Emotional inteligence
school, even though, on average, their IQs were nothigher than those of children who were less skilled atreading nonverbal messages—suggesting that masteringthis empathic ability smooths the way for classroom effectiveness(or simply makes teachers like them more).Just as the mode of the rational mind is words, themode of the emotions is nonverbal. Indeed, when aperson's words disagree with what is conveyed via histone of voice, gesture, or other nonverbal channel, theemotional truth is in how he says something rather thanin what he says. One rule of thumb used in communicationsresearch is that 90 percent or more of an emotionalmessage is nonverbal. And such messages—anxiety insomeone's tone of voice, irritation in the quickness of agesture—are almost always taken in unconsciously,without paying specific attention to the nature of themessage, but simply tacitly receiving it and responding.The skills that allow us to do this well or poorly are also,for the most part, learned tacitly.HOW EMPATHY UNFOLDS194/661The moment Hope, just nine months old, saw anotherbaby fall, tears welled up in her own eyes and shecrawled off to be comforted by her mother, as though itwere she who had been hurt. And fifteen-month-old Michaelwent to get his own teddy bear for his crying
195/661friend Paul; when Paul kept crying, Michael retrievedPaul's security blanket for him. Both these small acts ofsympathy and caring were observed by mothers trainedto record such incidents of empathy in action. 4 The resultsof the study suggest that the roots of empathy canbe traced to infancy. Virtually from the day they areborn infants are upset when they hear another infantcrying—a response some see as the earliest precursor ofempathy. 5Developmental psychologists have found that infantsfeel sympathetic distress even before they fully realizethat they exist apart from other people. Even a fewmonths after birth, infants react to a disturbance inthose around them as though it were their own, cryingwhen they see another child's tears. By one year or so,they start to realize the misery is not their own butsomeone else's, though they still seem confused overwhat to do about it. In research by Martin L. Hoffman atNew York University, for example, a one-year-oldbrought his own mother over to comfort a crying friend,ignoring the friend's mother, who was also in the room.This confusion is seen too when one-year-olds imitatethe distress of someone else, possibly to better comprehendwhat they are feeling; for example, if another babyhurts her fingers, a one-year-old might put her own fingersin her mouth to see if she hurts, too. On seeing his
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- Page 150 and 151: pain of their own. Throwing oneself
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195/661
friend Paul; when Paul kept crying, Michael retrieved
Paul's security blanket for him. Both these small acts of
sympathy and caring were observed by mothers trained
to record such incidents of empathy in action. 4 The results
of the study suggest that the roots of empathy can
be traced to infancy. Virtually from the day they are
born infants are upset when they hear another infant
crying—a response some see as the earliest precursor of
empathy. 5
Developmental psychologists have found that infants
feel sympathetic distress even before they fully realize
that they exist apart from other people. Even a few
months after birth, infants react to a disturbance in
those around them as though it were their own, crying
when they see another child's tears. By one year or so,
they start to realize the misery is not their own but
someone else's, though they still seem confused over
what to do about it. In research by Martin L. Hoffman at
New York University, for example, a one-year-old
brought his own mother over to comfort a crying friend,
ignoring the friend's mother, who was also in the room.
This confusion is seen too when one-year-olds imitate
the distress of someone else, possibly to better comprehend
what they are feeling; for example, if another baby
hurts her fingers, a one-year-old might put her own fingers
in her mouth to see if she hurts, too. On seeing his
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