Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo (z-lib.org).mobi

CHAPTER 10
Next morning, my body ached so badly that I could barely drag myself out of
bed. But I got up and did it all over again. And again. And again. Each day was
worse and more frustrating than the one before, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. I
wasn’t a mapmaker any more, and if I couldn’t manage to become a Grisha,
where would that leave me?
I thought of the Darkling’s words that night beneath the broken beams of the
barn. You’re the first glimmer of hope I’ve had for a long time. He believed I
was the Sun Summoner. He believed I could help him destroy the Fold. And if I
could, no soldier, no merchant, no tracker would ever have to cross the Unsea
again.
But as the days dragged on, that idea began to seem more and more absurd.
I spent long hours in Baghra’s hut learning breathing exercises and holding
painful poses that were supposed to help with my focus. She gave me books to
read, teas to drink, and repeated whacks with her stick, but nothing helped.
“Should I cut you, girl?” she would cry in frustration. “Should I have an Inferni
burn you? Should I have them throw you back into the Fold to make food for
those abominations?”
My daily failures with Baghra were matched only by the torture that Botkin
put me through. He ran me all over the palace grounds, through the woods, up
and down hills until I thought I would collapse. He put me through sparring
drills and falling drills until my body was covered in bruises and my ears ached
from his constant grumbling: too slow, too weak, too skinny.
“Botkin cannot build house from such little twigs!” he shouted at me, giving
my upper arm a squeeze. “Eat something!”