Island Parent Magazine Aug-Sept 2022
Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 34 Years • Why I Quit Being My Child’s Valet • Homework: Whose Responsibility Is It, Anyway? • (RV) Camping with Twins Plus One • 15 Time- (& Tear) Saving Back-to-School Hacks • GRAND: A Special Feature for Grandparents
Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 34 Years
• Why I Quit Being My Child’s Valet
• Homework: Whose Responsibility Is It, Anyway?
• (RV) Camping with Twins Plus One
• 15 Time- (& Tear) Saving Back-to-School Hacks
• GRAND: A Special Feature for Grandparents
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AUG/SEPT <strong>2022</strong><br />
FREE COPY<br />
Vancouver <strong>Island</strong>’s <strong>Parent</strong>ing Resource for 34 Years<br />
Why I Quit<br />
Being My<br />
Child’s Valet<br />
Inside:<br />
GRAND<br />
A Special Feature<br />
for Grandparents<br />
Homework<br />
Whose<br />
Responsibility<br />
Is It, Anyway?
<strong>Sept</strong>ember<br />
3, 4 & 5<br />
<strong>2022</strong><br />
P lant<br />
Your Roots<br />
at the Fair!<br />
The 154th Saanich Fair is back in full swing<br />
<strong>Sept</strong>ember 3, 4 and 5 at the Saanich Fair Grounds!<br />
MIDWAY, 4-H, CONCESSIONS AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!<br />
saanichfair.ca<br />
2 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 3
AUG/SEPT <strong>2022</strong><br />
FREE COPY<br />
Vancouver <strong>Island</strong>’s <strong>Parent</strong>ing Resource for 34 Years<br />
TABLEOFCONTENTS<br />
10<br />
15 Time- (& Tear) Saving<br />
Back-to-School Hacks<br />
KELLY MCQUILLAN<br />
Features<br />
18<br />
Normalizing the Bad<br />
& the Ugly of Divorce<br />
JEANNE PETIT-HUMPHRIES<br />
30<br />
The Struggle to Stay Whole<br />
JULIE MAIS<br />
32<br />
Emergency Supplies<br />
to Have On-Hand<br />
KIM FOURNIER<br />
34<br />
(RV) Camping with<br />
Twins Plus One<br />
NATASHA MILLS<br />
40<br />
Consent from the Start<br />
KATE NASH<br />
42<br />
Older Motherhood<br />
FRANCESCA SCALA<br />
In Every<br />
Issue<br />
5<br />
Fast Forward<br />
SUE FAST<br />
6<br />
Need to Know<br />
15<br />
Moms’ POV<br />
SARAH SEITZ<br />
12<br />
Whose Responsibility<br />
Is It Anyway?<br />
DR. ALLISON REES<br />
16<br />
Horsing Around<br />
LINDSAY COULTER<br />
GRAND<br />
A Special Feature<br />
for Grandparents<br />
22<br />
So You Want to Be<br />
a Grandparent?<br />
SUSAN GNUCCI<br />
24<br />
The Magic of Small<br />
RACHEL DUNSTAN MULLER<br />
26<br />
The Importance of<br />
Building Community<br />
EMMA EATON<br />
28<br />
Gifts for Nature-loving<br />
Grandkids<br />
LINDSAY COULTER<br />
20<br />
Dadspeak<br />
JESSE BLAINE<br />
35<br />
Preschool & Child Care Directory<br />
36<br />
Kids’ Reads<br />
CHRISTINE VAN STARKENBURG<br />
37<br />
Businesses You<br />
Need to Know<br />
38<br />
Family Calendar<br />
44<br />
What’s for Dinner<br />
EMILLIE PARRISH<br />
46<br />
Cut It Out!<br />
ALLISON REES<br />
On the<br />
Cover<br />
Photo by<br />
Liz Bourassa<br />
Spruce & Sparrow<br />
Photography<br />
spruceandsparrow.com<br />
Inside:<br />
GRAND<br />
A Special Feature<br />
for Grandparents<br />
Why I Quit<br />
Being My<br />
Child’s Valet<br />
Homework<br />
Whose<br />
Responsibility<br />
Is It, Anyway?<br />
Jim Schneider Publisher publisher@islandparent.ca<br />
Sue Fast Editor editor@islandparent.ca<br />
Kristine Wickheim Account Manager kristine@islandparent.ca<br />
RaeLeigh Buchanan Account Manager raeleigh@islandparent.ca<br />
<strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong>, published by <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Group Enterprises Ltd., is a<br />
bimonthly publication that honours and supports parents by providing information on<br />
resources and businesses for Vancouver <strong>Island</strong> families. Views expressed are not<br />
necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without<br />
the permission of the publisher. <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> is distributed free in selected areas.<br />
Annual mail subscriptions (7 issues) are available for $21 (GST included).<br />
Canadian Publication Mail Product Sales Agreement 40051398. ISSN 0838-5505.<br />
<strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong><br />
250-388-6905 islandparent.ca<br />
518 Caselton Place, Victoria, BC V8Z 7Y5<br />
A proud member of<br />
BC<br />
4 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
FASTFORWARD<br />
7 Ways to Start Off On<br />
the Right Foot this Fall<br />
Just when you’ve found your summer groove—staying up late and<br />
then sleeping in the next morning, stretching out in the shade midday<br />
with a good book, eating watermelon and French fries for dinner,<br />
running barefoot through the grass—it’s time to start thinking about the<br />
change of seasons and back-to-school. With fall just around the corner,<br />
now’s the time to enjoy what’s left of summer while getting ready for the<br />
start of a new season. To help ease the shift from the lazy days of summer<br />
to the picked-up pace of fall, here are some ideas and suggestions<br />
designed to help get your family off to a great start:<br />
1. Try something you’ve never tried before. Or do something you’ve<br />
wanted to do this summer but haven’t had a chance to do yet. Always<br />
wanted to go caving? Go now! Curious about the view from Malahat Skywalk’s<br />
250-metre high lookout? Why not take a look?! Is swimming with<br />
the salmon on your summer-to-do list? Dive in!<br />
2. Go camping. Celebrate the summer with a camping trip to one of<br />
the <strong>Island</strong>’s spectacular provincial campsites. Stay up late and stargaze.<br />
There’s nothing like seeing the stars from outside city limits. Make a<br />
back-to-school wish on the first star you see!<br />
3. Set up a study area, a fun one! Pile comfy cushions to make a<br />
reading corner—favourite books within reach. Decorate! Hang a solarsystem<br />
mobile, framed artwork, maps and/or a whiteboard. Be deskready.<br />
Have a good chair to support sitting for awhile and a small desk. Let<br />
kids decorate their desk with washi tape or colourful accessories.<br />
4. Shop for school supplies—label everything!—and fill a back-toschool<br />
backpack. Sure there’s the standard school-issued list of have-tohaves,<br />
but let kids get creative and add a few personal touches: a crazy<br />
new pencil case, maybe, or a fun new lunch bag. Or host a supply swap<br />
and share any surplus supplies.<br />
5. Reconnect with classmates. Throw a pizza party in the park. Or a<br />
neighbourhood barbecue. Walk the route to school with kids who will be<br />
walking the same route. Organize a walking or riding “school bus” and<br />
make plans for the first day back.<br />
6. Set up a family organization station where notices, permission<br />
slips, paperwork and school-related correspondence get dropped at the<br />
end of the school day. Take a few minutes to enter any important dates in<br />
the calendar or fill out any required forms.<br />
7. Set aside some time—walking home from school, at dinnertime,<br />
before bed—to really check in and find out how your child’s day went.<br />
Replace the question “how was your day?” with “what was the best thing<br />
that happened at school today?”<br />
Here’s to all of the good days ahead and getting off to a great start!<br />
– Sue Fast<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 5
NEEDTOKNOW<br />
Jumpstart<br />
The Capital Regional District (CRD)<br />
and Canadian Tire Jumpstart Charities<br />
(Jumpstart) are proud to announce the<br />
grand opening of a Jumpstart Inclusive<br />
Multi Sport Court at the Panorama<br />
Recreation Centre, designed to accommodate<br />
physical, cognitive and sensory<br />
play for kids of all abilities. Through<br />
collaboration with Jumpstart and local<br />
Canadian Tire Dealers Grant Wood,<br />
Justin Young, Kim Reynhoudt, Mark<br />
Barsanti and Robert Heenan, local kids<br />
of all abilities can participate in sport<br />
and play side-by-side, fostering a stronger,<br />
more inclusive and healthier community.<br />
For more information,<br />
visit jumpstart.canadiantire.ca.<br />
Multilingual<br />
Books Online<br />
Lars speaks Ukrainian, a bilingual picture<br />
book for Ukrainian children, is now online for<br />
free. Also, a bilingual edition of Little Polar<br />
Bear—Where are you going, Lars? in English<br />
and Ukrainian, is available as a digital book<br />
for free at northsouth.com/books/little-polarbear-bilibri-eng-ukrainian.<br />
NorthSouth Books<br />
has been offering bilingual picture books in<br />
collaboration with Edition bi:libri since 2019.<br />
Great for early second-language learners, the<br />
bestselling titles The Rainbow Fish and Little<br />
Polar Bear feature complete texts in English<br />
paired with Spanish, Japanese, Korean,<br />
Chinese, Russian, German, French, Arabic,<br />
Vietnamese and Italian. The English-Ukrainian<br />
Little Polar Bear version is the newest<br />
addition to this series and a response to the<br />
devastating war in the Ukraine.<br />
6 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Learn a new sport or refine<br />
your skills: come join our<br />
rock climbing teams!<br />
Electric<br />
Buses<br />
Every school day 110,000 kids<br />
across BC ride the school bus.<br />
The time those kids spend on<br />
the bus—and the distance they<br />
travel—adds up. In all, BC school<br />
buses travel roughly 33 million<br />
kilometres every year. Switching<br />
from diesel to electric will make<br />
those journeys healthier—for our<br />
kids and the planet. The good<br />
news is some BC students are<br />
already riding electric buses. In<br />
May 2021, Sooke School District<br />
on Vancouver <strong>Island</strong> became<br />
the first to run an electric school<br />
bus. As of December 2021, 18<br />
electric school buses were running<br />
in 13 school districts—that’s<br />
1,300 students benefitting from<br />
this cleaner, greener transportation.<br />
Now we need more electric<br />
school buses, in all of our 64<br />
school districts. To learn more,<br />
visit forourkids.ca/our_electric_<br />
school_bus_campaign_bc.<br />
Registration<br />
for recreational<br />
and competitive<br />
teams open now.<br />
All levels<br />
welcome!<br />
Ages 6–18.<br />
Details and registration at climbtheboulders.com<br />
The Boulders Climbing Gym<br />
1627 Stelly’s Cross Road | Saanichton, BC | 250.544.0310<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 7
BOOK BASH!<br />
Book Bash! challenges readers of all ages to set a reading<br />
target and obtain pledges from friends and family<br />
for every 100 pages they read from <strong>Aug</strong>ust 1-31. Set a<br />
reading target, pick a theme (or not) and challenge others<br />
to match or exceed their target. Winners will receive<br />
a gift bag containing books, gift certificates and other<br />
items donated by supporting merchants. Prize winners<br />
will be drawn from those who send their collected<br />
pledges to the Victoria Literacy Connection by <strong>Sept</strong>ember<br />
30. Proceeds will be used to support the VLC’s<br />
free literacy programs for children, youth and adults in<br />
Greater Victoria. To register and download a reading<br />
log visit bookbash.victorialiteracyconnection.ca.<br />
Flavour Trails<br />
The North Saanich Flavour Trail Festival is back with<br />
some of the best culinary and cultural experiences the<br />
region has to offer. Explore the map and hit the trail<br />
to learn about local food, wine, beer, distillers, farm<br />
markets, cafes and more. Presented by the District of<br />
North Saanich, CRFAIR, the Good Food Network and<br />
Destination Greater Victoria. On Saturday, <strong>Aug</strong>ust<br />
27 and Sunday, <strong>Aug</strong>ust 28, the festival culminates<br />
in a celebration weekend with more than 20 venues<br />
hosting activities ranging from farm gate tastings to<br />
winery and orchard tours, from sheep shearing demonstrations<br />
to scarecrow making. To learn more and<br />
explore the vendors and regional map, visit<br />
flavourtrails.com.<br />
Youth Bike Skills Park<br />
The new Tripp Station Youth Bike Skills Park in Saanich is<br />
open. Now mountain bike and BMX riders of all levels can<br />
develop and practice riding skills in a structured, safe and<br />
managed environment. Features include an asphalt pump<br />
track, dirt jumps and a skills trail. The park is adjacent to the<br />
Lochside Trail and easily accessible by bike. Additional improvements<br />
include a gravel pathway from the main entrance<br />
of the park off Lochside Drive adjacent to the Lochside Regional<br />
Trail connecting to Borden Street, park furniture, bike<br />
racks, a drinking fountain, signs and a portable toilet.<br />
8 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Ride the<br />
Cyclone<br />
Don’t miss the homecoming of Victoria’s own<br />
home-grown musical sensation Ride the Cyclone<br />
by Jacob Richmond and Brooke Maxwell from<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust 2–14. Chosen by the NY Times as one of<br />
the Top 10 productions of 2016, Victoria audiences<br />
will have the opportunity to cheer the success of this<br />
work that has taken Vancouver, Toronto, New York,<br />
Chicago, Seattle, Atlanta and Minneapolis by storm.<br />
First Tuesday and Wednesday prices are 55% lower<br />
than the regular ticket price.<br />
bluebridgetheatre.ca<br />
TICKETS: CAPITALCITYCOMICCON.CA<br />
SET YOUR FACES<br />
TO<br />
STUNNED<br />
TO STUNNED<br />
SEPT<br />
23 - 25<br />
<strong>2022</strong><br />
PROUDLY PRESENTED BY:<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 9
LEARN<br />
15 Time- (& Tear!) Saving<br />
Back-to-School Hacks<br />
As surely as the seasons cycle, <strong>Sept</strong>ember means back-toschool.<br />
The abrupt change from long, care-free days of<br />
summer holidays to rigid schedules, bag lunches and homework<br />
can be stressful. Here are some suggestions to help make<br />
this transition—and the school year—more positive for kids<br />
and parents.<br />
School Supplies<br />
1. Reuse, Reuse, Reuse—It is shocking how many barelyused<br />
or new school supplies end up in school dumpsters<br />
in June. Make sure your kids bring everything home, sort<br />
through it together and reuse what is salvageable. It will save<br />
you money in the long-term. Bonus, it helps kids learn to take<br />
care of their stuff.<br />
2. Label, Label, Label—When I was in elementary school,<br />
one of my <strong>Aug</strong>ust rituals was to label my supplies. I still have<br />
pencil crayons from 30 (cough cough) years ago. In busy<br />
classrooms things fall on the ground or are misplaced all the<br />
time, but at end-of-day cleanup, kids with labelled supplies<br />
usually get them back.<br />
Clothing<br />
5. “New” is So Passé—Thank goodness “thrifting” has<br />
become a cool thing to do. You’ll save dollars, help local<br />
charities and keep clothes out of the landfill.<br />
6. Label, Label, Label some more!—Before holidays,<br />
school classes participate in a slow procession through the<br />
halls: the “Viewing of the Lost.” So. Many. Things. You’d<br />
think children would recognize their possessions. Nope. Most<br />
end up being sent to the thrift store. Unless, of course, they<br />
are clearly labelled.<br />
Feeding Bodies and Minds:<br />
7. Plan Ahead—Two words: meal planning. It saves money,<br />
time and the daily stress of “What’s for dinner?” When my<br />
3. Quality Over Cool—Trendy gizmos come and go (and<br />
often break shortly after purchase). Better to stock up on<br />
quality-but-plainer supplies on sale and let your kiddos personalize<br />
them.<br />
4. Dole it Out Sparingly—Fact: classrooms are crowded<br />
places with minimal storage. Only send your child with what<br />
they need to start and send more as necessary. Less will go<br />
missing into The Void.<br />
10 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
step-kids were school-age we sat down as a family every Sunday<br />
for 15 minutes and planned out the week’s meals. The<br />
kids loved having input and it made shopping super easy. You<br />
can do this for lunches, too!<br />
8. Beat the Lunch-Time Blues—Depending on their age,<br />
many kids can make their own lunches. If you’re afraid that<br />
these lunches might consist of last year’s Halloween candy<br />
or dry slices of white bread, set some guidelines (ex. one<br />
item from each food group) and make sure there are healthy<br />
choices on hand.<br />
9. Bulk vs Snack Size—Individually portioned snacks for<br />
kids are marketed as a time-saving godsend, however, they are<br />
expensive and create piles of garbage (that, in turn, decorates<br />
school playgrounds). Small re-usable containers or snack<br />
pouches can be filled from a bulk or family-sized box, saving<br />
money and packaging.<br />
Keeping Everyone Happy<br />
10. Family Calendar—Invest in a BIG family calendar and<br />
keep it in a central location. This helps with planning, logistics<br />
and also shifts the family knowledge-keeping burden from<br />
one person (ahem, Mom) to everyone.<br />
11. Less is More—When adults spread ourselves too thin<br />
we get tired, cranky, overwhelmed, etc. Kids can feel the same<br />
way. Instead of doing all the activities, choose one or two per<br />
season. Life won’t be as hectic and everyone benefits from<br />
breathing space (especially in <strong>Sept</strong>ember!)<br />
12. Foster a Growth Mindset—Instead of focusing on<br />
grades, encourage your child to reflect on their own learning.<br />
What can they do more confidently than they did before?<br />
What makes learning easier for them? How can they extend<br />
themselves? If a child is stuck on “I can’t,” try using psychologist<br />
Carol Dweck’s technique of tacking on a “yet”: “I can’t<br />
YET.”<br />
13. Sleep Hygiene Saves Sanity—Schedules and sleep<br />
get out of whack during summer. That first week of grumpy<br />
tumbles out of bed and grumpier after-school restraint collapse<br />
might be more manageable if you start easing back into<br />
a bedtime/wake-up routine a couple of weeks beforehand. A<br />
good night’s sleep makes everything easier. For everyone.<br />
Communication is Key<br />
14. Teacher = Partner—Many parents wait for official conferences<br />
or when a problem arises to meet their child’s teacher,<br />
but a friendly intro during the first week (even via email) is a<br />
great idea. Establishing a positive connection early on leads to<br />
clearer communication and helps everyone to remember that<br />
we are all on the same team, your child’s.<br />
15. Lecturing Isn’t Listening—<strong>Parent</strong>s are problem-solvers<br />
and behaviour tutors, but sometimes our kids don’t need us<br />
to offer advice or constructive criticism. Sometimes they just<br />
need to be heard and accepted, no matter what. <strong>Sept</strong>ember is<br />
a doozy of a month with so much change and new expectations.<br />
You might have to adjust your own expectations a little,<br />
at least for the first couple of weeks. Kids adapt quickly, and<br />
knowing that they have your unconditional love and support<br />
makes all the difference.<br />
Kelly McQuillan is a writer, musician, teacher<br />
and fledgling mother living in Comox.<br />
kellymcquillanwriter.weebly.com and<br />
kellymcquillan.com.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 11
LEARN<br />
Whose Responsibility<br />
Is It, Anyway?!<br />
How to help with homework—without going overboard<br />
It’s important to make sure our children grow up loving<br />
to learn rather than being anxious about performance or<br />
hooked on doing everything perfectly. Studies show that extrinsic<br />
motivation (rewards such as grades or money) has the<br />
capacity to destroy intrinsic motivation—or enjoying a task<br />
because it’s interesting.<br />
Making learning a duty, and attaching rewards and punishments<br />
to it, takes away a child’s natural excitement about<br />
accomplishment. Love of learning is lifelong; love of grades<br />
sometimes gets in the way.<br />
For many kids, school learning is a source of anxiety and obligation<br />
rather than fun and rewarding. To help counter these<br />
feelings, let your children know you have confidence in their<br />
ability to learn and to do the work, and that you believe it’s<br />
important that they have a personal and social life outside of<br />
schoolwork. Let them know that you believe their grades aren’t<br />
as important as enjoying their work and feeling they are accomplishing<br />
something. Don’t offer rewards for “A”s or “B”s,<br />
as this only encourages kids to focus on the grades rather than<br />
on the learning.<br />
What to do:<br />
1. Help your children organize their study habits to cope<br />
with new challenges. Discuss a regular time and place to do<br />
their work and teach them (if the school hasn’t done so) to<br />
make a list of assignments and their due dates. Help them figure<br />
out how long each assignment will take, and which tasks<br />
they need to do first. It’s best to avoid monitoring your kids<br />
constantly, lecturing them or, of course, doing their work for<br />
them.<br />
2. Let your children organize their schoolwork so that they<br />
feel comfortable with it. Different children study in different<br />
ways. Some need silence; some need music. Some need regular<br />
short breaks, others work for a long time and don’t like interruptions.<br />
Allow your children to study in the way which works<br />
best for them. Discourage kids from staying up past their bed-<br />
12 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
time to do schoolwork. Best to start homework early enough to<br />
get it done and have some relaxation time. If there’s too much<br />
work for the time available, you may need to intervene with<br />
the teachers as they may not be aware of the problem unless an<br />
adult lets them know. When children are teens, leave it up to<br />
them.<br />
3. Stay positive. Children are already aware of what they<br />
can’t do. Give specific, encouraging feedback. Be careful not<br />
to take their accomplishments away from them by saying how<br />
proud you are. This is their responsibility; they can be proud<br />
for themselves.<br />
4. Observe and support without smothering. Children can<br />
interpret too much attention as a lack of confidence in their<br />
abilities. Standing over them reinforces a belief that they aren’t<br />
capable. Remind them of what they do well.<br />
5. Avoid letting yourself get impatient or angry. Step away<br />
and take a breath. Many parents find tutoring their own children<br />
to be extremely difficult because they are too close.<br />
6. Watch your expectations. Do you perform your daily tasks<br />
consistently from day to day? Children are as susceptible to<br />
exhaustion from the daily grind as we are. Watch for signs of<br />
being tired, over-excited, recovering from illness, allergies, etc.<br />
and make allowances. The pressure of working for someone<br />
who expects optimum performance at all times would be unbearable!<br />
7. Determine how long your child can sit and do homework.<br />
Allow for regular breaks.<br />
As children mature, step back and let them learn, sometimes<br />
through failure. Best they learn these lessons while the lessons<br />
are cheap. Don’t underestimate the value of natural consequences.<br />
If your kids don’t study, they may fail a test. If they<br />
forget to do their homework, they might feel embarrassed or<br />
upset. Avoid saying, “I told you so” or trying to teach a lesson.<br />
Natural consequences work best when you step back and simply<br />
offer understanding. While taking over the problem might<br />
come easy to you, it does nothing to support your child.<br />
Like the rest of our children’s responsibilities, we teach, we<br />
support and then we pull back. This doesn’t mean we don’t<br />
care, just that we know what effective support really looks like.<br />
Dr. Allison Rees is a parent educator, counsellor<br />
and coach at LIFE Seminars (Living in Families<br />
Effectively), lifeseminars.com.<br />
ON NOW<br />
GET TICKETS AT<br />
imaxvictoria.com<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 13
MOM’SPOV<br />
Why I Quit Being<br />
My Child’s Valet<br />
I<br />
listened to a podcast a few months ago that changed the<br />
way I approach parenting. The interview was with Lenore<br />
Skenazy who wrote an article in the New York Times titled<br />
“Why I let my 9-year-old ride the subway alone.” Her writing,<br />
along with her book Free-Range Kids, started what people now<br />
refer to as the “Anti-Helicopter” parent movement.<br />
The interview highlighted the many ways that my mothering<br />
had actually prevented my kids from developing the life skills<br />
they need to be confident, independent and resilient. I wasn’t<br />
doing anything wrong per say—I was just doing too much.<br />
Up until that point, I had driven my kids to school every day<br />
even though we live six blocks away, a simple 10-minute walk.<br />
I carried my youngest son’s backpack from the car to the lineup<br />
where I waited with other parents until the teacher came to<br />
collect our kids. I’m reluctant to admit that in that backpack<br />
was the lunch I had made, the water bottle I had filled and the<br />
library books that were due.<br />
My son, on the other hand, had done nothing that morning<br />
except get dressed, eat breakfast and supposedly brushed his<br />
teeth.<br />
But I wasn’t alone. On the short drive to school, I never saw<br />
kids walking or biking on their own.<br />
This was not the norm when I was growing up. I left the<br />
house alone every morning, walked to the bus stop and rode<br />
the school bus to school. Other than half-day kindergarten,<br />
I can’t remember a time when my parents dropped me off at<br />
school, let alone walked me into the classroom.<br />
What is referred to nowadays as “free-range” was the norm<br />
for most of us who were born before 1985.<br />
I’ve always felt nostalgic for my independent childhood and<br />
the freedom I had. This feeling combined with Lenore Skenazy’s<br />
insights into our new normal left me curious about why<br />
I did so much for my own kids.<br />
I wasn’t fearful of them being alone outside of the house<br />
because I don’t share in the belief that there are more “bad<br />
people” in the world today. So, if I could get myself to school<br />
safely on my own as a child, why couldn’t my own kids?<br />
14 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Mangosteen Giftboxes<br />
“The job of a parent is to work themselves out<br />
of a job.” – Holly Gates<br />
It’s easy to assume that kids can’t do anything safely or successfully<br />
on their own today. <strong>Parent</strong>ing experts, magazine articles<br />
and advertisers are telling parents how to plan the perfect<br />
play date, how to keep our kids safe from strangers and how to<br />
sticker-chart our way to success. Childhood anxiety seems to<br />
be more and more prevalent and while there are many factors<br />
that contribute to these complex emotions, it’s worth asking if<br />
empowerment of our kids could lead to greater confidence and<br />
resilience.<br />
After the success of her article, Ms. Skenazy and others went<br />
on to create a non-profit organization called LetGrow. Their<br />
mission is to give parents, educators and communities the tools<br />
and confidence to step back so kids can step up. Their website<br />
is full of articles, workbooks and other free resources to support<br />
their mission of helping parents and kids.<br />
The message of LetGrow resonated with me, so I started letting<br />
go.<br />
I began with little things, such as making lunches but not<br />
filling the water bottles because my son was seven and capable<br />
of filling a cup with water and ice. (This seems so ludicrous to<br />
me now.)<br />
I stopped reminding my kids about library day and if they<br />
forgot, the natural consequence was that they didn’t get to<br />
bring home a new book. Eventually we graduated to my<br />
10-year-old and my 7-year-old walking to and from school<br />
every day. I cancelled the Valet service my kids had grown accustomed<br />
to.<br />
These changes brought new challenges. The seven-year-old<br />
walked “annoyingly slow” according to his older sister. The<br />
rain was wet. Rocks were found in shoes. But they weren’t<br />
lured into a white van by a creepy degenerate with candy and<br />
they didn’t get lost or hit by a car.<br />
This small act of walking to school allowed them to learn<br />
time-management, to use discretion and caution appropriately<br />
and to have some freedom. My children now go to two different<br />
schools and get themselves there and back every day. It’s<br />
not perfect. I still make their lunches, but we’re working on it.<br />
We do things for our children because we love them and<br />
want them to have great lives. You wouldn’t be reading this article<br />
if you weren’t the engaged and loving parent that you are.<br />
I believe that the most loving thing we can do for our kids<br />
today is to step back a little and trust that they have the ability<br />
to do certain things safely on their own.<br />
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Sarah Seitz is a working mother, wife and<br />
writer. She spends her free time cutting off<br />
crusts and uses good coffee and humour to get<br />
through the day.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 15
LEARN<br />
Horsing Around<br />
Getting to know horses on the <strong>Island</strong><br />
Horses have a lot to teach us.<br />
When people think of horses, horseback riding is the<br />
sole activity which comes to mind. It’s often limited to<br />
the pony rides at the local fair, riding lessons or a trail ride on<br />
vacation. Many don’t realize horse experiences come in many<br />
forms and we host a diversity right here on the <strong>Island</strong>.<br />
There are activities that need zero horse experience, can be<br />
in or out of the saddle, hands-on or not, one-on-one or in a<br />
group, some are free, and many acknowledge horses as therapy<br />
animals. Many programs are inclusive, accessible and traumainformed.<br />
Did you know horses can read human emotions?<br />
Riding is a small part of horsemanship but not the whole<br />
story. The full scope includes caring for horses, handling them<br />
safely, training, learning about their instincts, behaviour and<br />
communication. Horsemanship is relevant to all disciplines (for<br />
example, English or Western) and important for beginners to<br />
advanced and age doesn’t matter.<br />
Here are a few unique horse experiences worth looking into:<br />
Humble Hooves<br />
What: Tam and Jason Merkens celebrate the human and<br />
horse connection at their horse rescue farm. With a team of<br />
volunteers, a herd of eight, and a focus beyond riding, they see<br />
the possibilities that can develop from transformative relationships.<br />
“Our programs foster an environment of learning by<br />
utilizing horses as teachers, mentors and healers.”<br />
Programs: They offer Equine-Assisted Learning and equineassisted<br />
wellness sessions. Kids and youth can also enjoy Horse<br />
Powered reading (horses are the facilitators!) and summer leadership<br />
camps. Humble Hooves also hosts private events—kid’s<br />
birthday parties or corporate events—and can customize a program<br />
for your group.<br />
Where: Cobble Hill, BC<br />
Learn more: humblehooves.ca<br />
Heart Lake Farm (HLF)<br />
What: Founders/Directors Jess and Scott Lake created a<br />
home to equine-assisted services showcasing learning with<br />
horses and therapy with horses. There is no riding, and you<br />
won’t miss a thing!<br />
Where: Saanichton, BC<br />
Programs: HLF offers Equine-Assisted Learning (EAL) led by<br />
trained facilitators. It’s an experiential learning program teaching<br />
essential life skills including communication, teamwork and<br />
leadership through group activities with horses. It’s possible to<br />
take a multi-week series or a one-day workshop.<br />
HLF also works with mental health professionals. Sessions<br />
may be one-on-one or in small groups. One example of a small<br />
group program at HLF is an Indigenous Focusing-Oriented<br />
Therapy (IFOT)-informed group, and the Life Review program<br />
created at the UBC Centre for Group Counselling and Trauma<br />
(adapted to include horse work). Partnership examples include<br />
the Victoria Brain Injury Society (VBIS), WSÁNEC First Nations<br />
and Camosun College. Contact HLF if you represent a<br />
school, social service, or charitable organization interested<br />
providing unique learning experiences with horses. Group programs<br />
are funded and free.<br />
Learn more: heartlakefarm.ca<br />
Cowichan Therapeutic Riding Association<br />
(CTRA)<br />
What: Cowichan Therapeutic Riding Association is a registered<br />
non-profit organization offering a range of therapeutic<br />
riding and equine-based wellness programs. CTRA serves as a<br />
hub of inclusion and catalyst for human potential, enriching the<br />
lives of countless individuals and supporting key social determinants<br />
of health in our community.<br />
Where: Duncan, BC<br />
Programs: They offer therapeutic riding which provides physical,<br />
mental, and emotional benefits. Participants learn how to<br />
ride a horse and often have goals to develop mobility, balance,<br />
muscle tone and core strength. Other side effects include improving<br />
confidence, independence and social skills. It can be for<br />
fun or, some work towards competition in para-dressage. They<br />
also teach inclusive vaulting (aka gymnastics on horseback) and<br />
horsemanship.<br />
16 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
CTRA is powered by volunteers. Want to get your hands<br />
dirty in the barn and soak up good horse energy? They need<br />
folks to help groom horses and be a “side-walker.” Training is<br />
provided. Not a horsey person but want to support their work?<br />
Check out the skills needed for their Board of Directors.<br />
Therapeutic Riding uses horses to help people with various disabilities.<br />
Participants work with horses to achieve physical and mental<br />
health, and cognitive, behavioural, social and communication goals.<br />
Learn more: ctra.ca<br />
Victoria Therapeutic Riding Association (VTRA)<br />
What: Victoria Therapeutic Riding Association is a registered<br />
charity with seven staff, 12 horses and over 250 volunteers.<br />
VTRA recognizes horseback riding as a therapeutic aid<br />
and serves more than 200 kids and adults with a diversity of<br />
equine-assisted activities. Their mission is to build individual<br />
capacity through human and horse teamwork.<br />
Programs: VTRA teaches Adaptive or Therapeutic riding<br />
and Adaptive Driving programs. Driving means using a horsedrawn<br />
cart. They also host summer camps for kids and youth<br />
six to 20 years of age, offer affordable workshops (e.g. grooming,<br />
horse behaviour, horse body language and more) and have<br />
volunteer opportunities.<br />
Where: Saanichton, BC<br />
Learn more: vtra.ca<br />
Lindsay Coulter is a writer, educator, facilitator,<br />
naturalist, community catalyst, soul activist,<br />
mentor and dedicated mother of two. She’s the<br />
Director of Communications, Culture and Community<br />
at EPIC Learning Centre, a forest and nature<br />
school in Victoria. Find her @SaneAction on Instagram<br />
and Facebook.<br />
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<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 17
PARENTING<br />
Normalizing the Bad<br />
& the Ugly of Divorce<br />
For a lot of people divorce is something to celebrate, an opportunity<br />
to start over and feel revitalized by the possibility<br />
of new opportunities.<br />
Unfortunately, this is not how I felt, quite the opposite in<br />
fact. When my marriage ended, I felt such profound grief, anger,<br />
stress and, I admit it, much shame.<br />
I am not sure if the stigma of being newly divorced was real<br />
or if I was just particularly self-conscious, but the fact that I became<br />
a single mom was a difficult adjustment for me. While it<br />
may be statistically true that over 50 percent of marriages end<br />
in divorce, I can also affirm that I have felt very alone throughout<br />
this process, the odd duck, lost in the sea of happy families<br />
around me.<br />
To say that my divorce was an atomic bomb in my life would<br />
be an understatement. Suffice to say that it was rather unexpected,<br />
at least for me. Until then, I had truly believed that<br />
despite having some highs and lows, our marriage was solid<br />
enough and that we were happily raising three extraordinary<br />
daughters.<br />
My belief in marriage can most likely be attributed to the<br />
people around me: my parents have been married for 49 years,<br />
my twin sister has been with her husband for 27 years already<br />
(and we are still spring chickens in my humble opinion so this<br />
number is staggeringly impressive), and even my younger sister<br />
just celebrated her 14th wedding anniversary. We are believers<br />
in the institution of marriage.<br />
This is perhaps in part why the whole “divorced” label has<br />
been hard for me. I did not want to be in this situation and felt<br />
such shame that I hid this massive life event from social media<br />
for years, preferring to let my distant acquaintances infer that<br />
my loving hubby had mysteriously and quietly disappeared<br />
from our life rather than change my status and publicly announce<br />
that I was now a divorcée. Trust me, it is taking a lot of<br />
courage and counselling to write so openly about the end of my<br />
marriage.<br />
At the core, I felt like I had failed my children and, when I<br />
was feeling particularly raw—and maybe a tad dramatic—that<br />
somehow, I had ruined their entire lives. I felt guilt, a gutwrenching,<br />
wake-up-at-night kind of guilt. And whether this<br />
was founded in reality or not, I felt loss in every aspect of my<br />
life.<br />
My kids would never again take part in a family picture<br />
shoot. They would no longer open presents with two sets of<br />
doting eyes to watch their every move. I felt like our family<br />
stories were lost, and our traditions and routines were forever<br />
changed. It was overwhelming.<br />
Beyond the fact that I was obviously dealing with massive<br />
trauma-like emotions, I sometimes wonder if my difficulty in<br />
adjusting to my new reality may also have been exacerbated by<br />
a whole host of societal systems that continue to promote the<br />
venerable institution of marriage, especially in the parenting<br />
world, and to depict divorce in an unduly superficial way.<br />
I did a quick Google search of some parenting magazines and<br />
found the number of articles that talk about divorced parents<br />
are staggeringly low. So low that one could say that they are<br />
nonexistent, except for the occasional article about how to coparent<br />
successfully or the occasional advice column with tips<br />
on how to find a good lawyer (how one can possibly afford<br />
said lawyer is rarely addressed).<br />
And yet, despite this dearth of acknowledgement in the media<br />
on how hard it can be to navigate divorce, I know that I<br />
cannot be the only one who has had to grapple with some of<br />
the challenges that come with being a single-parent. Even filling<br />
out a registration form for extra-curricular activities has<br />
become an ordeal for us. Usually there is only one spot for<br />
contact information/pick-up information, and yet for our kids<br />
there were suddenly two of everything.<br />
Weekends and holidays can be particularly difficult. It is not<br />
easy to see families riding their bikes down the street when you<br />
are without your children. Sure, it is nice to sleep in a bit and<br />
have the house stay clean for a bit longer than the nano-second<br />
it usually takes to mess it up again, but sometimes it almost<br />
feels like I am childless, a much-too-young empty-nester. Not<br />
spending Halloween with my kids two years in a row has certainly<br />
caused me to eat far too many candies on my own.<br />
The challenges of co-parenting are undoubtedly what I was<br />
most unprepared for. Like the professional and competent person<br />
I thought I was pre-divorce, I read all the articles I could<br />
find expounding the importance of communication, about<br />
18 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
emaining close friends and putting the kids first. The problem<br />
was that once again, my reality did not come close to this Pollyanna<br />
version of divorce.<br />
For me, co-parenting has been near impossible, a way to truly<br />
become aware of why our marriage failed, and how diametrically<br />
opposite our values and morals are. This too made me<br />
feel such shame because I again felt as though I was the only<br />
one facing the daily hurdles of making co-parenting decisions<br />
with someone who refused to communicate. I seethed alone as<br />
I learned to accept that my children were sleeping on the living<br />
room floor at a “new” friend’s place rather than in the safe<br />
cocoon of the home I had made. I felt total rage, profound sadness<br />
and powerlessness when obliged to parent with an ex who<br />
went from loving me to hating me at Mach speed.<br />
In my experience, co-parenting can be hell, both on your<br />
stomach lining and your bank balance, as you navigate a legal<br />
system that charges $300 an hour to get you through the absurdly<br />
complex and emotionally taxing divorce process.<br />
I am now on the other side of the hill. I am in the camp of<br />
saying that much happiness can come out of a divorce. Finding<br />
a new supportive and loving partner or seeing my kids relax after<br />
witnessing years of tension are but a few gifts that my postmarriage<br />
life has granted. My experience has shown me, too,<br />
that there can be so much shame and difficulty in navigating a<br />
world that is still built around the idea of a homogenous family<br />
unit and that amicable divorces are always possible if one puts<br />
in enough effort. I am proof that even with the best intentions,<br />
a divorce can be a source of much conflict and tension.<br />
Although I am now one of the post-divorce (much) happier<br />
people, I am still conscious of those around us who may be<br />
hurt, scared, lost, sad, overwhelmed and alone as they ride the<br />
newly divorced single-parent roller-coaster and possibly encounter<br />
similar experiences to mine. Maybe if we were collectively<br />
more aware of the dark side of divorce, and talked more<br />
openly about the emotions and very real challenges that divorcés<br />
face daily, normalized mono-parental families in magazines,<br />
ads, and shows, we would help them get back on their feet<br />
faster than if we continue to pretend that everyone is in a great<br />
marriage with their 2.2 children and picket fence or experiencing<br />
a joyfully cooperative divorce.<br />
I, for one, know that a more honest, rounded depiction of<br />
divorce would have helped me feel less alone and less shame as<br />
I grappled with my perceived double-failure at being happily<br />
married and harmoniously divorced.<br />
Jeanne Petit-Humphries is a mom of three<br />
children, an educator, a writer AND a divorcée. She<br />
is learning to embrace all aspects of her life from<br />
the (mostly) wonderfully good to the (occasionally)<br />
terribly ugly.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 19
DADSPEAK<br />
The ‘Hairdryer Mama’<br />
A<br />
natural holistic approach to parenting.<br />
At least that was our plan when left Victoria for our<br />
home in Ucluelet with our brand-new baby girl, Bronwyn,<br />
and a truck full of her belongings. We had as few unnecessary<br />
plastics as we could manage.<br />
Everyone came together to lend a hand to the new and incompetent<br />
parents. Seriously, everyone was there to help. I’m<br />
not too sure who introduced a hairdryer to the list of musthaves,<br />
but somehow it ended up in her pile.<br />
For the first six weeks the hairdryer served as a tool to dry<br />
her bum—from a safe distance, of course—after a diaper<br />
change to stave off diaper rash. Then the hairdryer presented<br />
a new service. It started to beat out all of my bedtime tricks:<br />
shushing, rocking and singing.<br />
The “hairdryer mama” as it was now called had taken its<br />
place as the second-in-command for bedtimes; first, of course,<br />
is real Mama, third is Dadda. Sure, it would be nice to put your<br />
baby to sleep with a calm and reassuring fatherly voice singing<br />
soft lullabies in a rocking chair, but if you’ve tried that exact<br />
thing along with everything else and she still won’t sleep…do<br />
what works, I say.<br />
Okay, so I might have taken it a little too far with the cordless<br />
battery-powered hairdryer I ordered online but I don’t<br />
regret it. Many a cold and stormy night we could have been<br />
seen wandering the empty streets of Ucluelet, Bronwyn on the<br />
front under a ski jacket happily sleeping in her carrier, and me<br />
strolling along with a secret hairdryer hanging out of my back<br />
pocket for emergencies. Chalk it up to the white noise of the<br />
fan and the warm rushing air on her face. I’m not even kidding,<br />
I’ve had her fall asleep in my arms under—yes, from a safe<br />
distance and way under—the stationary hairdryers in public<br />
restrooms—she loves them.<br />
I wish I knew how this story ends, but after 10 months, the<br />
hairdryer still plays a critical role in bedtime. My partner won’t<br />
use it on her, preferring a more natural approach. I want to get<br />
there someday, too, but it’s going to be a bit more of a journey.<br />
It’s all a new adventure and mistakes are learned from. No<br />
one ever says to you while you’re holding a newborn: “Careful<br />
you don’t get lazy and aim a hairdryer at her face to get her to<br />
sleep or she will develop some sort of hairdryer dependency.” I<br />
have no useful advice for any parent. Live and learn, and what<br />
a beautiful journey it is.<br />
Jesse Blaine is a dad on the west coast. He<br />
loves his family and his dog. He can’t wait to show<br />
his daughter everything. He lives in the ocean and<br />
he works as little as he can.<br />
20 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Vol. V, Ed. III<br />
GRAND<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
The Importance<br />
of Building<br />
Community<br />
Gifts for<br />
Nature-Loving<br />
Grandkids<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
The Magic of Small<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 21
GRANDparenting<br />
So You Want to Be a Grandparent?!<br />
A no-nonsense job description<br />
There really ought to be a job description<br />
for grandparenting so people<br />
know exactly what they’re getting<br />
into. Sure, we’ve all been parents, so we’ve<br />
done this before, right? But I’m here to tell<br />
you that when you add another 20 or 30<br />
years, it’s a whole other ball game!<br />
little grandchildren they so desire? Well,<br />
I’ve put together the following “job description”<br />
to shed some light.<br />
Job Summary:<br />
Seeking highly motivated individual to<br />
provide quality babysitting services for<br />
young child(ren) along with unconditional<br />
love and a steadfast ally. Responsibilities<br />
include general supervision, meals, field<br />
trips, overnights and occasional vacation<br />
relief.<br />
Susan Gnucci is a local author and a<br />
proud “nonna” to two young grandsons.<br />
She enjoys sharing her experiences as<br />
a grandparent.<br />
For one thing, I would bet most parents<br />
don’t really remember much about those<br />
early years when their children were<br />
very young. And it’s no wonder as most of<br />
them were probably chronically sleep deprived.<br />
Those years with my own children<br />
are basically a blur. I remember very little<br />
other than my own desire to catch some<br />
sleep whenever and wherever possible.<br />
And even though we are supposedly older<br />
and wiser as we age, one’s energy reserves<br />
unfortunately aren’t what they used to be.<br />
What was easy to do at age 25 can seem<br />
pretty daunting at 55! That’s just a simple<br />
fact of life.<br />
So what should potential grandparents<br />
be aware of when contemplating those<br />
Hours of Work:<br />
• Varied; including days, evenings and<br />
weekends.<br />
• Must be on-call at a moment’s notice.<br />
• May be asked to cover extended periods<br />
of time (vacation relief).<br />
Essential Qualifications (not in<br />
ranked order):<br />
The successful candidate must have the<br />
ability to:<br />
• Give horsey and piggy back rides<br />
while a squirming, wriggling toddler<br />
bounces on your back, simultaneously<br />
pulling on your ears and ruthlessly kicking<br />
you in the ribs.<br />
• Crawl around on your hands and<br />
knees for extended periods of time on all<br />
surfaces including (but not limited to)<br />
carpet, linoleum, tile, gravel, grass and<br />
sand.<br />
• Produce a wide variety of voices for<br />
different characters when telling or reading<br />
stories (i.e. those for knights, witches,<br />
wizards, magical beasts, trolls, ogres, etc).<br />
• Re-read the SAME favourite books<br />
over and over and over and over and over.<br />
• Sit through hours of cartoons, children’s<br />
shows and G-rated movies and pretend<br />
that you like them.<br />
• Be an expert at the triage of minor<br />
cuts, scrapes and splinters (more commonly<br />
referred to as “owies” or “booboos”),<br />
displaying an excellent bedside<br />
manner that will instantly calm/soothe<br />
any hysterically sobbing child.<br />
22 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
• Make a plethora of sound effects<br />
including those of animals, weather, vehicles,<br />
bodily functions, etc.<br />
• Contort one’s face into endless silly<br />
expressions in order to get a laugh.<br />
• Be able to provide nutritious snacks<br />
that children will not turn their nose up<br />
at, make a face at, throw on the floor,<br />
dump out or decorate a younger sibling<br />
with.<br />
• Cajole, flatter, exaggerate, bribe or<br />
otherwise elicit cooperation by any means<br />
necessary.<br />
• Draw realistic representations of<br />
people and objects on command.<br />
• Possess the artistic ability of shaping<br />
food into recognizable objects so that it<br />
will be readily consumed, expertly hiding<br />
or disguising “healthy” ingredients.<br />
• Permit all manner of kicking and<br />
splashing in the bathtub while sea monsters<br />
are subdued.<br />
• Provide oodles of cuddles, preferably<br />
in a big, comfy rocking chair.<br />
• Be brave enough to check for monsters<br />
under the bed, in the closet or in any<br />
hidey-hole as directed.<br />
• Possess the patience of a saint to follow<br />
complicated instructions (requiring<br />
an engineering degree at a minimum) for<br />
the assembly of most children’s toys. Or,<br />
alternately, magically put together children’s<br />
toys with only sparse, incomplete<br />
or even non-existent instructions.<br />
• Employ the skills of both an acrobat<br />
(gracefully dismount from a bed without<br />
causing the springs to protest) and a cat<br />
burglar (stealthily creep out of a room)<br />
when putting a child to bed.<br />
• Recite dozens of nursery rhymes and<br />
children’s songs off the top of one’s head.<br />
• Change a messy diaper while expertly<br />
distracting the non-cooperative wearer<br />
who is ceaselessly contorting their body to<br />
thwart your efforts.<br />
Experience:<br />
No degree required or experience necessary—just<br />
an open heart.<br />
3045–C Douglas St.<br />
Victoria, BC<br />
Make a<br />
lasting impact<br />
for amputees<br />
with a charitable<br />
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including traditional<br />
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and children.<br />
estatedonation@waramps.ca<br />
waramps.ca • 1 800 465-2677<br />
The Kiddies Store<br />
Dedicated to providing Vancouver <strong>Island</strong> families<br />
with high-quality infant and toddler products<br />
at affordable prices for over 40 years<br />
tjskids.com<br />
250-386-2229<br />
Douglas St.<br />
Finlayson St.<br />
Larch St.<br />
T.J.’s<br />
Thrifty<br />
Thursdays<br />
A different<br />
sale each<br />
week!<br />
Now Offering Curb-Side Pickups Hours: Tues–Sat 10am–5pm, Sun 12–5pm<br />
Entrance off<br />
Larch St.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 23
Explore<br />
The Magic of Small<br />
If you’ve ever tried to hike with a preschooler,<br />
you know how quickly objectives<br />
can diverge. The child wants to<br />
stop and observe every interesting rock<br />
or twig along the path—sometimes every<br />
blade of grass! The time-conscious adult,<br />
on the other hand, has a destination in<br />
mind—one that won’t be reached until<br />
next Thursday at the current speed.<br />
As a young mother, I was all too often<br />
the impatient adult in the above scenario.<br />
I like to think I’m a little wiser now that<br />
I’m a grandmother, holding my expectations<br />
loosely, slowing to match the start<br />
and stop pace of the significantly smaller<br />
humans in my company. After all, there<br />
are rich discoveries to be made at this<br />
level of observation: tiny pink wildflowers,<br />
lichen with the texture of dragon<br />
skin, industrious ants going about their<br />
business—treasures I would have overlooked<br />
in my haste to get to a particular<br />
viewpoint. It turns out engrossed grandchildren<br />
are the ultimate Zen teachers:<br />
the journey really is the destination.<br />
Given their acute eyesight and the fact<br />
that their line of vision is so close to the<br />
ground, it’s not surprising that young<br />
children are fascinated by small things<br />
like insects and leaves. In fact, collecting<br />
information about the world and how it<br />
works is one of a preschooler’s primary<br />
jobs, so it only makes sense that they<br />
would be riveted by the intricate textures<br />
and minute details that most adults overlook<br />
or have come to take for granted.<br />
Small objects and creatures are the perfect<br />
subjects for study. Their miniature<br />
size makes them accessible, allowing<br />
them to be cupped in small hands, or observed<br />
at close range from a crouch.<br />
If you’ve spent any time in a preschooler’s<br />
company, you’ll know that it’s not<br />
just small objects from the natural world<br />
that keep them enthralled. Preschoolers<br />
are drawn to miniatures of all kinds—<br />
and that comes with many benefits according<br />
to social scientists who study and<br />
work with children. As small humans in<br />
a big world, playing with tiny animals,<br />
people, furniture, etc. gives young children<br />
a sense of control and agency. It allows<br />
them a safe place to express emotion<br />
and to act out through play what they’re<br />
learning and observing around them. Beyond<br />
the emotional and creative benefits,<br />
miniature play also builds finger dexterity<br />
and fine motor skills.<br />
Of course you don’t need manufactured<br />
toys to get the benefit of miniature<br />
play. According to my kindergartenteacher<br />
daughter, “loose parts” are highly<br />
valued in early childhood education these<br />
days. Loose parts refer to small found or<br />
collected objects like stones, buttons or<br />
seashells that can be used alone, in collection<br />
or combined with other materials<br />
in endless creative ways. Via a child’s<br />
imagination, an individual stone can<br />
become an animal or a person, while an<br />
acorn may be used as an ingredient in<br />
a tasty make-believe soup. In the same<br />
child’s hands, a collection of sticks and<br />
leaves can be transformed into an entire<br />
miniature village. In many ways small<br />
natural objects are the perfect toys, costing<br />
nothing, easily replaceable, while<br />
encouraging high-level creativity, innovation<br />
and collaboration.<br />
One recent weekend morning, my<br />
two four-year-old granddaughters and I<br />
slipped on our boots and went outside to<br />
engage in some miniature play: on this<br />
24 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
occasion, to make a tiny fairy garden.<br />
I wasn’t sure what we’d find when we<br />
started looking, but it didn’t take long to<br />
see that we were surrounded by a wealth<br />
of suitable materials. Cheerful yellow<br />
buttercups. Hot pink salmonberry blossoms.<br />
Tiny snail shells. Bright green fir<br />
and cedar tips. Uncurling ferns, waxy<br />
salal leaves and grasses gone to seed.<br />
Time fell away as we made new discoveries<br />
and positioned each treasure<br />
“just so” on the stone step that held our<br />
tiny garden. Before setting them in their<br />
proper place, we carefully examined each<br />
new addition. The closer we looked, the<br />
more wondrous detail we found. I was<br />
impressed by my granddaughters’ focus<br />
as we compared grass seedheads, contemplated<br />
the geometry of fiddleheads<br />
and marvelled at the complexity of wildflowers.<br />
I would happily have spent half<br />
the day helping them make additions to<br />
our little tableau, but our playtime was<br />
interrupted by the call to breakfast.<br />
The fairy garden wasn’t my first foray<br />
into miniature play with my grandchildren,<br />
and it certainly won’t be my last.<br />
Each tiny seascape at the beach, each<br />
mini stone village on a riverbank or twig<br />
house in the roots of a tree, is a new<br />
creative adventure. And truth be told, I<br />
think I have as much fun as they do!<br />
Contiguous to critical protected<br />
areas, Creekside Rainforest is 15.5<br />
acres of Salt Spring <strong>Island</strong>’s coastal<br />
temperate rainforest and salmonbearing<br />
Cusheon Creek. You can<br />
support B.C.’s biological diversity<br />
today by donating to protect<br />
Creekside Rainforest and the<br />
species-at-risk that rely on<br />
this special ecosystem.<br />
To make your tax deductible gift today call<br />
1-877-485-2422 or visit www.conservancy.bc.ca<br />
IS THIS YOU?<br />
Celebrating<br />
25 Years of<br />
Conservation<br />
<strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> is always looking for people who want to tell<br />
their stories and join our team: publisher@islandparent.ca<br />
Rachel Dunstan Muller is a children’s author,<br />
storyteller, podcaster and grandmother.<br />
You can find her two podcasts Hintertales:<br />
Stories from the Margins of History and<br />
Sticks and Stones and Stories through her<br />
website at racheldunstanmuller.com, or<br />
wherever you normally get your podcasts.<br />
Get your kids into<br />
the beautiful game<br />
Fall registration for youth soccer is<br />
now open! Find your nearest club at<br />
lowerislandsoccer.com<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 25
GRANDparenting<br />
The Importance of<br />
Building Community<br />
Emma Eaton spends her working days at<br />
the SHOAL Centre, in Sidney BC. The SHOAL<br />
Centre is operated by a local charity, Beacon<br />
Community Services. Beacon has been<br />
delivering social programs to help, empower<br />
and improve lives within the Greater Victoria<br />
Region since 1974. For information about<br />
programs that support seniors to safely live<br />
independently call 250-656-5537 and ask to<br />
speak with the coordinator of the Better at<br />
Home program.<br />
A<br />
sense of belonging. As a basic<br />
principle of human nature, this is<br />
a feeling we all want to have, no<br />
matter what age we are. Life often passes<br />
quicker than we anticipate. Feelings consume<br />
our lives. The migration to old age<br />
can be a hard thing to wrap your head<br />
around and to accept—until you reach<br />
that point of no return. However, having<br />
a sense of worth, as well as people who<br />
support your journey, make this transition<br />
worthwhile.<br />
Thanks to the pandemic, modern society’s<br />
course shifted drastically in the past<br />
two and half years. Families and friends<br />
distanced in great numbers, fearful of<br />
contracting an unpredictable illness.<br />
This has taken a toll on everyone. For the<br />
senior population, it manifested in an<br />
unfortunate loss of basic human interaction...if<br />
they weren’t already experiencing<br />
it before. Although we knew the<br />
importance of “connections,” it wasn’t<br />
until we were more or less cut off from<br />
them that we all found out how absolutely<br />
vital they are.<br />
However, the knowledge we’ve gained<br />
from this experience has given us valuable<br />
insight on how to reach out and<br />
make sure seniors in our community are<br />
connected and feeling worthwhile.<br />
As we age, quality of life can decline<br />
or become more challenging to manage.<br />
The support of those around us becomes<br />
more of a necessity: ironically, to stay<br />
independent, we may actually need to be<br />
a bit more dependent in some areas of<br />
our life. The spirit can’t help but feel a bit<br />
overwhelmed by the scenario.<br />
26 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
That’s why engagement is so important;<br />
it’s a kindness to the mind. Community<br />
is an incredible buffer. Socialization<br />
and the continuation of relationships<br />
(old and new!) help to create an overall<br />
sense of wellness and connection. The<br />
National Institute on Aging has extensive<br />
research showing that isolation and loneliness<br />
are linked to a higher risk of cognitive<br />
decline and Alzheimer’s disease.<br />
Maximizing social capital and interactions<br />
therefore help mobilize a better<br />
commonality and strengthen a populace.<br />
Joining a local community centre, volunteering,<br />
taking part in a fitness class or<br />
another group activity…these are opportunities<br />
to make meaningful connections.<br />
Additionally, such forms of gathering<br />
provide some “extra eyes and ears” on<br />
individuals who may not otherwise have<br />
the means to cope with their current<br />
situation. Oftentimes, people have lost a<br />
spouse or live far away from immediate<br />
family. Contacts that are outside their<br />
usual scope can be critically important.<br />
Word of mouth, volunteerism, spending<br />
time with people in similar situations all<br />
assist in the endeavour to remain healthy.<br />
In recognition of the importance of<br />
healthy aging, community supportive<br />
programs have been purposefully created.<br />
In most municipalities, there are<br />
many resources available. You’ll often<br />
find a comradery among individuals who<br />
are working towards making the lives<br />
of those around them better. As people<br />
age out of their careers and retire, many<br />
hunger for something meaningful to fill<br />
their time. Volunteering has a huge capacity<br />
for that exact effect: fulfillment.<br />
The sense of gratification which volunteering<br />
provides can also help people<br />
forge a powerful connection to where<br />
they live. Within a circle of people, it creates<br />
a network of carrying through and<br />
doing what needs to be done. Things like<br />
rides to medical appointments, group<br />
support programs, grocery shopping<br />
and help around the house—all have immense<br />
value to those who are in need and<br />
likewise to volunteers delivering these<br />
supportive services.<br />
These activities help mobilize a greater<br />
sense of thriving, no matter which side<br />
of the spectrum you are on. It’s a feeling<br />
of support around you. The importance<br />
of building community as you age is<br />
reflected in better health, well-being,<br />
security and most importantly the feeling<br />
that we are being looked after by one<br />
another. In other words, in a world and<br />
at a time where isolation is increasingly<br />
common, getting a good dose of community<br />
is a prescription for better living and<br />
positive aging!<br />
Create a Legacy &<br />
Let Your Love Live On<br />
You have the power to make a lasting<br />
difference and help children and adults with<br />
disabilities through some of life’s most<br />
difficult challenges.<br />
After you've provided for your loved ones, please<br />
consider a gift in your Will for Easter Seals BC &<br />
Yukon. No matter the size, every gift helps.<br />
Please call or email Emma at 604-873-1865<br />
ext. 423 or eliffen@eastersealsbcy.ca to learn how<br />
your gift can make a difference.<br />
Create your legacy now, and change<br />
lives in years to come.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 27
Shop<br />
Gifts for Nature-loving Grandkids<br />
Did you get “the talk” yet from your child? It’s when they express<br />
only zero-waste, plastic-free, fair-trade and non-toxic<br />
gifts are okay for the grandkids!<br />
Youth today are inheriting a wounded world. And many of<br />
them know it. You may have also received a lecture from a fiveyear<br />
old about Nutella and how harvest of the ingredient palm oil<br />
harms orangutans.<br />
Childhood deserves celebration. Grandparents play a crucial<br />
role to support a child to feel known, significant and experience<br />
a sense of belonging. Don’t underestimate the power and need<br />
for time with you. Give the gift of experiences with gifts ideas to<br />
build connection with the living world:<br />
Pond or tide pool dipping: Visit a local pond, creek or intertidal<br />
zone.<br />
Gift: Dip net (buy anywhere that sells fish aquarium supplies)<br />
and a white tub or bucket (white creates the best contrast to see<br />
critters). To identify intertidal life, I recommend the one page,<br />
laminated Marine Life of British Columbia by David S. Young.<br />
Source it from School House Supplies in downtown Victoria or<br />
Shaw Centre for the Salish Sea. I also recommend A Field Guide to<br />
Crabs of the Pacific Northwest by Gregory C. Jensen and A Field Guide<br />
to Seaweeds of the Pacific Northwest by Dr. Bridgette Clarkson.<br />
Rockhounding: Beaches are the easiest but interesting geological<br />
formations are also found inland throughout Vancouver<br />
<strong>Island</strong>.<br />
Gift: A Field Guide to the Identification of Pebbles by Eileen Van der<br />
Flier Keller. Produced by Harbour Publishing, this is a perfect beginner<br />
guide for the whole family! A magnifying glass also makes<br />
a great addition.<br />
Birding or whale watching: Enjoy local backyard birding or<br />
take a trip to the park. How lucky are we that whale species like<br />
Orcas and Greys are spotted from Vancouver <strong>Island</strong> shorelines or<br />
the ferry?<br />
Gift: Binoculars! In my experience children as young as 8 can<br />
take good care of a decent pair of binos (with help). Don’t buy a<br />
cheap toy set. They are always disappointing, quick to break and<br />
end up in the landfill.<br />
Owl prowl: With parental permission, blow bedtime and go for<br />
a stroll at dusk. You can stick to the sidewalk along forest edges or<br />
try it on the next family camping trip. Hint: Owls are quite vocal<br />
mid-March to May. Do try it in the winter when it’s dark earlier!<br />
Gift: LED Armband lights from Mountain Equipment Co-op.<br />
These snap on the ankle or arm and take a watch-sized battery.<br />
They offer great visibility and durability.<br />
Snack and story: Cuddle among the trees for some quality time.<br />
Did you know swinging helps kids regulate emotions and helps<br />
them focus? They offer many developmental and therapeutic<br />
benefits, especially for kids with sensory processing disorders. It’s<br />
also fun!<br />
Gift: Hammock’s are affordable, long lasting and easy to hang in<br />
the yard or campsite.<br />
Gift: Tree swing! There are so many shapes, styles and price<br />
ranges. Survey the kids in the neighbourhood or notice what style<br />
is being used the most. I’m partial to the flying saucer style.<br />
Animal tracking: After a fresh snow or rain, invite a child on<br />
a hike to search for animal sign like scrapes, rubs, tracks or scat<br />
(poop).<br />
Gift: Choose an animal tracking book or identification guide<br />
local to your area. Did you know deer scat looks like chocolate<br />
covered raisins compared to elk which are more Hershey kisses<br />
shaped? (Binoculars and magnifying glass can come in handy on<br />
these outings.)<br />
Carving and whittling: Doesn’t everyone try this at some point<br />
in their childhood? It’s a rite of passage.<br />
Gift: Vegetable peeler or knife (Mora companion knife is kidsized).<br />
Depending on their age and skill, start with a vegetable<br />
peeler. It’s a great low risk way to teach safety skills before graduating<br />
to a knife. I recommend supervision and safe storage of the<br />
gift! (Because even a vegetable peeler can remove strips from your<br />
favourite solid wood dining room chairs.) Find a carving class to<br />
take together. Or add a book about wood carving for kids.<br />
Note: Check with a parent before any purchase. Many of these<br />
items are easily shipped if you live far away.<br />
Lindsay Coulter is a writer, educator, facilitator, naturalist,<br />
community catalyst, soul activist, mentor and<br />
dedicated mother of two. She’s the Director of Communications,<br />
Culture and Community at EPIC Learning<br />
Centre, a forest and nature school in Victoria. Find her<br />
@SaneAction on Instagram and Facebook.<br />
28 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong><br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 29
PARENTING<br />
The Struggle to Stay Whole<br />
Last winter, I went to the Yoko<br />
Ono exhibit at the Vancouver Art<br />
Gallery. I went into the exhibit<br />
expecting to learn about the Beatles, the<br />
60s and a woman whose story was probably<br />
overshadowed by the rock star she<br />
married. But one of the first things that<br />
struck me in the exhibit was that Ms.<br />
Ono had brought her 5-year-old daughter<br />
Kyoko to the “bed-ins for peace.”<br />
It hadn’t occurred to me that Ms. Ono<br />
might have been a mother, and a fairly<br />
new one at that, when she met John Lennon<br />
and went on a public crusade to create<br />
art and promote world peace.<br />
I wondered—like I often do when I<br />
find out successful women have children—about<br />
the “shadow life” behind<br />
the scenes, what isn’t in photographs.<br />
What are all the pieces the mother is<br />
frantically balancing behind the scenes?<br />
Who else is silently stepping in to pick<br />
up the pieces? Where are the meltdowns,<br />
the pep talks, the hunts for the lost<br />
stuffy, the macaroni and cheese orders?<br />
Was there a nanny whose work didn’t<br />
make it into the history books? Did<br />
Kyoko like traveling and being in the<br />
press? How did this affect her? Was John<br />
the stepparent she needed? And for Ms.<br />
Ono, what complicated emotions came<br />
up when she made choices for her art,<br />
for her family, for John? What were all<br />
the things she knew John could not possibly<br />
understand as she navigated her<br />
new life in the public eye while being a<br />
mom?<br />
As I wandered through the exhibit<br />
wondering about the layers of motherhood<br />
that lay behind the videos, the photos<br />
and the paintings, I remembered my<br />
grandmother, a watercolour artist, teaching<br />
me about positive space and negative<br />
space—the main subject and what lies<br />
between. I searched for motherhood expecting<br />
it to be hidden behind the scenes,<br />
but Ms. Ono had brought it to the forefront.<br />
She had taken something that is<br />
often invisible for famous women and<br />
brought it into the light. As part of the<br />
exhibit, Ms. Ono invited gallery visitors<br />
to describe their mothers. They reflected<br />
on being mothered. Visitors wrote their<br />
thoughts on post it notes:<br />
You loved me without question or reservation.<br />
My mom lost herself to have me. I<br />
love her.<br />
My mom is a blanket. Warm, tattered,<br />
and safe.<br />
The last one struck me. A blanket is<br />
a good metaphor for what one wants<br />
from a mother—to feel embraced with<br />
warmth and comfort. One does not want<br />
a mom who is a stormy day, a windy<br />
hike up Mt Doug or even an invigorating<br />
sail in the Salish Sea. Mothers are meant<br />
to be safe, warm places, just like a duvet<br />
that provides solace before drifting off<br />
to sleep. And yet, blankets are best when<br />
they’re broken in, when they are soft<br />
from wear, when the new smell has been<br />
replaced with memories of movie watching,<br />
cuddling and winter nights in front<br />
of the fire. But are they best tattered?<br />
As a mother, I feel like parenting is a<br />
constant battle against getting tattered,<br />
against losing the essence of who I am<br />
in the face of making peanut butter<br />
sandwiches, fighting protests about getting<br />
pants on, swim class registration<br />
deadlines and a sore back from all those<br />
times my daughter says “uppy!” even<br />
though she can walk perfectly well. It’s<br />
laughing on the living room floor as we<br />
take selfies but also resisting the primal<br />
urge to rest at 3am when my daughter<br />
yells at me to readjust her blankets. It’s<br />
wanting to write, or study, or watch<br />
movies after she’s in bed only to have to<br />
wash the many dishes we accumulated<br />
during a food colouring experiment. It’s<br />
“I love you to the moon!” and “You’re<br />
my favourite mommy” but also being<br />
surprised every Monday morning by just<br />
how relaxing checking my emails over a<br />
hot cup of coffee can be after a fun-filled<br />
weekend of swimming and playgrounds<br />
and buckling and unbuckling my daughter<br />
in and out of the car seat and driving<br />
around until she naps at exactly the right<br />
time.<br />
Since having my daughter, I often feel<br />
tattered. Especially first thing when I<br />
wake up, longing for more sleep, and<br />
look in the mirror in shock at my puffy<br />
eyes and ever-expanding wrinkles. But if<br />
I am warm and safe like a blanket, does<br />
being tattered matter? At least does it<br />
matter to 3-year-old? Probably not. But<br />
it matters to me.<br />
30 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
REGISTER NOW<br />
FOR FALL CLASSES<br />
<strong>2022</strong>/2023<br />
SEASON<br />
BEGINS<br />
<strong>Sept</strong>ember 9<br />
Classes Offered:<br />
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Acro, Hip Hop, Lyrical, Storybook Ballet,<br />
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That’s why I came to this exhibit<br />
alone. That’s why I risk Covid to go to<br />
the gym. That’s why I try to harness my<br />
village so I can sit in a coffee shop and<br />
collect myself. But it’s hard; some tattering<br />
is inevitable.<br />
I’m sure Ms. Ono felt this, as relaxed<br />
as she looked in the photos.<br />
Perhaps that is why she took her<br />
daughter out of school to join rock stars<br />
and live in hotels and promote world<br />
peace. Maybe that was part her fight<br />
against tatteredness. Her fight to stay<br />
whole.<br />
Perhaps your reprieve comes through<br />
expensive coffee or YouTube Yoga or<br />
posting funny videos on TikTok. Maybe<br />
it’s a big project at work, a phone call<br />
with an old friend or redecorating the<br />
nursery. However big or small, it matters.<br />
At times, motherhood may be the<br />
primary subject of our lives, but it is not<br />
the whole picture. The other parts of<br />
ourselves deserve attention as well. They<br />
aren’t just the space in between; they<br />
are our ammunition in the fight to stay<br />
whole.<br />
Julie Mais is a policy<br />
and communications professional<br />
in Victoria. She looks<br />
for beauty in the everyday<br />
through writing, photography<br />
and the outdoors. She<br />
lives in a messy, cheesefilled<br />
home with her husband and preschooler.<br />
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vcm.bc.ca/course-calendar<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 31
Healthy Families, Happy Families<br />
Child, Youth<br />
& Family<br />
Public Health<br />
South <strong>Island</strong> Health Units<br />
Esquimalt 250-519-5311<br />
Gulf <strong>Island</strong>s 250-539-3099<br />
(toll-free number for office in Saanichton)<br />
Peninsula 250-544-2400<br />
Saanich 250-519-5100<br />
Saltspring <strong>Island</strong> 250-538-4880<br />
Sooke 250-519-3487<br />
Victoria 250-388-2200<br />
West Shore 250-519-3490<br />
Central <strong>Island</strong> Health Units<br />
Duncan 250-709-3050<br />
Ladysmith 250-755-3342<br />
Lake Cowichan 250-749-6878<br />
Nanaimo 250-755-3342<br />
Nanaimo 250-739-5845<br />
Princess Royal<br />
Parksville/Qualicum 250-947-8242<br />
Port Alberni 250-731-1315<br />
Tofino 250-725-4020<br />
North <strong>Island</strong> Health Units<br />
Campbell River 250-850-2110<br />
Courtenay 250-331-8520<br />
Kyuquot Health Ctr 250-332-5289<br />
‘Namgis Health Ctr 250-974-5522<br />
Port Hardy 250-902-6071<br />
islandhealth.ca/our-locations/<br />
health-unit-locations<br />
Changes with BC Medical Services Plan<br />
premiums mean that families eligible for partial<br />
payment of some medical services and access<br />
to some income-based programs now must<br />
apply for Supplementary Benefits through the<br />
Government of BC. Applications can be done<br />
online and take approximately 15 minutes.<br />
Families who previously qualified for MSP<br />
Premium Assistance should not need to re-apply<br />
if taxes are completed yearly. It is advised to<br />
confirm coverage before proceeding with<br />
treatment to avoid paying out of pocket.<br />
For more information, visit gov.bc.ca/gov/<br />
content/health/health-drug-coverage/msp/<br />
bc-residents/benefits/services-covered-bymsp/supplementary-benefits<br />
HEALTH<br />
Emergency Supplies<br />
to Have On-Hand<br />
While a grab-and-go bag is important,<br />
not all disasters will require<br />
evacuation. You may need to shelter in<br />
your home without electricity, potable<br />
water or a working sewage system. Your<br />
house may sustain damage that requires<br />
repair, such as broken windows, leaks in<br />
the roof or build-up of debris. Therefore,<br />
it is wise to keep supplies in your home<br />
to support you and your family to live<br />
in emergency situations for at least three<br />
weeks: food and water; alternate lighting,<br />
shelter and heating; and basic home<br />
repair items. Here are some detailed suggestions.<br />
Type & Location of Home Kit<br />
• Portable supplies should be kept near<br />
an exit, for example, in a coat closet.<br />
• Use a waterproof or airtight container<br />
or store supplies in plastic bags within<br />
one or two easy-to-carry containers (e.g.,<br />
clean trash can on wheels, duffle bag,<br />
suitcase or backpack).<br />
• Avoid storing supplies on concrete<br />
floors that can cause humidity to build<br />
up and increase corrosion of cans.<br />
• If you have a camper or trailer,<br />
consider what emergency supplies you<br />
already have in it.<br />
Items for the Home Kit<br />
• face masks, alcohol-based hand sanitizer<br />
• several candles, large flashlights<br />
• first-aid kit<br />
• additional clothing<br />
• food, water and cooking supplies (see<br />
below)<br />
• generator and additional fuel<br />
• garden hose for siphoning and fire<br />
fighting<br />
• emergency sanitation and toilet<br />
Items for Home Repairs<br />
• broom(s) and shovel(s) for removing<br />
debris<br />
• tarps, hacksaw, axe, crowbar;<br />
wrench to shut off gas and water valves<br />
• sheets of plywood for urgent repairs<br />
• vapour barrier to cover broken windows,<br />
seal holes in the exterior walls or<br />
seal an interior room for warmth<br />
• hammer, screwdriver, nails and screws<br />
Items for Sheltering<br />
• sleeping bags, cots and air mattresses<br />
• tent or tarp to set up a tent indoors<br />
or close off a room to maintain body heat<br />
in one area during cold weather<br />
• firewood, if you have a wood stove<br />
or fireplace<br />
Food<br />
It is difficult to predict how much food<br />
you will need for emergencies and how<br />
difficult it will be to replenish your supply,<br />
so it is best to stock more than you<br />
expect to need. To determine the right<br />
quantity, track your family’s consumption<br />
for a week and aim for three times<br />
that amount. Stockpile by buying extra<br />
items when things come on sale, keeping<br />
extra food in the cupboards and replacing<br />
it once consumed. In an emergency,<br />
limit food intake because healthy people<br />
can get by with much less food than normal<br />
if needed.<br />
Aim for foods that:<br />
• your family enjoys<br />
• require a minimum of cooking, preparation,<br />
fuel, refrigeration and water<br />
• do not increase thirst<br />
• accommodate your dietary needs<br />
• have a long shelf life<br />
• are high in calories and nutrition<br />
Suggestions:<br />
• canned beans, lentils, legumes<br />
• marinated or canned vegetables<br />
• canned fruit, soup, pasta, chili<br />
• quick-cooking dried noodles, rice,<br />
oatmeal<br />
• protein bars, dried fruit, nuts, crackers<br />
• tea, coffee, powdered milk, spices,<br />
peanut butter<br />
• dehydrated meals or ready-to-eat<br />
foods, such as those purchased at camping<br />
stores<br />
• comfort foods like candies and gum<br />
For cooking:<br />
• Include an alternative cooking source<br />
in your kit (candle warmer, fondue pot,<br />
camping stove or charcoal grill).<br />
32 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
• Keep your barbecue tank full and<br />
have two full propane tanks on hand—<br />
propane supplies will run out quickly<br />
during a disaster.<br />
Cooking supplies to include in your<br />
kit:<br />
• manual can opener, utility knife<br />
• ladle, spoons, forks, knives, bowls,<br />
plates, cups (collapsible cups and bowls<br />
are handy)<br />
• waterproof matches<br />
• oven mitt<br />
• collapsible dishwashing container<br />
(can also be used for personal hygiene)<br />
• dish detergent, pot scrubber, bleach<br />
Water<br />
We cannot live without water! You<br />
need at least a 7-day supply of water (aim<br />
for three weeks). For each person, each<br />
day, international guidelines recommend<br />
having 2–3 litres of drinking water, 2–6<br />
litres for personal hygiene and 3–6 litres<br />
for cooking.<br />
Individual needs vary and most people<br />
don’t normally drink as much as the<br />
guidelines suggest, maybe needing only<br />
1–2 litres per day. Depending on the<br />
foods you include in your kit, you may<br />
need only 1–2 litres per person each day<br />
for cooking and the same for personal<br />
hygiene. This adds up to a total of 3–6 litres<br />
per person, per day, including what’s<br />
needed for drinking.<br />
Monitor your family’s water consumption<br />
during a few days at home to make<br />
your own estimate.<br />
If Something Goes Wrong<br />
Disasters are unpredictable, but if you<br />
take the steps outlined here to prepare<br />
your home, your immediate needs will<br />
be taken care of, and you will be able to<br />
focus on keeping everyone safe.<br />
Kim Fournier, CD, MA,<br />
is a disaster and emergency<br />
management specialist,<br />
author, and instructor with<br />
a wealth of expertise gained<br />
during 30+ years in disaster<br />
management, community<br />
resilience and health,<br />
emergency response,<br />
Canadian military and international operations.<br />
Visit Kim at kimfournier.com or get your copy<br />
of The 7 Steps to Emergency Preparedness for<br />
Families: A Practical and Easy-to-Follow Guide<br />
to Prepare for Any Disaster.<br />
Fall is fun<br />
with City of Victoria<br />
recreation programs!<br />
skateboarding lessons pro-d day camps<br />
youth nights engineering swim lessons<br />
skating dance music more...<br />
CHECK THE WEBSITE FOR PROGRAM REGISTRATION STARTING AUGUST 22<br />
LEARN MORE AND REGISTER: victoria.ca/recreation<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 33
EXPLORE<br />
(RV) Camping with Twins Plus One<br />
A summertime experience to remember<br />
From the moment we found out we<br />
were having twins, I had a preconceived<br />
notion that we wouldn’t be doing<br />
much anymore.<br />
Late in the pregnancy, I remember taking<br />
our older son Hudson out for dinner<br />
and thinking “This is it. Likely our last<br />
enjoyable supper of freedom. It will never<br />
look or feel like this again.”<br />
ing. We had set up a tent at the oceanside<br />
campsite and blissfully floated away on<br />
the crystal-clear shallow blue waters.<br />
The island holds an immense sentimental<br />
value and so I thought that this would<br />
be the year to go again and celebrate my<br />
husband’s birthday—with the support of<br />
my dad—as it was Father’s Day too! So<br />
we rented an RV, we had grandpa’s extra<br />
hands and we had the ambition. I will<br />
say I definitely braced myself for work<br />
and set my standards quite low for any<br />
form of relaxation. I don’t think anything<br />
could have prepared us for what was to<br />
come, though.<br />
Getting there wasn’t so bad. It’s a few<br />
hours’ drive and two small ferries to arrive<br />
at this paradise, all while being firsttimers<br />
towing a large sleeps-six trailer.<br />
The twins had their nap and we got there<br />
at a good time and lucked out with beautiful<br />
weather for the majority of our stay.<br />
Our home base was the same campsite<br />
as always—the one with two-minute<br />
loonie showers and outhouses for bathrooms.<br />
It’s only a short walk away from<br />
the stunning Tribune Bay Beach so I was<br />
all for roughing it on a budget.<br />
The hardest part of trip? Taking all<br />
of the chaos and stress from home and<br />
seemingly amplifying it in one-sixteenth<br />
of the space. It was a humbling challenge<br />
not for the faint of heart, each and every<br />
one of the five nights, six days.<br />
It was meals eaten on the ground. It<br />
was endless diapers. It was a questionable-family-hygiene-type<br />
of animalistic<br />
vacationing.<br />
The biggest fail of the trip? Not bringing<br />
the twins’ travel beds along. My husband<br />
said there wasn’t room—and while<br />
this did seem true—they turned out to be<br />
crucial.<br />
In place of the pack-and-plays was a<br />
lower bunk bed with a makeshift rail<br />
guard enclosure for the twins to sleep<br />
Fast forward nearly two years later<br />
and I was right. Nothing is ever easy anymore<br />
and it’s usually always a complete<br />
spectacle to do anything out in public.<br />
It’s become all that I know, though. As<br />
twin +1 parents we have to constantly<br />
keep tabs on six arms, six legs and three<br />
very mobile strong-willed bodies. It’s a<br />
lot—all of it—but what I’ve come to realize<br />
is that for every one of our challenges<br />
comes equal parts reward.<br />
That’s how I feel about our recent<br />
camping trip to Hornby <strong>Island</strong>, BC.<br />
It’s a place I grew up visiting almost every<br />
summer with friends, enjoying every<br />
ounce of its laidback tropical vibe without<br />
a care or responsibility in the world.<br />
Hornby is peaceful, calm, cool and<br />
collected. It’s where my husband and I<br />
first travelled to in our early days of dattogether.<br />
My daughter figured out how to<br />
break out of that after the first few sleepless<br />
nights of adjustment.<br />
We never knew if she was finally<br />
asleep, or if she was standing up in the<br />
trailer walking around like a little ghost<br />
in her sleep sack. Eventually the twins<br />
found their rhythm and cuddled up together.<br />
This was the first time they’d done<br />
this, other than newborn naps, and the<br />
visual made everything worth it. It was<br />
the sweetest thing.<br />
The most important realization of the<br />
trip? Not having thought through safe<br />
containment (for sanity) or ideas for<br />
daily distraction.<br />
I spent way too much time thinking<br />
about meals and snacks and not enough<br />
communicating with my husband about<br />
how each day would go for entertainment,<br />
how they would eat their meals<br />
and what to do for naps. An octagon<br />
enclosure saved us—and so did the beautiful<br />
beach—but we could have done so<br />
much more to prepare for how each day<br />
would look. You live and learn I guess.<br />
The best part of the trip?<br />
I got closer with my dad and was able<br />
to see him in such a different light, helping<br />
out with our children in a different<br />
atmosphere. The twins finally got to experience<br />
something so different than their<br />
usual daycare and bedtime routine in a<br />
post-lockdown world. Their eyes lit up in<br />
a way I’ll never forget.<br />
Our family of five once again grew<br />
through taking on a new challenge and<br />
coming out more knowledgeable and resilient<br />
on the other side. The goal was to<br />
have a family experience and create some<br />
lasting memories—and we did just that.<br />
We sailed back home with something<br />
that far exceeded what I ever could have<br />
envisioned.<br />
Next time, though, I won’t go anywhere<br />
without those travel beds.<br />
Natasha Mills is a twin mom of three residing on the island now for nearly<br />
30 years. She has found a creative outlet in documenting the real moments of<br />
parenthood—the relatable highs and challenging lows. She has also found a<br />
passion in writing her experience of motherhood and connecting with many<br />
like-minded parents in her community and abroad. @mommamillsblog<br />
34 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
PRESCHOOL&CHILDCAREDIRECTORY<br />
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Morning or full-time care.<br />
castleviewchildcarecentre.com<br />
Christ Church Cathedral Childcare<br />
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cloverdalechildcare.com<br />
250.995.1766 cloverdale@shawbiz.ca<br />
Emmanuel Baptist Church Child Care<br />
We offer all-day Day Care<br />
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We also offer an After School Care<br />
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Join our learning through play preschool located<br />
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heoscmanager@gmail.com<br />
SEEDLINGS<br />
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Seedlings Forest Education is a Nature based program<br />
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St. Christopher’s Montessori School<br />
Offering an enriched and<br />
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lexieslittlebears.ca Waitlist: 250-590-3603<br />
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<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 35
KIDS’READS<br />
ABC Learning Books Are for Me<br />
School is just about back in session—summer goes so<br />
fast, I know. And with the school year comes a whole<br />
assortment of emotions from excitement to fear. For<br />
this issue’s column, I’ve decided to look at fun books about<br />
learning so we can start the school year off right. And if your<br />
child struggles with anxiety, I have a book for that as well.<br />
While you wouldn’t know it to look at my children, one<br />
of them struggles with anxiety a lot. So I have read many<br />
books about coping strategies; however, the strategies within<br />
them often feel like they’ve been plunked down on top of the<br />
story and not made a part of it. Olivia Wrapped in Vines by<br />
Maude Nepveu-Villeneuve and illustrated by Sandra Dumais<br />
(Ocra, <strong>2022</strong>) is not like that. Nepveu-Villeneuve weaves the<br />
Another woman whose career started as a childhood passion<br />
was Maria Mitchell. Laura Alary explores her story in<br />
The Astronomer Who Questioned Everything which was<br />
illustrated by Ellen Rooney (Kids Can Press, <strong>2022</strong>). Maria<br />
loved to look at the stars as a child, and her father taught her<br />
how to use a sextant, metronome and chronometer, which<br />
was odd for a woman born in 1818. However, she didn’t let<br />
that stop her and when the King of Denmark offered a prize<br />
to the first person to discover a new comet she decided that it<br />
would be her. For ages 4 to 8.<br />
In Emmy Noether: The Most Important Mathematician<br />
You’ve Never Heard Of by Helaine Becker and beautifully<br />
illustrated by Kari Rust (Kids Can Press, 2020), Becker explores<br />
Emmy’s biography. Emmy, who is Jewish, was born<br />
in 1882 in Germany and she loved math. Fortunately for<br />
her—and the rest of the world—her father was able to pull<br />
some strings so she could sit in (though not participate) in<br />
university courses when she was a young adult. How did this<br />
help others? Well it turns out that Albert Einstein had a problem.<br />
A problem so big that the greatest mathematical men of<br />
his age couldn’t figure out and they needed an out-of-the-box<br />
thinker to look at it in a different way. For ages 4 to 8.<br />
strategies into the tale so well that your child can learn them<br />
and still feel like they’re just reading a fun story. For ages 4<br />
to 8.<br />
School can be a fun way to become introduced to lifelong<br />
passions. For example, the book The Fossil Whisperer by<br />
Helaine Becker and illustrated by Sandra Dumais (Kids Can<br />
Press, <strong>2022</strong>) shows how a school trip to the badlands in<br />
Alberta inspired Wendy Sloboda to get a job as a palaeontologist.<br />
Wendy is now known around the world as a fossil<br />
hunter and she even has a couple of dinosaurs named after<br />
her: the barrosopus slobodai and Wendiceratops. For ages 4<br />
to 8.<br />
36 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
The final book is not a storybook. It is a well-written textbook<br />
that is filled with stunning pictures. The Global Ocean<br />
by Rochelle Strauss and illustrated by Natasha Donovan<br />
(Citizen Kid, <strong>2022</strong>) explores different aspects of the global<br />
ocean from currents and inhabitants, to pollution and warming<br />
waters. If your child wants to learn about the coast we<br />
live near and discover how that can help take care of it, this<br />
is a good book for you. For ages 8 to 12.<br />
There you have it. Five books to help inspire your children<br />
and teach them to live with their vines as they begin their<br />
new adventure at school. I sincerely hope they all have a<br />
wonderful year that is filled with learning, laughter, and lifetime<br />
memories.<br />
Christina Van Starkenburg lives in Victoria<br />
with her husband, children and cat. She is the author<br />
of One Tiny Turtle: A Story You Can Colour and many<br />
articles. To read more of her work and learn about her<br />
upcoming books visit christinavanstarkenburg.com.<br />
Facebook: facebook.com/christinavanstarkenburg<br />
and Twitter: @Christina_VanS.<br />
BUSINESSES<br />
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How-It-Works<br />
Piano Lessons<br />
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xo Susan<br />
Serving Oak Bay and<br />
communities close by<br />
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<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 37
AUG/SEPTFAMILYCALENDAR<br />
For more information and calendar<br />
updates throughout the month<br />
visit <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
V<br />
P<br />
W<br />
Victoria & Area<br />
Peninsula<br />
Westshore<br />
CV<br />
N<br />
CX<br />
Cowichan Valley<br />
Nanaimo & Area<br />
Comox Valley<br />
PR<br />
G<br />
O<br />
Pacific Rim<br />
Gulf <strong>Island</strong>s<br />
Online<br />
AUGUST<br />
3 WEDNESDAY<br />
Live Streets Chalk Art Festival CX<br />
5:30–8pm, Shoppers Row, Campbell River<br />
Create a chalk work of art on the street and enjoy<br />
live music and local food vendors.<br />
campbellriver.ca<br />
Starlight Skates<br />
N<br />
6:30–8pm, Nanaimo Ice Centre, 750 Third St<br />
Come and skate under the stars of our passive<br />
LED glow lights. Regular admission.<br />
nanaimo.ca/parks-recreation-culture<br />
4 THURSDAY<br />
Remote Control Wheels Club N<br />
4–6pm, Rock City Elementary<br />
Free event for all ages! Bring your fully charged<br />
RC with wheels (not air) and have a lot of fun.<br />
5 FRIDAY TO 7 SUNDAY<br />
Campbell River Salmonfest CX<br />
4–10pm, Nunns Creek Park, 18th Ave<br />
Logger sports, Highland gathering, food and craft<br />
booths, beverage garden, children’s activities.<br />
crsalmonfestival.com<br />
8 TUESDAY TO 11 FRIDAY<br />
Theatre Camp for Kids<br />
N<br />
9am–2pm, Ladysmith Waterfront Gallery<br />
Introduces a variety of dramatic forms including<br />
tableaux, improvisation, chorale and script work.<br />
ladysmitharts.ca<br />
12 FRIDAY TO 14 SUNDAY<br />
Victoria Dragon Boat Festival V<br />
Much more than just a “festival,” we are a celebration<br />
of sport, culture, diversity and community.<br />
victoriadragonboatfestival.com<br />
15 MONDAY TO 18 THURSDAY<br />
Inspired by Nature:<br />
N<br />
Visual Arts Camp for Kids<br />
9:30 am–2pm, Ladysmith Waterfront Gallery<br />
Celebrate colours, textures and sources of inspiration<br />
found in the natural world.<br />
ladysmitharts.ca<br />
18 THURSDAY<br />
Oak Bay Summer Concert Series V<br />
6–8pm, Willows Park<br />
These outdoor concerts gather the community to<br />
celebrate music and the arts.<br />
oakbay.ca/parks-recreation/events<br />
24 WEDNESDAY TO 4 SUNDAY<br />
Victoria Fringe Festival<br />
V<br />
Various Locations<br />
The annual Victoria Fringe Theatre Festival takes<br />
over Canada’s Garden City for an 11-day celebration<br />
of live performance from around the world.<br />
victoriafringe.com<br />
26 FRIDAY TO 28 SUNDAY<br />
Comox Valley Ribfest<br />
CX<br />
Cumberland Village Park<br />
Get ready for Ribfest <strong>2022</strong>! A new location with<br />
new tastes and treats for the whole family.<br />
comoxvalleyribfest.ca<br />
27 SATURDAY<br />
Worm Bin Harvest<br />
V<br />
1–2pm, Compost Education Ctr, 1216 N Park St<br />
Explore worms’ anatomy, life cycles and role in<br />
composting with this parent-child workshop.<br />
compost.bc.ca<br />
SEPTEMBER<br />
2 FRIDAY TO 4 SUNDAY<br />
Nanaimo Big Band Festival N<br />
Maffeo Sutton Park<br />
Festival passes and single tickets on sale now!<br />
nanaimobigbandfest.com<br />
Victoria Classic Boat Festival<br />
Inner Harbour<br />
Hosted by the Maritime Museum of BC.<br />
mmbc.bc.ca<br />
3 SATURDAY TO 5 MONDAY<br />
Saanich Fair<br />
P<br />
Saanich Fair Grounds<br />
Visit the 154th Saanich Fair over Labour Day<br />
weekend and “Plant Your Roots at the Fair.” This<br />
year’s theme: Vegetables. Enjoy the midway, live<br />
V<br />
Need help with the Affordable Child Care Benefit?<br />
Looking for child care? Taking care of children?<br />
Need child care training?<br />
Call your local CCRR for free referrals and resources.<br />
Victoria & Gulf <strong>Island</strong>s: 250-382-7000<br />
Sooke: 250-642-5152 ext 239 West Shore: 250-940-4882<br />
Cowichan Valley: 250-746-4135 local 231<br />
PacificCare (Ladysmith North): 250-756-<strong>2022</strong> or 1-888-480-2273<br />
gov.bc.ca/ChildCareResourceReferralCentres<br />
Your community’s best source of<br />
child care information and resources.<br />
Funding for the CCRR is provided by the province of B.C.<br />
38 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
music, dance performances, eating contests, auction/raffle<br />
draw and much more!<br />
saanichfair.ca<br />
17 SATURDAY<br />
Wellness & Spirit Fair<br />
N<br />
10am–5pm, Cavallotti Hall, Nanaimo<br />
Improve your life physically, emotionally, spiritually<br />
and expand your consciousness.<br />
wellnessandspiritfair.com<br />
23 FRIDAY TO 25 SUNDAY<br />
Luxton Fall Fair<br />
W<br />
Luxton Fair Grounds, 1040 Marwood Ave<br />
Midway, agricultural exhibits, judged categories,<br />
antique equipment and blacksmith demonstrations,<br />
wide array of vendors and food.<br />
luxtonfairgrounds.org<br />
24 SATURDAY<br />
Fun with Fungi<br />
V<br />
1–2pm, Compost Education Ctr, 1216 N Park St<br />
Join our Child & Youth Educators for a parentchild<br />
workshop on the importance of fungi!<br />
compost.bc.ca<br />
ONGOING<br />
Nanaimo Museum Summer Club N<br />
With a fascinating new theme every month you<br />
will be exploring the gallery, handling artifacts<br />
and learning their stories. Fun for all ages.<br />
nanaimomuseum.ca<br />
KinPark Kids Camp <strong>2022</strong> CV<br />
KinPark Youth Urban Farm, Duncan<br />
Learn about gardening, nature and food while<br />
making lasting memories and friendships.<br />
cowichangreencommunity.org<br />
Kids Art Camps<br />
CV<br />
Cowichan Valley Arts Council<br />
Create art from materials that are often forgotten.<br />
cowichanvalleyartscouncil.ca<br />
Parksville Beach Festival<br />
N<br />
This family-oriented festival runs from mid-July<br />
to the third week in <strong>Aug</strong>ust and includes sand<br />
sculpting, a free concert series, buskers and artisan<br />
market.<br />
parksvillebeachfest.ca<br />
Music by the Sea<br />
V/CV<br />
Join us in Bamfield and Victoria this summer for<br />
an international company of artists in two west<br />
coast locations.<br />
musicbythesea.ca<br />
<br />
K-7 Inclusive<br />
Nature-Based School<br />
Multi-acre school ground in beautiful<br />
Cobble Hill with forests and a historic<br />
schoolhouse. Fostering well-rounded,<br />
passionate, engaged, curious, selfmotivated,<br />
responsible kids.<br />
Kindergarten Spots Available!<br />
Apply Now!<br />
Phone: 250-743-2433<br />
3515 Watson Ave. Cobble Hill, BC<br />
www.evergreenbc.net<br />
St. Christopher’s Montessori School<br />
Offering an enriched<br />
and nurturing<br />
Montessori program<br />
Competitively priced<br />
independent school education<br />
Half day for 3 & 4 year olds<br />
Full day kindergarten<br />
SPACES AVAILABLE<br />
stcmontessori.ca 250-595-3213<br />
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<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 39
PARENTING<br />
Consent from the Start<br />
Although I have advocated for consent<br />
for over a decade, I only began<br />
to practise consent after a life-changing<br />
event three years ago.<br />
I am not talking about sexual consent.<br />
However, I am betting that when I said<br />
“consent,” you thought I meant “sexual<br />
consent.” If the campaign to normalize<br />
sexual consent in the effort to reduce<br />
sexualized violence worked, then that is<br />
exactly what you thought.<br />
children and husband. We had always<br />
lived in a small one-bedroom house so<br />
time together was not uncommon. Now,<br />
though, we’re on raw land, and the only<br />
indoor space is a 40-foot school bus; the<br />
intricacies of relationship and family dynamics<br />
have become all too clear.<br />
The baby of the family, our nine-yearold<br />
at the time, was an expert at getting<br />
what he wanted. The word “no” was just<br />
an opportunity for him to add pressure<br />
then expect that when he’s 15, he’ll know<br />
better and even see the need to ask?”<br />
Outside of being a mom, the other part<br />
of my life is spent with youth. I deliver<br />
programs based in the themes of respect,<br />
empathy and connection. This is how I<br />
believe we build a future free of violence<br />
and abuse. Consent is an obvious and<br />
integral part of my work. I have to be<br />
willing to ask what others want, without<br />
bias, and be willing in return to be clear<br />
Consent is synonymous with healthy<br />
sexuality. Ideally. We’re making strides<br />
in the right direction, but I wonder if this<br />
narrowing of how we teach consent may<br />
in fact be reducing it to subpar results.<br />
Consent is something we can teach from<br />
the very start. By bringing the language<br />
of consent into all areas of our lives, we’ll<br />
weave a culture of consent into the very<br />
fabric of our community.<br />
The life-changing event happened<br />
when I moved into a bus with my three<br />
and use every card possible to change<br />
that “no” into a “yes.” As his tactics<br />
increased, it was easy to become agitated<br />
by his desperate pleas. And, why not?<br />
Please, make him quiet, give him what he<br />
wants. At a certain point, though, I began<br />
to ask myself:<br />
“If I support my son in getting what<br />
he wants at the age of nine, when will I<br />
teach him that no means no? If I allow<br />
my child to shout, cry and whine for<br />
what he wants when he is young, will I<br />
about what I want as well. Too often, I<br />
see that the first time youth hear about<br />
consent, it’s in the framework of sexual<br />
consent. I believe this is far too late.<br />
I learned how consent could be taught<br />
to a child from a good friend. Over a cup<br />
of tea, I watched her navigate consent<br />
with her two-year-old, clearly, efficiently<br />
and without any blame or shame. In<br />
relationships, we may well want different<br />
things. Accepting that, without any<br />
feelings of shame or being wrong, allows<br />
40 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
us to be more willing to find out what<br />
those differences are. Her son wanted to<br />
wrestle. She did not. Calmly she pointed<br />
out to him that he wanted to wrestle,<br />
which represented a “yes,” and she did<br />
not, representing a “no.” See, she said,<br />
one “yes” and one “no”—what does<br />
that make? A “no.” Then she furthered<br />
explained: A “yes” and a “yes,” makes<br />
a “yes.” But when there is a “yes” and a<br />
“no,” that means that someone does not<br />
want to. That is a “no.”<br />
Even at two, this seemed acceptable<br />
to him. Obvious really. Life moved on. I<br />
could not help but think, if we all raised<br />
our children with this language, of asking<br />
and accepting, would sexual consent need<br />
to be taught? I imagine that it would<br />
occur naturally, as it would already be<br />
imbedded into the language used in any<br />
relationship.<br />
I’m curious about how we can change<br />
the language we use with our kids, our<br />
students and our friends to include the<br />
opportunity of consent. How we can<br />
practise a willingness, without judgment<br />
or shaming, to allow others to say how<br />
they feel and share what they want? How<br />
we can demonstrate our own boundaries<br />
without anger or bias? Just as fact.<br />
It’s up to me to examine the ways I ask<br />
others to show up and the ways I may push<br />
my biases or opinions onto others. What<br />
does it really mean to allow others to participate<br />
in a way that is most comfortable<br />
for them? In classrooms and in my own<br />
family, I’ve seen that when I ask people for<br />
consent they seem more willing to engage.<br />
Consent when met implies an agreement.<br />
This is a beautiful standard for any interaction.<br />
It means we truly want to interact, in<br />
our own way. No matter what we’re doing,<br />
it is always better and more enjoyable<br />
when we’ve consented to doing it.<br />
Kate Nash is the programs<br />
manager and lead facilitator for<br />
The Circle Salt Spring Education<br />
Society. She has worked with<br />
island youth for over a<br />
decade, teaching theatre,<br />
play-building and improv. Kate is also the<br />
mother of three kids aged 12–16.<br />
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<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 41
PARENTING<br />
Older Motherhood<br />
So much of the discourse surrounding women who give birth<br />
later in life focuses on the negatives: the health risks to<br />
mother and child, for example, or the difficulties of being a new<br />
parent at an older-than-optimal age.<br />
That’s the topic of an article published in the journal Health,<br />
Risk and Society by Francesca Scala, a professor of political science<br />
at Concordia University. In it, she argues that much of the<br />
official language around older motherhood is rooted in both<br />
ageism and ableism, as well as being out of step with current<br />
childbirth trends. According to Statistics Canada, the average<br />
age of childbirth has been rising steadily since the mid-1960s,<br />
and more women are giving birth between the ages of 35 to 39<br />
than between 20 and 24. But societal expectations of mothers<br />
remain largely unchanged.<br />
Emphasizing the negatives<br />
Scala and her co-author Michael Orsini at the University<br />
of Ottawa analysed two dozen English-language policy documents,<br />
government reports and professional statements and<br />
guidelines containing terms such as “advanced maternal age,”<br />
“delayed childbearing,” “older mothers” and “infertility.”<br />
Documents dated between 1993 and 2020.<br />
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– Albert Einstein<br />
42 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
They identified three principal themes in their research: older<br />
mothers were considered risky maternal subjects, were unnatural<br />
or were irresponsible reproductive citizens.<br />
The researchers don’t deny the biomedical risks that are<br />
present in later-in-life pregnancy such as preeclampsia and<br />
gestational diabetes. Older women are designated a risk group,<br />
and their children are at increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities<br />
(though until recently risks associated with advanced<br />
paternal age, such as schizophrenia or autism, were rarely mentioned).<br />
More problematic is the idea of older mothers as unnatural.<br />
“There is this model of intensive mothering ideology that is<br />
pervasive in our society, where motherhood is an all-encompassing<br />
role for women,” Scala explains. “It rests on the idea<br />
that women are the primary caregivers and are solely responsible<br />
for the health and well-being of their children. Older mothers<br />
challenge our idea about the ‘good mother’—someone who<br />
is youthful, energetic and has the time and resources to fully<br />
dedicate themselves to raising children.”<br />
There is also mention in the texts of the possible negative<br />
psychological effects a child may experience in having a mother<br />
old enough to be their grandmother. This concern appears in<br />
the Canadian Medical Association’s White Paper on Reproductive<br />
Technologies. There is little said about the repercussions of<br />
advanced paternal age.<br />
“We see a lot of information on government websites about<br />
the ideal time for childbearing, from a fertility standpoint, even<br />
though studies show that older women are often better prepared<br />
to have children,” Scala argues. “They have the financial<br />
resources to take care of their offspring and they have relationship<br />
stability.”<br />
This presumption of delayed childbearing being problematic<br />
or a financial burden on the state can impact access to in-vitro<br />
fertilization as well, she says. Certain provinces in Canada will<br />
not extend insurance coverage if a woman uses IVF past the age<br />
of 42, for example, due to increased risks associated with pregnancy<br />
and birth and low success rate of treatment.<br />
“Our goal as social scientists was not to challenge statistics<br />
around biomedical risks, but to see if older mothers themselveswere<br />
being problematized in these discussions,” Scala states.<br />
“Instead of putting the onus on women to adhere to their<br />
‘biological clock,’ I would like to see more discussion about<br />
how broader social and economic forces shape women’s path to<br />
motherhood. How can we, as a society, support women having<br />
children at their ideal time, for example, with accessible daycare,<br />
so they are not penalized for having children too early or<br />
too late?”<br />
• AN ENGAGING EDUCATION<br />
• AN INCLUSIVE COMMUNITY<br />
• BEFORE AND AFTER-SCHOOL CARE<br />
From “Attitudes Around Older Motherhood,” an article published in the<br />
journal Health, Risk and Society by Francesca Scala. For more information,<br />
visit concordia.ca.<br />
Christ Church Cathedral School<br />
Victoria’s Anglican School for Jr. K – Grade 8<br />
www.cathedralschool.ca | 250-383-5125<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 43
WHAT’SFORDINNER<br />
Happy Healthy Lunches<br />
It’s frustrating to pack your kids’ lunch only to have it come<br />
home uneaten. Or to have your kids only eat the treat part<br />
of their lunch leaving the vegetables and protein behind.<br />
Here are a few recommendations to get your kids eating a<br />
healthy lunch:<br />
Make sure the treats are healthy too! Look for treats that<br />
are low in sugar, but high in flavor. Try packing some unusual<br />
options like plantain chips, chickpea snacks or cauliflower<br />
crackers. There’s lots of options available now!<br />
Fruit is a healthy treat too! Bite-sized fruit is easier to eat.<br />
Chopped pineapple and watermelon are fun. Or try tossing<br />
apple slices in cinnamon to reduce browning.<br />
Homemade treats are usually healthier than store-bought.<br />
Try making banana-sweetened muffins or cheese muffins.<br />
Get your kids involved in packing their own lunch! Kids<br />
who pack their own lunch are way more likely to eat it. It’s<br />
the prefect way to start teaching them about the four food<br />
groups and healthy eating. Remember half their meal should<br />
be fruits and vegetables with protein and grains each making<br />
up 1/4 of their meal.<br />
A Food Guide Lunch Box<br />
Probably the easiest way to get your kids eating a healthy<br />
lunch is to let them pack it themselves! Even kids in kindergarten<br />
can choose what they want and put it in a lunch<br />
container. Older kids can even help with chopping vegetables<br />
and cheese.<br />
It’s all about building the routine into their morning. Sure,<br />
it will be difficult the first week or two, but after that you no<br />
longer have to worry about packing lunches!<br />
If you have a particularly hard to motivate sleepy head,<br />
then maybe try a reward right before they head out the door.<br />
We don’t allow any morning screen time until all the chores<br />
are done. When their teeth are brushed and their lunch is<br />
packed, then let them watch an episode of their favourite<br />
cartoon (little kids), or check their phone and email (older<br />
kids).<br />
The only trick is to have LOTS of options for them to pick<br />
and choose their own lunches. I recommend keeping at least<br />
some lunch supplies stashed in the freezer so you always<br />
have food on hand. Here are some delicious examples.<br />
Fruit and Vegetables<br />
(1/2 of your plate):<br />
Fresh berries, chopped fruit, grapes<br />
Cherry tomatoes<br />
Carrot sticks, pepper slices, cucumber slices<br />
Sweet peas, green beans<br />
Frozen edamame<br />
Mixed frozen vegetables<br />
Protein<br />
(1/4 of your plate):<br />
Seed and nuts (depending on classroom rules)<br />
Cheese<br />
Cubes of tofu<br />
Deli meat, pepperoni sticks<br />
Chickpea snacks<br />
Hard-boiled egg<br />
Hummus, nut butter<br />
Carbohydrates<br />
(1/4 of your plate):<br />
Crackers, pretzels, rice cakes<br />
Wholegrain bread, pita, tortilla<br />
Homemade baked good<br />
Corn chips<br />
Emillie Parrish loves having adventures with<br />
her two busy children. You can find more of her<br />
recipes in her recently released cookbook<br />
Fermenting Made Simple. fermentingforfoodies.com<br />
44 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Banana-sweetened Muffins<br />
(Prep time: 15 minutes, Bake time: 30 minutes)<br />
These banana-sweetened muffins are simple, wholesome, and delicious.<br />
Get your kids to help you prepare the batter. I always make 18<br />
smaller, lunchbox-sized muffins, then freeze the leftovers. That way<br />
we’ll have a freezer full of frozen muffins, ready when we need them!<br />
4 very ripe bananas (approx. 1 1 ⁄3 cups mashed)<br />
1⁄3 cup vegetable oil 3 eggs<br />
1 ⁄2 cup of milk 1 tsp vanilla<br />
1 3 ⁄4 cup of flour (wholegrain or GF) 1 tsp baking powder<br />
1⁄2 tsp baking soda 1 ⁄4 tsp salt<br />
1. Preheat the oven to 350˚F.<br />
2. Mash the bananas in a large mixing bowl until they are relatively<br />
smooth.<br />
3. Mix in the oil, then beat in the eggs, milk and vanilla.<br />
4. Add in the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt.<br />
5. Stir until everything is evenly mixed.<br />
6. Prepare the muffin tin either with paper liners or grease each muffin<br />
cup. This recipe will make 12 large muffins or 18 smaller muffins.<br />
7. Divide the batter between the muffin cups.<br />
8. Bake for 20–25 minutes (until a toothpick comes out clean).<br />
9. This can also be baked in a loaf tin, just increase the baking time<br />
to 40–50 minutes.<br />
Cheesy Muffins<br />
(Prep time: 15 minutes, Bake time: 30 minutes)<br />
Sometimes a savoury treat is best. Since these cheese muffins don’t<br />
contain any sugar, they are a more bread-like than muffin-like. Feel<br />
free to add in other flavours, like diced red pepper or cooked sweet<br />
corn kernels. It makes for a more flavourful snack!<br />
1 cup buttermilk 2 eggs<br />
1 1 ⁄2 cups flour 1⁄2 tsp salt<br />
1⁄2 tsp baking soda 2 Tbsp finely chopped green onion<br />
2 cups grated cheddar cheese<br />
1. Preheat the oven to 350 F (210 C).<br />
2. Prepare a muffin tin by lining it with paper liners or greasing and<br />
flouring each of the muffin cups. Otherwise, the cheese muffins will<br />
stick.<br />
3. Mix the buttermilk and eggs in a large bowl. Then mix in the flour,<br />
salt and baking soda.<br />
4. Stir in the grated cheese, green onion and any other additional<br />
flavours. Scoop into the muffin tin. This recipe will make 12 smaller<br />
muffins or 8 larger muffins.<br />
5. Bake for 20–25 minutes, or until a muffin tester comes out clean.<br />
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Sylvan students typically see up to two to three through <strong>Sept</strong>ember 30th<br />
We know academic results are important to you, so start the school year<br />
(regularly<br />
on<br />
$150)<br />
PERSONALIZED<br />
ACE THE NEXT<br />
TUTORING We times know REPORT more academic growth in<br />
THAT<br />
CARD their<br />
GETS results math<br />
the right foot. Sylvan students typically see up to two RESULTS<br />
WITH and are reading important SYLVAN toCALL NOW<br />
scores than if they hadn't come to Sylvan*. to three times Offer more valid at participatingSylvan Insight<br />
growth * Proven, in their math personal you,<br />
and reading and so intensive start the<br />
scores than tutoring school year<br />
if they hadn’t programs, on the right<br />
come to Sylvan*. Free<br />
foot. locations only. Expires<br />
Assessment $49<br />
09/30/2021.<br />
Act now to take control of this school year.<br />
online OR in-person Sylvan students typically see up to two to three through <strong>Sept</strong>ember 30th<br />
Value (regularly $150$150)<br />
* Highly customized times learning Act more now growth plan to take to in ensure control their math your of this and child school reading year.<br />
Sylvan of Vancouver <strong>Island</strong> Sylvan Insight CALL NOW<br />
Must mention<br />
masters skills in math, scores reading, than if they<br />
1-800-EDUCATE<br />
writing hadn't and come moreto Sylvan*.<br />
Offer valid at participating<br />
Assessment<br />
locations only.<br />
$49<br />
Expires<br />
offer at time of<br />
* Live online or in-person attention and learning timethrough <strong>Sept</strong>ember 09/30/<strong>2022</strong>. 30th<br />
Sylvan of Vancouver<br />
Act<br />
<strong>Island</strong><br />
now to take control of this school year.<br />
with expert, caring Sylvan-certified teachers<br />
(regularly booking $150)<br />
Offer valid at participating locations only. Cannot be<br />
*See the complete Sylvan Field Research Results at SylvanResearchInstitute.com.<br />
combined with any other discount or offer. One<br />
* Direct impact in classroom with school-aligned CALL NOW<br />
ow academic results are important to<br />
start the school year on the right foot.<br />
students typically see up to two to three<br />
ore growth in their math and reading<br />
than if they hadn't come to Sylvan*.<br />
*See the complete Sylvan Field Research Results at SylvanResearchInstitute.com<br />
assessment per family. Expires 11/15/20.<br />
curriculum<br />
Offer valid at participating<br />
1-800-EDUCATE<br />
locations only. Expires<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember 09/30/2021. <strong>2022</strong> 45<br />
Sylvan of Vancouver <strong>Island</strong><br />
w to take control of this school year.<br />
Sylvan of Vancouver <strong>Island</strong>
CUTITOUT!<br />
The Pain of Growing Up<br />
A<br />
child must learn to respect other people’s boundaries and<br />
experience life’s growing pains in order to become a responsible<br />
caring person. Most young children are demanding.<br />
Slowly, as they mature, they learn to deal with frustration and<br />
disappointments.<br />
As our expectations regarding behaviour gradually increase, we<br />
show less tolerance and children learn to cooperate. If reasonable<br />
expectations are not part of the relationship, the child doesn’t develop<br />
a healthy awareness of boundaries.<br />
If we are over-submissive:<br />
• We give in to a child’s demands rather than sticking to a<br />
healthy limit.<br />
• We are afraid of losing a child’s love and believe them when<br />
they say, “I hate you.”<br />
• We get caught in the guilt/anger cycle and allow these emotions<br />
to guide our decisions.<br />
If we are over-submissive, giving in rather than having backbone,<br />
the child’s persistence is rewarded and healthy boundaries<br />
are argued, debated and challenged until the parent gives in. This<br />
is spoiling and the child will suffer as their friends, teachers and<br />
people outside of the family won’t tolerate this.<br />
When spoiled children grow up, they equate love from others<br />
with giving in to them and genuinely feel unloved and unwanted<br />
if their demands are not met. They infringe on the rights of others<br />
without being aware of these rights. It is difficult to learn about<br />
boundaries as adults when they should have been learned in<br />
childhood.<br />
What to do:<br />
Don’t sweat the small stuff. This stops you from getting into<br />
debates about things that don’t really matter. Instead, think about<br />
your bottom line. What matters?<br />
Give a child empathy when they experience disappointment<br />
about a reasonable limit without rescuing or giving in.<br />
Notice qualities in your child such as consideration and regard for<br />
others. Point out the positive impact this has on others.<br />
Value your own personal boundaries by paying attention to your<br />
feelings of irritation. Those feelings might be telling you something.<br />
Set clear, reasonable limits that reflect the needs of others such as<br />
safety, privacy, respect for things and contribution.<br />
We don’t spoil a child with love, but we can spoil a child if they<br />
are taught to believe that the world ought to give them what they<br />
want no matter what the cost is to others. Limits that really matter<br />
are about how we treat others and safety. This is love in action.<br />
Dr. Allison Rees is a parent educator, counsellor<br />
and coach at LIFE Seminars (Living in Families<br />
Effectively), lifeseminars.com.<br />
LEARN TO SKATE<br />
for ages 3-6<br />
CANSKATE<br />
for ages 4 and up<br />
Email admin@jdfskatingclub.com<br />
JuandeFuca<br />
S k a t i n g C l u b<br />
ONGOING REGISTRATION AT jdfskatingclub.com<br />
46 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Classes Begin <strong>Sept</strong>ember 6 th<br />
STAGES<br />
Performing Arts School<br />
since 1980<br />
Come Dance With Us<br />
• Offering classes for Teens & Pre-Teens in Jazz,<br />
Ballet, Lyrical, Tap. Musical Theatre, Acrobatics &<br />
Hip Hop, in a non-competitive atmosphere.<br />
• Not sure which class to take?<br />
- Try a Drop-In: No hassle, No Obligation.<br />
Daytime Pre-School Classes<br />
for the little angels...<br />
STAGES Performing Arts School<br />
#301 1551 Cedar Hill X Rd<br />
Call 250-384-3267 Email us at: stagesdance@shaw.ca<br />
Or visit our website: www.stagesdance.com<br />
Register NOW to start in <strong>Sept</strong><br />
250-391-9002<br />
Westshorecentre.com<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Aug</strong>ust/<strong>Sept</strong>ember <strong>2022</strong> 47
We are a unique, local business that has the<br />
pleasure of working with fossils that are<br />
millions of years old. We restore, display and<br />
sell dinosaurs. Our specimens have found<br />
homes all over the world. Some can be viewed<br />
at The Royal Tyrell Museum, The Melbourne<br />
Natural History Museum, The Royal Ontario<br />
Museum, The Houston Museum of Natural<br />
Science and The Berlin Natural History Museum,<br />
as well as many privately-owned facilities.<br />
Book a private tour of the facility to view some<br />
of the dinosaurs in our prehistoric gallery,<br />
witness the restoration process, and even work<br />
on a fossil yourself, using our pneumatic tools.<br />
Don’t forget to check out our gift shop on your<br />
way out…not that you will want to ever leave!<br />
Private tours, Group tours, Birthday parties,<br />
Adult tours, School and Community presentations<br />
and Jr. Paleontology classes available.<br />
Check out our website or social media pages!<br />
By appointment only<br />
(must pre-book a tour online)<br />
dinolabinc.ca<br />
Instagram dino_lab.inc<br />
Facebook Dino_Lab_Inc<br />
Phone 778-966-DINO (3466)