VL - Issue 43- April 22
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IT’S OKAY<br />
TO NOT<br />
HAVE<br />
ALL THE<br />
ANSWERS.<br />
IT’S OKAY<br />
TO ADMIT<br />
THAT<br />
YOU’RE NOT<br />
OKAY.<br />
I know now that God’s Spirit didn’t leave me—I had turned from Him.<br />
Like Adam and Eve, I had hidden from God because of my shame (Genesis<br />
3:8). I kept attending church, but I closed off my heart from God and<br />
other people. Thankfully, God pursued me.<br />
During a season of corporate prayer and fasting at our church, I sensed<br />
the Lord’s presence again. Inwardly, I heard Him speak to me about my<br />
relationship with my fiancé. “If you marry him, I’ll bless you,” the Lord<br />
said. “But if you don’t marry him, I’ll abundantly bless you.”<br />
It was like God was saying to me, “Hey, I see you, child. I know your<br />
thoughts, fears, and desires. I know your pain, too, and I want to take<br />
that pain from you. I also want to bless you beyond your wildest dreams.<br />
“Mary Beth, I’m not angry with you. I’ve never been angry, nor am I a<br />
God who punishes you by taking away your father or causing other bad<br />
things to happen. I am the giver of life who has good things in store for<br />
you. But know this: this marriage will not lead to the abundant blessings<br />
I have in store for you.”<br />
Not long after, I broke off the engagement. But I continued to date my<br />
now boyfriend for almost a year longer. God had given me a way out,<br />
permission to leave, but I hadn’t taken it.<br />
I stayed with him for several more months. I wanted out, but I couldn’t<br />
find the courage to end the relationship because I believed the lie that<br />
no one would ever love me but him.<br />
Fear and shame kept me bound. Satan loves to hold us hostage to<br />
deadly emotions so that we isolate ourselves from God’s love.<br />
Thankfully, God highlighted my fragile self to leaders at my church,<br />
and they took me under their wings. I felt safe with them and let down<br />
the walls around my heart. Being with these authentic Christ-followers<br />
helped me find the courage to choose God’s best for my life, and I finally<br />
left that unhealthy relationship.<br />
Allowing myself to feel and face emotions with God and His people<br />
brought healing. The minute I put down the façade and said, “No, I’m<br />
not okay,” was when God’s complete and<br />
tangible presence became so evident. And<br />
in His presence, I was made whole.<br />
I wish I could say that I don’t ever experience<br />
shame or unworthiness anymore. I<br />
can’t—those emotions still raise their ugly<br />
heads now and then. But God has stayed<br />
close and continually helps me unravel my<br />
thought patterns so that I can tear down<br />
the shame-filled lies and rebuild my mind<br />
on His truth.<br />
And here’s the truth. God was never<br />
punishing me; He was never angry at me.<br />
Now on the other side of that pain, I can<br />
see God’s constant love and presence in<br />
my life. He’s always been there guiding,<br />
protecting, and providing for me, even<br />
during the dark, painful moments of my<br />
life. The Holy Spirit has held my hand and<br />
fought my battles.<br />
And God has been faithful to His promise<br />
and abundantly blessed me. One blessing<br />
is the healthy relationship I now have with<br />
a godly man. He loves me as God intends<br />
and encourages me in my relationship with<br />
the Lord.<br />
I pray you will choose God’s abundant<br />
blessings. If you’re afraid, ask the Holy<br />
Spirit to help you. Philippians 2:13 promises<br />
that God will not only give you the<br />
desire to follow Him, but the power to do<br />
what pleases Him too.<br />
You are not alone. God is holding your<br />
hand and fighting your battles. Embrace<br />
that truth and open yourself to Him. You<br />
can trust Him with your past, present, and<br />
future. Those who trust in the Lord will<br />
never be put to shame (Isaiah 49:23).<br />
Don’t fall into Satan’s trap and isolate<br />
yourself from God. And don’t settle for Satan’s<br />
lies. Come out of hiding. It’s okay to<br />
not have all the answers. It’s okay to admit<br />
that you’re not okay. The moment you put<br />
down your walls and open your heart to<br />
God, you’ll find freedom and healing. Processing<br />
trauma and emotions takes time,<br />
but it is worth the investment.<br />
MARY BETH BAREFOOT serves on the creative<br />
team at Opendoor Church. She shares her story in<br />
hopes that people will overcome shame and step<br />
into healthy, authentic relationships with God and<br />
His people.<br />
PHOTO BY THERESA GOLDEN<br />
28 <strong>Issue</strong> 02 / 20<strong>22</strong> VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
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