OCT 2021 Blues Vol 37 No. 10.1

Challenges and Strengths of Law Enforcement
Families, Our Unsung Heroes
According to the IACP resource
page (2021), the job of a law enforcement
officer is often stressful,
demanding, and dangerous.
The lifestyle and culture of law
enforcement affects more than
just officers. Spouses, partners,
parents. children, and companions
of law enforcement officers
play an integral part in an officer’s
health and wellness. Recently
I read a posting in a social
media forum asking for thoughts
on the greatest challenges encountered
by law enforcement
spouses, partners, and families
and what steps were taken to
adjust or mitigate the consequences.
The insight and feedback
to this post was powerful
and led me to dedicating this
month’s article to our unsung
heroes who support and love our
law enforcement officers every
day from the home front. This
article will provide a very brief
overview of some of the major
challenges, strengths, and offer
a few suggestions for resources.
FEELING ALONE AND IN FEAR
Many law enforcement spouses,
and partners have described
often feeling alone while their
loved one is working and during
rotating or ever-changing shifts.
One LEO spouse anonymously
shared the following experience,
“It is difficult learning to do
many things alone even though
you’re married. I can’t tell you
how many breakfasts, lunches,
and dinners I have eaten alone
at a restaurant because he got
a call after we ordered or just
never got to the restaurant at all.
Then there are the missed holidays,
birthdays, anniversaries,
and family gatherings. You have
to get to the point where you
understand they are aware and
just as upset or bothered by the
things they miss. Being married
to a LEO is not for everyone. It’s
hard. Then of course there is the
constant fear a spouse carries,
worrying about their LEO, which
has always been there but is
compounded by the hate mongering
these days. I had been
living with the anxiety and fear
for so long that I never realized
the level it had gotten to until he
retired. I was ALWAYS so proud
of him, but the relief was so vast
that for a while after I would find
myself crying from relief at the
weirdest times. Took me a while
to figure out what was going
on and why I was weepy sometimes.”
LACK OF COMMUNICATION,
HYPERVIGILANCE, AND PTSD
It is not unusual to experience
a change in communication
patterns in law enforcement
relationships and marriages. As
a law enforcement officer becomes
more ingrained in the
policing culture and with more
years on the job, he or she may
DR. TINA JAECKLE
become less communicative
which can decrease intimacy.
This is frequently a psychological
and physiological response to
the biological roller coaster of
exhaustion and hypervigilance.
Hypervigilance on a 24/7 basis
can have profound consequences
to all areas of an officer’s life,
including mental health. Furthermore,
the combination of critical
incident(s), cumulative stressors,
and emotional exhaustion from
hypervigilance can lead to post
traumatic stress disorder which
can also have devastating consequences
for both an officer and
the family.
STRENGTHS
I have met countless law enforcement
spouses, partners,
and family members over the
years. One of the most consistent
and valuable characteristics
most possess is resiliency. It is
without question once of their
greatest strengths. They often
learn and grow to embrace that
becoming a part of the blue
family requires commitment,
dedication, and understanding.
A FEW RECOMMENDATIONS
EXPAND YOUR IDENTITY
According to a 2017 Police1
article on marriage and relationships
(Olson and Wasilewski),
officers are often encouraged to
be “more than a cop,” not because
there is anything wrong
with that identity, but it is an
easy identity to get lost in and
so is that of spouse or partner.
Policing can become all-encompassing,
not just for the ones
wearing the uniform, but also for
those who love them. The lifestyle
can become “who you are”
instead of just a part of who you
are. It becomes essential to find
your own purpose and identity
outside of the blue family responsibilities.
COMMUNICATION, TRUST, AND
FLEXIBILITY
One of the most central and
impactful recommendations for
LEO families is to learn how to
enjoy birthdays and holidays on
different days if needed and consistently
practice flexibility for
family events. Embrace the moments
together and make time to
communicate effectively and establish
a safe place to build trust
and intimacy. According to those
in long term law enforcement
marriages or partnerships, these
steps are absolutely instrumental
in having a solid foundation.
RESOURCES
Fortunately, there are now numerous
resources today to assist
law enforcement marriages,
relationships, and families. The
IACP has published very valuable
information on their website,
and I highly encourage you
to take a deeper look and most
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importantly please reach out to
a mental health professional if
you need help navigating any of
these challenges.
110 The BLUES POLICE MAGAZINE The BLUES POLICE MAGAZINE 111