Angelus News | July 29, 2022 | Vol. 7 No. 15

Jenny (left), with Knight Mike Smith, her cousin, and caregiver Dori O’Donnell. | COURTESY JENNY GORMAN PATTON
a dear friend from my days at Mayfield
Senior School in Pasadena.
As someone who fatigues easily, I was
worried about the demanding schedule.
In one day, I attended Mass, was
re-baptized, went to reconciliation, had
my feet washed, and received a medal
at a special ceremony, among other
activities. But the kindness and positive
energy of the Knights, Dames, priests,
nuns, caregivers, volunteers, and my
fellow malades — and the place itself
— energized me.
Even though I was one of the malades
who rode in a blue cart, I met Knights,
Dames, priests, and nuns who had
once been malades or who were now
caregivers. As Mike said, we are all
malades — or will be.
While in Lourdes, something
unexpected occurred. My pain level
increased. This was a place of healing,
so why was I hurting so much? Perhaps
the barometric pressure changes
during the flight and stormy weather
in France ignited inflammation in
my body. Tendons in my wrists were
on fire, evoking pain that shot up my
arms into nerves in my neck. Dr. Joe
Pachorek, a member of the Order of
Malta medical team, jumped into
action and purchased medicine to treat
my symptoms, which took the edge off.
But I didn’t feel whole. I didn’t feel
like the version of myself I wanted to
find in Lourdes.
One Knight-turned-malade shared
something that stayed with me: “When
young Bernadette saw Mary at the
grotto in 1858, it had been a garbage
dump, not a holy place.” He encouraged
us to dump our garbage there. I
had viewed the grotto with its intention
box as a place to ask Mary for what I
wanted, not as a place to dump what I
no longer wished to carry.
His words inspired me to make two
lists: what I want and what I release. On
a sunny afternoon, I went alone to the
grotto, a place of peace. I kneeled and
prayed in front of the statue of Mary,
now flanked by pink roses that recently
appeared.
Among the many items I wanted were
patience, direction on the book I was
writing, and a fitting job for a loved
one who was unemployed. To my surprise,
my dump list was longer: pain,
self-pity, resentment, and ego, among
others. Tears flooded my eyes. I placed
my intention list in the box beside the
healing water, then crumpled up my
release list and threw it in a trash can
beside the Gave de Pau River.
Now, a few months later, everything
on my intention list has been manifested,
and several items on my release list
have begun to dissipate.
I wish I could say that all my physical
pain is gone. It’s not, but that’s OK.
I’m pursuing new treatments and feel
hopeful — and I’m practicing patience.
The trip to Lourdes reset me emotionally
and spiritually, and I learned that
we can feel both broken and whole at
the same time. We’re all malades, and
we’re all worthy.
Jenny Gorman Patton grew up in Pasadena
and now teaches writing at Ohio
State University in Columbus, Ohio.
“Des voitures” (“carriages”) carrying malades sponsored by the Order of Malta Western Association are lined up for
Mass at the grotto. | COURTESY JENNY GORMAN PATTON
July 29, 2022 • ANGELUS • 21