Emotional inteligence
138/661learn relaxation methods that they can apply at the momentthey recognize the worry beginning, and practicethe relaxation method daily so they will be able to use iton the spot, when they need it the most.The relaxation method, though, is not enough in itself.Worriers also need to actively challenge the worrisomethoughts; failing this, the worry spiral will keep comingback. So the next step is to take a critical stance towardtheir assumptions: Is it very probable that the dreadedevent will occur? Is it necessarily the case that there isonly one or no alternative to letting it happen? Are thereconstructive steps to be taken? Does it really help to runthrough these same anxious thoughts over and over?This combination of mindfulness and healthy skepticismwould, presumably, act as a brake on the neural activationthat underlies low-grade anxiety. Actively generatingsuch thoughts may prime the circuitry that caninhibit the limbic driving of worry; at the same time,actively inducing a relaxed state counters the signals foranxiety the emotional brain is sending throughout thebody.Indeed, Borkovec points out, these strategies establisha train of mental activity that is incompatible withworry. When a worry is allowed to repeat over and overunchallenged, it gains in persuasive power; challengingit by contemplating a range of equally plausible points of
view keeps the one worried thought from being naivelytaken as true. Even some people whose worrying is seriousenough to qualify for a psychiatric diagnosis havebeen relieved of the worrying habit this way.On the other hand, for people with worries so severethey have flowered into phobia, obsessive-compulsivedisorder, or panic disorder, it may be prudent—indeed,a sign of self-awareness—to turn to medication to interruptthe cycle. A retraining of the emotional circuitrythrough therapy is still called for, however, in order tolessen the likelihood that anxiety disorders will recurwhen medication is stopped. 13MANAGING MELANCHOLY139/661The single mood people generally put most effort intoshaking is sadness; Diane Tice found that people aremost inventive when it comes to trying to escape theblues. Of course, not all sadness should be escaped; melancholy,like every other mood, has its benefits. Thesadness that a loss brings has certain invariable effects:it closes down our interest in diversions and pleasures,fixes attention on what has been lost, and saps our energyfor starting new endeavors—at least for the timebeing. In short, it enforces a kind of reflective retreatfrom life's busy pursuits, and leaves us in a suspendedstate to mourn the loss, mull over its meaning, and,
- Page 88 and 89: 88/661for instance, so highly value
- Page 90 and 91: the subtle social signals that indi
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- Page 94 and 95: 4Know ThyselfA belligerent samurai,
- Page 96 and 97: 96/661faculty of mind in writing of
- Page 98 and 99: 98/661• Self-aware. Aware of thei
- Page 100 and 101: 100/661Temple University, to assess
- Page 102 and 103: 102/661Gary was emotionally flat, c
- Page 104 and 105: 104/661silent. When her therapist t
- Page 106 and 107: 106/661Elliot's tumor, growing just
- Page 108 and 109: 108/661accepting virtually every po
- Page 110 and 111: 110/661It may be that a talent for
- Page 112 and 113: 112/661just out of his awareness an
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- Page 118 and 119: worked themselves into a rage in or
- Page 120 and 121: explain why some views about it are
- Page 122 and 123: are so much more prone to anger if
- Page 124 and 125: subsided, and a third on top of tho
- Page 126 and 127: can no longer think straight. When
- Page 128 and 129: it stops that angry train of though
- Page 130 and 131: Tice found that ventilating anger i
- Page 132 and 133: 132/661the anxiety disorders: phobi
- Page 134 and 135: 134/661method. In short, the worrie
- Page 136 and 137: 136/661thoughts, they do not seem t
- Page 140 and 141: 140/661finally, make the psychologi
- Page 142 and 143: 142/661people ruminate. Worrying ab
- Page 144 and 145: and think of more positive alternat
- Page 146 and 147: 146/661references to it in the thou
- Page 148 and 149: 148/661state, but not so well for d
- Page 150 and 151: pain of their own. Throwing oneself
- Page 152 and 153: 152/661troubling situation such as
- Page 154 and 155: 154/661not faking their lack of awa
- Page 156 and 157: 6The Master AptitudeJust once in my
- Page 158 and 159: 158/661When emotions overwhelm conc
- Page 160 and 161: 160/661have an average IQ advantage
- Page 162 and 163: 162/661incipient movement, most lik
- Page 164 and 165: 164/661provoking arguments and figh
- Page 166 and 167: FOUL MOODS, FOULED THINKING166/661I
- Page 168 and 169: 168/661often made him do poorly on
- Page 170 and 171: 170/661easier to find solutions to
- Page 172 and 173: 172/661Although you set your goal o
- Page 174 and 175: 174/661finds, share certain traits,
- Page 176 and 177: 176/661Seligman defines optimism in
- Page 178 and 179: 178/661successful). This special gr
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learn relaxation methods that they can apply at the moment
they recognize the worry beginning, and practice
the relaxation method daily so they will be able to use it
on the spot, when they need it the most.
The relaxation method, though, is not enough in itself.
Worriers also need to actively challenge the worrisome
thoughts; failing this, the worry spiral will keep coming
back. So the next step is to take a critical stance toward
their assumptions: Is it very probable that the dreaded
event will occur? Is it necessarily the case that there is
only one or no alternative to letting it happen? Are there
constructive steps to be taken? Does it really help to run
through these same anxious thoughts over and over?
This combination of mindfulness and healthy skepticism
would, presumably, act as a brake on the neural activation
that underlies low-grade anxiety. Actively generating
such thoughts may prime the circuitry that can
inhibit the limbic driving of worry; at the same time,
actively inducing a relaxed state counters the signals for
anxiety the emotional brain is sending throughout the
body.
Indeed, Borkovec points out, these strategies establish
a train of mental activity that is incompatible with
worry. When a worry is allowed to repeat over and over
unchallenged, it gains in persuasive power; challenging
it by contemplating a range of equally plausible points of
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