Emotional inteligence
But there is hope in "reparative" relationships: "Relationshipsthroughout life—with friends or relatives, forexample, or in psychotherapy—continually reshape yourworking model of relationships. An imbalance at onepoint can be corrected later; it's an ongoing, lifelongprocess."Indeed, several theories of psychoanalysis see thetherapeutic relationship as providing just such an emotionalcorrective, a reparative experience of attunement.Mirroring is the term used by some psychoanalyticthinkers for the therapist's reflecting back to the clientan understanding of his inner state, just as an attunedmother does with her infant. The emotional synchronyis unstated and outside conscious awareness, though apatient may bask in the sense of being deeply acknowledgedand understood.The lifetime emotional costs of lack of attunement inchildhood can be great—and not just for the child. Astudy of criminals who committed the cruelest and mostviolent crimes found that the one characteristic of theirearly lives that set them apart from other criminals wasthat they had been shuttled from foster home to fosterhome, or raised in orphanages—life histories that suggestemotional neglect and little opportunity for attunement.10 202/661
While emotional neglect seems to dull empathy, thereis a paradoxical result from intense, sustained emotionalabuse, including cruel, sadistic threats, humiliations,and plain meanness. Children who endure such abusecan become hyperalert to the emotions of those aroundthem, in what amounts to a post-traumatic vigilance tocues that have signaled threat. Such an obsessive preoccupationwith the feelings of others is typical of psychologicallyabused children who in adulthood suffer themercurial, intense emotional ups and downs that aresometimes diagnosed as "borderline personality disorder."Many such people are gifted at sensing what othersaround them are feeling, and it is quite common forthem to report having suffered emotional abuse in childhood.11THE NEUROLOGY OF EMPATHY203/661As is so often the case in neurology, reports of quirkyand bizarre cases were among the early clues to thebrain basis of empathy. A 1975 report, for instance, reviewedseveral cases in which patients with certain lesionsin the right area of the frontal lobes had a curiousdeficit: they were unable to understand the emotionalmessage in people's tone of voice, though they were perfectlyable to understand their words. A sarcastic"Thanks," a grateful "Thanks," and an angry "Thanks"
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- Page 250 and 251: PART THREEEMOTIONALINTELLIGENCE APP
While emotional neglect seems to dull empathy, there
is a paradoxical result from intense, sustained emotional
abuse, including cruel, sadistic threats, humiliations,
and plain meanness. Children who endure such abuse
can become hyperalert to the emotions of those around
them, in what amounts to a post-traumatic vigilance to
cues that have signaled threat. Such an obsessive preoccupation
with the feelings of others is typical of psychologically
abused children who in adulthood suffer the
mercurial, intense emotional ups and downs that are
sometimes diagnosed as "borderline personality disorder."
Many such people are gifted at sensing what others
around them are feeling, and it is quite common for
them to report having suffered emotional abuse in childhood.
11
THE NEUROLOGY OF EMPATHY
203/661
As is so often the case in neurology, reports of quirky
and bizarre cases were among the early clues to the
brain basis of empathy. A 1975 report, for instance, reviewed
several cases in which patients with certain lesions
in the right area of the frontal lobes had a curious
deficit: they were unable to understand the emotional
message in people's tone of voice, though they were perfectly
able to understand their words. A sarcastic
"Thanks," a grateful "Thanks," and an angry "Thanks"
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