happiful september 2021

Do
yourself
proud
Learn how to let go of self-deprecation, and
instead talk positively about your achievements
Writing | Caroline Butterwick
Most of us have
been there: you
are introduced to
someone new as,
“A talented writer/accountant/
marketer/musician” etc. Rather
than accept the compliment,
chances are you swiftly downplay
your strengths, and feel a little
embarrassed. But why are we so
quick to respond this way when
we talk about our achievements?
It’s a scenario that’s very
familiar to me. Anxiety about
sharing my successes has meant
I’ve missed out on opportunities,
including a promotion at work
and celebrating good news with
friends. It also made it harder
for me to see myself in a positive
light, increasing my feelings
of imposter syndrome and
affecting my self-confidence.
Eventually, I realised I needed
to start talking about myself in
a better way – from challenging
the perfectionist mindset that
had me doubting my abilities
to overcoming anxieties about
seeming boastful.
Acknowledging
successes to ourselves
To help understand why many of
us struggle to talk positively about
our achievements – and what we
can do to change this – I spoke to
life coach Denise Bosque.
“Often, when we receive a
compliment we feel awkward, as
if we don’t deserve it, thinking,
‘after all, it’s only me’,” explains
Denise. “This thinking is
prevalent in our culture, and is
limiting to both our self-esteem,
and our confidence. Deep down,
we usually think we aren’t good
enough, as if the good piece of
work we did was more of a ‘fluke’
than our efforts.”
Denise’s words ring true
for me. Whenever I receive a
compliment, my mind jumps to
why it isn’t true. I think about
the faults or the mistakes I’ve
made, and almost feel like a
fraud for being congratulated.
This perfectionist mindset makes
it harder to accept praise or to
share successes, because I’m too
focused on the reasons I feel I
don’t deserve it.
But having the confidence to talk
positively about our achievements
to others can become easier when
we start to acknowledge these
successes to ourselves. “People
worry so much about what other
people might think,” says Denise. >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 81