GRAND Fall 2021
Victoria Vancouver Island Grandparenting Magazine Fall 2021, Profile: Linda Rogers, poet, novelist, essayist and kid-at-heart; On-the Job Training: Learning from our grandchildren; 5 Photo Sharing Apps;Grandparent Giving: Financial help that makes a difference
Victoria Vancouver Island Grandparenting Magazine Fall 2021,
Profile: Linda Rogers, poet, novelist, essayist and kid-at-heart; On-the Job Training: Learning from our grandchildren; 5 Photo Sharing Apps;Grandparent Giving: Financial help that makes a difference
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Vol. IV, Ed. III<br />
grand<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
On-the-Job Training<br />
Learning from our<br />
grandchildren<br />
5Photo<br />
Sharing Apps<br />
Grandparent Giving<br />
Financial help that<br />
makes a difference<br />
Q&A<br />
Linda<br />
Rogers<br />
Poet,<br />
Novelist,<br />
Essayist &<br />
Kid-at-Heart
Your donations help Family Services of Greater Victoria<br />
provide the following professional programs<br />
and services to families in the region.<br />
Family Services<br />
of Greater Victoria<br />
Programs and Services<br />
Caught in the Middle<br />
Mediation for Couples<br />
Counselling/Therapy Services<br />
New Ways for Families ®<br />
Art/Play Therapy Techniques<br />
Parent Support & Resources<br />
Facilitated Parent–Child Connection Separation Resource Services<br />
In-Person & Telehealth Services<br />
Support for Grandparents<br />
Learn more about our services and how to donate<br />
250-386-4331 www.fsgv.org<br />
2 Grand grandmag.ca
Contents<br />
4<br />
6<br />
10<br />
12<br />
14<br />
16<br />
18<br />
20<br />
22<br />
24<br />
26<br />
7 Grand: Ideas + Inspiration<br />
Profile: Linda Rogers<br />
On the importance of celebrating and<br />
supporting families and why a healthy<br />
world depends on healthy children.<br />
On-the-Job Training<br />
The lessons our grandchildren teach us.<br />
Rachel Dunstan Muller<br />
Grandparent Giving<br />
Financial help that makes a difference<br />
to young families.<br />
Lindsay Plumb<br />
Five Photo Sharing Apps<br />
for Families<br />
From Keepy to 23Snaps, here’s our<br />
round up of the best.<br />
Travel with Grandkids<br />
How the planning process can be as<br />
fun as the trip.<br />
Cathy Larsen<br />
10 Things to Consider and/or<br />
Have on Hand Before Your<br />
Grandkids Visit<br />
It’s not just the things that count, it’s the<br />
thought that goes into grandkid visits, too.<br />
Eva Bild<br />
A Little Kindness Goes<br />
a Long Way<br />
How to encourage a young child’s<br />
natural kindness.<br />
Susan Gnucci<br />
Sleep Solutions for<br />
Grandkid Sleepovers<br />
How to prepare for a successful<br />
sleepover.<br />
Sukkie Sandhu<br />
‘Grand’ Feelings<br />
The logistics of long-distance<br />
grandparenting.<br />
Allison Rees<br />
Planned Giving<br />
How to give a charitable gift after<br />
you’re gone.<br />
Janet Gadeski<br />
On the Cover<br />
Carson (6 months)<br />
with Linda Rogers<br />
Photo by<br />
Sofee Rogers<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III<br />
<strong>GRAND</strong><br />
grandmag.ca<br />
On-the-Job Training<br />
Learning from our<br />
grandchildren<br />
5 Photo<br />
Sharing Apps<br />
Grandparent Giving<br />
Financial help that<br />
makes a difference<br />
Q&A<br />
Linda<br />
Rogers<br />
Poet,<br />
Novelist,<br />
Essayist &<br />
Kid-at-Heart<br />
The Multi-Generational<br />
Bucket List<br />
Jim Schneider Publisher<br />
publisher@islandparent.ca<br />
Sue Fast Editor<br />
editor@islandparent.ca<br />
Kristine Wickheim Account Manager<br />
kristine@islandparent.ca<br />
RaeLeigh Buchanan Account Manager<br />
raeleigh@islandparent.ca<br />
Grand, published by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is a quarterly<br />
publication that honours and supports grandparents by providing information<br />
on resources and businesses for families and a forum for the<br />
exchange of ideas and opinions. Views expressed are not necessarily<br />
those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without the<br />
permission of the publisher. Grand is distributed free in selected areas.<br />
ISSN 0838-5505 518 Caselton Place, Victoria, BC V8Z 7Y5<br />
Made famous by the Hollywood<br />
movie of the same name, The<br />
Bucket List has become much<br />
more than a pre-death to-do list. As a<br />
tool for the entire family, the multigenerational<br />
goal list—a collaborative<br />
endeavour—lets you create a list for a<br />
family life of no regrets. Ever dreamed<br />
of ‘glamping’ in the Clayoquot sound?<br />
How about heli-skiing the “Island<br />
Alps” in Strathcona Park? Snorkelling<br />
with the salmon in Campbell River?<br />
Add each to-do to your list and start<br />
making plans! And remember: kids<br />
make great travel companions—not<br />
only do they add an extra level of energy,<br />
curiosity and excitement, but<br />
they often open up conversations and<br />
create social connections that might<br />
not otherwise occur.<br />
So gather young and old and write<br />
down your top to-do’s. From road<br />
trips, day hikes or a trip to the museum,<br />
to learning to row, picking blackberries<br />
for pie or bike riding along the<br />
Trans-Canada Trail, Vancouver Island<br />
offers a lifetime’s worth of things to<br />
add to—and then check off—your<br />
family’s bucket list.<br />
To that end, this issue of <strong>GRAND</strong><br />
features articles on topics ranging from<br />
travelling with grandkids, 10 things<br />
to have on hand when your grandkids<br />
visit and the five top photo-sharing<br />
apps, to sleepover solutions, grandparent<br />
giving and learning from our<br />
grandchildren while “on-the-job.”<br />
There’s 7 Grand, a compilation of<br />
ideas and inspiration to help keep you<br />
in-the-know and connected to community,<br />
there’s an article on the “grand<br />
feelings” and logistics of long-distance<br />
grandparenting and there’s a profile<br />
on poet, novelist, essayist and kid-atheart,<br />
Linda Rogers, on the importance<br />
of celebrating and supporting children<br />
and families.<br />
We hope this issue of <strong>GRAND</strong> inspires<br />
you to celebrate those you love,<br />
to make—and tackle!—plans that excite<br />
and inspire you, and to appreciate<br />
every moment we have together.<br />
250-388-6905 grandmag.ca<br />
A proud member of<br />
BC<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III 3
Ideas + Inspiration<br />
7Grand<br />
Letters to<br />
Seniors<br />
Letters to Seniors supports<br />
isolated seniors with encouraging,<br />
meaningful handwritten<br />
letters sent by volunteers of<br />
all ages. The program consists<br />
of two phases:<br />
Phase One: Volunteers of<br />
all ages send drawings/short<br />
cheerful cards/letters to seniors.<br />
Phase Two: Youth and seniors<br />
who are eager to build a<br />
connection with one another<br />
join the pen-pal format of the<br />
program, where they send<br />
letters back and forth and<br />
discuss their interests and<br />
hobbies. Letters to Seniors is<br />
seeking seniors to participate.<br />
If you are interested, email<br />
info@volunteergrandparents.<br />
ca.<br />
Create Your<br />
Own Cookbook<br />
A custom cookbook is a beautiful—albeit<br />
time-consuming—<br />
gift. Several online publishing<br />
platforms such as Blurb<br />
(blurb.com) and Shutterfly<br />
(shutterfly.com) offer a special<br />
layout for the project, and<br />
it’s easy to upload photos,<br />
ingredients lists and directions.<br />
Fill it with cherished<br />
family recipes and the next<br />
time you’re all together, gather<br />
your grandkids and make your<br />
favourites for a family meal.<br />
What I Love About<br />
Grandma/Grandpa:<br />
A Fill in the Love Book<br />
The concept of the book<br />
is simple: Each page has a<br />
prompt that your grandkid fills<br />
in, including things like, “I love<br />
how you always say __” and<br />
“Your __ is the best __ ever.”<br />
It’s perfect for kids who are<br />
too young to write long cards<br />
on their own, or even for older<br />
kids who find communicating<br />
hard. And it’s a great project<br />
for each grandparent and<br />
grandchild to do together as a<br />
gift for the other grandparent.<br />
knockknockstuff.com.<br />
4 Grand grandmag.ca
Lifelong<br />
Learning<br />
Elders Assistance<br />
Pilot Program<br />
Bridges Healing<br />
Notebook<br />
Go Big at Butchart<br />
this Christmas<br />
Learn about writing, cooking,<br />
wellness, sports, business,<br />
relationships and more, with<br />
each topic taught by an expert.<br />
Through programs like<br />
Masterclass and Skillshare,<br />
you can access thousands of<br />
classes about topics ranging<br />
from Animation to Wilderness<br />
Survival—and everything in<br />
between. Both platforms offer<br />
per class options along with<br />
unlimited access based on<br />
membership. For more information,<br />
visit masterclass.com<br />
or skillshare.com.<br />
Métis Nation British Columbia<br />
(MNBC) is launching Elders<br />
Assistance Pilot Program to<br />
help low-income Elders buy<br />
health-related necessities.<br />
Eligibility is based on Elders<br />
that currently access Old Age<br />
Security (OAS) and the Guaranteed<br />
Income Supplement<br />
(GIS). The funds can be used to<br />
purchase items including hearing<br />
aids, dentures, walkers,<br />
glasses, and more, totalling up<br />
to $2,500. Applicants must be<br />
MNBC citizens or be in the application<br />
process. Visit mnbc.<br />
ca/news/<strong>2021</strong>/metis-nationbritish-columbia-launcheselders-assistance-pilotprogram.<br />
Bridges for Women’s <strong>2021</strong><br />
Bridges to Healing Workbook<br />
is now available. This selfpaced<br />
workbook is for women<br />
(transgender and cisgender),<br />
non-binary, and two-spirit people<br />
who identify as a part of<br />
the women’s community and<br />
who have been impacted by<br />
violence or trauma at any time<br />
in their lives. It is full of practical<br />
tips and techniques to help<br />
individuals understand and<br />
overcome the impacts of trauma,<br />
and begin to heal and set<br />
and achieve personal goals.<br />
For more information and to<br />
order a print copy ($32.95 plus<br />
shipping and handling), visit<br />
bridgesforwomen.ca.<br />
Sample the winter sights and<br />
tastes on a tour of the Saanich<br />
Peninsula this Christmas.<br />
Travel in a Tesla Signature<br />
Model S 85 or Model 3, the<br />
world’s first fully-electric,<br />
solar-powered touring sedans.<br />
Or, for bigger groups, ride in<br />
the Tesla Model X SUV for 6.<br />
Your 4- to 8-hour Tesla Tour<br />
will visit Butchart Gardens<br />
with optional visits to Butterfly<br />
Gardens or your choice of<br />
Saanich-area vineyards, honey<br />
farms, distilleries and tearooms<br />
(tasting fees included,<br />
admission fees and meals not<br />
included). Admission tickets,<br />
starting at $779.49 for groups/<br />
families up to 6, may be purchased<br />
online: viator.com.<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III 5
Profile<br />
Linda Rogers<br />
Linda Rogers is a novelist, essayist, journalist, editor and songwriter. She is<br />
past Victoria Poet Laureate, Canadian People’s Poet, and President of the<br />
League of Canadian Poets, and the BC Federation of Writers. Linda has published<br />
29 books—including poetry, children’s books, fiction, non-fiction—and<br />
has been included in a number of anthologies. She has received the Leacock<br />
Prize, the National Poetry Prize, the Dorothy Livesay Prize, the Gwendolyn<br />
MacEwen Prize and the Milton Acorn Award in Canada, among others. Linda is<br />
the mother of three, step-mother of one, grandmother of four and is married to<br />
blues mandolinist Rick Van Krugel. She values and celebrates children and families<br />
and believes “a healthy world depends on healthy children.” When asked<br />
to take part in <strong>GRAND</strong>’s Q & A being a grandparent, she answered: “…there is<br />
NOTHING more important to me. You could give me an option, “…talk about<br />
grandparenting or receive the Nobel Prize” and that would be a no brainer. I’d<br />
LOVE to answer your questions.”<br />
Q. How many children do you have?<br />
What are their names?<br />
I have a stepdaughter, Eva, and<br />
three sons Sasha, Keefer and Tristan,<br />
plus a bunch of kids we regard as family<br />
who outgrew us in different ways,<br />
some of whom revisit with affection.<br />
Others are spirit kids now, the ones<br />
who didn’t survive the trauma of colonisation:<br />
Tony, Clyde, Russell.<br />
Q. How many grandchildren do you<br />
have? What are their names and<br />
ages? Where do they live?<br />
Four grandchildren: Sophie, 28,<br />
James Sage, 26, Olive, 19, and Isabel,<br />
13, all of whom live in Victoria. Wahoo!<br />
Q. What do you love most about being<br />
a grandparent? Least?<br />
What I love most is knowing that<br />
child-love is an inherited characteristic.<br />
When children are respected, it<br />
is learned behaviour. I love watching<br />
my family nourish their children the<br />
way they grow their gardens, and no<br />
matter how embarrassing I may be as<br />
a non-adult adult, something has resonated:<br />
respect for human rights and<br />
especially the rights of children. I love<br />
having a hand in the development of<br />
their passion and watching them grow<br />
into themselves.<br />
I least like what I love most, watching<br />
them grow, because growth means<br />
independence and my ultimate redundancy<br />
except the part about retaining<br />
the important things, passion for<br />
truth and beauty, respect for life in all<br />
its forms.<br />
Q. How is being a grandparent different<br />
than being a parent?<br />
Not much different except instead<br />
of opposing our parents we occasionally<br />
oppose our kids who might sometimes<br />
feel the temptation think we<br />
are inspiring crazy in their precious<br />
life projects. One of them mentioned<br />
“Undermining authority.” Yes. Right.<br />
Bring it on. That is the job description.<br />
The only rule is kindness, kids.<br />
Q. What was important to you as a<br />
parent when you were raising your<br />
own children?<br />
It was important to me that my children<br />
knew their own worth and respected<br />
the value of others. I hoped to<br />
lead them into experiences that would<br />
give them joy for the rest of their lives<br />
and that they would be kind. As a<br />
feminist, I realised that what my sons<br />
6 Grand grandmag.ca
observed and experienced at home<br />
would affect their attitude toward<br />
women. Sometimes that led to some<br />
infamous lectures. I admonished them<br />
to “behave and respect” in front of<br />
girlfriends, who were, I hope, grateful.<br />
One of my favourite experiences was<br />
“the Lothario one of infinite charm,”<br />
changing a very challenging diaper<br />
in front of an old girlfriend, as in old<br />
friend, who said. “This is the moment<br />
we’ve all been waiting for.” Hahahaha.<br />
I hoped my kids would be good people<br />
leading good lives, and so far, so good.<br />
My kids grew up on a sheep farm<br />
between two reserves. The benefit of<br />
learning about an old, albeit horrifically<br />
assaulted, culture from their friends,<br />
the honour of being included in ceremony,<br />
reinforced their home values.<br />
Q. What is most important to you as a<br />
grandparent?<br />
Nothing much has changed. A new<br />
child is like falling in love again. This<br />
time, your hands aren’t so much on<br />
the wheel, so the ride can be even<br />
more exhilarating. Almost irresponsible<br />
love. My worst transgression as a<br />
grandparent is standard grandparent<br />
behaviour—babies are to be adored<br />
and given in to so long as it is safe. If<br />
their parents entrust them to us, they<br />
can just forget about their expectations.<br />
Mine are that they have a beautiful<br />
time. As before, I have one rule.<br />
Be safe and be kind.<br />
The only time I doled out discipline<br />
was when my grandson, going<br />
through the 10-year-old chubby stage<br />
before he went vertical, was called<br />
“F*****”—by a FRIEND??? As he got<br />
in my car, he yelled back “F*****!” so I<br />
dumped him out and suggested he and<br />
his friend, the little horribles, could<br />
walk home from school and make<br />
nice. Luckily, that stage passed.<br />
Recently, when our youngest, Isabel,<br />
brought two girlfriends over for popsicles,<br />
I started in on a homily about<br />
mean girls and exclusion. “We know<br />
that,” they replied in unison and rolled<br />
their eyes. When I told our grandsonin-law,<br />
Sumeet, about this reaction to<br />
grandma wisdom he said, in his wisdom,<br />
“You’re not 13, Linda.” True.<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
Just because I know everything at<br />
my advanced age, does not give me<br />
licence to rattle on. No one is paying<br />
me to lecture anymore.<br />
Q. You have said “a healthy world<br />
depends on healthy children.” How<br />
can we, as a community/society, help<br />
ensure our children—and in turn our<br />
world—stay healthy?<br />
It starts in law, in writing like the<br />
sermon on the Mount, the lovely beatitudes<br />
and in other spiritual prescriptions.<br />
The commandment should say,<br />
Do unto others, especially babies. The<br />
way we nourish children will determine<br />
their world view, the way they<br />
become custodians of nature and each<br />
other. There is enough in this world<br />
for everyone. No one needs excess.<br />
We do great harm expecting children<br />
to sacrifice childhood to compete for<br />
excess. They need to play together and<br />
to pass on fair play to the next generation.<br />
That is what we owe them. To<br />
each according to his need, the justice<br />
of moderate need. Sadly, that needs to<br />
be legislated because we have not yet<br />
as a capital-driven civilisation been<br />
able to absorb the holy laws without<br />
twisting them into competitiveness.<br />
Q. It has been said that you and your<br />
partner, Rick Van Krugel, are really<br />
adult children and that the inside of<br />
your house looks like the inside of<br />
your brains, very cluttered and whimsical.<br />
How do these qualities lend<br />
themselves to being a grandparent?<br />
It is true. We are naughty children,<br />
sharing a perverse sense of humour<br />
and delight in the phenomenal world,<br />
most of which we have brought home<br />
to the disgust of our children, who<br />
foresee our deaths as cleanup jobs and<br />
delight of our grandchildren, who will<br />
inherit the stuff. We are known as the<br />
Honorable Cluttertons in some circles,<br />
Rick, who must adopt and fix everything,<br />
is far worse than me, and our<br />
house is a veritable museum of friendships<br />
and enthusiasms. Unfortunately<br />
many of our friends have been artists<br />
and they are all present on our walls<br />
and in the air, constantly chattering,<br />
pictures words and music all around<br />
us, all the time.<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III 7
Q. You jumped off a mountain in Turkey?<br />
Why?!<br />
I am not physically brave, but we<br />
were travelling with Naomi, the<br />
16-year-old recklessly-brave daughter<br />
of the band leader of Sweet Papa Lowdown,<br />
and she challenged me to jump<br />
“to impress my grandchildren.” So I<br />
did. After a scary start (not enough<br />
wind) it was glorious. My grandchildren<br />
were not overly impressed, but<br />
they were used to my impulsivities so<br />
maybe it seemed normal.<br />
Q. What part did your grandparents<br />
play in your life? What did you learn<br />
from them?<br />
I had two grandmothers, one of<br />
whom died the week I was born but<br />
may have left me with spiritual thirst<br />
and flapper gaiety, and the other who<br />
was shrouded in the martyrdom of<br />
war casualty. Her husband, my grandfather,<br />
was a brilliant young man<br />
gassed at Ypres and left with a chronic<br />
case of TB which didn’t kill him for 40<br />
years, all of which they spent in quarantine.<br />
My grandfathers were wonderful.<br />
The one who was an invalid had every<br />
talent imaginable, the delight in<br />
which he passed on because we broke<br />
some of the rules of his isolation. He<br />
was a phenomenal athlete (and was<br />
still allowed to golf) who had played<br />
soccer for Scotland and also represented<br />
Scotland as a singer at the Chicago<br />
World Fair. He was the Seaforth<br />
Highlander who sang for the Germans<br />
at the famous Christmas armistice.<br />
His life was a tragedy in some sense,<br />
but also a triumph over adversity<br />
because he passed on his love of art,<br />
reading, music and gamesmanship.<br />
My other grandfather, a descendent<br />
of the Trollope and Hopkins literary<br />
families gave me another sense of the<br />
importance of story and love of animals.<br />
Two lovely men.<br />
Q. What do you hope your grandchildren<br />
learn from you?<br />
I think they have learned to laugh<br />
through their tears, to do what they<br />
love, to raise beautiful kids and create<br />
beauty from whatever is in front of<br />
them, whether it is 26 notes, a lump of<br />
clay, a 2'x4' or a sidewalk begging for<br />
chalk.<br />
Q. How have you passed along traditions<br />
and skills, in particular poetry?<br />
Music? Writing? Story telling?<br />
I was thrilled recently when our<br />
granddaughter Olive was told by her<br />
lit teacher that her writing was full<br />
of surprises. That made me so happy<br />
because “surprising” means embracing<br />
risk, going for truth and beauty,<br />
no matter how elusive. The bonus was<br />
that, almost simultaneously, Joyce<br />
Carol Oates wrote the same comment<br />
about my writing when she was<br />
awarding the Carter Vanderbilt Cooper<br />
short story prize. I love that Olive<br />
is free to express her ideas. I hope I<br />
gave her permission.<br />
My husband is a, can I say, brilliant<br />
musician. He is very uptight about<br />
screwing lids on jars, which makes<br />
me insane, but totally reckless when<br />
he is playing his mandolin. I love that.<br />
He has passed on that enthusiasm to<br />
the kids, one of whom is actively playing.<br />
The problem with Sophie, who<br />
writes songs, is that she has so many<br />
enthusiasms and gifts, encouraged by<br />
her parents and grandparents, it is<br />
hard to find time for all of them. Now<br />
that she is a mother, artist, carpenter,<br />
jewelry maker, singer etc she is giving<br />
the quality time to her son. No wonder<br />
he is in tune already and actually<br />
said “Grampa” at four months. Lucky,<br />
beautiful boy.<br />
There is a stubborn dyslexic gene<br />
in my former husband’s family, which<br />
inhibited confidence in reading and<br />
writing. My kids spelled phonetically.<br />
Too bad they didn’t grow up speaking<br />
Turkish, a phonetic language. My<br />
youngest, Tristan, and I co-conspired<br />
to write Frankie Zapper and the Disappearing<br />
Teacher after a sadistic teacher<br />
sent him to the blackboard to spell onomatopoeia.<br />
They are all readers now<br />
and Olive is one who might be a writer<br />
if she chooses.<br />
Of course, they have been exposed<br />
to everything we love and they pick<br />
and choose.<br />
Q. How did you help your children—<br />
and how do you help your grandchildren—find<br />
their talents and<br />
strengths? To explore their creativity?<br />
My children have warned me not to<br />
be toooooo responsive when their kids<br />
express enthusiasm or show aptitude<br />
because that can be the kiss of death. I<br />
8 Grand grandmag.ca
am liable to jump in the air and drown<br />
them in praise and accessories at the<br />
slightest provocation. Sage recently<br />
told me he has enough art supplies for<br />
a lifetime. Okay I get it, no more pastels.<br />
I LOVE pastels, the beautiful colours.<br />
Creative selves are happy selves.<br />
I love to see kids overcome by joy, but<br />
sometimes I have to listen and hold<br />
back. They get to choose, not me.<br />
A while back, I was with Kwagiulth<br />
artist Billy Cook and his kids while Billy<br />
finished a silver belt buckle for my<br />
husband. In his culture, kids learn by<br />
watching. I jumped in and ran around<br />
the studio he shared with his brother<br />
Rande, stealing Rande’s coloured pencils<br />
and paper. “They want to draw!”<br />
I said. Of course they did. Billy also<br />
knew they needed to watch and learn<br />
patience. William, who cried that day<br />
because he wanted a belt buckle, was<br />
told he would get a buckle when he<br />
made it himself. Now that is cultural<br />
teaching. William is becoming a beautiful<br />
artist and his dad will teach him<br />
to engrave when he is ready and has<br />
promised I can gift him the silver. I<br />
cannot wait!<br />
Grandparenting is not only your<br />
own family but all the families. I love<br />
it when grown-ups I have known all<br />
their lives still call me “Gramalinda”<br />
although one granddaughter, who will<br />
remain nameless, threatened to put<br />
her best friend’s cheeks in the toaster<br />
for calling me that. They remain best<br />
friends and I stole her line for The Empress<br />
Letters.<br />
Q. What are some of your favourite<br />
things to do and places to go with<br />
your grandchildren?<br />
That is the hardest question to<br />
answer because, at this time (during<br />
the pandemic), the only possible trips<br />
are in our heads…no high tea at Venus<br />
Sophia (sadly shut), no mucking<br />
with germy clay or cooking together,<br />
and certainly no concerts, theatre<br />
or galleries, no promised excursion<br />
to London or elsewhere for the two<br />
youngest whose turn it is to choose a<br />
destination. I like to go any place with<br />
my grandchildren from film to farm,<br />
especially the spit on the Armour farm<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
at Saltspring Island where extended<br />
family also waits for this to be over. At<br />
last.<br />
We have had birthday parades, messenger<br />
and skype this year, all sadly<br />
lacking. I paint cards and order gifts<br />
online, catching hell for air transport<br />
pollution from one zealot. July was a<br />
blessed window before Delta dawn<br />
(and yes we are writing a song about<br />
that) and we went to Butterfly World<br />
and Sea Cider Winery via Tally Ho<br />
Tours to celebrate Rick and Sophie’s<br />
birthdays. Now we are knuckling<br />
down again after a few wonderful<br />
hugs for a brutal winter.<br />
This year I hope to publish a book<br />
called Mother, the Verb, Swan Sister<br />
Treasures, which is a collection of<br />
art, writing, photography, music and<br />
filmmaking by activist women and<br />
allies. My granddaughter, Sophie Rogers<br />
Dhaul’s art is on the cover. Youth<br />
contributors include Isla Cook and<br />
Olive Rogers. We are all mothers of<br />
invention and I hope the book will be<br />
a celebration of renewed awareness<br />
of the value in matriarchy, balanced<br />
culture, the old leading the young and<br />
the young leading the old, that came<br />
out of a very dark time in our shared<br />
history.<br />
Q. What do you wish for your grandchildren?<br />
I wish them lives that are as gloriously<br />
fulfilling as the one I have had,<br />
where, as a feminist, I fought for<br />
rights they enjoy and, as a human,<br />
tried to live the beautitudes. I wish<br />
them luck in finding partners who<br />
love them and work that fulfills them.<br />
I hope they are able to give and receive<br />
with grace. I hope that they are in the<br />
majority of humans who respect other<br />
cultures and life forms and strive to<br />
protect the planet from greed.<br />
Q. What would you like your grandchildren<br />
to remember most about<br />
you?<br />
I would like them to remember that,<br />
although I was a person who talked to<br />
everyone and dressed the way I felt,<br />
sometimes to comic extremes, my<br />
intentions were good. I don’t mind if<br />
they have a retrospective laugh about<br />
everything but the day I risked my life<br />
and possibly his job wearing a unicorn<br />
mask into Capital Savings to greet my<br />
granddaughter’s then boyfriend, Sumeet.<br />
Hey, I wasn’t carrying. I would<br />
like them to remember my bread and<br />
my lettuce wrap, my frittata and curries,<br />
my chutney and trifle, but not the<br />
year I made Brussels sprout salad at<br />
Christmas.<br />
Q. Do you have any wise words or stories<br />
to share with other grandparents<br />
to help them in their role raising their<br />
grandchildren?<br />
I have the same advice I give about<br />
life in general. Be authentic. Kids and<br />
cats know the difference. Share your<br />
joy and be honest about your sorrows.<br />
Give generously. It is true there is<br />
more joy and giving, but also remember<br />
to receive with gratitude. They<br />
are treasures. Show them the ways<br />
in which expectation is the enemy of<br />
joyful creativity. The act of creation is<br />
its own reward. Show don’t tell. They<br />
learn by mimicry. Love them and then<br />
love them some more. There is never<br />
too much. Don’t be afraid to phone an<br />
adult child and leave embarrassing<br />
singing messages their friends might<br />
hear on their answering machines, “I<br />
just called to say I love you,” because<br />
those old tapes are your most valuable<br />
legacy. IMHO.<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III 9
<strong>GRAND</strong>parenting<br />
On-the-Job Training<br />
Minutes after my first grandchild’s<br />
birth, I held him with<br />
nine parts wonder…and one<br />
part trepidation. From the down on<br />
his head to his impossibly tiny toenails,<br />
Kieran was perfect. It was love<br />
at first sight. But would it be mutual, I<br />
wondered.<br />
I can laugh now, but at the time the<br />
self-doubt was real.<br />
I grew up thousands of kilometres<br />
from my own grandparents, so while<br />
I treasured our annual visits, they<br />
weren’t part of my daily life. On the<br />
other hand, my parents and in-laws<br />
were all wonderful grandparents to<br />
my own brood, so it’s not that I didn’t<br />
have good role models. But still I worried.<br />
I was young for a grandmother,<br />
inexperienced and untrained. How<br />
could I possibly live up to such a revered<br />
title?<br />
I’d felt the same irrational anxiety<br />
years before when I’d held my youngest<br />
child for the first time, my first and<br />
only boy. I was a mother of daughters—four<br />
of them; I had no experience<br />
with sons. Would he see through<br />
me? Would he judge me an imposter?<br />
In the end, of course, I learned to be<br />
my son’s mother the same way I’d<br />
learned to be the mother of his sisters:<br />
one day and stage at a time, by trial<br />
and error and paying attention—the<br />
secret of any good relationship!<br />
In the almost seven years since Kieran<br />
was born I’ve been blessed with<br />
three more grandkids, and each in<br />
turn has taught me something important.<br />
As the oldest, Kieran has perhaps<br />
taught me the most. He taught me that<br />
if I get down to his level when he’s<br />
telling me something, we can see eye<br />
to eye—which in turn tells him that he<br />
has my undivided attention. He taught<br />
me that from that same level it’s easier<br />
to see the world from his perspective,<br />
and that this has its own rewards, like<br />
at the beach when we comb the sand<br />
for hermit crabs and tiny sea shells.<br />
He taught me that the more interest<br />
I show in his latest Lego creation or<br />
bicycle trick, the more he glows—and<br />
the more likely he is to show me his<br />
next masterpiece. He taught me that<br />
a child’s legs are considerably shorter<br />
than an adult’s legs, and to remember<br />
that when choosing hiking and biking<br />
routes. He taught me that even the<br />
sweetest children get tired and cranky<br />
sometimes, and that’s okay, too.<br />
From Kieran’s little sister Dahlia, I<br />
learned a new lesson: patience. Dahlia<br />
was a confirmed Mommy’s girl for the<br />
first two years of her life, highly suspicious<br />
of any other adult who showed<br />
10 Grand grandmag.ca
her attention. As much as I wanted<br />
to take her into my arms whenever I<br />
saw her, I learned to wait for her cues<br />
that she was ready. The more willing I<br />
was to let her make the first move, the<br />
more quickly I earned her trust. I no<br />
longer have to wait for hugs now that<br />
Dahlia is an exuberant 4-year-old, but<br />
the importance of being sensitive to a<br />
grandchild’s cues has stayed with me.<br />
At three and a half, my granddaughter<br />
Rhea isn’t afraid to ask for exactly<br />
what she wants. Just the other day I<br />
offered to serve her milk in the special<br />
“puppy” cup that her own mother had<br />
used as a child. To my surprise, Rhea<br />
politely declined and asked instead<br />
for the orange mug visible in the open<br />
cupboard behind my head—orange<br />
being one of her favourite colours.<br />
Her reaction caught me off guard; I’d<br />
been excited to share something that<br />
had been passed down through four<br />
generations. But as I handed her the<br />
orange mug, I realized that Rhea’s response<br />
was something to be celebrated.<br />
She knew what she wanted and<br />
felt confident and safe enough to ask<br />
for it. And isn’t this confidence exactly<br />
what I want for her as she eventually<br />
grows into adolescence and adulthood?<br />
It was the briefest of exchanges<br />
and yet it made me pause. How often<br />
do I impose my own expectations on<br />
the people I love, at the expense of<br />
learning what they want?<br />
Even two-month-old Micah has had<br />
something to teach me. I’ve made it<br />
a priority to spend time with him as<br />
much as possible since his birth, since<br />
he’s likely to be my last grandchild for<br />
a while. But as often as I visit—at least<br />
every few days—he refuses to slow<br />
down. He’s a little bigger and stronger<br />
each time I see him. His rapid growth<br />
has been a reminder that each stage<br />
in my grandchildren’s lives is fleeting,<br />
and that I need to cherish each moment.<br />
I’m sure there are many more lessons<br />
in store as the seasons keep<br />
turning; I’ve yet to experience the joys<br />
of grandparenting ’tweens or adolescents.<br />
Thankfully the role comes with<br />
excellent on-the-job training!<br />
Rachel Dunstan Muller is a children’s author,<br />
storyteller, podcaster and grandmother.<br />
You can find her two podcasts Hintertales:<br />
Stories from the Margins of History and<br />
Sticks and Stones and Stories through her<br />
website at racheldunstanmuller.com, or<br />
wherever you normally get your podcasts.<br />
Healthy Families, Happy Families<br />
Child, Youth<br />
& Family<br />
Public Health<br />
South Island Health Units<br />
Esquimalt 250-519-5311<br />
Gulf Islands 250-539-3099<br />
(toll-free number for office in Saanichton)<br />
Peninsula 250-544-2400<br />
Saanich 250-519-5100<br />
Saltspring Island 250-538-4880<br />
Sooke 250-519-3487<br />
Victoria 250-388-2200<br />
West Shore 250-519-3490<br />
Central Island Health Units<br />
Duncan 250-709-3050<br />
Ladysmith 250-755-3342<br />
Lake Cowichan 250-749-6878<br />
Nanaimo 250-755-3342<br />
Nanaimo 250-739-5845<br />
Princess Royal<br />
Parksville/Qualicum 250-947-8242<br />
Port Alberni 250-731-1315<br />
Tofino 250-725-4020<br />
North Island Health Units<br />
Campbell River 250-850-2110<br />
Courtenay 250-331-8520<br />
Kyuquot Health Ctr 250-332-5289<br />
‘Namgis Health Ctr 250-974-5522<br />
Port Hardy 250-902-6071<br />
islandhealth.ca/our-locations/<br />
health-unit-locations<br />
Changes with BC Medical Services Plan<br />
premiums mean that families eligible for partial<br />
payment of some medical services and access<br />
to some income-based programs now must<br />
apply for Supplementary Benefits through the<br />
Government of BC. Applications can be done<br />
online and take approximately 15 minutes.<br />
Families who previously qualified for MSP<br />
Premium Assistance should not need to re-apply<br />
if taxes are completed yearly. It is advised to<br />
confirm coverage before proceeding with<br />
treatment to avoid paying out of pocket.<br />
For more information, visit gov.bc.ca/gov/<br />
content/health/health-drug-coverage/msp/<br />
bc-residents/benefits/services-covered-bymsp/supplementary-benefits<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III 11
Money &<br />
Finances<br />
Grandparent Giving<br />
Financial help that can make a difference<br />
Raising children now is much different<br />
than times in the past.<br />
Many families require two incomes<br />
along with an income suite just<br />
to get by. Real estate prices have been<br />
a driver of these changes but there are<br />
many other costs that have followed<br />
loan, of a down payment to reduce the<br />
financial stress load. This is an amazing<br />
and generous offering that allows<br />
families to become homeowners.<br />
However, there are many grandparents<br />
who are not in the position to bestow<br />
such a gift who still want to help.<br />
Lindsay Plumb is a<br />
financial coach and<br />
founder of MOOLA<br />
Financial. Download<br />
her free budget<br />
template at pretty<br />
moneyclub.com.<br />
closely behind. It is not uncommon for<br />
groceries to add up to over $1000 each<br />
month, childcare costs are often $900<br />
or more per child and gas has risen to<br />
several hundreds of dollars just to get<br />
to work and back.<br />
This current reality means that<br />
when families are discussing their<br />
finances, it can be a stressful situation<br />
with feelings of overwhelm, regret<br />
and hopelessness. There is no wonder<br />
why money has become the number<br />
one stressor and cause of marital<br />
breakdowns.<br />
We have seen an increase in grandparents<br />
helping parents with a gift, or<br />
Save for Education<br />
The responsibility to save for postsecondary<br />
education weighs heavily<br />
on parents. While children are allowed<br />
to have more than one Registered Education<br />
Savings Plan (RESP) open at a<br />
time, this option adds additional confusion<br />
around grants and bonds especially<br />
during the withdrawal period. You<br />
could encourage the parents to open<br />
the account as soon as possible and<br />
remind them that the BC government<br />
currently offers an additional $1200<br />
grant if applied for between the ages of<br />
6 and 9. Monthly, annual, or one-time<br />
contributions can be sent to the parents<br />
with the understanding that these<br />
funds will be deposited into the RESP.<br />
Help with Extracurriculars<br />
Playing multiple sports along with<br />
learning an instrument and swimming<br />
all in the same season is common<br />
these days. This comes along<br />
with significant costs, often into the<br />
thousands of dollars, for each child<br />
every year. When grandparents offer<br />
to pay for a class or summer camp<br />
they not only help with the parents’<br />
budgeting they also provide a skill<br />
your grandchild will cherish into their<br />
adult years.<br />
Invest for the Future<br />
Teaching the next generation to<br />
invest in their future allows them to<br />
12 Grand grandmag.ca
learn while the mistakes have little<br />
consequence. Include your grandchild<br />
by discussing the investment options<br />
based on your experience and<br />
knowledge, choosing the best fit, and<br />
regularly reviewing the progress and<br />
objectives. With your support, your<br />
grandchild will feel comfortable to ask<br />
questions, make mistakes and learn<br />
valuable lessons that will pay dividends<br />
in perpetuity.<br />
Share Your Stories<br />
History is the best teacher. Sharing<br />
stories of your first paycheque,<br />
how you saved for a house, what pension<br />
plans were offered or the cost of<br />
groceries when your kids were young<br />
give perspective to the current reality.<br />
While they may not be able to follow<br />
in your footsteps they will find their<br />
own path easier.<br />
Give Experiences<br />
During the long, wet, winters on<br />
the island parents are often looking<br />
for activities to fill the weekends.<br />
Unfortunately, indoor activities often<br />
come with a large price tag like those<br />
at museums, movies and trampoline<br />
parks. Many of these establishments<br />
offer annual passes and gift cards<br />
which make wonderful Christmas and<br />
birthday gifts.<br />
Buy the Equipment<br />
If your grandchild is in extracurricular<br />
activities like sports and music,<br />
they likely need new equipment on a<br />
semi-regular basis. Before their next<br />
season starts, take them shopping for<br />
their new baseball glove or hockey<br />
skates and consider making this an<br />
annual event for the two of you.<br />
Offer to Babysit<br />
Babysitters can quickly double the<br />
cost of a night out for a couple looking<br />
for some time alone. Either a sleepover<br />
at your house or a visit to theirs can<br />
mean that mom and dad get to have<br />
some fun and the kids eat ice cream<br />
and stay up late creating memories<br />
with their grandparent.<br />
Any grandparent who wants to<br />
help can find a way that works with<br />
their financial situation, location, and<br />
schedule. Raising children feels harder<br />
now than it used to be so this help<br />
can make a real difference. Regardless<br />
of how you choose to pitch in, please<br />
keep in mind of the additional stress<br />
parents are facing and do your best to<br />
help without judgement of the differences.<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III 13
Media &<br />
Technology<br />
Five Photo Sharing<br />
Apps for Families<br />
Keepy<br />
Ever wondered if there was a way<br />
to keep up on and see your grandkids’<br />
artwork, photos and schoolwork? Well<br />
wonder no more. Keepy helps connect<br />
families so they can share pictures,<br />
video clips and mementos. When you<br />
upload pictures, you can include short<br />
video clips and share memories with<br />
family, who can become “fans” of your<br />
child. Reply with video, voice or text<br />
comments. You can also order prints,<br />
canvases, photo books and other keepsakes.<br />
For iOS and Android.<br />
Family Album<br />
This all-in-one resource provides a<br />
secure, private, and easy way to share<br />
your photos with your whole family—<br />
even those who aren’t very tech-savvy.<br />
And it files photos and videos by date<br />
taken in easy-to-navigate digital albums.<br />
FamilyAlbum offers unlimited<br />
photo storage, accessible only to you<br />
and your family, compilation videos<br />
that automatically assemble 1-second<br />
clips of top memories and easy sharing.<br />
There is a browser version, so<br />
anybody with internet access—and<br />
your permission—can join in. For iOS<br />
and Android.<br />
14 Grand grandmag.ca
Tiny Beans<br />
Tiny Beans is like a digital baby<br />
book that lets you track your grandbaby’s<br />
milestones through pictures,<br />
videos, heights, weights and more.<br />
With unlimited photo storage that’s<br />
automatically sorted by date, you get a<br />
digital family journal and a way to remember<br />
all your grandkids’ memorable<br />
moments. Set up automatic email<br />
notifications so you know any time<br />
your kids post new milestones, photos<br />
or videos. For iOS and Android.<br />
23Snaps<br />
23Snaps is a photo-sharing app and<br />
web service that lets you share family<br />
pics in a private and safe way. Like a<br />
digital photo journal, it can be viewed<br />
by as many friends and family as you<br />
choose. See all of your grandchildren’s<br />
photo-worthy moments. Add captions<br />
and stories to photos and videos or<br />
try the photo filters and frames to add<br />
a little more fun. Share a single connected<br />
account through the mobile<br />
app and online or via e-mail. For iOS,<br />
Android or Windows.<br />
Google Photo<br />
Okay, so it’s not an app, but Google<br />
Photo lets you sign in on any device<br />
to start sharing photos so is great for<br />
even the not-so-techy. Make collages,<br />
animations, movies, albums and photo<br />
books and organize all of the above<br />
by people, places and things—using<br />
facial-recognition technology.<br />
There’s also a search feature that lets<br />
you locate photos—even if they aren’t<br />
tagged with a description.<br />
®<br />
Best Baby Gift<br />
Because Babies Grow<br />
Growth-Spurt Friendly<br />
Clothing for Babies & Kids<br />
www.sugarsandwich.com<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III 15
Road Trip<br />
Travel with Grandkids<br />
Cathy Larsen, co-owner of Departures<br />
Travel Sidney, is passionate about sharing<br />
her love of travel—even after 35 years<br />
in the industry. She enjoys life and sees<br />
travel as more than a stamp in her passport!<br />
Find her at departurestravel.com,<br />
facebook.com/DeparturesTravelSidney<br />
and linkedin.com/in/cathylarsen.<br />
Many of us have not only missed<br />
seeing our families during the<br />
past year and a half, but we’ve<br />
missed travelling with them as well.<br />
As domestic travel opens, what better<br />
time to combine the two!<br />
Multi-generational travel has<br />
been popular for some time and<br />
now there is an increase in skipgen<br />
or “gramping” travel, when<br />
grandparents travel alone with the<br />
grandkids, leaving Mom and Dad behind.<br />
It’s a great opportunity to get<br />
to know the grandkids, create lifelong<br />
memories and travel experiences<br />
for your grandchildren. My kids<br />
fondly remember those day trips up<br />
to the BC Forest Discovery Centre in<br />
Duncan, because, who doesn’t love a<br />
train?!<br />
The planning process should be as<br />
fun as the trip itself and when all involved<br />
participate it is sure to be a hit.<br />
If you want to get really creative, how<br />
about a mystery trip? With hidden<br />
clues along the way and the destination<br />
a surprise, it is sure to keep everyone<br />
interested and engaged in the<br />
trip itself. If the thought of the planning<br />
is just too overwhelming, there is<br />
always help by way of your local travel<br />
advisor.<br />
To make the most of your trip, here<br />
are a few tips and ideas to get you<br />
started.<br />
Hold a family meeting. Gather<br />
the troops together and ensure everyone<br />
is on the same page. Are you<br />
looking for an action-packed or relaxing<br />
getaway? Being in agreement<br />
from the beginning will help avoid<br />
disappointment and conflict. You<br />
may have an aspiring marine biologist<br />
that would love a trip to the Shaw<br />
Centre for the Salish Sea in Sidney or<br />
perhaps for the animal lover stop in at<br />
the Pacific Northwest Raptor Centre in<br />
Duncan.<br />
Plan Together. Once you’ve agreed<br />
on the overall concept, plan together.<br />
Involve the grandkids! If they are old<br />
enough to research, have them look<br />
into activities and points of interest<br />
along your route and at your destination.<br />
This way they are invested<br />
and you never know what they may<br />
find! Need a theme? How about<br />
a farm tour, totem discovery tour, cycling<br />
tour or see as many waterfalls as<br />
you can tour.<br />
Consider Everyone’s Needs. Are<br />
there special requirements for accommodation<br />
and restaurants? Separate<br />
bedrooms for the snorers in the<br />
group? Restaurants that offer a menu<br />
to suit everyone’s taste, including<br />
accommodating any food allergies<br />
or preferences. Did you know<br />
your grandson is afraid of heights<br />
or your granddaughter is a vegan?<br />
Having some options in advance will<br />
16 Grand grandmag.ca
westcoast<br />
families<br />
JUNE/JULY <strong>2021</strong><br />
Celebrating the modern family lifestyle on the West Coast<br />
FREE!<br />
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FOR FAMILIES<br />
AUG/SEPT 2020<br />
Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 32 Years<br />
Things to Do<br />
10 (Before Summer Ends)<br />
THE BENEFITS OF<br />
YOGA FOR KIDS<br />
Best<br />
Family<br />
SUV’s FOR<br />
ADVENTURE<br />
save a lot of time and frustration on<br />
your trip.<br />
Plan for Meltdowns. Adult or child,<br />
there will be at least one. Plan your<br />
day to include some down time, respect<br />
each other’s pace while doing<br />
activities and keep to familiar schedules.<br />
Stopping for meals before everyone<br />
(including grandpa) is hungry.<br />
Stop at the local deli for a picnic lunch<br />
on the beach, stop at the local food<br />
truck or farm-to-table restaurant. And<br />
remember to always have a plan B!<br />
Appoint a Trip Photographer. Perhaps<br />
the most important job of all!<br />
Designate someone as the trip photographer.<br />
To appease multiple volunteers,<br />
you may want to alternate days.<br />
If you have younger grandkids, pick<br />
up some disposable cameras. It’s always<br />
fun to see what has sparked their<br />
interest. If it is a special trip, you may<br />
want to consider hiring a professional<br />
photographer for a couple of hours<br />
or for the day. Either way, you want to<br />
capture those family memories.<br />
We have so many beautiful and<br />
wonderous places to visit on the<br />
island, in the province and across<br />
Canada. Take time to enjoy it with<br />
your grandkids and spend some quality<br />
time together.<br />
FAMILY-FRIENDLY<br />
STAYCATIONS FOR<br />
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Vol. IV, Ed. III 17<br />
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<strong>GRAND</strong>parenting<br />
10 Things to Consider and/or Have<br />
on Hand Before Your Grandkids Visit<br />
Disclaimer: I am not a grandparent—yet!<br />
But I have worked with<br />
new parents for 30 years, and<br />
they have confided in me about the<br />
joys and struggles they have with their<br />
kids’ grandparents. To help grandparents<br />
adapt to their new role in a way<br />
that is satisfying to everyone, here are<br />
some things to keep in mind, tailored,<br />
mostly, for those with grandchildren<br />
ages 2–5.<br />
1. A Car Seat<br />
This is one of the aspects of childcare<br />
that has changed the most in the<br />
last 30 years. It is now recommended<br />
to have children in a car seat or booster<br />
seat until they are about 9 years<br />
old, depending upon their weight and<br />
height. The law states that car seats<br />
should stay rear-facing until children<br />
are one year old, but it is safest for<br />
toddler and pre-schoolers to remain<br />
in a rear-facing car seat for as long as<br />
possible. (bcaa.com/community/childcar-seat-safety).<br />
Having a proper car<br />
seat will make your visit with your<br />
grandchild easier and more fun. So<br />
will knowing how to install and use it.<br />
There are so many beautiful places to<br />
explore and adventure on our beautiful<br />
Island!<br />
2. A Yes-Zone<br />
Grandparents’ houses are good<br />
places for children to learn how others<br />
live, and how to behave in a home<br />
that is not their own. It is a good idea<br />
to set boundaries about what kids can<br />
touch, where they put their shoes,<br />
and which rooms they can go into.<br />
But it will make your time together<br />
so much more pleasant if there is also<br />
a yes-zone: a part of your house or<br />
apartment where nothing is off-limits.<br />
Perhaps declutter your living room so<br />
that everyone can hang out together<br />
without anyone being worried about<br />
the kids getting at your priceless Ming<br />
vase or original Rembrandt. When the<br />
adults can relax, the kids have more<br />
fun, and you can all work on developing<br />
a real and meaningful relationship.<br />
3. Outdoor Time<br />
One of the best ways to deal with<br />
kids who are getting a little grumpy is<br />
to take them outdoors. But do a little<br />
reconnoitering before-hand. Find the<br />
best parks, beaches, and playgrounds<br />
near you. If you are living in the home<br />
where you brought up your kids, you<br />
may know some of those destinations.<br />
But some may have changed! And if<br />
you are living in a new place, you will<br />
need to start from scratch. Chat with<br />
some new parents in your neighbourhood<br />
to get their recommendations.<br />
4. Bath Time<br />
The other best way to cheer up a<br />
grumpy child is to put them in water.<br />
Of course, you might take them swimming,<br />
but that’s a lot of work—and<br />
18 Grand grandmag.ca
during COVID, it’s a little scary. But a<br />
bath in the middle of the day, with exciting<br />
new bath toys, or just some yogurt<br />
containers, a little shampoo, and<br />
an old hand-cranked egg beater, can<br />
be really fun. Drops of food-colouring<br />
added to the bath add interest. Check<br />
out bath crayons. Kids can draw on the<br />
walls and then it all washes off.<br />
5. Snacks<br />
Check with your grandchildren’s<br />
parents about what foods they might<br />
not be allowed, or are allergic to. And<br />
then, within those boundaries, stock<br />
up on snacks. A grandparent who<br />
pulls out cookies or cherries or cucumber<br />
slices at just the right moment<br />
is a hero! Remember how your kids<br />
always had tantrums in the late afternoon?<br />
It’s usually because they are<br />
hungry, and we are making them wait<br />
for supper. Plan for some fresh fruit<br />
and veggies that the kids can nosh on<br />
while they wait for the evening meal.<br />
Then, when dinner is served, they’ve<br />
already eaten their vegetables!<br />
6. Cooking and Baking<br />
Cooking and baking with a grandparent<br />
is often one of kids’ best<br />
memories! Plan a simple baking project.<br />
Buy a little apron, perhaps a small<br />
rolling pin, some fun cookie cutters.<br />
Be aware that for preschoolers, cooking<br />
is a rich sensory process. They<br />
need to feel, grab, taste, smell, clutch,<br />
smear everything! It’s not going to be<br />
tidy, so relax and explore with your<br />
grandchild.<br />
Smell the cinnamon, taste the sugar<br />
and the salt, and the baking powder<br />
(yuck!). Focus on the process, and<br />
don’t worry too much about the product.<br />
Enjoy!<br />
7. Toys<br />
You may be tempted to get a whole<br />
bunch of toys to amuse your grandchildren<br />
while they are visiting. Be<br />
careful! A few toys go a long way. And<br />
they make less mess. Building toys<br />
(blocks, Lego, Duplo) are versatile and<br />
fun for all ages. Puzzles are great, but<br />
make sure they are age-appropriate<br />
and not too frustrating. Think about<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
toys that encourage interaction and<br />
playing together. It’s fun to pull out<br />
the toys your kids played with—if you<br />
still have some of those. Check them<br />
out first. Make sure they are clean,<br />
and complete, and that they meet current<br />
safety standards. A grandparent I<br />
know lays out a Brio track every night<br />
after the kids are in bed, and the kids<br />
come down in the morning to discover<br />
it. They are harsh critics: “Great track<br />
Grampa! But yesterday’s was better!”<br />
A grandmother I know bought<br />
a beautiful tea set for her grandson,<br />
because she had always wanted one<br />
as a child. They had lovely tea parties<br />
together, with the burnt cookies they<br />
had baked! Make sure you have a place<br />
to put all the toys away at the end of<br />
the day. A big toy bin will make cleanup<br />
easy.<br />
8. Gardening<br />
If you like gardening, and have<br />
a garden, think about how you can<br />
share that pleasure with your grandkids.<br />
Can you give them a little spot<br />
they can dig in? A few seeds to “plant?”<br />
A little apron, some tiny gardening<br />
gloves, a small trowel and bucket.<br />
Make sure the tools are real. Plastic<br />
tools are often disappointing. My children’s<br />
grandmother taught them a lot<br />
about the names of flowers and plants,<br />
and weeds, too. That’s a way of sharing<br />
a love of plants even if you don’t<br />
have a garden.<br />
9. Outings<br />
Grandparents have always been<br />
important in teaching children about<br />
their culture and heritage. Taking<br />
your grandchildren to museums, community<br />
festivals and events, concerts<br />
and movies is a great way to do that.<br />
Don’t expect too much of the kids’ attention<br />
span though. Be prepared with<br />
a lot of snacks and a really good attitude<br />
yourself! And be prepared to bail<br />
and go home if it just doesn’t seem like<br />
the right day for this outing. Try again<br />
next year!<br />
10. Downtime<br />
When your grandchildren come to<br />
visit, things can get intense. There<br />
may be too many people, too many<br />
family events, too many outings.<br />
Make sure there is a quiet time every<br />
day, when you and your grandchild<br />
can cuddle and read books or watch a<br />
movie. With any luck, that will turn<br />
into a nap! What a delight! If there<br />
have been several high-energy, eventfilled<br />
days in a row, declare a hang-out<br />
day. Stay home. Wear pyjamas. Eat<br />
cereal. Make playdough (thebestideasforkids.com/playdough-recipe).<br />
Build<br />
a blanket fort. Those memories are<br />
golden!<br />
Eva Bild is the owner<br />
of the Mothering Touch<br />
Centre on Fort Street in<br />
Victoria. She teaches<br />
many of the classes<br />
there, including<br />
the popular<br />
Grandparenting<br />
Class. Visit motheringtouch.ca,<br />
instagram.com/motheringtouch975<br />
or facebook.com/motheringtouch.<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III 19
<strong>GRAND</strong>parenting<br />
A Little Kindness<br />
Goes a Long Way<br />
Many years ago, when my sons<br />
were in grade school, much<br />
to their displearsure, I ran an<br />
errand after picking them up at the<br />
end of the school day. All they wanted<br />
to do was get home and relax. The<br />
fact that I dragged them along on my<br />
errand didn’t sit well with either of<br />
them, so they both moped and brooded<br />
in the back seat, their silence a<br />
clear indication of their annoyance.<br />
While waiting at a red light, my attention<br />
was drawn to an old man who<br />
was crossing the street in front of my<br />
car and going at an agonizingly slow<br />
pace. He was thin and hunched over<br />
and reminded me of a bent stick. I was<br />
amazed he could walk without toppling<br />
over!<br />
I could see he was struggling with<br />
two bags of groceries and I saw that<br />
the direction he was headed in would<br />
take him up a hill. Thinking about<br />
how difficult that would be for him, I<br />
pulled my car alongside and offered<br />
him a ride. He gratefully accepted<br />
even though it was apparently only a<br />
few more blocks to his apartment.<br />
After we dropped him off, my sons<br />
asked why I had picked him up. They<br />
were impatient to get home and were<br />
in no mood to share their ride with a<br />
complete stranger. They knew I had<br />
a soft spot when it came to elderly<br />
people, but rather than remind them<br />
of that, I replied, “Because when I’m<br />
a hunched-over old woman, I hope<br />
someone will stop and help me.” That<br />
not only stifled their complaining, but<br />
it also gave them something to think<br />
about on the ride home.<br />
Fast forward 25 years to when I<br />
found myself standing on a street corner<br />
this past Christmas, supporting<br />
my six-year-old grandson as he belted<br />
out Christmas carols by himself from<br />
a songbook in an effort to raise money<br />
for the local food bank. His desire<br />
to do something for all the families<br />
affected financially by Covid-19 far<br />
outweighed his natural inclination to<br />
avoid attention. Watching him screw<br />
up his courage and perform such an<br />
act of kindness warmed my heart.<br />
In an hour of non-stop caroling, he<br />
raised $273 for the local food bank. His<br />
efforts were rewarded with a tour of<br />
the food bank where he saw firsthand<br />
how the money he had earned would<br />
be used.<br />
20 Grand grandmag.ca
I have always found that young<br />
children tend to be naturally kind.<br />
Fostering and encouraging that is our<br />
job as parents and grandparents. You<br />
just never know how much a simple<br />
act of kindness may mean to another<br />
person. It doesn’t have to be anything<br />
big—it could be something as simple<br />
as a smile, a compliment or giving up<br />
one’s seat on a bus. If someone is at an<br />
emotional low, a kind act may mean<br />
everything. It may mean the difference<br />
between a miserable day and a<br />
lift to someone’s spirits, even if that<br />
lift ends up being the only bright spot<br />
in their day.<br />
Showing kindness can also motivate<br />
the recipient to do something kind in<br />
turn for someone else. A “Pay it Forward”<br />
sort of thing. And remarkably,<br />
a kind act is not only beneficial to the<br />
receiver, but to the giver as well. One<br />
can’t help but feel a mixture of pride,<br />
accomplishment and usefulness. It’s<br />
almost like a natural high.<br />
The Covid-19 pandemic has created<br />
extraordinary challenges for all of us.<br />
It has brought to light the importance<br />
of being kind to others, especially<br />
during such trying times. Dr. Bonnie<br />
Henry summed it up aptly with her<br />
request to “Be kind. Be calm. Be safe.”<br />
It’s no surprise that Be Kind was a<br />
cornerstone of her message. After all,<br />
a little kindness can go a long way.<br />
flexibility<br />
for<br />
different<br />
learning<br />
styles<br />
optional<br />
hands-on<br />
learning<br />
activities<br />
support<br />
from a<br />
certified<br />
teacher<br />
gentle and<br />
constructive<br />
feedback<br />
Susan Gnucci is a local author and a<br />
proud “nonna.” She enjoys sharing her<br />
experiences as a grandparent.<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III 21
<strong>GRAND</strong>parenting<br />
Sleep Solutions for<br />
Grandkid Sleepovers<br />
The day has come when Mom and<br />
Dad need a break. Grandparents<br />
having been anticipating and<br />
looking forward to the day where they<br />
can have their grandbaby overnight.<br />
So much excitement in the air for both<br />
the parents and grandparents. Parents<br />
get a night out and grandparent finally<br />
feel helpful. This sets the stage for<br />
such great feelings doesn’t it? Until it’s<br />
time to sleep….<br />
diaper bag and off you go. However, if<br />
your baby is highly sensitive to their<br />
environment they will most surely<br />
protest a night at grandparents but<br />
that doesn’t mean it can’t happen or be<br />
successful, it may just take a bit more<br />
preparation.<br />
There are many things grandparents<br />
and parents can do to prepare the<br />
baby for a successful day and night at<br />
grandparents’ house.<br />
Create the most conducive<br />
environment for sleep.<br />
If grandparents have a room that<br />
they can set up similarly to the baby’s<br />
room at home that would be a great<br />
start. Doesn’t mean you need to redo<br />
the guest room by any means but having<br />
the correct “equipment” is salient.<br />
This can include a “pack and play” to<br />
be used a crib, a sound machine and<br />
portable black out blinds. When the<br />
visit is over, these item can be easily<br />
put away in the closet or go home with<br />
the baby. Also don’t forget the baby’s<br />
sleep clothes and favorite blanket or<br />
stuffy. These transitional objects will<br />
help the baby drift off to sleep more<br />
easily.<br />
The baby’s personality will mostly<br />
dictate whether or not the night at<br />
grandparents is going to go well. If<br />
your baby is easy going, “goes with<br />
the flow” and will sleep anywhere,<br />
then little preparation may be needed<br />
for a parent’s night out. Drop off the<br />
Follow a schedule and routine<br />
through the day.<br />
I know that grandparents want to be<br />
fun and spontaneous and they should!<br />
But only if it’s not time to sleep. Trust<br />
me, if you want to have fun with your<br />
grandbaby, you don’t want to miss the<br />
sleep cues or veer too far off schedule.<br />
This will not be fun for anyone. A<br />
baby that doesn’t sleep, can be cranky.<br />
Keep in mind that an overtired baby is<br />
22 Grand grandmag.ca
MORE difficult to get to sleep. Sure, if<br />
your grandbaby is a little older a little<br />
shift here and there in the schedule<br />
will not be detrimental but if your<br />
grandbaby is under one years old,<br />
then let’s stick to their sleep schedule,<br />
it’ll be much more pleasurable.<br />
Napping is important!<br />
Don’t forget that babies need to<br />
nap. We can forego a nap because<br />
adult sleep needs are not as high as<br />
a baby’s sleep needs. And if a baby is<br />
well rested through the day, then the<br />
baby will be more fun though the day<br />
and easier to put down for bedtime.<br />
The idea “let’s get them tired and they<br />
will sleep through the night,” doesn’t<br />
apply to babies. Again, trust me, it’ll<br />
only backfire on you to not nap the<br />
baby. It’s ok to do an on-the-go nap in<br />
a stroller or carrier if you just can’t<br />
seem to get them down in the crib. Just<br />
try not to abort the nap altogether.<br />
Respect the parents’ hard work.<br />
For many grandparents, their ideas<br />
differ greatly from the baby’s parents.<br />
It may be hard for you to let go of your<br />
ideas and apply the ideas of the parents.<br />
Remember everyone has the baby’s<br />
best interest at heart but nobody<br />
wants to make an already stressful<br />
situation (leaving the baby overnight)<br />
for the parents more stressful.<br />
Likely it has taken a lot of work for<br />
the parents to set up sleep routines<br />
and schedules. As a sleep consultant I<br />
know how anxiety provoking changing<br />
sleep habits can be! So why not<br />
just help the parents keep to their<br />
routine as best as you can? It may also<br />
help with you getting another chance<br />
at watching the baby overnight…wink,<br />
wink. It will also help the parents anxiety<br />
of leaving the baby with you. We<br />
want the parent to enjoy their night<br />
off, not be worried that their baby is<br />
not sleeping.<br />
Have fun!<br />
During wake hours, have a much<br />
fun as possible. Enjoy these precious<br />
times with your grandbaby. You are<br />
a gift to the baby’s parents for taking<br />
the baby overnight and a gift to the<br />
baby for being at great grandparent.<br />
Sukkie Sandhu of<br />
HappyBaby Sleep<br />
Solutions is a Registered<br />
Clinical Counsellor<br />
and Certified<br />
Baby/Child Sleep<br />
Consultant who<br />
works with families<br />
to create health<br />
sleep habits. The cost of a sleep consultation<br />
may be covered under your extended<br />
medical plan. For more information visit<br />
happybabysleepsolutions.com or for a<br />
free evaluation call 250-857-1408.<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III 23
<strong>GRAND</strong>parenting<br />
‘Grand’ Feelings<br />
Dr. Allison Rees is<br />
a parent educator,<br />
counsellor and coach<br />
at LIFE Seminars (Living<br />
in Families Effectively),<br />
lifeseminars.com.<br />
It was July 2020, smack dab in the<br />
middle of lockdown, when I received<br />
a call from my daughter<br />
announcing she was pregnant. Lexy<br />
and her husband, Andrew, had just<br />
purchased a home—in Oregon. A little<br />
bittersweet as I could only enjoy this<br />
remotely. I had the real estate listing<br />
of their house locked in my phone,<br />
going through the pictures daily. I was<br />
so happy for them. I felt like a stalker<br />
when I went on Google Earth. There I<br />
could walk up and down their neighbourhood<br />
like a needy ghost stopping<br />
to stare at their front door. I was aching<br />
to be there with them.<br />
In December, they braved a border<br />
crossing and came to Victoria to spend<br />
Christmas with us. It was a delight to<br />
walk my grand-dog, Oscar and pick up<br />
whatever groceries they needed while<br />
they served their time in quarantine.<br />
Looking at them through a glass door<br />
was way better than staring at them<br />
on Zoom. Finally, we became a bubble.<br />
This took the term family enmeshment<br />
to a new level, especially when<br />
we shared Lexy’s food cravings.<br />
Like all of our visits, time went too<br />
quickly and once again, we found<br />
ourselves saying goodbye. I can usually<br />
contain my tears to drives from an<br />
airport after dropping Lexy and Andrew<br />
off. This time was different; as I<br />
hugged Lexy goodbye, I could feel my<br />
granddaughter between us. More to<br />
love, more to miss and more to worry<br />
about.<br />
The third trimester was traumatic.<br />
At 32 weeks, Lexy had complications,<br />
scary ones. She was admitted to the<br />
hospital, where the doctors were contemplating<br />
a C-section. I found this<br />
out via text message. While the baby<br />
would survive, she would be spending<br />
two months in an incubator. And<br />
what about my daughter? She was so<br />
scared and stressed. How could I help<br />
her? Even if I were to fly down there, I<br />
wouldn’t be allowed to visit her in the<br />
hospital. My only choice was to faint;<br />
the helplessness was overwhelming.<br />
Later that day, she called me. She<br />
had been discharged under the condition<br />
that she would be monitored<br />
closely. She was determined to stay<br />
pregnant as long as she could. Days<br />
turned into weeks, each one feeling<br />
like a miracle. While there were concerns,<br />
Lexy had the backbone to make<br />
tough decisions every day. I tried to<br />
keep my anxiety in check, but I would<br />
become frozen with fear if she didn’t<br />
answer my texts right away. Then I<br />
would hear the ding of a message,<br />
Sorry mom, Andy and I just took Oscar<br />
for a walk. Okay, breathing again.<br />
At 39 weeks, Lexy went into labour.<br />
24 Grand grandmag.ca
I was right there beside them via text.<br />
iPhones don’t faint, so I was good with<br />
this. The greatest relief and thrill<br />
came through a picture. Arlow is her<br />
name.<br />
Time to get down there. I thought I<br />
could drive down, and that felt safe to<br />
me. I even upgraded my car to something<br />
more reliable, but the borders<br />
were closed. Flying was the only option.<br />
Yikes. When I saw all the hoops I<br />
would have to jump through, my anxiety<br />
said, I can’t do this. For about two<br />
hours, I just sat and cried. It is funny<br />
what anxiety can do; not only does it<br />
shrink our ability to think creatively<br />
and rationally, but it tries to stop us<br />
from doing meaningful things. Once<br />
my nervous system calmed down, the<br />
mature and very new grandmother,<br />
part of me, stepped up. When that<br />
happened, nothing would stop me. I<br />
was off.<br />
I was thrilled to see Andrew at the<br />
airport in Oregon. We were able to<br />
catch up on the last seven weeks, the<br />
hospital experience and debrief about<br />
the trauma of childbirth from a different<br />
angle than the mother. There<br />
is so much that we aren’t prepared for<br />
when we have a baby. It is something<br />
that you just don’t get without the experience.<br />
Arriving at their house was surreal.<br />
I’m here now. I’m going to see my baby<br />
and her baby. There are no words, just<br />
grand-feelings.<br />
For 12 glorious days, I vibrated with<br />
love. I was awed by Lexy’s maternal<br />
instincts and moved by Andrew’s care<br />
for both his wife and his daughter. I<br />
fell in love with Arlow, the most beautiful<br />
baby on the planet, who looks so<br />
much like me I’m surprised they didn’t<br />
call her Allison. ;) Every time Lexy<br />
thanked me for cooking or cleaning or<br />
doing a baby shift, I told her it brought<br />
me joy. She was beginning to understand<br />
how wonderful it is for a mother<br />
to love her daughter as I was experiencing<br />
the grand-feelings of loving<br />
them all.<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III 25
Money &<br />
Finances<br />
Planned Giving<br />
giving” is a phrase<br />
that charities use often and<br />
“Planned<br />
donors almost never say! In a<br />
nutshell, it means you create a charitable<br />
gift now that goes to the organization<br />
you love in the future, usually<br />
when you die.<br />
It’s “planned” because it takes some<br />
thought and preparation, and because<br />
you should consult a lawyer and your<br />
financial planner about it. The easiest<br />
planned gift is part of something you<br />
should have anyway: your Will.<br />
Sounds like a lot of work. Is it<br />
complicated?<br />
It’s not really a lot of work. Everyone,<br />
regardless of income or assets,<br />
should have a Will, and everyone<br />
should prepare that Will with the help<br />
of a lawyer and a financial advisor.<br />
Including a charitable gift adds a few<br />
minutes to those conversations and<br />
just a few sentences to your Will.<br />
Why should I consider it?<br />
A gift in your Will lets you make the<br />
gift of a lifetime to a cause you believe<br />
in—a gift you might not be able to afford<br />
while you’re alive.<br />
“People think that leaving money<br />
to a charity will diminish what they<br />
can leave to their kids,” says Colleen<br />
Bradley a specialist in Wills and<br />
estate planning at PGgrowth. “But<br />
because of Canada’s tax regulations,<br />
you can give money to a charity that<br />
you would otherwise give to Canada<br />
Revenue Agency in taxes. And if your<br />
net income in the year of your death is<br />
lower than the amount you give, your<br />
executor can claim a rebate against<br />
26 Grand grandmag.ca
your previous year’s income and add<br />
that to your estate.”<br />
What should I tell my family?<br />
Talking it through with your kids<br />
is a crucial step. Explain that your<br />
charitable donation will offset taxes<br />
on the estate. They’ll be happy to see it<br />
go somewhere other than the tax collector.<br />
And even if they aren’t, says Bradley,<br />
it’s your money. You have the right<br />
to give it to charity.<br />
How does it benefit the charity I<br />
care about?<br />
That charity probably struggles to<br />
support its current programs, launch<br />
new ones, renew buildings and equipment,<br />
perhaps take a risk on something<br />
promising but untried. When it<br />
receives a gift through someone’s Will,<br />
the charity can use that gift for something<br />
special—something it couldn’t<br />
do otherwise. Or it can save and invest<br />
the gift so that the yearly interest<br />
goes on supporting programs you’ve<br />
been giving to year by year. Talk to<br />
the charity you love about using your<br />
bequest in the way you’d like it to be<br />
used.<br />
Anyone can make a bequest. The<br />
amount doesn’t matter—but supporting<br />
a cause you cherish, leaving<br />
a legacy of values as well as financial<br />
disbursements, matters a lot. It’s one of<br />
the most important things you can do<br />
to build the world you’d like to see.<br />
Janet Gadeski is<br />
president of Hilborn,<br />
a publisher sharing<br />
the knowledge<br />
that charities and<br />
their leaders need to<br />
change the world,<br />
and editorial director<br />
for PGgrowth,<br />
a consultancy that<br />
helps charities inspire<br />
donors to include charitable bequests<br />
in their Wills. Reprinted with permission<br />
from Canada Helps, canadahelps.org.<br />
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grandmag.ca<br />
Vol. IV, Ed. III 27