Jojo over heaven

71
......No, whatever the circumstances, that is perhaps trying to look too
deeply into things. That mask is just an object; it most likely doesn't have a will
or any such thing.
What happened was just due to my own clumsiness.
However, even if I recognize my own actions as clumsy, Jonathan had
remarkably great distrust of me.
So what if my father and adoptive father had the same symptoms...?
Maybe that's just how things happened to be?
Later he actually caught me switching Father's medicine with poison,
but before that point he already had firm suspicion towards me.
Meaning that my actions seven years previous that I had done soon after
arriving at the mansion...... My antagonizing of him, my actions towards Erina as
well as towards his hound, Danny, had never left him. They likely smoldered
inside him for those many years.
Ostensibly, Jonathan and I were both friends and family, but no
friendship or familial love ever truly existed.
He held nothing but suspicion for me.
It was a tremendous blunder to be get so overcome with emotion as to
act aggressively towards Jonathan seven years earlier.--- If I had not done that,
given Jonathan's carefree and peaceful character, I could have easily slipped
through his gaze.
Jonathan was the type of person that grows the more he is beaten down,
and I carelessly beat him too hard.
......But even after taking that into consideration, even taking into
account my mistakes and Jonathan's growth, what I resent the most is actually
neither of those, but actually none other than my father.
That goddamned father of mine...
He left me absolutely nothing--- and it seemed that even after death, he
still hindered me. Even now that over one hundred years have passed, I still don't
understand my father's aim. Why was there any need of writing his symptoms in
that letter...?