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Emotional inteligence

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the emotional currents that run between parent and

child.

Some mothers and fathers were like Ann and Carl:

overbearing, losing patience with their child's ineptness,

raising their voices in disgust or exasperation, some

even putting their child down as "stupid"—in short, falling

prey to the same tendencies toward contempt and

disgust that eat away at a marriage. Others, however,

were patient with their child's errors, helping the child

figure the game out in his or her own way rather than

imposing the parents' will. The video game session was a

surprisingly powerful barometer of the parents' emotional

style.

The three most common emotionally inept parenting

styles proved to be:

• Ignoring feelings altogether. Such parents treat a

child's emotional upset as trivial or a bother, something

they should wait to blow over. They fail to use emotional

moments as a chance to get closer to the child or to help

the child learn lessons in emotional competence.

• Being too laissez-faire. These parents notice how a

child feels, but hold that however a child handles the

emotional storm is fine—even, say, hitting. Like those

who ignore a child's feelings, these parents rarely step in

to try to show their child an alternative emotional response.

They try to soothe all upsets, and will, for

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