2022 Issue 4 Jul/Aug Focus - Mid-Tenn magazine
Love and Politics
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Serving the <strong>Mid</strong>dle <strong>Tenn</strong>essee LGBT+ Community and its Allies | JUL+AUG <strong>2022</strong><br />
Love<br />
+Politics<br />
FREE<br />
QUEER ACTIVIST<br />
ODESSA<br />
KELLY<br />
RUNNING FOR<br />
CONGRESS<br />
WEDDING<br />
PLANNING<br />
PERSONAL JOURNEY<br />
SEX + DATING<br />
RESOURCES
This project was made possible in part by the Institute of Museum and Library<br />
MEMPHIS MUSEUM<br />
OF SCIENCE & HISTORY<br />
OPENING JUNE 4TH<br />
FROM THE NEWSEUM/FREEDOM FORUM<br />
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P R E S E N T I N G S P O N S O R S<br />
Services. The views, findings, conclusions or recommendations expressed in<br />
this exhibition do not necessarily represent those of the Institute of Museum<br />
and Library Services.<br />
WWW.MOSHMEMPHIS.COM<br />
3050 CENTRAL • MEMPHIS, TN • 38111 • 901.636.2362<br />
Diana Davies/ Manuscripts And Archives Division, New York Public Library
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CHOICES | focuslgbt.com
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Robin Beaudoin Ownby<br />
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focuslgbt.com | Love+Politics 5
22<br />
CONTENTS | JUL+AUG <strong>2022</strong><br />
12 7 THEME<br />
Love+Politics<br />
8<br />
ASK<br />
ALLIE<br />
New to gay dating<br />
10 COMMUNITY<br />
Mothie sends you infinite love<br />
11 LIFE<br />
Summer crush? We’ve got some green<br />
flags to look for!<br />
12<br />
LGBT ADVOCATE<br />
Meet the activist running to be the first gay<br />
Black woman in Congress<br />
16 LIFE<br />
Planning your queer wedding? Learn from<br />
this writer’s recent experience!<br />
20 HEALTH+WELLNESS<br />
Hand-picked resources and media<br />
recommendations on sex & love<br />
22 HOROSCOPES<br />
What do the stars have in store for us<br />
this <strong>Jul</strong>y and <strong>Aug</strong>ust?<br />
20<br />
16<br />
ON THE COVER<br />
Odessa Kelly<br />
photo by Jack Tumen<br />
6 Love+Politics | focuslgbt.com
theme<br />
“Not having found love<br />
and finding love are wholly<br />
incommensurable conditions,<br />
yet you can cross from one to<br />
the other in a single day.”<br />
- Kathryn Schulz, Lost & Found: A Memoir<br />
"Red Speedo. High Heart Rate"<br />
Acrylic on canvas, 11.5" x 14"<br />
by Moth Moth Moth<br />
focuslgbt.com | Sex+Love 7
life<br />
Dear<br />
Allie...<br />
I'm new to gay dating!<br />
by Star McGill Goudey<br />
Dear Allie,<br />
I recently ended a 6 year relationship. Things were<br />
never quite right and I couldn’t take the next step.<br />
Through the pandemic I spent months isolated and<br />
during that time I found a good therapist to work<br />
on myself with. The short story is that I realized and<br />
embraced that I am gay. I broke up with my girlfriend<br />
and we are working on staying friends. I don’t know<br />
how to date gay men! So much of what I know is<br />
based on straight relationships and that doesn't<br />
seem to apply here. Or does it? I know how to use<br />
dating apps and the local gay bar offers chances to<br />
meet new people but I’m feeling so stressed! I have<br />
recently developed a core group of really great gay<br />
friends and we have all done a lot of talking about<br />
dating. I want to gather more perspectives. Do you<br />
have any tips about dating?<br />
Yours,<br />
Gay Dating Newb<br />
Prostock-studio /Shutterstock.com<br />
8 Love+Politics | focuslgbt.com
Dear GDN,<br />
Thank you for reaching out! I am so happy for you! You<br />
are out learning about and becoming your truest self!<br />
Dating is always challenging, and so is learning something<br />
new at first. I applaud you too, for seeking out more<br />
information. It's a trait that will be appreciated by the right<br />
partner as well! See? You are already off to a great start!<br />
Please don’t feel alone in recognizing how stressful dating<br />
was becoming for you. Dating can become all consuming<br />
and overwhelming. It requires much of our time, emotion,<br />
and thought. I have some tips I think may help.<br />
First, it helps to think about how queer people usually<br />
date from a much smaller pool than the straight people<br />
around us. So we can often end up dating friends, and<br />
friends of friends, exes of friends, and staying friends with<br />
those we have dated. This is why it is important to always<br />
conduct yourself with honesty and empathy and have<br />
a good knowledge of yourself, are healing any traumas,<br />
and know how to put solid healthy boundaries in place.<br />
Because it takes those traits to function in a healthy way in<br />
a community. From your letter, it sounds like you are well<br />
into the self-knowledge journey.<br />
Another one of the challenges of LGBTQ+ dating,<br />
especially if you are a late-in-lifer, is that growing up most<br />
of us were surrounded by our straight peers and family<br />
members who modeled dating and relationship behaviors.<br />
Although those may not have been healthy relationships,<br />
they were at least visible to us in ways queer relationships<br />
were not. Most likely there were very clear cut gender roles<br />
which actually aren’t required in relationships. We need to<br />
pay attention to the messages that we have internalized<br />
and see if they serve who we are now.<br />
Many of us have had straight relationships that haven't<br />
been quite right, although we couldn't yet identify why. It<br />
can make for a rather unbalanced and possibly unhealthy<br />
view of what partnering is. I feel it’s very important to<br />
not try to fit your relationship into a heteronormative<br />
model, as you have experienced. Your relationships can<br />
be and look like whatever works for you. Maybe it is poly<br />
or monogamous, or goes through seasons of both. Maybe<br />
it is a casual relationship, or maybe it is serious. As long<br />
as all parties are enthusiastically on board then it can be<br />
anything that works best to meet all needs.<br />
Openness and vulnerability can be a challenge. Often,<br />
if we were raised in the closet or with shaming and<br />
expectations about our sexuality it can cause us to be<br />
uncomfortable with intimacy. This may not be true for you,<br />
but it may be true for someone you are dating. If so, it’s<br />
going to require compassion and understanding from you,<br />
so that you are able to be supportive.<br />
Dating apps are a great tool! I suggest verifying that the<br />
apps you are using focus on the kind of interaction you<br />
are looking for. Some are known to be more of a one night<br />
stand arrangement maker and if you are looking for a long<br />
term relationship that may not be the best place to look.<br />
Also, be honest in your profile! Many try to doctor their<br />
profile to make it seem more appealing. It can turn out to<br />
be a waste of time as you may match with someone who<br />
doesn’t truly share any connection points with you.<br />
You can try meeting prospective partners over a video<br />
chat first. This eliminates the awkward first time meeting<br />
up for drinks that might lead to dinner, might last all night…<br />
or might feel totally wrong and have you looking for a<br />
polite exit from the get-go. If you are both more relaxed<br />
and in a low-pressure video chat, the two of you can make<br />
more plans to meet in person, or to sign off early without<br />
wasting anyone's money or emotions.<br />
If you meet over a video chat and it goes well, make<br />
plans to meet for some kind of beverage. Pick somewhere<br />
that isn’t so busy and loud that you can’t hear each other<br />
clearly, but also not so small and quiet that the intimacy<br />
feels awkward with someone new. Hopefully, you two<br />
managed to talk about some things in video chat you can<br />
continue in person. If all else fails, discuss the drink menu<br />
and location!<br />
Above all, try to enjoy the process! Don’t see it as an end<br />
game goal of a serious relationship or marriage. Enjoy the<br />
new discoveries you will make about your likes and dislikes<br />
along the way. I hope I have given you some ways to relax,<br />
just a little. Good luck out there! Somehow I just know you<br />
will be awesome and find the relationship of your dreams!<br />
Your friend,<br />
Allie<br />
To submit your own question, email Allie at<br />
allie@focuslgbt.com. <strong>Focus</strong> <strong>Mid</strong>-South reserves the right to edit letters for length and clarity.<br />
focuslgbt.com | Sex+Love 9
community lgbt advocate<br />
MOTHIE’S NOTE:<br />
Love Brought<br />
You Here<br />
by Moth Moth Moth<br />
You are the result of love.<br />
Incredible, chaotic, marvelous, intrepid love. The love of a billion years.<br />
This month <strong>Focus</strong> encourages you to focus on love. Also sex. And relationships!<br />
Whether you’re an asexual guitar player into solo tantric masturbation or a<br />
gorgeous thruple with fluid gender expressions–we see all of you!<br />
Keep in mind that safe sex is fun sex so always make sure the sling is bolted<br />
SECURELY INTO THE SUSPENSION POINT!<br />
And remember that if you and your partner(s) communicate your needs and<br />
boundaries clearly and honestly then there is a great chance you will walk away<br />
happy, fulfilled, and supported —and with a limp, given any luck.<br />
Sometimes love is about growing the relationship you have with yourself. We<br />
start at the skin but we go so much deeper. People are infinite on the inside. You<br />
should meet some of the power bottoms I know.<br />
But maybe your parents didn’t give a damn about you. Maybe you are more of<br />
a lone wolf. Maybe you are just crabby and need to eat. And if so, we want you to<br />
still know that you are a product of deep and ancient powerful love.<br />
There was a time when asteroids pelted the moon and earth for millennia. The<br />
moon spilled material onto the earth. All of the planets have shared material. The<br />
chemicals and circumstances of your body are remarkable. So, love it as such.<br />
Make time in your life of hustling to love your people, and to love yourself. As<br />
much as you can.<br />
10 Sex+Love | focuslgbt.com
life<br />
Summer Lovin’<br />
Green Flags for Summer Romance<br />
by Robin Beaudoin Ownby<br />
Thinking about sticking with someone new through the swim & patio season? Licensed counselors agree on certain<br />
“green flags” to look for when considering a potential romantic partner.<br />
1. They are not afraid to ask what you like, even<br />
checking in during sex for cues. If you’re giving<br />
clear “more” or “less” signals, they are responsive<br />
to those messages.<br />
2. You seem interested in each other’s fantasies and<br />
don’t judge if they’re different from yours. An openminded<br />
lover can make you feel safe and validated.<br />
3. You are both on the same page regarding<br />
commitment and exclusivity. Discuss your<br />
expectations of this romance, what your long-term<br />
goals are for the future, and re-evaluate every month<br />
or two so that you’re in the same head space.<br />
4. Safety is a priority! You know your statuses<br />
and aren’t afraid to regularly retest. You’ve<br />
talked about PreP and/or birth control, and take<br />
medications as directed.<br />
5. You are respectful of each other’s physical and<br />
emotional limitations. Physical and mental traumas<br />
or differences might make certain positions, places,<br />
or even conversations difficult. Be consistent in your<br />
behavior to support one another in these moments.<br />
Ask questions, and give space when asked.<br />
6. Hygiene! You wouldn’t eat with dirty utensils, right?<br />
Keep yourselves and your bedrooms clean and<br />
decluttered to prevent icky, smelly, or awkward<br />
moments.<br />
7. Adventuresome partners have the most fun. You<br />
both/all enjoy trying new things, foods, toys, and<br />
traveling. All of these keep things interesting.<br />
8. They don’t talk smack about their exes. Be assured,<br />
if they talk bad about their ex, one day they’ll speak<br />
poorly of you. Keep things polite, and leave the past<br />
in the past.<br />
9. They’re a good listener. A good listener will fully<br />
listen without forming their own arguments as you<br />
speak. They will validate your experiences and use<br />
your chosen name and correct pronouns without fail.<br />
Listening shows your esteem for your partner.<br />
10. They participate equally. A relationship is not<br />
50/50–it requires 100% from all involved parties.<br />
This includes coming up with ideas and reservations<br />
for dates (see our article on Summer Avenue for<br />
great date suggestions) as well as doing the dishes,<br />
taking turns driving, and doing the deed.<br />
Based on advice from Jeff Guenther, LPC<br />
focuslgbt.com | Love+Politics 11
lgbt advocate<br />
photo by Sam Angel<br />
ACTIVIST<br />
ODESSA KELLY<br />
Running to be the First Openly<br />
Gay Black Woman in Congress<br />
by GK Gurley<br />
12 Love+Politics | focuslgbt.com
The Supreme Court<br />
decision in June highlighted<br />
a harsh reality: there<br />
are major discrepancies<br />
between federal and<br />
state governments, and<br />
the checks and balances<br />
that we were taught<br />
about in school do not<br />
seem to apply to wealthy,<br />
conservative agendas. So<br />
many of us are burnt out<br />
by politics and devastated<br />
over the Supreme Court’s<br />
decision to overturn Roe<br />
v. Wade. And seeing how<br />
harshly conservative<br />
agendas have attacked<br />
trans and queer youth over<br />
the past year, it is within<br />
the realm of possibility that<br />
marriage equality could be<br />
in danger, too.<br />
Despite the chaos and<br />
uncertainty, Americans<br />
need to remember that<br />
the biggest impact the<br />
government plays in their<br />
daily lives is on the local<br />
level. Nashville is in a<br />
development boom, and<br />
not necessarily for the<br />
better. We used to be a<br />
working class city, but<br />
most native Nashvillians<br />
have been priced<br />
out after seeing their<br />
neighborhoods gentrified<br />
beyond recognition.<br />
A key tenant of American<br />
politics is “by the people,<br />
for the people.” But for<br />
queer people, trans people,<br />
people of color, and women,<br />
how often has that been<br />
true? We need government<br />
officials who have been<br />
working hard to better our<br />
community to be the ones<br />
elected to make decisions.<br />
Representation matters.<br />
Having lived in Nashville<br />
her entire life, Odessa Kelly<br />
is one such candidate. She<br />
is an activist running to be<br />
the first openly gay black<br />
woman in Congress, for<br />
<strong>Tenn</strong>essee’s 7th District.<br />
"I'm from East Nashville,<br />
born and raised,” Kelly said.<br />
“Before it was gentrified to<br />
the unrecognizable point<br />
it is now. Growing up, I<br />
couldn't wait to get out<br />
and pursue basketball. But I<br />
stayed in Nashville because<br />
I loved my community... I<br />
came out young and felt so<br />
much acceptance."<br />
Spending her<br />
undergraduate time at<br />
<strong>Tenn</strong>essee State University<br />
was an eye-opening<br />
experience on identity, she<br />
explained. “I came out very<br />
young, but college was a<br />
time that I really thought<br />
about my religion and my<br />
sexual identity. That led me<br />
to re-examine basketball,<br />
too—do I want to be an<br />
athlete, or do I want to<br />
pursue something in my<br />
community?”<br />
After graduating with<br />
a degree in Business<br />
Administration, she worked<br />
in community centers with<br />
Metro Parks and Recreation.<br />
She saw that the school<br />
to prison pipeline proved<br />
true for many youth in<br />
her community, and<br />
over the years saw a lot<br />
of problematic changes<br />
happening in Nashville.<br />
“There was such a big<br />
urban core downtown<br />
of working class people<br />
who feel safer downtown.<br />
But now, it has all been<br />
completely gentrified.”<br />
Despite loving her job<br />
and her community, she<br />
began to additionally pursue<br />
a graduate degree from<br />
Cumberland University,<br />
for two major reasons she<br />
told me. “I started to really<br />
look at my job: here I am, a<br />
person with a city job, living<br />
paycheck to paycheck… after<br />
Trayvon Martin’s death and<br />
losing kids to gun violence in<br />
my own community center,<br />
I wanted to be a part of<br />
changing things.”<br />
This attitude carries over<br />
to her campaign.<br />
“I am running for this seat<br />
to break down the hurdles<br />
that I had to get here. We—<br />
local Nashvillians, people of<br />
color, queer people—need<br />
to be in our own seats of<br />
power.”<br />
Upon first announcing<br />
her candidacy she was<br />
running for <strong>Tenn</strong>essee’s 5th<br />
District, but she decided to<br />
shift gears.<br />
“The 7th District<br />
Representative right now<br />
is Mark Greene,” said<br />
Kelly. “I am running to<br />
unseat him. He is a wealthy<br />
conservative, worth $33<br />
million, who said that being<br />
transgender is a ‘disease’.”<br />
She is running a<br />
grassroots campaign and<br />
does not take a dime of<br />
corporate money in order<br />
to keep her community<br />
members from being<br />
exploited.<br />
Having been a city<br />
employee for thirteen years,<br />
she has been through her<br />
fair share of exploitation<br />
herself. She took action to<br />
prevent further harm to<br />
workers in her community<br />
by co-founding the<br />
organization Stand Up<br />
Nashville (SUN).<br />
focuslgbt.com | Love+Politics 13
A spectacular and pivotal<br />
point of SUN is, “we are<br />
tired of the city prioritizing<br />
business over people<br />
for the sake of a dollar.”<br />
Among all of their projects,<br />
that running theme shines<br />
through: the people of our<br />
community matter more<br />
than a corporation’s bottom<br />
line. To this effect, one such<br />
victory Kelly claimed with<br />
SUN was a community<br />
agreement with the Nashville<br />
Soccer Holdings (NSH).<br />
Metro Nashville is the<br />
third largest employer in<br />
Nashville, and in 2017 amidst<br />
all of the development, the<br />
city refused to adjust the<br />
cost of living for employees.<br />
Instead, they and the<br />
Nashville Soccer Holdings<br />
threw $275 million toward a<br />
soccer stadium.<br />
SUN stepped in<br />
to advocate for the<br />
stadium workers and the<br />
community living in the area<br />
surrounding the stadium<br />
and won a major victory<br />
with their Community<br />
Benefits Agreement.<br />
Many stadiums hire on<br />
temp workers, which is<br />
unreliable and unsteady<br />
work, often low-paying,<br />
and in a right-to-work<br />
state like <strong>Tenn</strong>essee, unfair<br />
to queer workers. SUN<br />
advocated that the stadium<br />
hire workers directly with<br />
a minimum pay of $15.50/<br />
hr., that a childcare center<br />
on a sliding scale would be<br />
provided, that there would<br />
be significant inclusion<br />
among minority contractors,<br />
and so much more. To<br />
read about this CBA, visit<br />
standupnashville.org.<br />
From her work with<br />
SUN to her congressional<br />
campaign, Kelly maintains<br />
a positive and hopeful<br />
attitude about America’s<br />
political future. “I just<br />
observe my kids,” she<br />
said. “I can see the change<br />
first-hand in the generation<br />
coming up.”<br />
Even with a hope for the<br />
future, she explained that<br />
political burnout is real. “But<br />
so is the threat. I see it as<br />
a divine burden. We have<br />
to stand up for community<br />
issues, regardless. We need<br />
public policy that heals, not<br />
punishes. That should be<br />
the role of our government.”<br />
Both SUN and her<br />
campaign are local, for<br />
community donations and<br />
volunteers. To find out<br />
how to get involved, visit<br />
standupnashville.org and<br />
odessaforcongress.com.<br />
Her voting base is<br />
expansive, and her<br />
campaign needs people to<br />
canvas with them. Beyond<br />
that, make sure you and<br />
everyone you know is<br />
registered to vote and<br />
ready to hit the polls on<br />
November 8th.<br />
photo by Jack Tumen<br />
14 Love+Politics | focuslgbt.com
Equity has been our focus<br />
from the tornado recovery to the COVID-19<br />
response, access to assistance and support<br />
does not look the same for all businesses and<br />
communities. We are dedicated to an inclusive<br />
and equitable Nashville, where the<br />
marginalized have an advocate and support.<br />
Our membership is open to all and we are<br />
here for you. Join us today.<br />
We represent over 500+ Corporations, Entrepreneurs, &<br />
Small Businesses who want to keep Nashville OPEN & EQUAL.<br />
advocate. educate. connect.<br />
focuslgbt.com | Love+Politics 15
life<br />
Throwing the<br />
Perfect<br />
Queer Wedding<br />
for You<br />
by GK Gurley<br />
16 Love+Politics | focuslgbt.com
If COVID-19 completely<br />
derailing and changing<br />
our lives in 2020 taught<br />
us anything, it is that who<br />
we choose to spend our<br />
time with is sacred. COVID<br />
has changed the dating<br />
scene so much, and the<br />
pandemic seemed to give<br />
a lot of people permission<br />
to shed a toxic partner.<br />
And, on the flip side, it<br />
pushed loving couples<br />
even closer together.<br />
My partner and I were<br />
one such couple. We lived<br />
together pre-pandemic,<br />
but reevaluating our lives,<br />
work, and the way we<br />
spend our time connected<br />
us even further and<br />
allowed us to plan for the<br />
future. We got engaged<br />
at the end of 2021, and<br />
planning a queer wedding<br />
has been… enlightening.<br />
My partner and I are both<br />
trans, and the wedding<br />
industrial complex has<br />
always been such a turnoff<br />
to us. With marriage equality<br />
still so new, we never<br />
thought a wedding would be<br />
in the cards for us, let alone<br />
had any idea what we would<br />
even want it to look like. I<br />
have intentionally avoided<br />
weddings for so long, so<br />
now that I am attempting to<br />
plan one, it has taken quite<br />
some time for me to even<br />
know where to start.<br />
Even in this internet age,<br />
queer wedding resources<br />
are extremely limited,<br />
especially in Nashville. No<br />
doubt you will find a host<br />
of queer musicians and<br />
photographers to curate<br />
your wedding, but beyond<br />
that, it is challenging to<br />
find vendors or venues that<br />
you know will be queeraccepting<br />
without having<br />
heard first-hand testimonials<br />
or experiences from friends.<br />
Lots of queer couples<br />
have posted wedding blogs<br />
to offer suggestions for<br />
queer people specifically,<br />
but the average price points<br />
are very high. There are a<br />
plethora of quality venue<br />
ideas if you have a large<br />
budget, but for those of<br />
us looking to be as costeffective<br />
as possible, I<br />
wanted to highlight a few<br />
suggestions.<br />
Take note that I have yet<br />
to include food or baked<br />
goods in this discussion.<br />
Unless you do an internet<br />
deep dive on one particular<br />
vendor, it is challenging to<br />
find specific accounts that<br />
are queer and trans-friendly.<br />
This will probably be the<br />
biggest gamble in your<br />
wedding planning journey,<br />
so if that is not a risk you<br />
are not looking to take,<br />
finding a reception venue<br />
that is bundled with food<br />
prepared on-site would be<br />
your best bet.<br />
Some such amazing and<br />
surprisingly affordable<br />
venues that have hosted<br />
queer weddings are<br />
Cheekwood Gardens and<br />
Arrington Vineyards. The<br />
price points at Cheekwood<br />
vary per garden and with<br />
the size of your guest list,<br />
but if you are looking for<br />
a gorgeous ceremony and<br />
reception in one place, or<br />
simply to do a ceremony, I<br />
highly recommend pursuing<br />
that venue. Arrington is<br />
also scenic, especially if<br />
<strong>Tenn</strong>essee rolling hills,<br />
greenery, and country chic<br />
is your style. Again, you<br />
have different price points<br />
and options. I would also<br />
suggest them as a bachelor/<br />
ette/ex destination! You<br />
can tour their vineyards or<br />
just have a good time, and<br />
maybe catch some of their<br />
fantastic live music while<br />
you’re there.<br />
Finding an officiant<br />
in <strong>Tenn</strong>essee is a<br />
challenge, especially one<br />
understanding of trans<br />
and non-binary issues and<br />
relationships. Many couples<br />
have had to do a courthouse<br />
wedding before doing the<br />
ceremony they want so<br />
that they can get their legal<br />
paperwork while still having<br />
the ceremony that feels<br />
good to them. One would<br />
think that a pastor of an<br />
affirming church would be<br />
able to officiate, and while<br />
many are willing to do so,<br />
most denominations have<br />
rules against them being<br />
involved in weddings. The<br />
Human Rights Campaign<br />
can help you find someone<br />
if you reach out to the<br />
Nashville chapter.<br />
The wedding industrial<br />
complex impacts all of our<br />
weddings, whether we buy<br />
into it or not. I proposed to<br />
my partner at a state park,<br />
and the entire time I was<br />
questioning myself—is this<br />
a good enough story to<br />
tell, is this cute enough to<br />
post about, is this silly and<br />
pathetic? Thankfully those<br />
questions were fleeting.<br />
I reminded myself that<br />
protected wildernesses<br />
are our favorite places to<br />
explore, and the future<br />
of our relationship is just<br />
about us. A wedding is<br />
just a dang party after<br />
all, but being entrenched<br />
in the religious, capitalist<br />
wedding narrative that<br />
permeates so much of the<br />
South is still something I<br />
have to deconstruct for<br />
myself.<br />
Regardless of your budget<br />
or guest list, your wedding<br />
will be as beautiful as you<br />
and your partner feel. My<br />
fiancé and I are still holding<br />
out for an officiant in Moira<br />
Rose drag, but beyond<br />
that, Nashville does have<br />
great options. The more<br />
people in our community<br />
share experiences with<br />
each other, the more queer<br />
businesses we know to<br />
support and hire, so please,<br />
share your stories with<br />
your community. Even an<br />
Instagram hashtag can help<br />
another couple.<br />
Shutterstock.com<br />
focuslgbt.com | Love+Politics 17
18 Love+Politics | focuslgbt.com
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health+wellness<br />
SEX + LOVE RESOURCES<br />
EDITOR’S PICKS<br />
BOOKS<br />
As a lesbian, these are a few books which are very valuable and special to me. In particular, I cannot recommend Emily<br />
Nagoski’s book enough. It is wonderful, even life-changing. I’ve included some titles in the “self-help” genre, but also two<br />
graphic novels that speak to some of the same experiences. Get to reading! - Chellie Bowman<br />
Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.<br />
In this book, Nagoski teaches us everything<br />
we need to know about desire and our body’s<br />
sexual response. Although the book is catered<br />
toward cis women, the revised and updated<br />
version (2021) does make some strides to<br />
include and represent trans and non-binary<br />
folks as well. I honestly think anyone interested in human<br />
sexuality can and will learn so much from this multi-layered<br />
exploration into the intricacies of sexual experience.<br />
My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness<br />
by Nagata Kabi<br />
A manga tell-all of a young woman’s struggle<br />
with depression and sexuality. It’s so, so good–<br />
you will consume at a rapid pace!<br />
Lesbian Couples: A Guide to Creating Healthy<br />
Relationships by D. Merilee Clunis, Ph.D.<br />
and G. D. Green, Ph.D.<br />
Because my girlfriend and I are very gay, we read this book<br />
together. It’s a classic, and while some of the advice is a<br />
little dated it’s probably the only book on love and sex<br />
I’ve ever come across which actually speaks to the unique<br />
circumstances of wlw relationships. It might have been<br />
written in 1988 (though was updated in the early 2000s),<br />
but some things never change!<br />
On Loving Women by Diane Obomsawin<br />
A short graphic novel I picked up by chance from a lesbian<br />
book sale. A collection of stories about first love and sexual<br />
identity. Completely charming.<br />
SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS<br />
@queersextherapy: An account that helps you navigate<br />
and explore your sexuality in an nonjudgmental, safe place<br />
by providing language and education we need in order to<br />
understand our queerness.<br />
@autostraddle: Their instagram account is a great place<br />
to stay informed when new articles drop. However, just<br />
head over to their website (autostraddle.com)—they have<br />
an entire section on Love + Sex and its got everything from<br />
sex advice to erotica to personal essays on identity and<br />
queer culture, etc.<br />
PODCASTS<br />
@alokvmenon: It feels like everything this trans author<br />
& activist shares with their followers are beautiful love<br />
poems to, about, and for us. ALOK has some profound<br />
and inspirational things to say about gender—and they live<br />
them out for us to see.<br />
@nashvillegsa: The Nashville Gender &<br />
Sexuality Alliance is a great local LGBTQ+<br />
community organization. They're also<br />
active with their meetups—all identities and<br />
intersections welcome. Substance free. Go<br />
meet some like-minded queer folk!<br />
When I’m going through it, what really helps me is hearing about other people’s relationship problems<br />
that I can relate to. These two podcasts do just that. Even if you’re single with no problems or in a healthy<br />
relationship, there are so many things to learn from both of these pods. We can all stand to question how<br />
society and heteronormativity have influenced our understandings of sex and love.<br />
Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel<br />
Where Should We Begin is a bit more serious and more<br />
of a deep dive. Esther is a licensed psychotherapist and<br />
the podcast episodes are one-time counseling sessions<br />
with different couples, covering a wide array of issues and<br />
topics. It feels like you’re a fly on the wall during someone<br />
else’s most intimate or vulnerable moments.<br />
Just Break Up<br />
Just Break Up is hosted by two queer millennials<br />
who answer letters sent in from listeners about<br />
their predicaments in love and heartbreak. Great<br />
advice, with some levity.<br />
20 Sex+Love | focuslgbt.com
PUBLISHER’S PICKS<br />
Our publisher, Ray Rico, is passionate about HIV prevention and care. The resources he wanted to share reflect this<br />
work. Here are some informative and helpful websites to help you learn more about PrEP, a safe and effective daily pill<br />
that can greatly reduce your risk of HIV infection.<br />
LEARN MORE ABOUT PREP<br />
LOCAL NASHVILLE RESOURCES:<br />
Music City PrEP Clinic<br />
No cost PrEP prescription. Free HIV + STI testing.<br />
musiccityprep.org<br />
Nashville Cares<br />
Offers PrEP and PrEP 2-1-1 on the spot with no waiting.<br />
nashvillecares.org<br />
Planned Parenthood<br />
Nonprofit organization that provides reproductive<br />
health care.<br />
plannedparenthood.org<br />
PrEP Clinic at the Sexual Health Center<br />
Patient assistance program for medication costs. $10<br />
appointment fee.<br />
nashville.gov/departments/health/clinical-health-services/<br />
sexual-health-center/prep-clinic<br />
PrEP Clinic at Vanderbilt<br />
Offers approachable, accessible and personalized HIV<br />
prevention and comprehensive sexual healthcare.<br />
vanderbilthealth.com/clinic/pre-exposure-prophylaxisclinic-prep<br />
NATIONAL RESOURCES:<br />
AIDS.gov<br />
PrEP information page<br />
aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/prevention/reduce-your-risk/<br />
pre-exposure-prophylaxis<br />
AIDSinfoNet<br />
Reliable, Up-To-Date Treatment Information<br />
aidsinfonet.org/fact_sheets/view/160<br />
AVAC<br />
Global Advocacy for HIV Prevention<br />
avac.org/ht/d/sp/i/262/pid/262<br />
Avert<br />
AVERTing HIV and AIDS<br />
avert.org/pre-exposure-prophylaxis.htm<br />
CDC<br />
Questions and Answers from the U.S Centers for<br />
Disease Control and Prevention.<br />
cdc.gov/hiv/prevention/research/prep<br />
PrEP4Love<br />
The PrEP4Love campaign is brought to you with love by<br />
members of the Chicago PrEP Working Group.<br />
prep4love.com<br />
PrEP Facts<br />
San Francisco AIDS Foundation PrEP information in visual<br />
format for MSM and heterosexual individuals, with an<br />
option for Spanish.<br />
prepfacts.org<br />
PrEP Locator<br />
An interactive website that helps people locate<br />
PrEP providers.<br />
preplocator.org<br />
PrEP Watch<br />
Interactive webpage with information and resources<br />
on gaining access to PrEP.<br />
prepwatch.org<br />
PrEParing for HIV<br />
An Epidemic Interventions Initiative by the University<br />
of California.<br />
Project Inform - Videos, publications and resources<br />
projectinform.com/prep<br />
SFHIV<br />
City and County of San Francisco Department of<br />
Public Health’s PrEP information page.<br />
sfhiv.org/resources/prep<br />
Talk PrEP<br />
AIDS Action Committee’s new PrEP campaign<br />
encouraging everyone to Do It Daily.<br />
talkprep.org<br />
focuslgbt.com | Sex+Love 21
Be<br />
PrEPared.<br />
Learn more about<br />
HIV prevention at<br />
Planned Parenthood.<br />
at<br />
McKay's<br />
866.711.1717<br />
PlannedParenthood.org/<strong>Tenn</strong>essee<br />
636 Old Hickory Blvd.<br />
Nashville, TN<br />
HOROSCOPES<br />
Astrology Readings by Minnassa<br />
CANCER<br />
Element: Water<br />
Quality: Cardinal<br />
Ruling Planet: The Moon<br />
Traits: Intuitive,<br />
nurturing, sensitive,<br />
protective, and loyal<br />
New Moon in Cancer:<br />
June 28<br />
JUNE 21 - JULY 22<br />
Still in the afterglow of Pride, we now<br />
step into the deep flow of the water<br />
sign Cancer. All astrological signs<br />
are invited to move into the deep<br />
intuitive and sensitive energy of this<br />
nurturing and loving water sign. As<br />
we focus on sex and dating in this<br />
issue, the moon which rules Cancer<br />
bids us all to get in touch with our<br />
Divine Feminine (creative, nurturing,<br />
and powerful). Whether it’s a romp<br />
in the sheets or a meet & greet,<br />
move and groove from a place of<br />
self-nurturance and deep connection<br />
to your inner knowing. The month<br />
ends with Jupiter retrograde in Aries:<br />
this is the time to focus on where you<br />
want to grow, and expand your life.<br />
JULY 23 - AUGUST 22<br />
LEO<br />
Sign of the Month: Leo<br />
Element: Fire<br />
Quality: Fixed<br />
Ruling Planet: The Sun<br />
Traits: Big hearted,<br />
compassionate,<br />
courageous, humorous,<br />
and a natural leader<br />
New Moon in Leo: <strong>Jul</strong>y 28<br />
Fire! Fire! Fire! All Hail the King<br />
of Jungle – Leo is in the house!!<br />
Leo is ruled by the Sun and this<br />
month is the time, honey, to let<br />
your light shine!! One thing that<br />
many people don’t know is that<br />
Leo rules the heart chakra; we<br />
are invited to open our heart<br />
to the warmth of the sun that is<br />
represented by our friends, family,<br />
and community. This heart chakra<br />
energy will be amplified when<br />
Venus enters Leo on <strong>Aug</strong>ust 11th.<br />
This transit has the potential to<br />
increase the affection in existing<br />
relationships over the coming<br />
weeks. Additionally, the joy you<br />
feel spending time with loved<br />
ones will also be enhanced.<br />
Minnassa Tarot Professional and Reiki Healer • minnassa.com • Text: 901.257.9816 • @minnassa
CROSSWORD<br />
HOW NOT TO BE SINGLE<br />
ACROSS<br />
1 Gay-friendly student org.<br />
5 Crystal balls, e.g.<br />
9 Be a ham in "Hamlet"?<br />
14 Novel idea<br />
15 Come quickly<br />
16 Nathan and family<br />
17 Facetious "I see"<br />
18 Nat. counterpart in MLB<br />
19 Spit out<br />
20 “I thought I was searching<br />
for a ____...”<br />
23 Susan in “All My Children”<br />
24 Where to get a collar for a<br />
bitch<br />
28 Workplace for Michelangelo<br />
32 Penetrating<br />
33 Loaded for bear<br />
35 Top's betting phrase?<br />
36 “...but maybe what I really<br />
needed was a ____”<br />
41 Sign over<br />
42 He comes once a year<br />
43 Ashcan targets<br />
46 Cars from the land of the<br />
samurai<br />
50 Product introduction<br />
52 Poles for your first mate?<br />
54 Alicia of “Falcon Crest”<br />
55 Source of this puzzle's quote<br />
who just came out<br />
59 Clubs for Cubs<br />
61 Shore of Palm Springs<br />
62 Movie theater<br />
63 Used a forked tongue<br />
64 “Family Ties” mother<br />
65 Friendly opening<br />
66 Slips up<br />
67 Log Cabin list, e.g.<br />
68 Type of personal lubricant<br />
DOWN<br />
1 Card game with tricks<br />
2 “Java” trumpeter<br />
3 Casablanca dirt<br />
4 When nymphomaniacs<br />
need sex<br />
5 Singer Anita<br />
6 Drivers get off on it<br />
7 Title used by Uncle Remus<br />
8 “Take it off!”<br />
9 Succeeds a la Log Cabin<br />
10 Like a queen<br />
11 “A Chorus Line” song<br />
12 Dick, for short<br />
13 Hrs. in P-town<br />
21 Try a Rick Rodgers<br />
cookbook, e.g.<br />
22 Three R's org.<br />
25 TV newsman Brit<br />
26 Miss in a Cole Porter song<br />
27 Whitman and Dickinson<br />
29 It may come before long<br />
30 Catch them in South Beach<br />
31 Patron of Ire.<br />
34 Cube designer Rubik<br />
36 Like Cary Grant<br />
37 One who worships someone<br />
other than the Divine Miss M?<br />
38 Elite Navy diver<br />
39 Sexual tail<br />
40 Watts in King Kong's hand<br />
41 Not terminal<br />
44 Hard top<br />
45 Napped leather materials<br />
47 Powder for bottoms<br />
48 Town in da Vinci's land<br />
49 Balls<br />
51 Govt. promissory note<br />
53 Hagar's dog<br />
56 “Lord of the Rings” singer<br />
57 Avoid premature ejaculation<br />
58 Golden showers cry?<br />
60 Radical org. of the ’60s<br />
FIND THE SOLUTION<br />
ON PAGE 19<br />
focuslgbt.com | Love+Politics 23