Emotional inteligence

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tension and fear, guilt and self-blame, and so on.
Whatever the specific pattern of the patient, it seemed
to show up in most every important relationship, whether
with a spouse or lover, a child or parent, or peers and
bosses at work.
Over the course of long-term therapy, however, these
patients made two kinds of changes: their emotional reaction
to the triggering events became less distressing,
even calm or bemused, and their overt responses became
more effective in getting what they truly wanted
from the relationship. What did not change, however,
was their underlying wish or fear, and the initial twinge
of feeling. By the time the patients had but a few sessions
left in therapy, the encounters they told about
showed they had only half as many negative emotional
reactions compared to when they first started therapy,
and were twice as likely to get the positive response they
deeply desired from the other person. But what did not
change at all was the particular sensitivity at the root of
these needs.
In brain terms, we can speculate, the limbic circuitry
would send alarm signals in response to cues of a feared
event, but the prefrontal cortex and related zones would
have learned a new, more healthy response. In short,
emotional lessons—even the most deeply implanted