ones, I had to teach them 

not only to manage their own daily 

responsibilities but also to value a job 

well done. 

Getting organized 

I recalled that my sister-in-law had 

used a whiteboard in the kitchen to 

communicate with her older kids, so 

I decided to purchase one and place 

it in a high-traffic area where my children 

would be sure to see it. At the end 

of each day, I’d write the schedule for 

the next day’s activities on the board. In 

the bottom corner, I included a chart of 

tasks my children needed to complete 

before school each morning. 

I put everything on that little chart: 

potty, teeth, hair, school clothes (I put 

that one on the list after a mortifying 

pajama incident), prayer, homework 

in backpack, breakfast, packed lunch, 

snack, water bottle. 

Using a reward system to gain their 

interest, I gave each of them a marble 

for completing their tasks every day. At 

the end of the week, they could use the 

marbles to “buy” something at my shop, 

which included items from the dollar 

store. 

There were consequences as well. If 

they checked off tasks they hadn’t completed 

or failed to check off any they 

had finished, they had to forfeit watching 

their favorite cartoon that day. 

Rewarding hard work 

It took time for my kids to get used to 

the new system, but once they established 

a rhythm, we sailed through our 

morning routine. Still, another problem 

remained: their bare-minimum 

mentality about schoolwork. I wanted 

my kids to learn the value of hard work 

and do their best in school. 

The reward system had helped them 

take charge of daily tasks, but I wasn’t 

sure it would be successful for their 

homework. I decided it was worth a 

try, so I developed a reward system for 

their Accelerated Reader (AR) program 

at school. In the AR program, children 

select books to read from an approved 

list and then answer test questions 

about the content to gain points. Each 

child must earn a required number of 

points by the end of the quarter. 

I told my kids they would receive a 

financial reward if they earned extra 

points by reading more books. The 

bonus wasn’t much, but they were so 

excited about it that they broke through 

the point barrier to earn the cash. I 

offered the same reward for the online 

math games they were required to play 

at least three times a week. Taking full 

advantage of the incentive, my youngest 

entrepreneur bumped up her math 

games to seven times a week. 

Reaping our rewards 

To my surprise, my reward system 

turned out to be wildly successful. My 

children loved the financial incentives, 

of course, but most important, the 

rewards helped them learn responsibility 

and the value of hard work. As they 

grew in reading and math skills, they 

also gained confidence and experienced 

the joy of doing well in school. 

Tangible rewards gave the steppingstones 

they needed to develop natural 

incentives to do their best, and in time, 

reap the long-lasting rewards. 

As the first half of the year came to 

a close, my children still needed occasional 

reminders, but they were pulling 

their own weight and taking care of the 

things that matter most. That was my 

biggest reward as a mom. • 

Elsa Kok Colopy is an author and speaker. She 

and her husband, Brian, are now parents to 

eight children. 


KIDS & TEENS / RESILIENCE 

THE SPACE 

TO CREATE 

Encourage your kids to explore, 

innovate and use their imagination 

BY LORI Z. SCOTT 

ILLUSTRATIONS BY INNA GUNTER 

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A 

ONE-LEGGED, THREE- 

EYED PIRATE? Me neither, until 

I stopped outside my son Michael’s 

pre-K room to survey student artwork. 

The bulletin board showcased 

15 identically cut buccaneers and 

one quirky monstrosity—with my 

son’s name crayoned in the corner. 

Hoping Michael was just too lazy 

to glue on the extra leg, I asked him 

to tell me about his craft. 

He cocked his head as if the 

answer was obvious. “That’s Pete the 

Pirate.” 

I pointed to the head. “Why does 

he have three eyes?” 

“Two ‘eye, eye, Captain!’ regular 

ones.” He counted his fingers. “And 

one eye that’s out to see.” 

I couldn’t argue with that logic. 

“And the leg?” 

“He likes to jump,” Michael 

declared. “Who’s gonna stop him?” 

Certainly not me. Oh, the creativity 

of my kid. 

Creativity can be fostered in all 

people, no matter their interests, 

goals or personality. This is good 

news for parents. We can cultivate 

innovative thinking in our children. 

The source of creativity 

Developing creativity starts by tapping 

into the source—God. The Bible 

describes how our creator perfected 

every plant and creature, painted every 

sunrise and sunset, and placed every 

star and galaxy. Even microorganisms, 

fingerprints and snowflakes are intricately 

designed—the smallest details 

of the universe show off God’s artistic 

flair (Genesis 1:1-27; Psalm 104:24; 

Romans 1:20). 

The Bible also tells us that we are 

made in the image of God, which I 

take to mean that we have a capacity 

for innovative thinking. “From an 

early age, children scribble, build, 

plunk on a piano and experiment 

with their environment,” says Rachel 

Savell, an elementary school counselor. 

“They don’t worry if they don’t 

draw a perfect circle or play the right 

notes. They simply dive in.” 

So, how do we encourage their 

creativity? 

38 



RESILIENCE / KIDS & TEENS 

A thousand steps 

As children grow, their creativity may 

be stifled by negative talk. Some start 

believing they must succeed on the 

first try. So fear keeps them from 

exploring the abilities God gave them. 

No one will like this idea. What if I 

make a mistake? People will make fun 

of me. 

Creativity isn’t about perfection. 

It’s about embracing risks and questions. 

Creative people try and fail and 

try again. 

“Let your kids know it’s OK to make 

mistakes,” Linda Kussman, mother of 

three, says. “And be OK with letting 

them make a mess. If you want creative 

kids, you’ve got to live with a mess. 

“And you’ve got to be creative yourself. 

I see my kids following my 

example,” she says. “I didn’t use a 

bunch of special tools. I often just took 

ordinary objects, like a shoe, and asked, 

‘What is a different way we could use 

this?’ The kids would let their imaginations 

run wild—inventing games, 

putting on shows, and doing all sorts of 

silly things with that shoe.” 

Whether you’re cooking, sewing, 

acting, dancing, solving a math problem 

or mapping out a new routine for 

your family, every attempt at doing 

something new is a step forward in the 

creative process. As Thomas Edison 

once said, “I didn’t fail a thousand 

times. The light bulb was an invention 

with a thousand steps.” 

Embrace the truth 

Help your child replace a negative 

mindset with God’s point of view: I’m 

fashioned in God’s image. Satisfaction 

stems from working to the best of my 

ability. God uses me when I surrender 

my heart to Him. 

“We do a Bible devotional as a family,” 

Rachel says. “We pick out a reaffirming 

verse and make it visible. I’ve written 

verses on the bathroom mirror or 

tables with a dry-erase marker. That’s 

always fun. Sometimes we invent hand 

signs to learn the verse.” 

Scriptures on sticky notes posted 

around the house also work well. 

Your child can even help select the 

Scriptures and decide where they 

should be displayed. 

When my daughter felt discouraged, 

I wrote a dozen truths on sticky notes 

and placed them in a circle around the 

mirror. When she looked at the mirror 

in the morning, her face was framed by 

these affirmations: 

God is continually at work within me. 

“Now to him who is able to do far 

more abundantly than all that we 

ask or think, according to the power 

at work within us, to him be glory.” 

(Ephesians 3:20-21) 

God will guide me just as He 

guided His people. 

“And the LORD will guide you 

continually.” 

(Isaiah 58:11) 

What I create is for God. 

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for 

the Lord and not for men.” 

(Colossians 3:23) >>> 


KIDS & TEENS / RESILIENCE 

Exhaustion vs. boredom 

One of my second grade students is simultaneously involved 

in basketball and baseball, and he often goes from one practice 

to another. Most of his spare time is spent playing video 

games. When faced with unstructured free time, he often complains 

that he’s bored. 

But he’s not bored. He’s exhausted. With exhaustion, the 

brain is drowsy, has trouble concentrating and wants to shut 

down. With boredom, the brain has energy and is searching 

for an outlet. 

When children are bored, their thoughts turn inward. A 

mind free from stress and free to wander will seek stimulation. 

Kids daydream, build connections, problem-solve and formulate 

new ideas that hold increasing complexity. 

I gave a different antsy second grade boy a tub of tiles and 

free rein to explore, and he started building patterned designs 

and three-dimensional shapes. He even modeled a strand of 

DNA. So don’t be too quick to rescue your children when they 

complain about being bored. Give them time and perhaps a 

few props and see what they cook up. 

Play 

Unstructured play is essential for cognitive development. My 

students use recess not only to learn important social skills 

but also to find new avenues for adventure. They invent new 

rules to standard games, such as tag or four square. They dig 

in the dirt and pretend the rocks they find are buried treasure, 

figure out how to trap a grasshopper, build fairy houses out 

of woodchips and problem-solve about how to retrieve a ball 

from a puddle. Each action forms connections in their brains 

that lead to deeper thinking and “aha!” moments. 

If your children have demanding schedules, carve out time 

for them to play. Shut off electronics at least 30 minutes before 

bedtime, and read books together, imagining a new ending to 

the story. Or invent a new recipe. Do a puzzle. Take silly pictures. 

Build a blanket fort. 

My son used to enjoy playing classical music, dressing in a 

cape and putting on a show. His dramatics later led to roles in 

local theater productions. My daughter spent hours fiddling 

with rhythmic sounds and instruments. Now she composes 

music for films. If they never had time for unstructured play, 

they never would have fostered their creative abilities. 

It takes discipline 

Nurture your child’s creativity, but don’t 

expect immediate results. Take one step 

today and another tomorrow. Athletes 

discipline themselves to learn a particular 

skill, and we also must be deliberate 

in our methods. Here are a few fun 

activities that might just do the trick: 

• Set a timer for three minutes. Ask 

your family to write or draw whatever 

comes to mind. Share your creations 

and ask what if questions. 

• Create an art cart. Stock it with a variety 

of materials—crayons, paper, 

markers, glue, stickers, play dough, 

paint, glitter, craft sticks, yarn. Pull it 

out at least once a week. 

• Make up new verses to a familiar 

song, like “The Itsy-bitsy Spider.” How 

about “The chunky-chubby spider 

squished the waterspout”? The goofier, 

the better. 

• Raid your recycling bin and use the 

materials to create a playground for a 

stuffed animal. Or use the materials 

to build a roller coaster or maze. 

• Set a random rule—You can’t speak 

a word with the letter B in it or 

Every sentence must be a question. 

Constraints help stimulate creative 

thinking, and the results are hilarious. 

• Look at regular items in different 

ways. A Frisbee might be a hat or a 

dinner plate or a tennis racket. Use 

the Frisbee to act out a scene from 

your favorite movie or Bible story. 

40 



RESILIENCE / KIDS & TEENS 

Keep on 

Find ways to do things differently in 

everyday life. Creativity trains kids to 

be resilient by identifying a problem 

and coming up with multiple solutions. 

Push past the possible to explore 

the impossible. And embrace the mess. 

Remember, mistakes allow your kids to 

move beyond boredom and celebrate 

the masterpieces they discover on their 

journey. • 

Lori Z. Scott is a bestselling author of 

children’s books and a freelance writer. 


KIDS & TEENS / ROLES & RELATIONSHIPS 

the grand 

caregiving 

compromise 

Should your parents 

be your children’s 

caregivers? 

BY SUSAN LAYLAND 

WHEN MARISA AND HER HUSBAND, 

JUSTIN, asked her mother to care for their son, Hayden, 

while they were at work, Brenda was happy to do it. Brenda 

and her husband were retired, and she had more free time. 

Mother and daughter agreed on a schedule, and everything 

seemed like it was working . . . until Marisa requested that 

Brenda adhere to Hayden’s strict routine. 

Brenda was startled. She had raised her own children, and 

now she just wanted to enjoy time with her grandson. Marisa 

and Justin realized they should have discussed the arrangement 

with Brenda beforehand. 

Grandparents can be an amazing resource for families. But 

before you ask your parents to care for your children while 

you’re at work, you need to talk about what caregiving success 

means to you. 

Be willing to compromise 

Compromise is important when asking your parents to become 

caregivers. Brenda wanted to enjoy unscheduled time with 

her grandson, Hayden, so Marisa included a few free hours of 

Grandma time into his routine. This compromise seemed to 

work well for everyone. 

Caring for children can also be physically demanding. 

Barbara, another caregiving grandma, agreed to a full-time 

schedule because she wanted to be with her grandkids rather 

than just see them on a video screen. Although she lived almost 

two hours away, she decided to drive to her daughter’s house 

early on Monday mornings and return home Friday evenings. 

By the end of the week, Barbara was exhausted. As time 

went on, she wasn’t sure she had the energy to continue. She 

discussed the situation with her daughter, Jill, who agreed to 

hire someone to handle the more demanding tasks, such as 

meal preparation, laundry and driving the kids to and from 

activities. The compromise worked for them. 

Find solutions together 

Hannah’s situation was different. Her mother, Susie, lived 

less than a block away and had the energy and availability 

to care for her granddaughter, Faith. It was an ideal 

arrangement, but they still had one detail to work out: Since 

Hannah’s husband, Phil, came from a different culture and 

grew up with different family customs, they wanted Faith to 

feel included in both cultures. So Susie asked her in-laws to 

teach Faith about their unique culture and customs. Then 

Susie set aside time to incorporate those traditions into her 

time with Faith. 

To find the right solutions, parents and grandparents can 

have frank discussions, ideally before moving into a caregiving 

agreement. The more each knows and agrees to 

beforehand, the easier the transition will be. • 

Susan Layland is a freelance writer, grandparent and caregiver 

to her wonderful grandchildren. 

©KELSEY SMITH / STOCKSY UNITED 

42 



A CAREGIVING RELATIONSHIP between your children and their 

grandparents can be a fulfilling and rewarding experience for everyone. 

It can also enrich family relationships and deepen bonds that will last a 

lifetime. Entering this arrangement with open eyes will help you avoid 

tensions and enjoy the experience. So consider the following questions 

to start the discussion: 

QUESTIONS TO 

ASK PARENTS 

Grandparents shouldn’t be 

afraid to discuss the need for 

parents to be flexible. Here are 

some questions grandparents 

might ask: 

• What makes this arrangement a 

priority for you? 

• What are your expectations for 

this arrangement? 

• How long do you expect me to 

be a caregiver? 

• What are your children’s 

schedules? 

• What are the house rules, and 

which ones are nonnegotiable? 

• What are the rules for meals 

and food? 

• Which rules can be relaxed so I 

can be a grandparent and not 

just a caregiver? 

• How do you reward good 

behavior and discipline bad 

choices? 

• What toys or games are only 

allowed with strict limits or 

require watchful supervision? 

• What safety measures will you 

require of me on outings? 

• Where do you keep your 

emergency contact numbers? 

QUESTIONS TO ASK 

GRANDPARENTS 

Before you arrange for your 

parents to become your 

children’s caregivers, here are 

some questions to ask: 

• What makes this arrangement a 

priority for you? 

• What are your expectations for 

this arrangement? 

• How long do you expect to be 

our children’s caregiver? 

• What are your physical 

limitations? What other 

challenges or limitations do you 

foresee? 

• What is your most immediate 

concern about caregiving? 

• What is your go-to approach 

for discipline and behavior 

reinforcement? 

• Are you prepared to honor 

our children’s boundaries and 

dietary restrictions? What are 

your concerns with them? 

• How would you incorporate 

car seats and other safe-driving 

practices on outings? 

• How do you see your caregiving 

role in practical terms? 

• How will you synchronize your 

way of doing things with our 

children’s schedules? 

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• What is the procedure you 

want me to follow in case of an 

emergency? 

• How will you explain my role 

and authority to your children? 

• How might you want to 

enhance our children’s biblical 

worldview? 

—SL

KIDS & TEENS / MEDIA 

UPCOMING REVIEWS 

For reviews of these and other titles, visit 

PluggedIn.com, <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family’s media 

review and discernment website. 

LYLE, LYLE, CROCODILE 

This adaptation of a popular children’s book 

offers life lessons from a reptile that wants to 

prove he’s not a bad guy. 

Scheduled release: Oct. 7 

STRANGE WORLD 

Can a family of explorers resolve their 

differences and survive their latest mission? 

Scheduled release: Nov. 23 

WHITE BIRD: 

A WONDER STORY 

Will a grandmother’s recollections of life 

in Nazi-occupied France teach today’s 

children about the power of kindness? 

Scheduled release: Oct. 14 

SUPERNATURAL 

HORROR & YOUR TEEN 

BY ADAM HOLZ 

EVERY OCTOBER, advertising space is taken over by movie 

trailers that delve into the demonic. Back in the 1970s, audiences 

were terrified by The Exorcist and The Omen. More 

recently, The Cursed and The Unholy are scaring a new generation 

of viewers. 

The vast majority of Christian parents have no incentive 

to give their kids permission to watch people being dragged 

off, screaming, into the darkness. But think back to your teen 

years. Did you ever stay up late with a friend watching a scary 

movie, peeking out over a blanket and wondering who’d 

cover their face first? 

For teens, especially, supernatural horror packs a “face 

your fears” kind of appeal. So how should we think about it 

as parents? 

These movies get lots wrong, spiritually and theologically. 

That said, they also tend to present a world in which good 

and evil actually exist, in which demonic forces can influence 

human beings. More so than we might realize at first, that 

worldview has a very broad parallel with what Paul says in 

Ephesians 6 about the reality of the spiritual battle around us. 

Still, most of us won’t cue up supernatural horror for a 

family-movie night—and for good reason. But if we find out 

after the fact that one of our kids did happen to see one of 

these films, don’t panic. Instead, look at it as an opportunity 

to talk with your kids about God’s Word and the unseen 

struggle against evil. • 

Adam Holz is the director of Plugged In. He and his wife, Jennifer, have 

three children. 

(CLOCKWISE FROM TOP RIGHT) HUTCH PARKER ENTERTAINMENT; 

LIONSGATE; WALT DISNEY ANIMATION STUDIOS 

44 



PRODUCTS & RESOURCES 

OUR fall 

PICKS 

A few products and resources 

The 

Chosen, 

book 1, 

by Jerry B. 

Jenkins 

Unshackled 

by Dr. Elizabeth 

Stevens 

Find these books—and many 

other enriching reads—at 


AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER 

“The Last 

Chance 

Detectives” 

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KIDS & TEENS / MY THRIVING FAMILY 

COSTUMES 

Emma, 10, Isla, 3, and Lincoln, 8 

Superheroes! Our kids love dressing up in matching 

costumes. 

—Mike and Becky from Saskatchewan 

Fielden, 3 

Spider-Man loves to decorate sugar cookies! 

—Abby from South Carolina 

Paul, 6 ½ months 

Ready to go out in his first costume, our 

baby boy is the sweetest little shark. 

—Gizelle from California 

Your kids could be in 

<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family magazine! 

Email photos* of your child commemorating 

Thanksgiving or having a tea party. (Put 

“Thanksgiving” or “Tea Party” in the subject line.) 

Send to: info@fotf.ca 

* Largest photo possible. Professional photos are not accepted. 

46 



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