Jojo over heaven

38
Even if I didn't go out of my way to make him ingest poison, by simply
not giving him his medicine---- Simply not going out to earn the money for his
medicine probably would have been enough.
Forget medicine, go buy me booze! He'd say.
If I'd only listened, he would likely have died within a few years---- Why
couldn't I just try to endure for that long?
Perhaps I chose to kill him because I sought "relief That may have been
all it was. No matter how unsavory a murder it was, I perhaps just wanted to end
my father s life with my own hands.
Perhaps I thought that by doing that, I would obtain a one-way ticket to
heaven---- If that was the case, in the end, I felt like it was my duty to do it. And
so I faced the task of killing my father.
But all I obtained was emptiness.
My father died.
He simply died. Like an insect.
The effect of that miracle-working Eastern medicine was remarkable----
Not a day off of what had been predicted, my father died.
No one suspected me.
Neither had my father suspected me.
I had achieved a perfect crime without a bit of waste---- It was to the
degree where I could draw that conclusion with utmost confidence.
I ate the bread.
But I did not feel the least bit full.
I tasted something tasteless. I was coerced to.
For over ten years of time, I had been constantly stolen from by my
father, and yet, I still hungered. I continued to hunger.
If I had to define it, the impression killing my father gave me was "I'm
hungry."