Emotional inteligence

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EMOTIONALINTELLIGENCEWHY IT CAN MAT
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For Tara, wellspring of emotional w
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WINDOWS OF OPPORTUNITY12. The Famil
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8/661the rich possibilities the cit
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10/661this erratic tide of outburst
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12/661has rushed a welter of self-h
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14/661quantum level in physics, alt
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16/661the emotional and social skil
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PART ONETHE EMOTIONAL BRAIN
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20/661species. 2 Seen from the pers
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22/661But Bobby Crabtree and his wi
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at the Crabtree household. In short
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26/661the face blanch as blood is s
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28/661These biological propensities
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30/661able to ponder and reflect. B
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32/661To better grasp the potent ho
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34/661them. Because this part of th
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36/661the family unit and the long-
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2Anatomy of an Emotional HijackingL
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moment passes, those so possessed h
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42/661feeling, as well as any feeli
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44/661It is in moments such as thes
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46/661did he realize that the girl
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48/661LeDoux overturned the prevail
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original signal goes straight from
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messages from the brain to regulate
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54/661memories date from the first
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56/661falling—illustrates the pow
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sensory information that have not b
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60/661to the amygdala, but to the n
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62/661zones to the emotional urgenc
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64/661capacity of attention that ho
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66/661the amygdala, whatever the ne
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PART TWOTHE NATURE OFEMOTIONALINTEL
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70/661After transferring to a priva
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course it accounts for. But what da
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74/661level of young people of comp
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76/661margins of games rather than
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78/661competencies and gifts, and c
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80/661varieties of intelligence. In
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82/661discern and respond appropria
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84/661Mr. Spock, the archetype of d
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you get that are essential for inte
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88/661for instance, so highly value
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the subtle social signals that indi
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92/661adept in the realm of mind bu
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4Know ThyselfA belligerent samurai,
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96/661faculty of mind in writing of
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98/661• Self-aware. Aware of thei
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100/661Temple University, to assess
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102/661Gary was emotionally flat, c
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104/661silent. When her therapist t
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106/661Elliot's tumor, growing just
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108/661accepting virtually every po
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110/661It may be that a talent for
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112/661just out of his awareness an
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114/661proportionate to circumstanc
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116/661have treated them, leaving t
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worked themselves into a rage in or
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explain why some views about it are
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are so much more prone to anger if
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subsided, and a third on top of tho
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can no longer think straight. When
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it stops that angry train of though
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Tice found that ventilating anger i
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132/661the anxiety disorders: phobi
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134/661method. In short, the worrie
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136/661thoughts, they do not seem t
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138/661learn relaxation methods tha
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140/661finally, make the psychologi
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142/661people ruminate. Worrying ab
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and think of more positive alternat
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146/661references to it in the thou
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148/661state, but not so well for d
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pain of their own. Throwing oneself
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152/661troubling situation such as
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154/661not faking their lack of awa
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6The Master AptitudeJust once in my
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158/661When emotions overwhelm conc
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160/661have an average IQ advantage
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162/661incipient movement, most lik
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164/661provoking arguments and figh
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FOUL MOODS, FOULED THINKING166/661I
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168/661often made him do poorly on
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170/661easier to find solutions to
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172/661Although you set your goal o
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174/661finds, share certain traits,
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176/661Seligman defines optimism in
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178/661successful). This special gr
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180/661experienced this time and ag
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182/661Flow is a state of self-forg
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184/661"cool" state, its arousal an
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186/661in art school by dreams of f
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188/661learning in the domains wher
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190/661effectively—all bespeak th
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192/661the root of caring, stems fr
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school, even though, on average, th
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196/661mother cry, one baby wiped h
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198/661she treated each boy. When t
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Attunement is very different from s
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But there is hope in "reparative" r
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204/661all had the same neutral mea
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seem to mean that the brain is desi
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208/661say—there can be little or
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210/661of an entire group, such as
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212/661cycle that precipitates thei
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214/661While there may be some smal
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216/661been torturers for terrorist
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218/661results as meaning that psyc
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8The Social ArtsAs so often happens
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222/661able to draw on a large repe
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224/661One key social competence is
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propriety; they dictate how our own
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228/661emotional skills make us fee
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230/661mimic the facial expression
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232/661audience of thousands in thi
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234/661• Organizing groups —the
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236/661they are having the desired
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more in keeping with their true fee
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240/661Whether Cecil's deficiency w
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242/661emotion, and who unwittingly
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244/661following dialogue from four
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Roger asks, before committing himse
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248/661Seeing him, the drunk roared
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PART THREEEMOTIONALINTELLIGENCE APP
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252/661staggering 67 percent! 1 If
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254/661hers. The roots of these emo
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256/661When girls play together, th
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258/661couple has "good communicati
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about how to disagree is key to mar
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262/661An early warning signal that
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264/661hurtful is the body language
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266/661The children are being rambu
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268/661that he is an innocent victi
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laughing with the same attractive m
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272/661one or another spouse feels
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274/661Husbands are prone to floodi
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276/661specific advice for men and
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278/661watching the game in the den
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though we may have sworn that we wo
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Because flooding is triggered by ne
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284/661attention to be paid. Then i
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yourself. Another is to take respon
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10Managing with HeartMelburn McBroo
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290/661"hard" decisions that busine
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292/661of work by his team to the c
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in terms of what is expected of the
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296/661reinforces such thoughts. An
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298/661Consider the alternative.An
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300/661Otherwise it leaves the reci
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302/661nothing I can do about it."
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budge the biases of those employees
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themselves that he's just unusual,
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308/661way; respect for the individ
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Still, since prejudices are a varie
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312/661that the explicit hierarchy
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314/661But harmony allows a group t
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316/661with people whose services m
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318/661self-motivated enough to tak
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320/661was irrelevant at that momen
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322/661by a medical model that dism
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324/661travel in the bloodstream th
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326/661cells are stored or made—a
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328/661bleeding is one of the most
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330/661percent or greater—a range
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332/661Once heart disease develops,
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334/661help them soften the attitud
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336/661that are conjured by the min
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338/661the most stressful lives, 47
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stress, their ATP levels rose sharp
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342/661One complication in treating
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344/661walk again. But depressed wo
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346/661Like its near cousin optimis
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348/661comforting than the same sma
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relationships take their own toll.
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352/661Perhaps the most powerful de
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354/661As we were leaving the exam
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356/661home—a progressive step th
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358/661effects would be to impart m
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patients to go elsewhere for care,
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12The Family CrucibleIt's a low-key
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364/661There are hundreds of studie
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366/661instance, use bargaining and
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physiological indicators of emotion
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370/661The difference between the t
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4. Self-control. The ability to mod
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374/661efforts to get solace will m
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opportunity at all, let alone equal
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learned, and how grim the costs for
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380/661distress of a child nearby w
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382/661of the brain's limbic center
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384/661In ensuing months, the Purdy
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386/661disorder, or PTSD. At the co
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endured semistarvation, the slaught
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390/661overwhelming terror. 4 While
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and dying—or for a teacher there,
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394/661ceruleus—alerting the body
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All these neural changes offer shor
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of calm—the amygdala never relear
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400/661better outcome: sometimes in
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ex-lover. The man brought them to a
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404/661friends and family to form a
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406/661The therapist encourages the
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408/661Aftereffects or occasional r
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410/661cannot keep it from reacting
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412/661habits of the heart learned
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414/661different pattern of brain a
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416/661monsters. Though he has felt
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418/661five infants falls into the
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420/661These sensitive children are
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422/661to help her up, and as I did
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424/661or the other type, says Davi
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426/661parents, and so how they lea
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428/661When the encounter takes pla
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430/661spontaneously outgrew their
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432/661was reopened, the animal was
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The remarkable finding, though, was
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436/661switch for distress. The inf
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438/661emotional habits are malleab
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15The Cost of Emotional IlliteracyI
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example, heroin and cocaine use amo
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444/661While any of these problems
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both parents work long hours, so th
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448/661themselves as victims and ca
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450/661But studies that have follow
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452/661attracted to their defiant s
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454/661aggressive kids learn to con
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456/661Dana, sixteen, had always se
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that predispose children to react t
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460/661worldwide. When I asked expe
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462/661more severe episodes later i
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Indeed, when depressed children hav
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466/661when they get a worse grade
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468/661The good news: there is ever
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Learning these emotional skills at
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472/661study allows a clean compari
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474/661observed that these girls "h
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476/661Ben then stalks off to his e
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478/661being sad, angry, or mischie
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make the difference—even when all
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482/661the circle of friendship wit
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484/661One current scientific theor
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486/661helped ease their anxiety or
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488/661treated for addiction to her
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490/661core of resilience to surviv
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ineffective. A few, to the chagrin
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494/661Those children who got the m
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496/661anxiety. A key ability in im
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16Schooling the EmotionsThe main ho
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500/661children who are faltering a
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ingrained; as experiences are repea
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A POINT OF CONTENTION504/661But as
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506/661could also be part of lighte
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508/661spiral into aggression. Whil
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These are the topics of gripping im
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512/661responsibility for decisions
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514/661twenty thousand people emplo
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bring in pictures of a person's fac
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518/661from the basics for yet anot
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negotiated. And since that is an ap
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522/661Such interventions work best
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524/661school, Hamburg notes, are a
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526/661By fourth and fifth grade, a
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528/661into incidents like the hall
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530/661I don't try to do the negati
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532/661important for those prone to
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New Haven schools, when teachers fi
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536/661responsible adults volunteer
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538/661such as problems with girlfr
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540/661The story seems innocuous en
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• Better able to express anger ap
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544/661becoming better friends, stu
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546/661happens as children build th
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548/661and given the quantum of hop
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APPENDIX AWhat Is Emotion?A word ab
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552/661feelings such as doubt, comp
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APPENDIX BHallmarks of the Emotiona
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556/661overall picture or the most
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558/661emotional mind, the "first i
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reactions. A few exceptions aside,
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This childlike mode is self-confirm
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we behave when enraged or dejected;
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566/661Say you're alone one night a
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568/661corticomedial area of the am
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570/661neurotransmitters, for examp
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572/661• Using steps for problem-
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APPENDIX EThe Self ScienceCurriculu
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576/661SOURCE: Karen F. Stone and H
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SOURCES: E. Schaps and V. Battistic
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M. T. Greenberg and C. A. Kusche, P
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582/661RESULTS:• Improved problem
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584/661• Increased ability to "si
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586/6616. Only in adults: An observ
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588/661About Emotion. New York: Oxf
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590/6616. Unconscious preferences:
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592/661the amygdala are especially
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594/6613. Richard Herrnstein and Ch
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used statistical methods to assess
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14. Unconscious fear: The snake stu
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13. Therapies for anxiety disorder:
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602/6618. SAT scores of impulsive a
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26. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow:
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8. Stern, op. cit.606/6619. The dep
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608/6612. The display rules are in
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Page 616 and 617: Chapter 11. Mind and Medicine616/66
Page 618 and 619: 618/6619. Of the dozen or so studie
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Page 624 and 625: 624/661cortisol, and catecholamines
Page 626 and 627: 56. Unethical not to treat depressi
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Page 636 and 637: Nonrepressors," Journal of Abnormal
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Page 644 and 645: 644/661Adolescents," Journal of Abn
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Page 648 and 649: 65. The figure for boys and girls r
Page 650 and 651: 650/66111. Emotional-literacy progr
Page 652 and 653: 652/6617. While it may seem self-ev
Page 654 and 655: 654/661heightened social and emotio
Page 656 and 657: 656/661Toni Burbank, my editor at B
Page 658 and 659: By the same authorVital Lies, Simpl
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