Emotional inteligence

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438/661emotional habits are malleable throughout life, withsome sustained effort, even at the neural level. Whathappens with the brain in PTSD (or in therapy, for thatmatter) is an analog of the effects all repeated or intenseemotional experiences bring, for better or for worse.Some of the most telling of such lessons come fromparent to child. There are very different emotionalhabits instilled by parents whose attunement means aninfant's emotional needs are acknowledged and met orwhose discipline includes empathy, on the one hand, orself-absorbed parents who ignore a child's distress orwho discipline capriciously by yelling and hitting. Muchpsychotherapy is, in a sense, a remedial tutorial for whatwas skewed or missed completely earlier in life. But whynot do what we can to prevent that need, by giving childrenthe nurturing and guidance that cultivates the essentialemotional skills in the first place?
PART FIVEEMOTIONAL LITERACY
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EMOTIONALINTELLIGENCEWHY IT CAN MAT
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For Tara, wellspring of emotional w
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WINDOWS OF OPPORTUNITY12. The Famil
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8/661the rich possibilities the cit
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10/661this erratic tide of outburst
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12/661has rushed a welter of self-h
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14/661quantum level in physics, alt
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16/661the emotional and social skil
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PART ONETHE EMOTIONAL BRAIN
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20/661species. 2 Seen from the pers
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22/661But Bobby Crabtree and his wi
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at the Crabtree household. In short
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26/661the face blanch as blood is s
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28/661These biological propensities
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30/661able to ponder and reflect. B
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32/661To better grasp the potent ho
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34/661them. Because this part of th
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36/661the family unit and the long-
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2Anatomy of an Emotional HijackingL
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moment passes, those so possessed h
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42/661feeling, as well as any feeli
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44/661It is in moments such as thes
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46/661did he realize that the girl
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48/661LeDoux overturned the prevail
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original signal goes straight from
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messages from the brain to regulate
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54/661memories date from the first
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56/661falling—illustrates the pow
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sensory information that have not b
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60/661to the amygdala, but to the n
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62/661zones to the emotional urgenc
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64/661capacity of attention that ho
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66/661the amygdala, whatever the ne
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PART TWOTHE NATURE OFEMOTIONALINTEL
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70/661After transferring to a priva
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course it accounts for. But what da
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74/661level of young people of comp
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76/661margins of games rather than
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78/661competencies and gifts, and c
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80/661varieties of intelligence. In
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82/661discern and respond appropria
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84/661Mr. Spock, the archetype of d
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you get that are essential for inte
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88/661for instance, so highly value
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the subtle social signals that indi
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92/661adept in the realm of mind bu
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4Know ThyselfA belligerent samurai,
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96/661faculty of mind in writing of
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98/661• Self-aware. Aware of thei
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100/661Temple University, to assess
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102/661Gary was emotionally flat, c
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104/661silent. When her therapist t
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106/661Elliot's tumor, growing just
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108/661accepting virtually every po
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110/661It may be that a talent for
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112/661just out of his awareness an
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114/661proportionate to circumstanc
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116/661have treated them, leaving t
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worked themselves into a rage in or
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explain why some views about it are
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are so much more prone to anger if
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subsided, and a third on top of tho
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can no longer think straight. When
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it stops that angry train of though
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Tice found that ventilating anger i
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132/661the anxiety disorders: phobi
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134/661method. In short, the worrie
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136/661thoughts, they do not seem t
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138/661learn relaxation methods tha
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140/661finally, make the psychologi
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142/661people ruminate. Worrying ab
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and think of more positive alternat
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146/661references to it in the thou
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148/661state, but not so well for d
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pain of their own. Throwing oneself
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152/661troubling situation such as
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154/661not faking their lack of awa
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6The Master AptitudeJust once in my
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158/661When emotions overwhelm conc
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160/661have an average IQ advantage
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162/661incipient movement, most lik
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164/661provoking arguments and figh
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FOUL MOODS, FOULED THINKING166/661I
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168/661often made him do poorly on
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170/661easier to find solutions to
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172/661Although you set your goal o
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174/661finds, share certain traits,
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176/661Seligman defines optimism in
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178/661successful). This special gr
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180/661experienced this time and ag
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182/661Flow is a state of self-forg
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184/661"cool" state, its arousal an
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186/661in art school by dreams of f
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188/661learning in the domains wher
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190/661effectively—all bespeak th
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192/661the root of caring, stems fr
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school, even though, on average, th
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196/661mother cry, one baby wiped h
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198/661she treated each boy. When t
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Attunement is very different from s
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But there is hope in "reparative" r
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204/661all had the same neutral mea
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seem to mean that the brain is desi
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208/661say—there can be little or
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210/661of an entire group, such as
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212/661cycle that precipitates thei
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214/661While there may be some smal
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216/661been torturers for terrorist
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218/661results as meaning that psyc
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8The Social ArtsAs so often happens
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222/661able to draw on a large repe
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224/661One key social competence is
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propriety; they dictate how our own
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228/661emotional skills make us fee
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230/661mimic the facial expression
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232/661audience of thousands in thi
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234/661• Organizing groups —the
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236/661they are having the desired
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more in keeping with their true fee
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240/661Whether Cecil's deficiency w
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242/661emotion, and who unwittingly
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244/661following dialogue from four
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Roger asks, before committing himse
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248/661Seeing him, the drunk roared
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PART THREEEMOTIONALINTELLIGENCE APP
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252/661staggering 67 percent! 1 If
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254/661hers. The roots of these emo
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256/661When girls play together, th
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258/661couple has "good communicati
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about how to disagree is key to mar
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262/661An early warning signal that
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264/661hurtful is the body language
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266/661The children are being rambu
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268/661that he is an innocent victi
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laughing with the same attractive m
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272/661one or another spouse feels
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274/661Husbands are prone to floodi
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276/661specific advice for men and
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278/661watching the game in the den
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though we may have sworn that we wo
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Because flooding is triggered by ne
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284/661attention to be paid. Then i
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yourself. Another is to take respon
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10Managing with HeartMelburn McBroo
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290/661"hard" decisions that busine
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292/661of work by his team to the c
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in terms of what is expected of the
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296/661reinforces such thoughts. An
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298/661Consider the alternative.An
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300/661Otherwise it leaves the reci
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302/661nothing I can do about it."
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budge the biases of those employees
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themselves that he's just unusual,
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308/661way; respect for the individ
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Still, since prejudices are a varie
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312/661that the explicit hierarchy
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314/661But harmony allows a group t
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316/661with people whose services m
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318/661self-motivated enough to tak
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320/661was irrelevant at that momen
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322/661by a medical model that dism
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324/661travel in the bloodstream th
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326/661cells are stored or made—a
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328/661bleeding is one of the most
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330/661percent or greater—a range
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332/661Once heart disease develops,
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334/661help them soften the attitud
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336/661that are conjured by the min
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338/661the most stressful lives, 47
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stress, their ATP levels rose sharp
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342/661One complication in treating
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344/661walk again. But depressed wo
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346/661Like its near cousin optimis
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348/661comforting than the same sma
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relationships take their own toll.
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352/661Perhaps the most powerful de
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354/661As we were leaving the exam
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356/661home—a progressive step th
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358/661effects would be to impart m
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patients to go elsewhere for care,
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12The Family CrucibleIt's a low-key
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364/661There are hundreds of studie
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366/661instance, use bargaining and
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physiological indicators of emotion
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370/661The difference between the t
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4. Self-control. The ability to mod
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374/661efforts to get solace will m
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opportunity at all, let alone equal
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learned, and how grim the costs for
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380/661distress of a child nearby w
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382/661of the brain's limbic center
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384/661In ensuing months, the Purdy
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386/661disorder, or PTSD. At the co
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Page 440 and 441: 15The Cost of Emotional IlliteracyI
Page 442 and 443: example, heroin and cocaine use amo
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Page 464 and 465: Indeed, when depressed children hav
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Page 468 and 469: 468/661The good news: there is ever
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488/661treated for addiction to her
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490/661core of resilience to surviv
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ineffective. A few, to the chagrin
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494/661Those children who got the m
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496/661anxiety. A key ability in im
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16Schooling the EmotionsThe main ho
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500/661children who are faltering a
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ingrained; as experiences are repea
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A POINT OF CONTENTION504/661But as
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506/661could also be part of lighte
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508/661spiral into aggression. Whil
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These are the topics of gripping im
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512/661responsibility for decisions
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514/661twenty thousand people emplo
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bring in pictures of a person's fac
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518/661from the basics for yet anot
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negotiated. And since that is an ap
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522/661Such interventions work best
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524/661school, Hamburg notes, are a
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526/661By fourth and fifth grade, a
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528/661into incidents like the hall
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530/661I don't try to do the negati
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532/661important for those prone to
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New Haven schools, when teachers fi
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536/661responsible adults volunteer
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538/661such as problems with girlfr
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540/661The story seems innocuous en
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• Better able to express anger ap
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544/661becoming better friends, stu
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546/661happens as children build th
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548/661and given the quantum of hop
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APPENDIX AWhat Is Emotion?A word ab
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552/661feelings such as doubt, comp
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APPENDIX BHallmarks of the Emotiona
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556/661overall picture or the most
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558/661emotional mind, the "first i
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reactions. A few exceptions aside,
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This childlike mode is self-confirm
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we behave when enraged or dejected;
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566/661Say you're alone one night a
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568/661corticomedial area of the am
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570/661neurotransmitters, for examp
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572/661• Using steps for problem-
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APPENDIX EThe Self ScienceCurriculu
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576/661SOURCE: Karen F. Stone and H
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SOURCES: E. Schaps and V. Battistic
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M. T. Greenberg and C. A. Kusche, P
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582/661RESULTS:• Improved problem
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584/661• Increased ability to "si
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586/6616. Only in adults: An observ
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588/661About Emotion. New York: Oxf
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590/6616. Unconscious preferences:
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592/661the amygdala are especially
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594/6613. Richard Herrnstein and Ch
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used statistical methods to assess
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14. Unconscious fear: The snake stu
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13. Therapies for anxiety disorder:
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602/6618. SAT scores of impulsive a
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26. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow:
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8. Stern, op. cit.606/6619. The dep
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608/6612. The display rules are in
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610/6611. There are many ways to ca
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612/66114. Stonewalling: Gottman, W
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614/6614. The story of the sarcasti
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Chapter 11. Mind and Medicine616/66
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618/6619. Of the dozen or so studie
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620/66122. Stress weakens the immun
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622/66129. Depression and disease:
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624/661cortisol, and catecholamines
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56. Unethical not to treat depressi
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628/661teachers had said were the m
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630/6618. Some of the evidence for
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632/661there is something reminisce
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victim—"Why me?"—needs to be ad
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Nonrepressors," Journal of Abnormal
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638/661percent jump over the 1980 r
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640/6619. The comparison across nat
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642/661of the Society for Research
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644/661Adolescents," Journal of Abn
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646/66148. Two fifths are heavy dri
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65. The figure for boys and girls r
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650/66111. Emotional-literacy progr
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652/6617. While it may seem self-ev
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654/661heightened social and emotio
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656/661Toni Burbank, my editor at B
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By the same authorVital Lies, Simpl
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www.bloomsbury.com/danielgoleman660
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