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Serving the <strong>Mid</strong>dle <strong>Tenn</strong>essee LGBT+ Community and its Allies | JUL+AUG <strong>2022</strong><br />

Love<br />

+Politics<br />

FREE<br />

QUEER ACTIVIST<br />

ODESSA<br />

KELLY<br />

RUNNING FOR<br />

CONGRESS<br />

WEDDING<br />

PLANNING<br />

PERSONAL JOURNEY<br />

SEX + DATING<br />

RESOURCES


This project was made possible in part by the Institute of Museum and Library<br />

MEMPHIS MUSEUM<br />

OF SCIENCE & HISTORY<br />

OPENING JUNE 4TH<br />

FROM THE NEWSEUM/FREEDOM FORUM<br />

+<br />

P R E S E N T I N G S P O N S O R S<br />

Services. The views, findings, conclusions or recommendations expressed in<br />

this exhibition do not necessarily represent those of the Institute of Museum<br />

and Library Services.<br />

WWW.MOSHMEMPHIS.COM<br />

3050 CENTRAL • MEMPHIS, TN • 38111 • 901.636.2362<br />

Diana Davies/ Manuscripts And Archives Division, New York Public Library


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4 QUEER OUR BODIES ARTISTS • OUR | focuslgbt.com<br />

CHOICES | focuslgbt.com


the team<br />

PUBLISHER<br />

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CREATIVE DIRECTOR<br />

+ ADVERTISING DESIGN<br />

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INTERACTIVE<br />

+ SOCIAL MEDIA<br />

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Moth Moth Moth<br />

ADVERTISING+FINANCE<br />

Leila Hinkle<br />

info@focuslgbt.com<br />

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DISTRIBUTION<br />

+ SUBSCRIPTIONS<br />

Randall Sloan<br />

Leila Hinkle<br />

GK Gurley<br />

contributors<br />

GK Gurley<br />

Star McGill<br />

Moth Moth Moth<br />

Robin Beaudoin Ownby<br />

<strong>Focus</strong>® <strong>Mid</strong>dle <strong>Tenn</strong>essee is all about LGBT+ people and their allies…their<br />

work, play, families, creativity, style, health and wealth, bodies and souls. Our<br />

focus is on you.<br />

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focuslgbt.com | Love+Politics 5


22<br />

CONTENTS | JUL+AUG <strong>2022</strong><br />

12 7 THEME<br />

Love+Politics<br />

8<br />

ASK<br />

ALLIE<br />

New to gay dating<br />

10 COMMUNITY<br />

Mothie sends you infinite love<br />

11 LIFE<br />

Summer crush? We’ve got some green<br />

flags to look for!<br />

12<br />

LGBT ADVOCATE<br />

Meet the activist running to be the first gay<br />

Black woman in Congress<br />

16 LIFE<br />

Planning your queer wedding? Learn from<br />

this writer’s recent experience!<br />

20 HEALTH+WELLNESS<br />

Hand-picked resources and media<br />

recommendations on sex & love<br />

22 HOROSCOPES<br />

What do the stars have in store for us<br />

this <strong>Jul</strong>y and <strong>Aug</strong>ust?<br />

20<br />

16<br />

ON THE COVER<br />

Odessa Kelly<br />

photo by Jack Tumen<br />

6 Love+Politics | focuslgbt.com


theme<br />

“Not having found love<br />

and finding love are wholly<br />

incommensurable conditions,<br />

yet you can cross from one to<br />

the other in a single day.”<br />

- Kathryn Schulz, Lost & Found: A Memoir<br />

"Red Speedo. High Heart Rate"<br />

Acrylic on canvas, 11.5" x 14"<br />

by Moth Moth Moth<br />

focuslgbt.com | Sex+Love 7


life<br />

Dear<br />

Allie...<br />

I'm new to gay dating!<br />

by Star McGill Goudey<br />

Dear Allie,<br />

I recently ended a 6 year relationship. Things were<br />

never quite right and I couldn’t take the next step.<br />

Through the pandemic I spent months isolated and<br />

during that time I found a good therapist to work<br />

on myself with. The short story is that I realized and<br />

embraced that I am gay. I broke up with my girlfriend<br />

and we are working on staying friends. I don’t know<br />

how to date gay men! So much of what I know is<br />

based on straight relationships and that doesn't<br />

seem to apply here. Or does it? I know how to use<br />

dating apps and the local gay bar offers chances to<br />

meet new people but I’m feeling so stressed! I have<br />

recently developed a core group of really great gay<br />

friends and we have all done a lot of talking about<br />

dating. I want to gather more perspectives. Do you<br />

have any tips about dating?<br />

Yours,<br />

Gay Dating Newb<br />

Prostock-studio /Shutterstock.com<br />

8 Love+Politics | focuslgbt.com


Dear GDN,<br />

Thank you for reaching out! I am so happy for you! You<br />

are out learning about and becoming your truest self!<br />

Dating is always challenging, and so is learning something<br />

new at first. I applaud you too, for seeking out more<br />

information. It's a trait that will be appreciated by the right<br />

partner as well! See? You are already off to a great start!<br />

Please don’t feel alone in recognizing how stressful dating<br />

was becoming for you. Dating can become all consuming<br />

and overwhelming. It requires much of our time, emotion,<br />

and thought. I have some tips I think may help.<br />

First, it helps to think about how queer people usually<br />

date from a much smaller pool than the straight people<br />

around us. So we can often end up dating friends, and<br />

friends of friends, exes of friends, and staying friends with<br />

those we have dated. This is why it is important to always<br />

conduct yourself with honesty and empathy and have<br />

a good knowledge of yourself, are healing any traumas,<br />

and know how to put solid healthy boundaries in place.<br />

Because it takes those traits to function in a healthy way in<br />

a community. From your letter, it sounds like you are well<br />

into the self-knowledge journey.<br />

Another one of the challenges of LGBTQ+ dating,<br />

especially if you are a late-in-lifer, is that growing up most<br />

of us were surrounded by our straight peers and family<br />

members who modeled dating and relationship behaviors.<br />

Although those may not have been healthy relationships,<br />

they were at least visible to us in ways queer relationships<br />

were not. Most likely there were very clear cut gender roles<br />

which actually aren’t required in relationships. We need to<br />

pay attention to the messages that we have internalized<br />

and see if they serve who we are now.<br />

Many of us have had straight relationships that haven't<br />

been quite right, although we couldn't yet identify why. It<br />

can make for a rather unbalanced and possibly unhealthy<br />

view of what partnering is. I feel it’s very important to<br />

not try to fit your relationship into a heteronormative<br />

model, as you have experienced. Your relationships can<br />

be and look like whatever works for you. Maybe it is poly<br />

or monogamous, or goes through seasons of both. Maybe<br />

it is a casual relationship, or maybe it is serious. As long<br />

as all parties are enthusiastically on board then it can be<br />

anything that works best to meet all needs.<br />

Openness and vulnerability can be a challenge. Often,<br />

if we were raised in the closet or with shaming and<br />

expectations about our sexuality it can cause us to be<br />

uncomfortable with intimacy. This may not be true for you,<br />

but it may be true for someone you are dating. If so, it’s<br />

going to require compassion and understanding from you,<br />

so that you are able to be supportive.<br />

Dating apps are a great tool! I suggest verifying that the<br />

apps you are using focus on the kind of interaction you<br />

are looking for. Some are known to be more of a one night<br />

stand arrangement maker and if you are looking for a long<br />

term relationship that may not be the best place to look.<br />

Also, be honest in your profile! Many try to doctor their<br />

profile to make it seem more appealing. It can turn out to<br />

be a waste of time as you may match with someone who<br />

doesn’t truly share any connection points with you.<br />

You can try meeting prospective partners over a video<br />

chat first. This eliminates the awkward first time meeting<br />

up for drinks that might lead to dinner, might last all night…<br />

or might feel totally wrong and have you looking for a<br />

polite exit from the get-go. If you are both more relaxed<br />

and in a low-pressure video chat, the two of you can make<br />

more plans to meet in person, or to sign off early without<br />

wasting anyone's money or emotions.<br />

If you meet over a video chat and it goes well, make<br />

plans to meet for some kind of beverage. Pick somewhere<br />

that isn’t so busy and loud that you can’t hear each other<br />

clearly, but also not so small and quiet that the intimacy<br />

feels awkward with someone new. Hopefully, you two<br />

managed to talk about some things in video chat you can<br />

continue in person. If all else fails, discuss the drink menu<br />

and location!<br />

Above all, try to enjoy the process! Don’t see it as an end<br />

game goal of a serious relationship or marriage. Enjoy the<br />

new discoveries you will make about your likes and dislikes<br />

along the way. I hope I have given you some ways to relax,<br />

just a little. Good luck out there! Somehow I just know you<br />

will be awesome and find the relationship of your dreams!<br />

Your friend,<br />

Allie<br />

To submit your own question, email Allie at<br />

allie@focuslgbt.com. <strong>Focus</strong> <strong>Mid</strong>-South reserves the right to edit letters for length and clarity.<br />

focuslgbt.com | Sex+Love 9


community lgbt advocate<br />

MOTHIE’S NOTE:<br />

Love Brought<br />

You Here<br />

by Moth Moth Moth<br />

You are the result of love.<br />

Incredible, chaotic, marvelous, intrepid love. The love of a billion years.<br />

This month <strong>Focus</strong> encourages you to focus on love. Also sex. And relationships!<br />

Whether you’re an asexual guitar player into solo tantric masturbation or a<br />

gorgeous thruple with fluid gender expressions–we see all of you!<br />

Keep in mind that safe sex is fun sex so always make sure the sling is bolted<br />

SECURELY INTO THE SUSPENSION POINT!<br />

And remember that if you and your partner(s) communicate your needs and<br />

boundaries clearly and honestly then there is a great chance you will walk away<br />

happy, fulfilled, and supported —and with a limp, given any luck.<br />

Sometimes love is about growing the relationship you have with yourself. We<br />

start at the skin but we go so much deeper. People are infinite on the inside. You<br />

should meet some of the power bottoms I know.<br />

But maybe your parents didn’t give a damn about you. Maybe you are more of<br />

a lone wolf. Maybe you are just crabby and need to eat. And if so, we want you to<br />

still know that you are a product of deep and ancient powerful love.<br />

There was a time when asteroids pelted the moon and earth for millennia. The<br />

moon spilled material onto the earth. All of the planets have shared material. The<br />

chemicals and circumstances of your body are remarkable. So, love it as such.<br />

Make time in your life of hustling to love your people, and to love yourself. As<br />

much as you can.<br />

10 Sex+Love | focuslgbt.com


life<br />

Summer Lovin’<br />

Green Flags for Summer Romance<br />

by Robin Beaudoin Ownby<br />

Thinking about sticking with someone new through the swim & patio season? Licensed counselors agree on certain<br />

“green flags” to look for when considering a potential romantic partner.<br />

1. They are not afraid to ask what you like, even<br />

checking in during sex for cues. If you’re giving<br />

clear “more” or “less” signals, they are responsive<br />

to those messages.<br />

2. You seem interested in each other’s fantasies and<br />

don’t judge if they’re different from yours. An openminded<br />

lover can make you feel safe and validated.<br />

3. You are both on the same page regarding<br />

commitment and exclusivity. Discuss your<br />

expectations of this romance, what your long-term<br />

goals are for the future, and re-evaluate every month<br />

or two so that you’re in the same head space.<br />

4. Safety is a priority! You know your statuses<br />

and aren’t afraid to regularly retest. You’ve<br />

talked about PreP and/or birth control, and take<br />

medications as directed.<br />

5. You are respectful of each other’s physical and<br />

emotional limitations. Physical and mental traumas<br />

or differences might make certain positions, places,<br />

or even conversations difficult. Be consistent in your<br />

behavior to support one another in these moments.<br />

Ask questions, and give space when asked.<br />

6. Hygiene! You wouldn’t eat with dirty utensils, right?<br />

Keep yourselves and your bedrooms clean and<br />

decluttered to prevent icky, smelly, or awkward<br />

moments.<br />

7. Adventuresome partners have the most fun. You<br />

both/all enjoy trying new things, foods, toys, and<br />

traveling. All of these keep things interesting.<br />

8. They don’t talk smack about their exes. Be assured,<br />

if they talk bad about their ex, one day they’ll speak<br />

poorly of you. Keep things polite, and leave the past<br />

in the past.<br />

9. They’re a good listener. A good listener will fully<br />

listen without forming their own arguments as you<br />

speak. They will validate your experiences and use<br />

your chosen name and correct pronouns without fail.<br />

Listening shows your esteem for your partner.<br />

10. They participate equally. A relationship is not<br />

50/50–it requires 100% from all involved parties.<br />

This includes coming up with ideas and reservations<br />

for dates (see our article on Summer Avenue for<br />

great date suggestions) as well as doing the dishes,<br />

taking turns driving, and doing the deed.<br />

Based on advice from Jeff Guenther, LPC<br />

focuslgbt.com | Love+Politics 11


lgbt advocate<br />

photo by Sam Angel<br />

ACTIVIST<br />

ODESSA KELLY<br />

Running to be the First Openly<br />

Gay Black Woman in Congress<br />

by GK Gurley<br />

12 Love+Politics | focuslgbt.com


The Supreme Court<br />

decision in June highlighted<br />

a harsh reality: there<br />

are major discrepancies<br />

between federal and<br />

state governments, and<br />

the checks and balances<br />

that we were taught<br />

about in school do not<br />

seem to apply to wealthy,<br />

conservative agendas. So<br />

many of us are burnt out<br />

by politics and devastated<br />

over the Supreme Court’s<br />

decision to overturn Roe<br />

v. Wade. And seeing how<br />

harshly conservative<br />

agendas have attacked<br />

trans and queer youth over<br />

the past year, it is within<br />

the realm of possibility that<br />

marriage equality could be<br />

in danger, too.<br />

Despite the chaos and<br />

uncertainty, Americans<br />

need to remember that<br />

the biggest impact the<br />

government plays in their<br />

daily lives is on the local<br />

level. Nashville is in a<br />

development boom, and<br />

not necessarily for the<br />

better. We used to be a<br />

working class city, but<br />

most native Nashvillians<br />

have been priced<br />

out after seeing their<br />

neighborhoods gentrified<br />

beyond recognition.<br />

A key tenant of American<br />

politics is “by the people,<br />

for the people.” But for<br />

queer people, trans people,<br />

people of color, and women,<br />

how often has that been<br />

true? We need government<br />

officials who have been<br />

working hard to better our<br />

community to be the ones<br />

elected to make decisions.<br />

Representation matters.<br />

Having lived in Nashville<br />

her entire life, Odessa Kelly<br />

is one such candidate. She<br />

is an activist running to be<br />

the first openly gay black<br />

woman in Congress, for<br />

<strong>Tenn</strong>essee’s 7th District.<br />

"I'm from East Nashville,<br />

born and raised,” Kelly said.<br />

“Before it was gentrified to<br />

the unrecognizable point<br />

it is now. Growing up, I<br />

couldn't wait to get out<br />

and pursue basketball. But I<br />

stayed in Nashville because<br />

I loved my community... I<br />

came out young and felt so<br />

much acceptance."<br />

Spending her<br />

undergraduate time at<br />

<strong>Tenn</strong>essee State University<br />

was an eye-opening<br />

experience on identity, she<br />

explained. “I came out very<br />

young, but college was a<br />

time that I really thought<br />

about my religion and my<br />

sexual identity. That led me<br />

to re-examine basketball,<br />

too—do I want to be an<br />

athlete, or do I want to<br />

pursue something in my<br />

community?”<br />

After graduating with<br />

a degree in Business<br />

Administration, she worked<br />

in community centers with<br />

Metro Parks and Recreation.<br />

She saw that the school<br />

to prison pipeline proved<br />

true for many youth in<br />

her community, and<br />

over the years saw a lot<br />

of problematic changes<br />

happening in Nashville.<br />

“There was such a big<br />

urban core downtown<br />

of working class people<br />

who feel safer downtown.<br />

But now, it has all been<br />

completely gentrified.”<br />

Despite loving her job<br />

and her community, she<br />

began to additionally pursue<br />

a graduate degree from<br />

Cumberland University,<br />

for two major reasons she<br />

told me. “I started to really<br />

look at my job: here I am, a<br />

person with a city job, living<br />

paycheck to paycheck… after<br />

Trayvon Martin’s death and<br />

losing kids to gun violence in<br />

my own community center,<br />

I wanted to be a part of<br />

changing things.”<br />

This attitude carries over<br />

to her campaign.<br />

“I am running for this seat<br />

to break down the hurdles<br />

that I had to get here. We—<br />

local Nashvillians, people of<br />

color, queer people—need<br />

to be in our own seats of<br />

power.”<br />

Upon first announcing<br />

her candidacy she was<br />

running for <strong>Tenn</strong>essee’s 5th<br />

District, but she decided to<br />

shift gears.<br />

“The 7th District<br />

Representative right now<br />

is Mark Greene,” said<br />

Kelly. “I am running to<br />

unseat him. He is a wealthy<br />

conservative, worth $33<br />

million, who said that being<br />

transgender is a ‘disease’.”<br />

She is running a<br />

grassroots campaign and<br />

does not take a dime of<br />

corporate money in order<br />

to keep her community<br />

members from being<br />

exploited.<br />

Having been a city<br />

employee for thirteen years,<br />

she has been through her<br />

fair share of exploitation<br />

herself. She took action to<br />

prevent further harm to<br />

workers in her community<br />

by co-founding the<br />

organization Stand Up<br />

Nashville (SUN).<br />

focuslgbt.com | Love+Politics 13


A spectacular and pivotal<br />

point of SUN is, “we are<br />

tired of the city prioritizing<br />

business over people<br />

for the sake of a dollar.”<br />

Among all of their projects,<br />

that running theme shines<br />

through: the people of our<br />

community matter more<br />

than a corporation’s bottom<br />

line. To this effect, one such<br />

victory Kelly claimed with<br />

SUN was a community<br />

agreement with the Nashville<br />

Soccer Holdings (NSH).<br />

Metro Nashville is the<br />

third largest employer in<br />

Nashville, and in 2017 amidst<br />

all of the development, the<br />

city refused to adjust the<br />

cost of living for employees.<br />

Instead, they and the<br />

Nashville Soccer Holdings<br />

threw $275 million toward a<br />

soccer stadium.<br />

SUN stepped in<br />

to advocate for the<br />

stadium workers and the<br />

community living in the area<br />

surrounding the stadium<br />

and won a major victory<br />

with their Community<br />

Benefits Agreement.<br />

Many stadiums hire on<br />

temp workers, which is<br />

unreliable and unsteady<br />

work, often low-paying,<br />

and in a right-to-work<br />

state like <strong>Tenn</strong>essee, unfair<br />

to queer workers. SUN<br />

advocated that the stadium<br />

hire workers directly with<br />

a minimum pay of $15.50/<br />

hr., that a childcare center<br />

on a sliding scale would be<br />

provided, that there would<br />

be significant inclusion<br />

among minority contractors,<br />

and so much more. To<br />

read about this CBA, visit<br />

standupnashville.org.<br />

From her work with<br />

SUN to her congressional<br />

campaign, Kelly maintains<br />

a positive and hopeful<br />

attitude about America’s<br />

political future. “I just<br />

observe my kids,” she<br />

said. “I can see the change<br />

first-hand in the generation<br />

coming up.”<br />

Even with a hope for the<br />

future, she explained that<br />

political burnout is real. “But<br />

so is the threat. I see it as<br />

a divine burden. We have<br />

to stand up for community<br />

issues, regardless. We need<br />

public policy that heals, not<br />

punishes. That should be<br />

the role of our government.”<br />

Both SUN and her<br />

campaign are local, for<br />

community donations and<br />

volunteers. To find out<br />

how to get involved, visit<br />

standupnashville.org and<br />

odessaforcongress.com.<br />

Her voting base is<br />

expansive, and her<br />

campaign needs people to<br />

canvas with them. Beyond<br />

that, make sure you and<br />

everyone you know is<br />

registered to vote and<br />

ready to hit the polls on<br />

November 8th.<br />

photo by Jack Tumen<br />

14 Love+Politics | focuslgbt.com


Equity has been our focus<br />

from the tornado recovery to the COVID-19<br />

response, access to assistance and support<br />

does not look the same for all businesses and<br />

communities. We are dedicated to an inclusive<br />

and equitable Nashville, where the<br />

marginalized have an advocate and support.<br />

Our membership is open to all and we are<br />

here for you. Join us today.<br />

We represent over 500+ Corporations, Entrepreneurs, &<br />

Small Businesses who want to keep Nashville OPEN & EQUAL.<br />

advocate. educate. connect.<br />

focuslgbt.com | Love+Politics 15


life<br />

Throwing the<br />

Perfect<br />

Queer Wedding<br />

for You<br />

by GK Gurley<br />

16 Love+Politics | focuslgbt.com


If COVID-19 completely<br />

derailing and changing<br />

our lives in 2020 taught<br />

us anything, it is that who<br />

we choose to spend our<br />

time with is sacred. COVID<br />

has changed the dating<br />

scene so much, and the<br />

pandemic seemed to give<br />

a lot of people permission<br />

to shed a toxic partner.<br />

And, on the flip side, it<br />

pushed loving couples<br />

even closer together.<br />

My partner and I were<br />

one such couple. We lived<br />

together pre-pandemic,<br />

but reevaluating our lives,<br />

work, and the way we<br />

spend our time connected<br />

us even further and<br />

allowed us to plan for the<br />

future. We got engaged<br />

at the end of 2021, and<br />

planning a queer wedding<br />

has been… enlightening.<br />

My partner and I are both<br />

trans, and the wedding<br />

industrial complex has<br />

always been such a turnoff<br />

to us. With marriage equality<br />

still so new, we never<br />

thought a wedding would be<br />

in the cards for us, let alone<br />

had any idea what we would<br />

even want it to look like. I<br />

have intentionally avoided<br />

weddings for so long, so<br />

now that I am attempting to<br />

plan one, it has taken quite<br />

some time for me to even<br />

know where to start.<br />

Even in this internet age,<br />

queer wedding resources<br />

are extremely limited,<br />

especially in Nashville. No<br />

doubt you will find a host<br />

of queer musicians and<br />

photographers to curate<br />

your wedding, but beyond<br />

that, it is challenging to<br />

find vendors or venues that<br />

you know will be queeraccepting<br />

without having<br />

heard first-hand testimonials<br />

or experiences from friends.<br />

Lots of queer couples<br />

have posted wedding blogs<br />

to offer suggestions for<br />

queer people specifically,<br />

but the average price points<br />

are very high. There are a<br />

plethora of quality venue<br />

ideas if you have a large<br />

budget, but for those of<br />

us looking to be as costeffective<br />

as possible, I<br />

wanted to highlight a few<br />

suggestions.<br />

Take note that I have yet<br />

to include food or baked<br />

goods in this discussion.<br />

Unless you do an internet<br />

deep dive on one particular<br />

vendor, it is challenging to<br />

find specific accounts that<br />

are queer and trans-friendly.<br />

This will probably be the<br />

biggest gamble in your<br />

wedding planning journey,<br />

so if that is not a risk you<br />

are not looking to take,<br />

finding a reception venue<br />

that is bundled with food<br />

prepared on-site would be<br />

your best bet.<br />

Some such amazing and<br />

surprisingly affordable<br />

venues that have hosted<br />

queer weddings are<br />

Cheekwood Gardens and<br />

Arrington Vineyards. The<br />

price points at Cheekwood<br />

vary per garden and with<br />

the size of your guest list,<br />

but if you are looking for<br />

a gorgeous ceremony and<br />

reception in one place, or<br />

simply to do a ceremony, I<br />

highly recommend pursuing<br />

that venue. Arrington is<br />

also scenic, especially if<br />

<strong>Tenn</strong>essee rolling hills,<br />

greenery, and country chic<br />

is your style. Again, you<br />

have different price points<br />

and options. I would also<br />

suggest them as a bachelor/<br />

ette/ex destination! You<br />

can tour their vineyards or<br />

just have a good time, and<br />

maybe catch some of their<br />

fantastic live music while<br />

you’re there.<br />

Finding an officiant<br />

in <strong>Tenn</strong>essee is a<br />

challenge, especially one<br />

understanding of trans<br />

and non-binary issues and<br />

relationships. Many couples<br />

have had to do a courthouse<br />

wedding before doing the<br />

ceremony they want so<br />

that they can get their legal<br />

paperwork while still having<br />

the ceremony that feels<br />

good to them. One would<br />

think that a pastor of an<br />

affirming church would be<br />

able to officiate, and while<br />

many are willing to do so,<br />

most denominations have<br />

rules against them being<br />

involved in weddings. The<br />

Human Rights Campaign<br />

can help you find someone<br />

if you reach out to the<br />

Nashville chapter.<br />

The wedding industrial<br />

complex impacts all of our<br />

weddings, whether we buy<br />

into it or not. I proposed to<br />

my partner at a state park,<br />

and the entire time I was<br />

questioning myself—is this<br />

a good enough story to<br />

tell, is this cute enough to<br />

post about, is this silly and<br />

pathetic? Thankfully those<br />

questions were fleeting.<br />

I reminded myself that<br />

protected wildernesses<br />

are our favorite places to<br />

explore, and the future<br />

of our relationship is just<br />

about us. A wedding is<br />

just a dang party after<br />

all, but being entrenched<br />

in the religious, capitalist<br />

wedding narrative that<br />

permeates so much of the<br />

South is still something I<br />

have to deconstruct for<br />

myself.<br />

Regardless of your budget<br />

or guest list, your wedding<br />

will be as beautiful as you<br />

and your partner feel. My<br />

fiancé and I are still holding<br />

out for an officiant in Moira<br />

Rose drag, but beyond<br />

that, Nashville does have<br />

great options. The more<br />

people in our community<br />

share experiences with<br />

each other, the more queer<br />

businesses we know to<br />

support and hire, so please,<br />

share your stories with<br />

your community. Even an<br />

Instagram hashtag can help<br />

another couple.<br />

Shutterstock.com<br />

focuslgbt.com | Love+Politics 17


18 Love+Politics | focuslgbt.com


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health+wellness<br />

SEX + LOVE RESOURCES<br />

EDITOR’S PICKS<br />

BOOKS<br />

As a lesbian, these are a few books which are very valuable and special to me. In particular, I cannot recommend Emily<br />

Nagoski’s book enough. It is wonderful, even life-changing. I’ve included some titles in the “self-help” genre, but also two<br />

graphic novels that speak to some of the same experiences. Get to reading! - Chellie Bowman<br />

Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.<br />

In this book, Nagoski teaches us everything<br />

we need to know about desire and our body’s<br />

sexual response. Although the book is catered<br />

toward cis women, the revised and updated<br />

version (2021) does make some strides to<br />

include and represent trans and non-binary<br />

folks as well. I honestly think anyone interested in human<br />

sexuality can and will learn so much from this multi-layered<br />

exploration into the intricacies of sexual experience.<br />

My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness<br />

by Nagata Kabi<br />

A manga tell-all of a young woman’s struggle<br />

with depression and sexuality. It’s so, so good–<br />

you will consume at a rapid pace!<br />

Lesbian Couples: A Guide to Creating Healthy<br />

Relationships by D. Merilee Clunis, Ph.D.<br />

and G. D. Green, Ph.D.<br />

Because my girlfriend and I are very gay, we read this book<br />

together. It’s a classic, and while some of the advice is a<br />

little dated it’s probably the only book on love and sex<br />

I’ve ever come across which actually speaks to the unique<br />

circumstances of wlw relationships. It might have been<br />

written in 1988 (though was updated in the early 2000s),<br />

but some things never change!<br />

On Loving Women by Diane Obomsawin<br />

A short graphic novel I picked up by chance from a lesbian<br />

book sale. A collection of stories about first love and sexual<br />

identity. Completely charming.<br />

SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS<br />

@queersextherapy: An account that helps you navigate<br />

and explore your sexuality in an nonjudgmental, safe place<br />

by providing language and education we need in order to<br />

understand our queerness.<br />

@autostraddle: Their instagram account is a great place<br />

to stay informed when new articles drop. However, just<br />

head over to their website (autostraddle.com)—they have<br />

an entire section on Love + Sex and its got everything from<br />

sex advice to erotica to personal essays on identity and<br />

queer culture, etc.<br />

PODCASTS<br />

@alokvmenon: It feels like everything this trans author<br />

& activist shares with their followers are beautiful love<br />

poems to, about, and for us. ALOK has some profound<br />

and inspirational things to say about gender—and they live<br />

them out for us to see.<br />

@nashvillegsa: The Nashville Gender &<br />

Sexuality Alliance is a great local LGBTQ+<br />

community organization. They're also<br />

active with their meetups—all identities and<br />

intersections welcome. Substance free. Go<br />

meet some like-minded queer folk!<br />

When I’m going through it, what really helps me is hearing about other people’s relationship problems<br />

that I can relate to. These two podcasts do just that. Even if you’re single with no problems or in a healthy<br />

relationship, there are so many things to learn from both of these pods. We can all stand to question how<br />

society and heteronormativity have influenced our understandings of sex and love.<br />

Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel<br />

Where Should We Begin is a bit more serious and more<br />

of a deep dive. Esther is a licensed psychotherapist and<br />

the podcast episodes are one-time counseling sessions<br />

with different couples, covering a wide array of issues and<br />

topics. It feels like you’re a fly on the wall during someone<br />

else’s most intimate or vulnerable moments.<br />

Just Break Up<br />

Just Break Up is hosted by two queer millennials<br />

who answer letters sent in from listeners about<br />

their predicaments in love and heartbreak. Great<br />

advice, with some levity.<br />

20 Sex+Love | focuslgbt.com


PUBLISHER’S PICKS<br />

Our publisher, Ray Rico, is passionate about HIV prevention and care. The resources he wanted to share reflect this<br />

work. Here are some informative and helpful websites to help you learn more about PrEP, a safe and effective daily pill<br />

that can greatly reduce your risk of HIV infection.<br />

LEARN MORE ABOUT PREP<br />

LOCAL NASHVILLE RESOURCES:<br />

Music City PrEP Clinic<br />

No cost PrEP prescription. Free HIV + STI testing.<br />

musiccityprep.org<br />

Nashville Cares<br />

Offers PrEP and PrEP 2-1-1 on the spot with no waiting.<br />

nashvillecares.org<br />

Planned Parenthood<br />

Nonprofit organization that provides reproductive<br />

health care.<br />

plannedparenthood.org<br />

PrEP Clinic at the Sexual Health Center<br />

Patient assistance program for medication costs. $10<br />

appointment fee.<br />

nashville.gov/departments/health/clinical-health-services/<br />

sexual-health-center/prep-clinic<br />

PrEP Clinic at Vanderbilt<br />

Offers approachable, accessible and personalized HIV<br />

prevention and comprehensive sexual healthcare.<br />

vanderbilthealth.com/clinic/pre-exposure-prophylaxisclinic-prep<br />

NATIONAL RESOURCES:<br />

AIDS.gov<br />

PrEP information page<br />

aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/prevention/reduce-your-risk/<br />

pre-exposure-prophylaxis<br />

AIDSinfoNet<br />

Reliable, Up-To-Date Treatment Information<br />

aidsinfonet.org/fact_sheets/view/160<br />

AVAC<br />

Global Advocacy for HIV Prevention<br />

avac.org/ht/d/sp/i/262/pid/262<br />

Avert<br />

AVERTing HIV and AIDS<br />

avert.org/pre-exposure-prophylaxis.htm<br />

CDC<br />

Questions and Answers from the U.S Centers for<br />

Disease Control and Prevention.<br />

cdc.gov/hiv/prevention/research/prep<br />

PrEP4Love<br />

The PrEP4Love campaign is brought to you with love by<br />

members of the Chicago PrEP Working Group.<br />

prep4love.com<br />

PrEP Facts<br />

San Francisco AIDS Foundation PrEP information in visual<br />

format for MSM and heterosexual individuals, with an<br />

option for Spanish.<br />

prepfacts.org<br />

PrEP Locator<br />

An interactive website that helps people locate<br />

PrEP providers.<br />

preplocator.org<br />

PrEP Watch<br />

Interactive webpage with information and resources<br />

on gaining access to PrEP.<br />

prepwatch.org<br />

PrEParing for HIV<br />

An Epidemic Interventions Initiative by the University<br />

of California.<br />

Project Inform - Videos, publications and resources<br />

projectinform.com/prep<br />

SFHIV<br />

City and County of San Francisco Department of<br />

Public Health’s PrEP information page.<br />

sfhiv.org/resources/prep<br />

Talk PrEP<br />

AIDS Action Committee’s new PrEP campaign<br />

encouraging everyone to Do It Daily.<br />

talkprep.org<br />

focuslgbt.com | Sex+Love 21


Be<br />

PrEPared.<br />

Learn more about<br />

HIV prevention at<br />

Planned Parenthood.<br />

at<br />

McKay's<br />

866.711.1717<br />

PlannedParenthood.org/<strong>Tenn</strong>essee<br />

636 Old Hickory Blvd.<br />

Nashville, TN<br />

HOROSCOPES<br />

Astrology Readings by Minnassa<br />

CANCER<br />

Element: Water<br />

Quality: Cardinal<br />

Ruling Planet: The Moon<br />

Traits: Intuitive,<br />

nurturing, sensitive,<br />

protective, and loyal<br />

New Moon in Cancer:<br />

June 28<br />

JUNE 21 - JULY 22<br />

Still in the afterglow of Pride, we now<br />

step into the deep flow of the water<br />

sign Cancer. All astrological signs<br />

are invited to move into the deep<br />

intuitive and sensitive energy of this<br />

nurturing and loving water sign. As<br />

we focus on sex and dating in this<br />

issue, the moon which rules Cancer<br />

bids us all to get in touch with our<br />

Divine Feminine (creative, nurturing,<br />

and powerful). Whether it’s a romp<br />

in the sheets or a meet & greet,<br />

move and groove from a place of<br />

self-nurturance and deep connection<br />

to your inner knowing. The month<br />

ends with Jupiter retrograde in Aries:<br />

this is the time to focus on where you<br />

want to grow, and expand your life.<br />

JULY 23 - AUGUST 22<br />

LEO<br />

Sign of the Month: Leo<br />

Element: Fire<br />

Quality: Fixed<br />

Ruling Planet: The Sun<br />

Traits: Big hearted,<br />

compassionate,<br />

courageous, humorous,<br />

and a natural leader<br />

New Moon in Leo: <strong>Jul</strong>y 28<br />

Fire! Fire! Fire! All Hail the King<br />

of Jungle – Leo is in the house!!<br />

Leo is ruled by the Sun and this<br />

month is the time, honey, to let<br />

your light shine!! One thing that<br />

many people don’t know is that<br />

Leo rules the heart chakra; we<br />

are invited to open our heart<br />

to the warmth of the sun that is<br />

represented by our friends, family,<br />

and community. This heart chakra<br />

energy will be amplified when<br />

Venus enters Leo on <strong>Aug</strong>ust 11th.<br />

This transit has the potential to<br />

increase the affection in existing<br />

relationships over the coming<br />

weeks. Additionally, the joy you<br />

feel spending time with loved<br />

ones will also be enhanced.<br />

Minnassa Tarot Professional and Reiki Healer • minnassa.com • Text: 901.257.9816 • @minnassa


CROSSWORD<br />

HOW NOT TO BE SINGLE<br />

ACROSS<br />

1 Gay-friendly student org.<br />

5 Crystal balls, e.g.<br />

9 Be a ham in "Hamlet"?<br />

14 Novel idea<br />

15 Come quickly<br />

16 Nathan and family<br />

17 Facetious "I see"<br />

18 Nat. counterpart in MLB<br />

19 Spit out<br />

20 “I thought I was searching<br />

for a ____...”<br />

23 Susan in “All My Children”<br />

24 Where to get a collar for a<br />

bitch<br />

28 Workplace for Michelangelo<br />

32 Penetrating<br />

33 Loaded for bear<br />

35 Top's betting phrase?<br />

36 “...but maybe what I really<br />

needed was a ____”<br />

41 Sign over<br />

42 He comes once a year<br />

43 Ashcan targets<br />

46 Cars from the land of the<br />

samurai<br />

50 Product introduction<br />

52 Poles for your first mate?<br />

54 Alicia of “Falcon Crest”<br />

55 Source of this puzzle's quote<br />

who just came out<br />

59 Clubs for Cubs<br />

61 Shore of Palm Springs<br />

62 Movie theater<br />

63 Used a forked tongue<br />

64 “Family Ties” mother<br />

65 Friendly opening<br />

66 Slips up<br />

67 Log Cabin list, e.g.<br />

68 Type of personal lubricant<br />

DOWN<br />

1 Card game with tricks<br />

2 “Java” trumpeter<br />

3 Casablanca dirt<br />

4 When nymphomaniacs<br />

need sex<br />

5 Singer Anita<br />

6 Drivers get off on it<br />

7 Title used by Uncle Remus<br />

8 “Take it off!”<br />

9 Succeeds a la Log Cabin<br />

10 Like a queen<br />

11 “A Chorus Line” song<br />

12 Dick, for short<br />

13 Hrs. in P-town<br />

21 Try a Rick Rodgers<br />

cookbook, e.g.<br />

22 Three R's org.<br />

25 TV newsman Brit<br />

26 Miss in a Cole Porter song<br />

27 Whitman and Dickinson<br />

29 It may come before long<br />

30 Catch them in South Beach<br />

31 Patron of Ire.<br />

34 Cube designer Rubik<br />

36 Like Cary Grant<br />

37 One who worships someone<br />

other than the Divine Miss M?<br />

38 Elite Navy diver<br />

39 Sexual tail<br />

40 Watts in King Kong's hand<br />

41 Not terminal<br />

44 Hard top<br />

45 Napped leather materials<br />

47 Powder for bottoms<br />

48 Town in da Vinci's land<br />

49 Balls<br />

51 Govt. promissory note<br />

53 Hagar's dog<br />

56 “Lord of the Rings” singer<br />

57 Avoid premature ejaculation<br />

58 Golden showers cry?<br />

60 Radical org. of the ’60s<br />

FIND THE SOLUTION<br />

ON PAGE 19<br />

focuslgbt.com | Love+Politics 23

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