Jojo over heaven

17
At the very least, the four years I've spent on the surface after living for
nearly a hundred years at the bottom of the sea have been all for the sake of
going to heaven.
I need to see heaven.
I must go to heaven.
I thought in such a manner, did I not?---- So it's most likely that I started
thinking it ever since I gained my Stand.
That there may be a way to get to heaven.
And I searched for it.
......Perhaps in that mother's place, in my foolish mother's place, I'm
trying to go to heaven? Perhaps I'm trying to see the scenery of heaven and
report it to my mother?
No, that's wrong. Absolutely wrong.
Even now, I think of that mother of mine as foolish----Irrecoverably,
hopelessly foolish.
She lived in that manner.
It's no surprise she died.
If I'm speaking about her, I could say that it was death from pushing
herself too far and overwork; I could say she was beaten to death by my father's
routine violence, even if those weren't it; whatever it was, with the way that
woman lived, it was likely impossible for her to live a long life.
She died while being laughed at.
She died while being beaten.
But even so, until the end, she never blamed anyone or begrudged
anyone.
"Dio, no matter what happens, live nobly and with pride. If you do that,
you'll surely be able to go to heaven."
An implausible idea, to the end.
Until the very end, that woman kept saying that to me.
Even at the point of death---- she said that.
I think that was perhaps a very sinful thing and such. I do think that.