The Good Life – September-October 2022
On the cover – West Fargo Police Chief Denis Otterness. Fall Fishing, Oktoberfest, Dad Life and more!
On the cover – West Fargo Police Chief Denis Otterness. Fall Fishing, Oktoberfest, Dad Life and more!
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DAD LIFE<br />
I’M DECLARING IT:<br />
FALL IS OFFICIALLY<br />
THE SEASON<br />
OF DAD SELF-CARE<br />
WRITTEN BY: PAUL HANKEL<br />
I was shocked when I saw the first back-to-school ad<br />
pop up on my phone on July 5th. Summer had flown by<br />
and, before I could blink, I was in the school supply aisle<br />
on the Sunday night before school started, fighting the<br />
other dads over the last available package of glue sticks.<br />
<strong>The</strong>n, school started, and I was confronted with<br />
something so rare and so precious, I decided to base this<br />
issue’s column on it: actual free time.<br />
I love fall. Mostly because I sweat profusely and really<br />
enjoy cooler temperatures. I also enjoy it because it's<br />
that sweet spot, right before Christmas, where there’s<br />
football on and everyone goes nuts over pumpkinflavored<br />
stuff and Halloween costumes.<br />
It’s a bit like a prequel to empty nest syndrome, which<br />
parents experience when all their kids move out—you<br />
now have some windows of opportunity and time during<br />
which to focus on yourself. It can be... overwhelming.<br />
Here are a few ideas for your fall season that I have come<br />
to truly enjoy.<br />
TAKE A SWING<br />
South Fargo is home to two great new entertainment<br />
venues. Now that your evenings aren’t jammed packed<br />
with wall-to-wall kiddo activities, it may be time to get out<br />
there and enjoy some of Fargo’s newest attractions.<br />
A large-scale arcade, bowling alley, and entertainment<br />
venue opened in January <strong>2022</strong>. <strong>The</strong> venue features stateof-the-art<br />
arcade games, a full bar and restaurant, and, of<br />
course, bowling.<br />
<strong>The</strong>re is also a new golf destination located in south<br />
Fargo. Instead of being a traditional golf course and<br />
driving range, it features individual golf bays that patrons<br />
can rent, on three different levels. <strong>The</strong> complex also<br />
features golf simulators, a full bar and restaurant, and<br />
suites that can be rented for company parties, birthday<br />
parties, or any event you can imagine.<br />
Don’t feel intimidated if you’re neither a good bowler or<br />
golfer. I’m not particularly good at either.<br />
2 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
TAKE A HIKE<br />
I’m ashamed to admit it but…I like hiking. It’s a lowcost,<br />
non-screen-related activity that I can do with my<br />
kid, that happens to be healthy and scenic.<br />
I, at one time, considered hiking to be an activity<br />
reserved for Sociology majors that decided to purchase<br />
a Subaru and move to Colorado. However, upon taking<br />
several trips to Maplewood State Park, Turtle River<br />
State Park, and various other regional parks, I’ve<br />
come to really enjoy walking away from my car and<br />
then turning around and walking right back.<br />
While I have yet to post any beautifully filtered pictures<br />
of my hikes, with captions like, “All who wander aren’t<br />
lost,” I can assure you that I’m a hiker now and love it.<br />
I haven’t gone full-Colorado and purchased walking<br />
poles or a Yeti cooler but, I’m close.<br />
If you’re interested, there’s a great app called All Trails<br />
that will guide you to each and every national park and<br />
hiking trail in our region.<br />
DATE YOUR WIFE/PARTNER<br />
I cannot stress this concept enough. As the proprietor<br />
of a multitude of dating disasters (I plan to write a<br />
book), take it from me: you need to actively date your<br />
partner.<br />
Now that the kids are back in school, take some time to<br />
actively prioritize your relationship, whether married<br />
or dating, and invest time and effort into its cultivation.<br />
Does it need to be a huge, extravagant gesture with<br />
flowers, cards, and candy? Nope. It can be as simple<br />
as a quick lunch date or going out for a DQ Blizzard<br />
(which inexplicably cost upwards of $7 now).<br />
If you’re a community events type of person, downtown<br />
Fargo’s Broadway Square and <strong>The</strong> Lights, located in<br />
West Fargo, always have various community activities<br />
going on including concerts, ice skating, speakers,<br />
yoga classes, etc. Check them out!<br />
If none of these ideas float your boat, I’d encourage you,<br />
as a dad, to find something that will help reinvigorate<br />
your body and mind as we approach the very busy<br />
Christmas season. Before you know it, you’ll be up<br />
on the roof hanging Christmas lights and swearing at<br />
yourself for not sorting and storing them properly last<br />
year. Why not take the time now to enjoy the slower<br />
pace of fall and take care of yourself? You can thank<br />
me later. •<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 3
CONTENTS<br />
SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER <strong>2022</strong><br />
VOLUME 10 | ISSUE 2<br />
02<br />
06<br />
10<br />
14<br />
18<br />
24<br />
26<br />
30<br />
DAD LIFE - I’M DECLARING IT: FALL IS OFFICIALLY THE SEASON OF DAD SELF-CARE<br />
NOW THAT THE KIDS ARE BACK IN SCHOOL, IT'S TIME TO FOCUS ON YOURSELF.<br />
HAVING A BEER WITH JORDAN SCHROEER<br />
VALLEY NEWS LIVE’S JORDAN SCHROEER SAYS "NO" TO LEFSE, "YES" TO OPRAH, AND AN<br />
AWKWARD ON-AIR "MAYBE" TO ARETHA FRANKLIN'S DEPARTED SOUL.<br />
COLD DAYS, HOT BITES - FALL FISHING<br />
DON'T PUT AWAY YOUR FISHING GEAR JUST YET, THE FALL OFFERS SOME OF THE BEST BITES OF<br />
THE YEAR!<br />
WE HAVE FUN! IT’S ALWAYS A SWEET DAY AT THIS FARGO MAINSTAY<br />
THIS FAMILY-RUN MOM AND POP CANDY SHOP IS SERVING UP SWEETS, TREATS AND GOOD TIMES<br />
IN FARGO’S VILLAGE WEST SHOPPING CENTER.<br />
ON THE COVER - DENIS OTTERNESS<br />
DENIS OTTERNESS SEEKS TO BUILD COMMUNITY AND RELATIONSHIP AS CHIEF OF POLICE FOR WEST<br />
FARGO POLICE DEPARTMENT.<br />
ELEVATOR ETIQUETTE<br />
BEHOLD, ELEVATORS: THE MOST CONVENIENT AND AWKWARD OF INVENTIONS. THEY TAKE YOU<br />
TO NEW HEIGHTS, ALL WHILE INSTILLING VARYING LEVELS OF SOCIAL ANXIETY FOR FLOOR-HOPPING<br />
HITCHHIKERS.<br />
OKTOBERFEST - DRINK BEER AND BE MERRY!<br />
A GUIDE TO OKTOBERFEST, FROM ITS ORIGIN TO YOUR BACKYARD.<br />
LOCAL HERO - JOHN HAILE<br />
WINNING THE WAR WITHIN. NAVY VET'S GREATEST THREAT WASN'T THE HIGH SEAS.<br />
4 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
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GOODLIFE<br />
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urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 5
HAVING A BEER WITH | JORDAN SCHROEER<br />
WRITTEN BY: BEN HANSON<br />
PHOTOS BY: URBAN TOAD MEDIA<br />
For a guy who wakes up at 2:40<br />
a.m. to deliver the news starting at<br />
4:30 a.m., Valley News Live’s Jordan<br />
Schroeer was respectably chipper<br />
when we met for this interview at<br />
Drekker’s Brewhalla near downtown<br />
Fargo. Granted, it was a Friday<br />
afternoon and his weekend had<br />
already begun, but knowing he’d<br />
been wearing that freshly pressed<br />
6 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com<br />
blue suit since well before sunrise,<br />
he was still casually at ease and<br />
seemed intrigued, if not eager to sit<br />
down to answer — instead of ask —<br />
the questions.<br />
<strong>The</strong> Perham, Minn., native admitted<br />
that the early morning wakeup call is<br />
the hardest part of his job anchoring<br />
Valley Today. Coming in a close<br />
second… the minimal breaks he gets<br />
during the broadcast.<br />
“It is a lot of work to be a one-man<br />
show,” he said. “You are on for two to<br />
three-and-a-half hours, depending on<br />
how much of the show you’re doing.<br />
You get a two-minute commercial<br />
break and three minutes for weather.<br />
So the longest break you get is five
whole minutes. I do not eat a big<br />
breakfast for obvious reasons.”<br />
Schroeer has been on the air since<br />
graduating from MSUM in 2015,<br />
with one short stint as a corporate<br />
PR coordinator… a job that in no<br />
way fit his personality or goals.<br />
“I got so bored with marketing,<br />
sitting in a cubicle all day long<br />
writing press releases,” he said with<br />
an off-the-record eye roll. “I need<br />
more excitement and somewhere<br />
my personality could shine. I can<br />
also write a press release in about<br />
30 seconds, so when I was told I<br />
couldn’t surf Facebook for the rest<br />
of the day, I was outta there!”<br />
His ability to crank out content is<br />
impressive by itself, but it’s just one<br />
half of Schroeer’s day-to-day magic.<br />
<strong>The</strong> other half is the volume of<br />
work. He has earned the autonomy<br />
to lead the broadcast and decide<br />
what makes the cut… and a LOT<br />
gets to make the cut.<br />
“If I want a story on the news, I<br />
can put it on the news,” he said<br />
without arrogance. “I have a pretty<br />
good filter as to whether something<br />
is newsworthy or not, so if I think<br />
it should be covered I can cover it.<br />
In an hour, it’s 98 stories roughly. I<br />
counted once.”<br />
As we sipped our way to the bottom<br />
of our first beer, we got into the fun<br />
topics this column is known for.<br />
Enjoy.<br />
If you could interview anyone, alive<br />
or dead, who would it be and why?<br />
It’s such a difficult question. <strong>The</strong>re’s<br />
so many people I would want to<br />
interview. Do I go super deep and<br />
philosophical, or interview someone<br />
wild and crazy? <strong>The</strong> first one that<br />
came to mind was Oprah. I love<br />
Oprah. When I was a kid, I’d get off<br />
the bus after school, grab my bag of<br />
chips and Mt. Dew and watch Oprah.<br />
What did you think about the Oprah<br />
interview with Harry and Meghan?<br />
Phenomenal. She was able to get<br />
answers from them that no one<br />
had ever been able to get before. It<br />
absolutely altered the way, I think,<br />
that the world viewed the royal<br />
family.<br />
If you won the $1 billion Mega<br />
Millions jackpot, what would you<br />
do?<br />
I’d start a real estate development<br />
company… How lame is that?<br />
Everyone else I talked to about<br />
it was like I’d buy an island and<br />
never work again, but leave it to<br />
me to start a company and keep<br />
working. I love old buildings. I love<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 7
HAVING A BEER WITH | JORDAN SCHROEER<br />
places like this [Brewhalla}... taking<br />
something everyone thought was<br />
junk and making it into something<br />
beautiful again. <strong>The</strong>re’s a history<br />
when you take those old buildings<br />
and rejuvenate them that you can't<br />
get back if you bulldoze and build<br />
something new. <strong>The</strong> roots of the<br />
town — no matter what town — and<br />
when you get rid of that stuff, you get<br />
rid of the history.<br />
If Elon Musk called and said you’ve<br />
been chosen to go on the first manned<br />
mission to Mars, with no option to<br />
return to Earth, what would you say?<br />
No. I would probably get stuck on<br />
that ship with people who would do<br />
nothing but annoy me. Plus, I’m too<br />
attached to my mother.<br />
It’s your birthday, and your friends<br />
chip in to buy you a fully grown boa<br />
constrictor… do you immediately find<br />
new friends or head to the pet store<br />
to buy some supplies?<br />
8 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com<br />
I immediately find new friends! If<br />
they buy me a snake, they’re not my<br />
real friends. No snakes at all. None. I<br />
like dogs. Who doesn’t?<br />
You’re in a head-on crash, putting you<br />
in a coma for a week. Miraculously<br />
you survive with zero lasting<br />
injuries… but you had a near-death<br />
experience while in a coma. What<br />
did you see and learn?<br />
Well, the boy that was raised<br />
Catholic says I was just in a waiting<br />
room in purgatory doing nothing…<br />
didn’t learn anything, haha. <strong>The</strong> non-<br />
Catholic in me doesn’t know. Do I<br />
believe in heaven and hell? Yeah, but<br />
I don’t know what God would do with<br />
me at that time. May be good, may be<br />
boring… Who knows?<br />
Brown sugar or white sugar on your<br />
lefse?<br />
See now, um, I actually grew up in<br />
a German-Dutch family that never<br />
made lefse. I’ve had lefse. I’ve had<br />
homemade and store bought. <strong>The</strong><br />
diehard Norwegians will hate me,<br />
but I cannot tell the difference. If I<br />
were to guess, though, I would lean<br />
towards the brown sugar, because<br />
that just makes sense baking-wise.<br />
<strong>The</strong> more appropriate question<br />
would be sauerkraut on my brat or<br />
not. Hot or cold kraut? Both really.<br />
What was your most embarrassing<br />
on-air moment, and how often do you<br />
think about it?<br />
So I try not to think about them a lot,<br />
because that would be a dark path. A<br />
lot of people surprisingly watch the<br />
noon show… It was the day of Aretha<br />
Franklin's funeral, and I said “she<br />
will be laid today” instead of “laid to<br />
rest today”. Someone at a wedding<br />
once came up to me and told me they<br />
remembered it!<br />
What do you pay someone else to do<br />
that you wish you could do yourself?<br />
Tile work… to be able to put in a
acksplash or put in a new floor.<br />
Isn’t that the most adult answer<br />
ever? I hired someone to put in<br />
new bathroom flooring. It was<br />
worth every penny, but I wish I<br />
could’ve done that myself. And<br />
you’d be all of your buddies’ best<br />
friend.<br />
Have you ever pitched the idea<br />
to Gray News Media that maybe<br />
they should change their name to<br />
Black and White News Media?<br />
In these times, maybe. You can<br />
quote me on that one.<br />
What’s your favorite suit?<br />
My favorite of all time I don’t<br />
even have anymore. It was this<br />
beautiful navy blue with this light,<br />
light print in it, like a slight plaid.<br />
It fit perfectly, and I wore it all the<br />
time. I ripped a hole in it, so that's<br />
why I can’t wear it anymore.<br />
What does the good life mean to<br />
you?<br />
<strong>The</strong> good life to me means that<br />
your heart is fulfilled. It means<br />
that you go to bed with peace<br />
inside. •<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 9
COLD DAYS<br />
HOT BITES!<br />
WRITTEN BY: JEFFREY MILLER<br />
PHOTOS SUBMITTED BY: JEFFREY MILLER<br />
Who doesn’t love Autumn? <strong>The</strong> riot of colors, the sharp<br />
tang of fall air, and the brisk, cool wind. As a hunter, I try<br />
to wring the best of fall out of each and every day. Most<br />
fishermen, however, start putting the boat away after<br />
Labor Day. That’s a mistake because the fall can offer<br />
some of the richest fishing of the year.<br />
Every <strong>October</strong>, my friend Tony Peterson and I spend the<br />
second Monday of <strong>October</strong>, Indigenous People’s Day,<br />
fishing one of the myriad of lakes in western Minnesota<br />
lakes. Tony is a die-hard, spending significant time on<br />
the water from May until <strong>October</strong>. He prefers to chase<br />
walleyes but acquiesces to my love of largemouth bass<br />
and northern pike a few times a year. Fishing under the<br />
gentle Autumn sun, with a warm glow lacking the sizzling<br />
bite of Summer, is hard to beat.<br />
Locations: Finding fish is the first order of the day, and<br />
Tony starts by looking to the weeds. Rather than going<br />
shallow where the weeds are starting to die, he searches<br />
for cabbage patches in 8 to 12 feet of water. <strong>The</strong> deeper<br />
weeds offer cover, shade and hiding places for both<br />
predator and prey fish.<br />
Lures: Once we locate a likely-looking piece of water<br />
we begin casting. Tony has a special affinity for the<br />
spinnerbait, usually tossing a white lure with double<br />
blades. <strong>The</strong> spinnerbait has been around for a long time,<br />
and for good reason. <strong>The</strong> rubber skirting pulsates in the<br />
water, the blades add flash, and the single hook is nearly<br />
weedless, protected by the arm that holds the blades. It<br />
doesn’t take long before he’s hooked up and battling a<br />
largemouth.<br />
10 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
While I will fling a spinnerbait as well, I seem to catch<br />
more fish on a lipless crankbait. <strong>The</strong> original design, the<br />
Rat’l’Trap, slices through<br />
the water with a wiggle and<br />
shake that fish cannot resist.<br />
Standing on the bow of the<br />
boat, peering into the water,<br />
it’s always a blast to watch<br />
a northern pike flash out of<br />
the cabbage and sideswipe<br />
my crankbait.<br />
Ice fishermen use light line<br />
and small lures, trying to<br />
tempt fish in the cold water. Following that logic, as the<br />
water cools it would make sense to slow down retrieves<br />
Most fisherman, however, start<br />
putting the boat away after Labor<br />
Day. That’s a mistake because the<br />
fall can offer some of the richest<br />
fishing of the year.<br />
and use smaller lures. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. <strong>The</strong><br />
fish are feeding heavily as they go into winter, much like<br />
a bear putting on weight<br />
prior to hibernation. Fast<br />
retrieves and flashy lures<br />
help trigger strikes in the<br />
hungry fish. Tony prefers a<br />
spinning reel, with a high<br />
gear ratio, while I like to<br />
use a bait casting reel. Both<br />
types work fine for rapid<br />
retrieves.<br />
<strong>The</strong> prey fish that are being<br />
eaten are larger as well. In the spring, northern pike and<br />
largemouth bass are targeting smaller, younger fish. As<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 11
fall approaches, those same fish have grown in size.<br />
Small, slow moving baits waste time for the angler and<br />
usually result in frustration.<br />
Time of Day: I hate to admit it, but I really dislike<br />
getting up early in the morning. A can’t-miss deer<br />
stand or the need to check my trapline before work<br />
gets me out of bed, but I<br />
prefer to do my fishing in<br />
afternoons and evenings.<br />
During the summer, that<br />
time of year finds the lakes<br />
full of recreational boaters,<br />
tubers, water skiers and jet<br />
skis. Getting up early and<br />
fishing the first few hours<br />
of daylight offer the best<br />
angling.<br />
Luckily, the fall brings<br />
change. <strong>The</strong>re is less traffic on the lakes, as many<br />
people have put away their recreational watercraft.<br />
<strong>The</strong> water is cooler in the morning, warming slightly<br />
during the morning and making the fish more active.<br />
Tony and I usually begin a fall morning sitting on oak<br />
ridges, hoping for a deer to slip by within bow range.<br />
<strong>The</strong> fish are feeding heavily as<br />
they go into winter, much like a<br />
bear putting on weight prior to<br />
hibernation.<br />
Whether or not we get a deer, we trailer up the boat and<br />
head out to fish around 10 am. Even then, the first hour<br />
or so the fishing can be slow, with only an occasional<br />
fish. Once the sun hits the center of the sky, however,<br />
it’s like a switch is thrown. I’ll be retrieving a crankbait,<br />
absentmindedly, when it will feel like a brick wall has<br />
been hit. If it’s a northern, the fish will pulse down,<br />
trying to stay in the weeds<br />
between runs. If it’s a bass,<br />
the fish will head towards<br />
the surface, jumping into<br />
the air with a spray of water,<br />
looking like diamonds in the<br />
sunlight. While the jump is<br />
exciting, it too often works<br />
out in the bass’s favor, as the<br />
lure is thrown free.<br />
<strong>The</strong> Best Part: While<br />
spending a day on the water<br />
with a good friend is great, the best part comes later.<br />
Twelve to fourteen inch largemouth and northern pike<br />
nineteen to just under twenty-two inches are fantastic<br />
on the table. I’ve heard the myth too many times that<br />
summer bass and pike are “mushy.” That’s simply not<br />
true. After filleting the catch, soak it overnight in a bowl<br />
12 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
THE AUTHOR WITH A NICE LARGEMOUTH.<br />
of water in the refrigerator. <strong>The</strong> fish<br />
will be as firm as one caught through<br />
the ice in January.<br />
Northern pike contain a line of<br />
Y-bones that, if not removed, make it<br />
nearly impossible to eat. <strong>The</strong>re are a<br />
few filleting techniques for removing<br />
them from the meat, or the fish can<br />
be pickled or pressure-canned in pint<br />
jars. Those methods render the bones<br />
so soft as to be undetectable.<br />
Don’t let some of the greatest fishing<br />
of the year pass by. Get the kayak or<br />
boat out on the water, when nearly<br />
everyone has called it a year, and<br />
enjoy some fantastic angling! •<br />
TONY PETERSON WITH A<br />
LARGEMOUTH BASS.<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 13
We<br />
Make<br />
Fun!<br />
It’s always<br />
a sweet day<br />
at this Fargo<br />
mainstay<br />
WRITTEN BY: EMMA VATNSDAL<br />
PHOTOS BY: URBAN TOAD MEDIA<br />
With a chime of a bell and a joyful “Have fun!” customers<br />
of North Dakota’s largest candy store are treated to a<br />
feast for all the senses. For Lee Paseka, it’s business as<br />
usual, but for the lucky ones who walk into his store, it’s<br />
a whole lot more.<br />
Business has always run in Paseka’s blood, but now it’s a<br />
bit sweeter.<br />
“It really started on a low-level,” Paseka said, sitting in the<br />
bistro area of Sweet Dreams Confections.<br />
Around him are rows upon rows of enough candy<br />
to keep our local dentists in business for years,<br />
a freezer filled with buckets<br />
of brightly-colored Italian<br />
delicacies, confectionary cases<br />
brimming with chocolatey,<br />
fudgey goodness and salty snacks<br />
just begging to be added to<br />
grandma’s coffee table dish.<br />
Pretty neat for something<br />
that started off as a flower<br />
shop.<br />
“It started out in a<br />
horticultural sense since<br />
I was doing landscaping and<br />
nursery work for (a company),” he<br />
said. “So I was starting to trim people’s<br />
bushes and doing small landscaping<br />
jobs and I decided a part of that I really<br />
liked was doing flower arranging.”<br />
Paseka opened his North Fargo<br />
landscaping and floral business in 1976,<br />
where he added gifts and goodies as the<br />
business grew.<br />
“It just evolved,” Paseka said. “And by that time I met my<br />
wife, so she kind of grew into (the business) whether she<br />
wanted to or not. But she went along with it, and we’re<br />
14 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
still married so obviously something worked.”<br />
<strong>The</strong> Pasekas moved Lee’s Floral Party Place and Fudge<br />
Factory to its current residence in Fargo’s Village West<br />
Shopping Center in 2006. Soon after, they dropped the<br />
floral business and became Sweet Dreams Confections.<br />
A sweet escape<br />
<strong>The</strong> nearly-50-year-old mom and pop shop works hard<br />
to give their customers the sweetest escape from the<br />
outside world.<br />
"in here, you’ll always have<br />
fun. Whether you’re having<br />
a good day or a bad day,<br />
when you leave here you’ll<br />
usually have a smile.”<br />
“We make fun,” said Paseka. “I try to create an environment<br />
all the time, whatever sections of life that have taken me<br />
and my business, to make people feel comfortable, feel<br />
happy when they walk in our doors. This is a fun place<br />
to be. Going back outside? Maybe not always fun, but in<br />
here, you’ll always have fun. Whether you’re having a<br />
good day or a bad day, when you leave here<br />
you’ll usually have a smile.”<br />
And it’s hard not to smile when you<br />
gaze upon the goodies and gifts that<br />
adorn the shelf-lined store.<br />
Sweet Dreams is home to oldfashioned<br />
candy buckets filled to the<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 15
im with colorful salt water taffy in flavors that would<br />
make the boardwalks of the east coast envious, shiny<br />
hard candies, shelves of bright, glass soda bottles<br />
waiting for you to pop their tops, bread and muffin<br />
mixes, teas, Pride of Dakota salty snacks and more.<br />
That’s not even counting the bright case filled with<br />
hand-made chocolate treats, creamy, buttery fudge and<br />
gelato — an Italian ice cream Paseka makes himself<br />
with ingredients brought in from the Big Boot itself.<br />
In other words, the Pasekas know how to please a<br />
sweet tooth.<br />
“We bring in stuff from around the world,” he said. “A<br />
lot of our candies are from all over the country or all<br />
over the world.”<br />
However, there is still a special place for the good ol’<br />
Midwest among the worldly treats.<br />
“I get a lot of small businesses from (the Midwest) that<br />
we bring in,” said Paseka. “Products that have some<br />
flavor of the things that are from the so-called area.<br />
We’re not just North Dakota.”<br />
With so many gourmet products things can get a little<br />
cramped. But Paseka has a plan.<br />
“We’re actually going to add on to the store,” he<br />
said. “<strong>The</strong>re’s a space that’s been empty on the<br />
other side of that (south) wall that will give us<br />
2,500 more square feet. We’re kind of cramped,<br />
so we want to open up a little bit more and add a<br />
few more things.”<br />
When it comes to the candy, card and treats<br />
business, enough is never enough.<br />
16 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
‘That’s what drives me’<br />
At the heart of all the chocolate candies is the<br />
customer, and Paseka says making their day is as<br />
sweet as it gets.<br />
“I was a really shy kid,” Paseka said. “It took me<br />
a long time to come out of that shell as I grew up<br />
and (young) kids were kind of mean. As I grew up, I<br />
wanted to make sure others didn’t feel the way I felt<br />
as a kid. I want to make sure all of my customers<br />
are treated the way I wish I was. A smile, a friendly<br />
hello, a great conversation and inviting them back to<br />
come see me soon. And so that’s my mantra. I will<br />
always treat people well. I don’t care if I’m having<br />
a really crummy day, that’s not their problem. I’m<br />
going to make them feel better about themselves.<br />
That’s what drives me.”<br />
Whether it’s a handful of hard candies, an ice cold<br />
scoop of fresh gelato or that favorite chocolate,<br />
Paseka and his wife and daughter work hard to<br />
make customers feel important.<br />
“In here, (customers can) escape a little bit,” he said.<br />
“Have some fun, bring their kids. And that’s just one<br />
of the many things that makes me so giggly, is when<br />
people come in and bring their family from out of<br />
town. I think ‘OK, you are doing something right’<br />
when they want to show off something that you’re<br />
doing. When you’re here every day, you can keep it to<br />
motivate yourself to keep wanting to do better.”<br />
chocolate,<br />
sweets,<br />
salty snacks<br />
and family.<br />
that's the recipe<br />
needed to 'have a<br />
sweet' day.<br />
All your<br />
favorite<br />
nostalgic<br />
candies in one<br />
place!<br />
But when it comes to the most important piece of<br />
all, Paseka has one thing on his mind.<br />
“My good life is my family,” he said. “Family is always<br />
first. My good life is still being part of my kids’ lives.<br />
<strong>The</strong>y still want me part of their lives. My grandkids<br />
give me big hugs, and that’s all the payment I need.”<br />
Chocolate, sweets, salty snacks and family. That’s<br />
the recipe needed to ‘Have a sweet day.’ •<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 17
ON THE COVER<br />
| DENIS OTTERNESS<br />
WEST FARGO<br />
DENIS OTTERNESS<br />
POLICE CHIEF<br />
WRITTEN BY: JEFFREY MILLER<br />
PHOTOS BY: URBAN TOAD MEDIA<br />
Denis Otterness, the Chief of Police in West Fargo<br />
since 2020, is no stranger to the town. At the very<br />
beginning of his over 30-year career in law enforcement,<br />
Otterness was a West Fargo police officer.<br />
To tell the Chief’s story, we need to go even further<br />
back in time. Raised in Beach, North Dakota, his first<br />
positive role models started at home with his father,<br />
an elementary principal and teacher, and his mother,<br />
who worked for a local bank. <strong>The</strong>y had hailed from<br />
Page, North Dakota before following their careers<br />
west. Chief Otterness’ older brother went back east for<br />
college, to North Dakota State University. Two years<br />
later, he followed.<br />
After graduating with a degree in Criminal Justice and<br />
a minor in Psychology, he was offered an internship<br />
in South Bend, Indiana. Otterness was hired there<br />
in 1991, attended the Police Academy, and worked<br />
as a police officer until 1994 when he accepted a<br />
police officer position with the West Fargo Police<br />
Department. <strong>The</strong> West Fargo of 1994 was very<br />
different than the West Fargo of <strong>2022</strong>, back when the<br />
department consisted of a mere 20 officers.<br />
“I enjoyed my time in West Fargo, and was lucky<br />
enough to meet my wife, Trisha, during that period.<br />
Four years later, a great opportunity to advance my<br />
career came up in Bloomington, Minnesota, and we<br />
made the difficult decision to relocate.”<br />
<strong>The</strong> Twin Cities metropolitan area was a different<br />
environment than West Fargo, with over 120 police<br />
officers on staff. In a much larger force, the Chief<br />
honed his craft, learning from his fellow officers as<br />
well as his supervisors. Police work is no different<br />
than any other career in that one can have excellent<br />
supervisors that allow the employee to learn and grow.<br />
<strong>The</strong>re can also be ineffective supervisors.<br />
“I have learned just as much, or more, from the<br />
ineffective supervisors I’ve known. When there is lack<br />
of effective leadership, it trickles down to every division<br />
and employee. Knowing that someday I would be in<br />
a leadership position, it helped develop me into the<br />
leader I am today. I certainly didn’t want to replicate<br />
those missteps in my career.”<br />
“I was very fortunate to work as a Task Force Officer<br />
with the Drug Enforcement Administration, doing<br />
undercover work. I traveled throughout the United<br />
States, helping take dangerous criminals off the street.<br />
While it was important work, and I enjoyed doing my<br />
job, it wasn’t going to be my entire career. Trisha and<br />
I had twins and being on the road, away from family,<br />
was difficult.”<br />
18 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
Undercover work comes with a unique set of job<br />
requirements, including classified travel and work.<br />
“I know I caused Trisha many sleepless nights,<br />
worrying about me and my safety. She didn’t always<br />
know where I was or what I was doing.”<br />
After over 20 years in Bloomington, ascending to the<br />
rank of Deputy Chief, the West called the Otterness<br />
family. “<strong>The</strong> Chief of the Montana State University<br />
Billings Police Department opened up, and we made<br />
the decision to move West. As a family, we love to ski<br />
and be outdoors, and Billings was the perfect place<br />
for that.”<br />
After two years, the Otterness family had settled in<br />
when a dream job came knocking. “<strong>The</strong> West Fargo<br />
Police Chief position opened up and we had to have<br />
some serious talks about moving again. I didn’t want<br />
to move my family, but the job was something I had<br />
dreamed about for a long time. Trisha and I looked<br />
forward to living closer to our families and our<br />
twins supported the move. We packed our bags and<br />
headed home.”<br />
<strong>The</strong> West Fargo Police Department was no longer<br />
the quaint, small-town he had left during the 1990s.<br />
<strong>The</strong> city has seen explosive growth in population,<br />
and the department has followed suit, growing to<br />
meet the needs of the community.<br />
It did not take Chief Otterness long to fall in love<br />
with the new job. “West Fargo is a wonderful and<br />
welcoming community. Police work has changed<br />
since I was a rookie officer, with the need for the<br />
police to not just be the enforcers of the law but a<br />
trusted part of the community. Without community<br />
support, policing is extremely difficult.”<br />
Transparency in policing is important to Chief<br />
Otterness and meeting community expectations<br />
to provide a safe community is what he aspires to<br />
accomplish with the department every day.<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 19
ON THE COVER<br />
| DENIS OTTERNESS<br />
“I am fortunate to work with an amazing staff.<br />
Everyone is committed to excellence at the West<br />
Fargo Police Department. That excellence helps<br />
everyone in the department work together with the<br />
community to keep us safe. <strong>The</strong>re are expectations<br />
for the officers and expectations for the community.<br />
Everyone working together makes our community a<br />
better place to call home. As a department, we want<br />
to be as transparent as possible with the public.<br />
Trust is built through mutual awareness, respect, and<br />
understanding.”<br />
Employee retention and growth are very important<br />
to the Chief. “When I worked in West Fargo early on<br />
as a police officer, there weren’t many opportunities<br />
for professional growth due to the smaller size of<br />
the department. I did not want to work the same job<br />
for my entire career, and I know many officers today<br />
PHOTOS SUBMITTED BY: DENIS OTTERNESS<br />
20 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
feel the same way. To expose officers to the many<br />
facets of law enforcement, the West Fargo Police<br />
Department has developed processes to allow<br />
for more rotation throughout specialty positions.<br />
In addition, we have created one-year rotational<br />
positions to allow officers the opportunity to ‘try<br />
out’ different assignments before committing to<br />
long-term appointments. Employees find what<br />
they really enjoy and can develop their career<br />
without it stagnating. This is an important tool to<br />
retain our employees.”<br />
Working in law enforcement his entire career, it’s<br />
important for Chief Otterness to develop the next<br />
generation of leaders. “Leadership is something<br />
that not every person inherently possesses.<br />
Leadership needs to be honed through good<br />
mentorship and opportunity. I had some truly<br />
excellent leaders help shape my career, and I strive<br />
to do the same for my officers.”<br />
In his spare time away from the department, Chief<br />
Otterness loves to hit the links. “I love to golf, but<br />
I HAD SOME<br />
TRULY EXCELLENT<br />
LEADERS HELP<br />
SHAPE MY CAREER,<br />
AND I STRIVE TO<br />
DO THE SAME FOR<br />
MY OFFICERS.<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 21
ON THE COVER<br />
| DENIS OTTERNESS<br />
22 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
my game is terribly inconsistent. When I’m asked<br />
about my golf handicap, it’s easiest to say it’s my<br />
woods and irons!”<br />
When he’s not chasing around the golf ball with his<br />
wife, he enjoys time spent with family, most often<br />
in the outdoors. Upland bird hunting with his son,<br />
watching his daughter dance competitively, and skiing<br />
all make his life complete. “We had just bought new<br />
skis before we left Montana,” he said with a chuckle,<br />
although they still make time to use those skis every<br />
now and again.<br />
I asked Chief Otterness what the <strong>Good</strong> <strong>Life</strong> means<br />
to him. With a pause to reflect, he said “<strong>The</strong> <strong>Good</strong><br />
<strong>Life</strong> means being at peace with my faith, family, and<br />
career. It’s difficult to have a good work life and poor<br />
home life, and vice versa, so enjoying and finding<br />
fulfillment in work is best matched with a family I<br />
love to go home to. I want all of the staff at the police<br />
department to live the good life, and every day I<br />
work to create opportunities for them as well as the<br />
community.”<br />
In Chief Otterness’ office is a framed photo of<br />
Derek Jeter. He reflected on the quote “I want to be<br />
remembered as someone who had a lot of respect<br />
for the game, his teammates and opponents.” As<br />
a lifelong Yankees fan, he felt the quote applied to<br />
more than just baseball. “I am proud to work for<br />
and represent an organization that has a culture of<br />
treating everyone with dignity and respect.” •<br />
I WANT ALL OF THE<br />
STAFF AT THE POLICE<br />
DEPARTMENT TO LIVE THE<br />
GOOD LIFE, AND EVERY<br />
DAY I WORK TO CREATE<br />
OPPORTUNITIES FOR<br />
THEM AS WELL AS THE<br />
COMMUNITY.<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 23
eLEV ToR ETIQUETTE<br />
WRITTEN BY: MEGHAN FEIR<br />
V<br />
AVOIDING THE<br />
AWKwARdNESS<br />
Behold, elevators: the most convenient and<br />
awkward of inventions. <strong>The</strong>y take you to new<br />
heights, all while instilling varying levels of<br />
social anxiety for floor-hopping hitchhikers.<br />
Besides their intended purpose of transporting<br />
you to various floors in a building, elevators are<br />
associated with two things: awkwardness and<br />
“elevator music.”<br />
Elevator “muzak,” as the genre is called, was<br />
undoubtedly invented to make the ride up more<br />
relaxed and to avoid awkward silence, but even<br />
posh, cocktail-hour vibes couldn’t solve this<br />
problem. This is because the issue is human in<br />
nature, and it starts with you and me.<br />
How can you make elevator rides less<br />
uncomfortable for your fellow platform pilgrims<br />
and you? Read on for some helpful tips and<br />
heed my warnings.<br />
A TALE OF CAUTION<br />
All too often, public speaking, business<br />
meetings, and elevator rides trigger a response<br />
in my brain that turns my speaking abilities into<br />
that of a hermit who hasn’t seen another human<br />
being in 18 years. Take, for example, this<br />
instance from my not-so-long-ago apartmentliving<br />
days.<br />
This situation was, 100 percent, my fault.<br />
A nice guy and his 10-ish-year-old son kindly<br />
offered to hold the elevator for me as I purposely<br />
lingered at my mailbox. I politely said at least<br />
three times that they could go ahead. But they<br />
insisted. <strong>The</strong>y even kindly offered to help me<br />
carry my numerous Amazon packages. Chivalry<br />
is not dead, and they proved that.<br />
But I proceeded to respond with the Midwestern refusal of my<br />
forefathers and foremothers by saying, “Ohhh, no, don’t worry.<br />
I’ll be fine!” It is, after all, the most polite way of saying “No, I’ve<br />
got this. My pride and people-pleasing ways can’t handle being a<br />
burden by inconveniencing anyone and asking for help.”<br />
As I carried several packages in my arms, balancing one on top of<br />
another, I used the side of my foot to scrape the heaviest, largest<br />
box across the floor.<br />
Eons later, I reached the elevator, snagged one package on the<br />
ground and dropped another.<br />
By this point, I was already so embarrassed that my brain<br />
decided to just give up.<br />
When they asked which floor I needed to reach, I said, “I’m four<br />
floor,” thus transforming into a modern-day cavewoman.<br />
Help.<br />
24 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
ELEVATOR ETIQUETTE 101<br />
To avoid being, well, me, here are my top five tips<br />
on how to make elevator experiences less awkward.<br />
When I remember to enlist the following tips, my life<br />
and the lives of those around me improve significantly.<br />
1. SAY A PROPER HELLO AND GOODBYE<br />
Look the person in the eye for a second (don’t linger<br />
the stare for too long), say a simple, nice hello with<br />
a normal smile on your face. By acknowledging their<br />
existence, you’ll seem and feel more like a pleasant<br />
person, make them feel better about humanity, and<br />
make the atmosphere less stuffy. As you depart, say a<br />
kind, “Have a nice day!” or its equivalent.<br />
2. DON’T HIT ON PEOPLE<br />
I don’t care how attractive the person next to you<br />
in the elevator is. Don’t hit on them. Just think of<br />
it: You’re alone with each other in a small, enclosed<br />
space with no immediate escape. Does it sound like<br />
a safe scenario for them to be trapped with someone<br />
who’s clearly hubba-hubba-ing them in their mind?<br />
<strong>The</strong> answer is no.<br />
3. ACCEPT/OFFER HELP<br />
If someone offers to help, accept it graciously<br />
sometimes. You’re not ruining their day. If you see<br />
someone struggling with packages, offer a helping<br />
hand.<br />
4. DON’T MAKE WEIRD NOISES<br />
<strong>The</strong>re are many mysteries of the universe I’ll never<br />
understand, such as why people talk to themselves in<br />
public restroom stalls and why strange noises have<br />
to be made unnecessarily in elevators or elsewhere.<br />
Leave the muttering and odd noises at home.<br />
5. BE POLITE, LIKE YOUR MAMA TAUGHT<br />
YOU MANNERS<br />
Hold the door for people who are clearly trying to<br />
make your installment of the ride. Say “please,”<br />
“thank you,” and some kind of “you’re welcome”<br />
with a smile on your face and go on pleasantly and<br />
peacefully with your life.<br />
6. DON’T TELL YOUR LIFE STORY<br />
Don’t feel pressured to tell your life story or<br />
recount all your current problems to your elevator<br />
acquaintance in 30, 45, or even 60 seconds. Keep<br />
it casual and pleasant. In the event you get trapped<br />
in an elevator together for more than 5 hours, that’s<br />
when an existential crisis is allowed and stories can<br />
start leaking out. •<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 25
Oktoberfest<br />
Drink Beer and Be Merry!<br />
WRITTEN BY: KRISSY NESS<br />
Oktoberfest has been taking place for 189 years<br />
though it began 212 years ago, only being canceled<br />
26 times due to famine, war, and Covid. However, it<br />
started a bit differently than it is celebrated today.<br />
In 1810 King Louis I and his bride, <strong>The</strong>rese von<br />
Sachsen-Hildburghausen, were married on the twelfth<br />
of <strong>October</strong> and was created to celebrate their unity.<br />
On the fifth day, the event was concluded with a horse<br />
race in <strong>The</strong>resienwiese, an open field that translates<br />
to "<strong>The</strong>rese's green." <strong>The</strong> following year the races<br />
coincided with an agricultural fair. Still, it wasn't until<br />
1818 that private booths began serving food and beer.<br />
Although it is called Oktoberfest, the event was<br />
extended and began in late <strong>September</strong> and ends on the<br />
first of <strong>October</strong>. <strong>The</strong> change has been for the comfort<br />
of the patrons and those working the event because<br />
Germany gets cold quickly like North Dakota weather.<br />
Each year the open space,<br />
<strong>The</strong>resienwiese, is closed for<br />
construction in mid-July to<br />
build 15 significant beer<br />
tents and 14 smaller<br />
tents, according to<br />
Building Radar. <strong>The</strong>y<br />
have only ten weeks<br />
to accomplish<br />
all of this.<br />
26 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
Additionally, 600 vendors have to set up their<br />
booths, and everything is made of wood. <strong>The</strong><br />
largest tent can hold 8,000 people. In total, six<br />
million people attend Oktoberfest from around<br />
the world.<br />
Along with the beautiful hand-made structures,<br />
unique decorations, and the sea of lederhosen,<br />
a carnival is set up with many rides and shows.<br />
<strong>The</strong> traditional ride, Toboggan, is a tower slide<br />
representing Oktoberfest since 1906.<br />
One of the most intriguing and long-lasting<br />
traditions of Oktoberfest in Munich is the rules<br />
<strong>–</strong>which there are only two of <strong>–</strong> and they both<br />
pertain to the beer.<br />
First, every beer must follow the Reinheitsgebot,<br />
often called the "German Beer Purity Law." This<br />
means the beer must have at least 6% alcohol by<br />
volume and be pure. When I say it has to be pure,<br />
it can only have the following ingredients: water,<br />
barley, hops, yeast, wheat malt, or sugar cane.<br />
Second, all the beer served at the festival must be<br />
brewed in the city limits of Munich.<br />
<strong>The</strong>re are 6 breweries that produce Oktoberfest<br />
beers under this criteria: Augustiner, Hacker-<br />
Pschor, Löwenbräu, Paulaer, Spaten, and<br />
Hofbräuhaus.<br />
Because of the success of Oktoberfest in<br />
Munich, it's been recreated all around the world,<br />
from Tokyo, Japan, to Santa Catarina, Brazil,<br />
to Cincinnati, Ohio, and more, according to<br />
TripsToDiscover.<br />
<strong>The</strong> Second largest Oktoberfest is held in Santa<br />
Catarina, Brazil. This event spans over 17 days,<br />
and over 700,00 people attend. It includes events<br />
like <strong>–</strong> a beer drinking competition where you<br />
cannot spill a drop of beer, music, shows, and<br />
even a Queen of Oktoberfest contest.<br />
Tokyo, Japan, is host to the longest-running<br />
Oktoberfest in Asia. For ten days, the German<br />
culture sweeps over Hibiya Park and engulfs<br />
it with Polka music and as many wursts as you<br />
can imagine, like bratwurst, bockwurst, and<br />
knackwurst, to name a few. On top of trying some<br />
of the best German beer, you can also indulge in<br />
Japanese beer.<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 27
America's largest<br />
Oktoberfest<br />
<strong>–</strong> also known<br />
as Oktoberfest<br />
Zinzinnati, is in<br />
Cincinnati, Ohio. This<br />
event has been celebrated<br />
since 1974 and boasts half<br />
a million people. It begins with the<br />
Running of the Wieners, where 100 dachshunds<br />
dressed as hot dogs race to the finish line. Naturally,<br />
an obscene amount of sauerkraut, bratwursts, and<br />
pretzels were consumed at this event.<br />
One of the many reasons Fargo, N.D. is such a<br />
great community is our diversity. Of the 130,000<br />
people, 41% in the area have German ancestry,<br />
according to the World Population Review.<br />
So it is no wonder we have a bar for just this<br />
occasion. Würst Bier Hall has two locations, one<br />
in downtown Fargo and the other in West Fargo.<br />
All year long, you can belly up to a table or bar and<br />
get cozy with your neighbor while snacking on<br />
bratwursts or pretzels and play a round of das boot<br />
with any number of authentic and non-German<br />
beers. However, attending Würst Bier Hall during<br />
Oktoberfest is a whole new experience. <strong>The</strong> Polka<br />
music is pumping from the speakers, the tap lines<br />
are filled with some of the best beer Germany has<br />
to offer, and the staff always gets into the fun by<br />
wearing traditional lederhosen. I have attended<br />
their Oktoberfest celebration a few times, and it is<br />
28 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
a great way to spend time with<br />
fellow community members<br />
and enjoy the German culture.<br />
Whether you travel halfway<br />
across the country or mosey<br />
down to your local German<br />
restaurant, you owe it to<br />
yourself to check out what<br />
Oktoberfest offers.<br />
<strong>The</strong> good life to me means<br />
filling your belly with authentic<br />
German food and beer while<br />
celebrating your community<br />
with your community. Prost! •<br />
urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 29
LOCAL HERO | JOHN HAILE<br />
Winning the<br />
war within<br />
Navy Vet's Greatest Threat<br />
Wasn't the High Seas<br />
30 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
WRITTEN BY: ALEXANDRA JAMPSA<br />
PHOTOS BY: URBAN TOAD MEDIA<br />
It’s 1973. Nixon’s Watergate scandal unfolded.<br />
Stove Top Stuffing hit the shelves. Inflation tripled.<br />
Hamburger Helper became all the rage. A gallon of<br />
gas sold for a whoppin’ 39 cents. And the U.S. saw the<br />
worst recession since the 1930s.<br />
Amongst it all, men and women signed up to serve at<br />
the tail-end of the Vietnam war <strong>–</strong> a time described as<br />
“peaceful” by recruiters. A decision meant to escape<br />
family dysfunction and pay for college would be<br />
inadvertently traded for the title of “addict” for one<br />
17-year-old boy. And there would be no do-overs.<br />
“I became a really bad man," says the now 67-year-old.<br />
Surviving Dysfunction<br />
One of five kids, John grew up in Omaha,<br />
Neb. He never fit in at school, and because<br />
of the unpredictableness of home life, he<br />
never brought friends home. "If my dad didn't<br />
approve, they weren't allowed,” John says. “And<br />
he never liked any of the people I associated<br />
with."<br />
School was simply an extension of his home<br />
life. Miserable.<br />
“My dad was hard on us. He was …” John<br />
pauses, wincing. “He was abusive verbally,<br />
physically, mentally, emotionally.” As for his<br />
mom, she lived a controlled life. John’s dad<br />
directed what she could or couldn’t wear, what<br />
she could do and where she could go.<br />
John became “the quiet child” to stay out of<br />
trouble. "I watched my older brother not be<br />
careful and saw what happened,” he says.<br />
"<strong>The</strong>re was a lot of dysfunction in our family.<br />
Things that happened in our home, stayed in<br />
our home.”<br />
PHOTO SUBMITTED BY: JOHN HAILE<br />
From age 7 to 16, he slung newspapers,<br />
saving up for his first motorcycle <strong>–</strong> and a taste<br />
of freedom. Later on, he traded his paper<br />
route for working at the local grocery store as<br />
another way to avoid home.<br />
Finally, at 17 when he couldn’t “put up with the crap<br />
anymore”, John enlisted with the U.S. Navy. While<br />
still in the Vietnam era, recruiters boasted about<br />
“peace time,” and that he’d “never go near Vietnam.”<br />
Reality would prove otherwise but that wouldn’t stop<br />
John from seeking safety in comradery.<br />
A New Start in the Navy<br />
Suiting up for basic training in November of ‘73, John<br />
was immediately stationed on the U.S.S. Cleveland<br />
LPD 7 amphibious fleet. Carrying 1,490 officers,<br />
troops, enlisted sailors and Marines, and flag staff, the<br />
ship barged through treacherous waters for a 6-month<br />
deployment in early 1974.<br />
John’s low rank paired with highly classified missions<br />
meant he was kept in the dark. “<strong>The</strong>re would be nights<br />
when there’d be an island off in the distance and, the<br />
next day, it wouldn't be there … because they'd just<br />
bomb it.”<br />
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LOCAL HERO | JOHN HAILE<br />
"I became a really<br />
bad man."<br />
John transformed from “the quiet child” into a<br />
young man who finally fit in. Lacking immunity<br />
from the peer pressure leading to drugs, alcohol<br />
and fresh ink <strong>–</strong> he got his first tattoo overseas,<br />
depicting the butterflies from the stationary his<br />
mom used to write him.<br />
John’s crew made things happen. “We'd go<br />
into port in Bangkok, I’d pick up anything we<br />
needed drug-wise and bring it back,” John says.<br />
His buddy would summon him, lower the crane,<br />
hoist the drugs onto the ship and hide them.<br />
"<strong>The</strong>y'd have the drug dogs, sniffing and looking<br />
for stuff. We even put pepper down to mess<br />
with their noses,” John says. “By the time I had<br />
gotten out of the service, I’d pretty much tried<br />
everything. And if I liked it, I tried it twice."<br />
<strong>The</strong> drugs began a self destructive <strong>–</strong> if, at the<br />
time, promising <strong>–</strong> few years for John. He was<br />
married, divorced, bulked up, got mean and was<br />
deployed for a second mission in 1975.<br />
“I became this guy where if you had it, I wanted<br />
it, I took it," he says. “I found out how to not<br />
let people mess with me, degrade me anymore.<br />
Because I became a really bad man."<br />
A Downhill Spiral<br />
Hanging up his white hat in November 1976,<br />
John worked while getting his associate's degree<br />
in Welding Fabrication & Technology. Paid for by<br />
Veterans Affairs, his degree finally delivered the<br />
dream that made him join the Navy in the first<br />
place.<br />
Just six months after his divorce, John married for<br />
the second time. <strong>The</strong> two appeared to be a great<br />
match in the beginning … but it didn’t take long for<br />
things to escalate.<br />
Pot, hash, uppers, downers, acid, mescaline,<br />
mushrooms, hallucinogens <strong>–</strong> nothing was off the<br />
table, at least for the first try. She was drinking,<br />
John was using. She was working nights in a bar,<br />
he was pulling late nights for work.<br />
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“I started pulling money out of accounts I shouldn't<br />
have been," he says. "<strong>The</strong>re were things I never
thought I’d do in my life that were happening, because<br />
I was in the wrong crowd of people. I just kept getting<br />
meaner and meaner."<br />
It all came down to one physical night in 1985, despite<br />
what John had sworn to himself <strong>–</strong> that he’d never<br />
become the person he grew up with at home. His<br />
marriage ended, tied with the ribbon of restraining<br />
orders.<br />
"At that point in my life, I'm hitting a really hard<br />
bottom,” he says. “My mom and dad had disowned me.<br />
My brothers and sisters said, 'We want nothing to do<br />
with you. Stay away from us.' And I did."<br />
An Unexpected Chain of Events<br />
Living the aftermath of his second divorce in a “rathole<br />
house” at 29 years old, John was relieved to finally feel<br />
needed. His cousin had gotten into trouble and called<br />
John for a place to escape. Feeling desperately alone,<br />
John welcomed his cousin and his girlfriend with open<br />
arms.<br />
“<strong>The</strong>n low and behold, by the grace of God, a chain<br />
of events happened in my life ..." John says. John’s<br />
cousin and girlfriend introduced him to a friend and<br />
one night, the woman asked John to a dance. He<br />
reluctantly agreed.<br />
"At this point, I'm a full-blown drunk and addict.<br />
She takes me into this place, and I have no idea<br />
what it is,” he says. “She introduces me to her<br />
sponsor and all her friends. All of a sudden, I'm at<br />
a recovery function."<br />
What John knew was that he wasn’t going to leave<br />
that night until his friend’s sponsor, Kathy, agreed<br />
to dance with him. What he didn’t know was that<br />
Kathy would eventually become his wife.<br />
"Kathy had a heart of gold. She was living on her<br />
own, has a great job <strong>–</strong> all this stuff in her life is<br />
going in the right direction,” John says. “At this<br />
point, she’d been sober for five years.”<br />
PHOTOS SUBMITTED BY: JOHN HAILE<br />
Despite the look of fear in her eyes, Kathy finally<br />
took John’s hand and was swept away for the last<br />
dance. Just days later, when John called to ask<br />
her on a date, she agreed. Kathy saw the nice,<br />
respectful man in John. Six months later, they tied<br />
the knot in 1986.<br />
"I never should have had her, except by the grace of<br />
God," John says. “I stayed sober for a while because<br />
I needed to for her."<br />
A Defining Moment<br />
John continued attending meetings with Kathy<br />
but was also working for the railway <strong>–</strong> an industry<br />
known for drinking and using drugs.<br />
"I'm runnin' with people in recovery and<br />
understood what they were saying, but apparently<br />
I wasn't ready yet," John says. "Somebody offered<br />
me a drug, I took it and it was ‘game on’ again for<br />
another two years or so."<br />
All the while, he miraculously hid it from his wife,<br />
son and newborn daughter. "I was livin' in a world<br />
of denial <strong>–</strong> taking money out of accounts and lying<br />
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LOCAL HERO | JOHN HAILE<br />
"THE ‘Bad boy’ has gone away completely now.<br />
He's not there anymore."<br />
to her,” John says. "But she was starting to catch on, and<br />
I knew it.”<br />
John had already destroyed two marriages and was<br />
starting to recognize the common denominator. When<br />
he finally fessed up, Kathy told him to “do something<br />
about this, or I’m leaving with the kids.” That’s when<br />
John started outpatient treatment.<br />
One day, John’s counselor made him face his wife. "Kathy<br />
started talking, looking me right in the eye and she's<br />
crying,” John recalls. “In that moment, I realized the one<br />
person who trusted me with her life and two children<br />
... I had lost everything in that defining moment. That's<br />
when it really started making sense of what I needed to<br />
do."<br />
Sobriety & Sponsorships<br />
It took time, but slowly John rebuilt trust with his wife<br />
and officially got sober on December 21, 1990, at 35.<br />
He started to discover a life richer than he’d ever known.<br />
But not without an eye-opening diagnosis.<br />
"I got really sick in 2011, and I was dying. Nobody<br />
knew what it was," John explained. Nine months later,<br />
the National Lung Institute in Denver diagnosed him<br />
with interstitial lung disease, causing progressive lung<br />
tissue scarring, and prescribed the high-powered meds<br />
to combat.<br />
John later discovered his full benefits through Veterans<br />
Affairs, including prescription coverage, hearing aids<br />
and lifetime disability checks to cover hearing loss<br />
incurred while deployed.<br />
John and Kathy moved from Omaha to Fargo in 2015<br />
to be closer to grandchildren. But leaving his trusted<br />
recovery community in Omaha meant John needed to<br />
find the same in Fargo.<br />
"Seven years later here, and my life is great,” John says,<br />
now retired. He continues attending meetings and<br />
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sponsors six others in recovery. “When they're talking, it makes me think<br />
about things in my life. <strong>The</strong>y’re helping me more than I'll ever be able to<br />
explain."<br />
Without recovery, John often wonders where he’d be. Kathy pulled him out<br />
of the depths of hell. In fact, he still asks her, “Why me?” She responds,<br />
“Because I knew there was something in you. You just needed to find it.”<br />
John also repaired relationships deemed irreparable. John’s mother was<br />
battling cancer when his dad died in 1998. His mom followed six months<br />
later. On her deathbed, the woman who had disowned him said, “I am so<br />
glad you came back to us,” John recalls. "I still look the devil in the eye. But<br />
the ‘bad boy’ has gone away completely now. He's not there anymore."<br />
<strong>The</strong> <strong>Good</strong> (Sober) <strong>Life</strong><br />
Thirty-six years married and 31 years sober, John says the good life is<br />
"peace and serenity. I have the good life, but the greatest thing I can tell you<br />
is I get to sit here a free man.”<br />
That doesn’t mean he’s free of daily challenges, anxiety or other great<br />
surprises life thrusts his way. It means he deals with those issues differently<br />
today <strong>–</strong> instead of turning to the bottle. He attends meetings where people<br />
understand him.<br />
“I've seen people hang themselves, shoot themselves <strong>–</strong> I've seen it all. And<br />
I've had to bury them, because they didn't get their act together,” John says.<br />
"You better find something greater than yourself, because otherwise you<br />
don't stand a chance.” •<br />
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