Emotional inteligence

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WINDOWS OF OPPORTUNITY12. The Family Crucible13. Trauma and Emotional Relearning14. Temperament Is Not Destiny6/661PART FIVEEMOTIONAL LITERACY15. The Cost of Emotional Illiteracy16. Schooling the EmotionsAppendix A: What Is Emotion?Appendix B: Hallmarks of the Emotional MindAppendix C: The Neural Circuitry of FearAppendix D: W. T Grant Consortium: Active Ingredientsof Prevention ProgramsAppendix E: The Self Science CurriculumAppendix F: Social and Emotional Learning:ResultsNotesAcknowledgments
Aristotle's ChallengeAnyone can become angry —that is easy. But tobe angry with the right person, to the right degree,at the right time, for the right purpose, andin the right way —this is not easy.ARISTOTLE, The Nicomachean EthicsIt was an unbearably steamy August afternoon in NewYork City, the kind of sweaty day that makes people sullenwith discomfort. I was heading back to a hotel, andas I stepped onto a bus up Madison Avenue I wasstartled by the driver, a middle-aged black man with anenthusiastic smile, who welcomed me with a friendly,"Hi! How you doing?" as I got on, a greeting heproffered to everyone else who entered as the buswormed through the thick midtown traffic. Each passengerwas as startled as I, and, locked into the morosemood of the day, few returned his greeting.But as the bus crawled uptown through the gridlock, aslow, rather magical transformation occurred. Thedriver gave a running monologue for our benefit, a livelycommentary on the passing scene around us: there wasa terrific sale at that store, a wonderful exhibit at thismuseum, did you hear about the new movie that justopened at that cinema down the block? His delight in
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56/661falling—illustrates the pow
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sensory information that have not b
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60/661to the amygdala, but to the n
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62/661zones to the emotional urgenc
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64/661capacity of attention that ho
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66/661the amygdala, whatever the ne
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PART TWOTHE NATURE OFEMOTIONALINTEL
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70/661After transferring to a priva
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course it accounts for. But what da
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74/661level of young people of comp
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76/661margins of games rather than
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78/661competencies and gifts, and c
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80/661varieties of intelligence. In
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82/661discern and respond appropria
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84/661Mr. Spock, the archetype of d
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you get that are essential for inte
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88/661for instance, so highly value
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the subtle social signals that indi
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92/661adept in the realm of mind bu
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4Know ThyselfA belligerent samurai,
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96/661faculty of mind in writing of
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98/661• Self-aware. Aware of thei
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100/661Temple University, to assess
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102/661Gary was emotionally flat, c
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104/661silent. When her therapist t
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106/661Elliot's tumor, growing just
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108/661accepting virtually every po
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110/661It may be that a talent for
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116/661have treated them, leaving t
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worked themselves into a rage in or
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explain why some views about it are
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are so much more prone to anger if
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subsided, and a third on top of tho
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can no longer think straight. When
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it stops that angry train of though
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Tice found that ventilating anger i
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132/661the anxiety disorders: phobi
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134/661method. In short, the worrie
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136/661thoughts, they do not seem t
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138/661learn relaxation methods tha
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140/661finally, make the psychologi
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142/661people ruminate. Worrying ab
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and think of more positive alternat
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146/661references to it in the thou
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148/661state, but not so well for d
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pain of their own. Throwing oneself
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152/661troubling situation such as
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154/661not faking their lack of awa
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6The Master AptitudeJust once in my
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158/661When emotions overwhelm conc
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160/661have an average IQ advantage
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162/661incipient movement, most lik
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164/661provoking arguments and figh
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FOUL MOODS, FOULED THINKING166/661I
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168/661often made him do poorly on
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170/661easier to find solutions to
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172/661Although you set your goal o
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174/661finds, share certain traits,
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176/661Seligman defines optimism in
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178/661successful). This special gr
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180/661experienced this time and ag
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182/661Flow is a state of self-forg
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184/661"cool" state, its arousal an
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186/661in art school by dreams of f
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188/661learning in the domains wher
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190/661effectively—all bespeak th
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192/661the root of caring, stems fr
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school, even though, on average, th
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196/661mother cry, one baby wiped h
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198/661she treated each boy. When t
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Attunement is very different from s
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But there is hope in "reparative" r
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204/661all had the same neutral mea
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seem to mean that the brain is desi
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208/661say—there can be little or
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210/661of an entire group, such as
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212/661cycle that precipitates thei
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214/661While there may be some smal
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218/661results as meaning that psyc
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8The Social ArtsAs so often happens
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222/661able to draw on a large repe
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224/661One key social competence is
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propriety; they dictate how our own
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228/661emotional skills make us fee
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230/661mimic the facial expression
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232/661audience of thousands in thi
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234/661• Organizing groups —the
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236/661they are having the desired
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more in keeping with their true fee
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240/661Whether Cecil's deficiency w
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242/661emotion, and who unwittingly
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244/661following dialogue from four
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Roger asks, before committing himse
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248/661Seeing him, the drunk roared
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PART THREEEMOTIONALINTELLIGENCE APP
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252/661staggering 67 percent! 1 If
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254/661hers. The roots of these emo
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256/661When girls play together, th
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258/661couple has "good communicati
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about how to disagree is key to mar
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262/661An early warning signal that
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264/661hurtful is the body language
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266/661The children are being rambu
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268/661that he is an innocent victi
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laughing with the same attractive m
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272/661one or another spouse feels
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274/661Husbands are prone to floodi
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276/661specific advice for men and
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278/661watching the game in the den
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though we may have sworn that we wo
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Because flooding is triggered by ne
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284/661attention to be paid. Then i
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yourself. Another is to take respon
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10Managing with HeartMelburn McBroo
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290/661"hard" decisions that busine
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292/661of work by his team to the c
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in terms of what is expected of the
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296/661reinforces such thoughts. An
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298/661Consider the alternative.An
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300/661Otherwise it leaves the reci
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302/661nothing I can do about it."
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budge the biases of those employees
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themselves that he's just unusual,
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308/661way; respect for the individ
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Still, since prejudices are a varie
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312/661that the explicit hierarchy
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314/661But harmony allows a group t
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316/661with people whose services m
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320/661was irrelevant at that momen
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322/661by a medical model that dism
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324/661travel in the bloodstream th
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326/661cells are stored or made—a
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328/661bleeding is one of the most
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330/661percent or greater—a range
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332/661Once heart disease develops,
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334/661help them soften the attitud
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336/661that are conjured by the min
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338/661the most stressful lives, 47
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stress, their ATP levels rose sharp
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342/661One complication in treating
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344/661walk again. But depressed wo
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346/661Like its near cousin optimis
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348/661comforting than the same sma
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relationships take their own toll.
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352/661Perhaps the most powerful de
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354/661As we were leaving the exam
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356/661home—a progressive step th
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358/661effects would be to impart m
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patients to go elsewhere for care,
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12The Family CrucibleIt's a low-key
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364/661There are hundreds of studie
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366/661instance, use bargaining and
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physiological indicators of emotion
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370/661The difference between the t
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4. Self-control. The ability to mod
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374/661efforts to get solace will m
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opportunity at all, let alone equal
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learned, and how grim the costs for
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380/661distress of a child nearby w
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382/661of the brain's limbic center
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384/661In ensuing months, the Purdy
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386/661disorder, or PTSD. At the co
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endured semistarvation, the slaught
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390/661overwhelming terror. 4 While
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and dying—or for a teacher there,
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394/661ceruleus—alerting the body
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All these neural changes offer shor
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of calm—the amygdala never relear
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400/661better outcome: sometimes in
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ex-lover. The man brought them to a
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404/661friends and family to form a
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406/661The therapist encourages the
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408/661Aftereffects or occasional r
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410/661cannot keep it from reacting
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412/661habits of the heart learned
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414/661different pattern of brain a
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416/661monsters. Though he has felt
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418/661five infants falls into the
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420/661These sensitive children are
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422/661to help her up, and as I did
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424/661or the other type, says Davi
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426/661parents, and so how they lea
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428/661When the encounter takes pla
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430/661spontaneously outgrew their
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432/661was reopened, the animal was
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The remarkable finding, though, was
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436/661switch for distress. The inf
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438/661emotional habits are malleab
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15The Cost of Emotional IlliteracyI
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example, heroin and cocaine use amo
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444/661While any of these problems
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both parents work long hours, so th
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448/661themselves as victims and ca
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450/661But studies that have follow
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452/661attracted to their defiant s
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454/661aggressive kids learn to con
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456/661Dana, sixteen, had always se
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that predispose children to react t
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460/661worldwide. When I asked expe
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462/661more severe episodes later i
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Indeed, when depressed children hav
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466/661when they get a worse grade
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468/661The good news: there is ever
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Learning these emotional skills at
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472/661study allows a clean compari
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474/661observed that these girls "h
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476/661Ben then stalks off to his e
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478/661being sad, angry, or mischie
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make the difference—even when all
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482/661the circle of friendship wit
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484/661One current scientific theor
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486/661helped ease their anxiety or
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488/661treated for addiction to her
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490/661core of resilience to surviv
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ineffective. A few, to the chagrin
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494/661Those children who got the m
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496/661anxiety. A key ability in im
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16Schooling the EmotionsThe main ho
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500/661children who are faltering a
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ingrained; as experiences are repea
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A POINT OF CONTENTION504/661But as
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506/661could also be part of lighte
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508/661spiral into aggression. Whil
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These are the topics of gripping im
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512/661responsibility for decisions
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514/661twenty thousand people emplo
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bring in pictures of a person's fac
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518/661from the basics for yet anot
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negotiated. And since that is an ap
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522/661Such interventions work best
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524/661school, Hamburg notes, are a
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526/661By fourth and fifth grade, a
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528/661into incidents like the hall
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530/661I don't try to do the negati
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532/661important for those prone to
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New Haven schools, when teachers fi
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536/661responsible adults volunteer
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538/661such as problems with girlfr
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540/661The story seems innocuous en
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• Better able to express anger ap
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544/661becoming better friends, stu
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546/661happens as children build th
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548/661and given the quantum of hop
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APPENDIX AWhat Is Emotion?A word ab
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552/661feelings such as doubt, comp
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APPENDIX BHallmarks of the Emotiona
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556/661overall picture or the most
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558/661emotional mind, the "first i
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reactions. A few exceptions aside,
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This childlike mode is self-confirm
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we behave when enraged or dejected;
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566/661Say you're alone one night a
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568/661corticomedial area of the am
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570/661neurotransmitters, for examp
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572/661• Using steps for problem-
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APPENDIX EThe Self ScienceCurriculu
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576/661SOURCE: Karen F. Stone and H
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SOURCES: E. Schaps and V. Battistic
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M. T. Greenberg and C. A. Kusche, P
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582/661RESULTS:• Improved problem
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584/661• Increased ability to "si
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586/6616. Only in adults: An observ
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588/661About Emotion. New York: Oxf
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590/6616. Unconscious preferences:
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592/661the amygdala are especially
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594/6613. Richard Herrnstein and Ch
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used statistical methods to assess
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14. Unconscious fear: The snake stu
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13. Therapies for anxiety disorder:
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602/6618. SAT scores of impulsive a
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26. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow:
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8. Stern, op. cit.606/6619. The dep
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608/6612. The display rules are in
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610/6611. There are many ways to ca
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612/66114. Stonewalling: Gottman, W
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614/6614. The story of the sarcasti
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Chapter 11. Mind and Medicine616/66
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618/6619. Of the dozen or so studie
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620/66122. Stress weakens the immun
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622/66129. Depression and disease:
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624/661cortisol, and catecholamines
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56. Unethical not to treat depressi
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628/661teachers had said were the m
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630/6618. Some of the evidence for
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632/661there is something reminisce
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victim—"Why me?"—needs to be ad
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Nonrepressors," Journal of Abnormal
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638/661percent jump over the 1980 r
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640/6619. The comparison across nat
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642/661of the Society for Research
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644/661Adolescents," Journal of Abn
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646/66148. Two fifths are heavy dri
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65. The figure for boys and girls r
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650/66111. Emotional-literacy progr
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652/6617. While it may seem self-ev
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654/661heightened social and emotio
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656/661Toni Burbank, my editor at B
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By the same authorVital Lies, Simpl
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www.bloomsbury.com/danielgoleman660
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